Lesson video

Hi everyone, it's me, Ms. Chu.

And in this lesson, we are going to be editing the first half of a non-chronological report about anglerfish.

Now, you may not know this, but editing is one of the most important steps in producing a really good outcome.

So when you are ready, we're going to be editors in this lesson.

Let's go.

Today's lesson outcome is, I can edit the introduction and first section of a non-chronological report.

The key words are here.

There are one, two, three, four keywords for this lesson.

Get ready to say them with me.

Editing, punctuation, sentence structure, and language.

You said those beautifully.

Let's find out what they mean.

Editing is the process of improving writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Editing is the process of improving writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey their meaning.

And written language is the use of specific words and phrases to convey meaning.

The lesson outline is here.

It is split into three parts.

Editing punctuation, editing sentence structure, and editing language.

So let's start with the first part, editing punctuation.

Now, editing is the process of making changes to improve writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

When you edit, you decide what you'll change and what you might want to keep the same.

Even really successful writers, like you, need to edit your work.

Editing doesn't mean rewriting everything again.

It is about being selective with what you want to improve.

Now the job of an editor, that's your job today, is to check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, make improvements to language choices.

And guess what? You're going to be editors.

So what is editing? Editing is the process of what? Rewriting a whole piece of text, making improvements to language choices, making improvements to sentence structure, or only correcting handwriting.

I want you to pause the video and have a really good think.

Okay, should we have a look to see what the answers are? So get ready to point in three, two, one.

Yes, editing is a process of making improvements to language choices.

Is there anything else there that we need to tick? Yes, it's also making improvements to sentence structure.

It's not about rewriting a whole piece of text, and it's not about only correcting handwriting.

Let's zone in and focus on editing punctuation.

We should always follow the grammar rules for punctuation, because there are rules.

Oh yes, there are.

Punctuation can affect the flow and coherence of the text.

When we edit punctuation, you should check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops.

And then the just one final thing is commas and apostrophes is what I'd like you to look for.

What are two uses of capital letters? I wonder if you know.

They are used at the beginning of sentences, they are used at the end of sentences, they are used to begin proper nouns, or they are used to begin all nouns.

Pause the video and think about two of the uses from this list here.

Okay, the answers are they are used at the beginning of sentences, yes.

Definitely.

We always have to remember our capital letters at the beginning, and they are also used to begin proper nouns.

Well done.

Let's just have a look at this sentence for a minute.

In this report, you will be educated about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and diet.

Let's use the checklist here to make sure that we've done the right things.

Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Well, I haven't yet.

Have I checked for incorrectly or missing full stops? No, I haven't.

And I haven't done the last one, which is checked for missing or incorrectly used commas and apostrophe.

So I'm going to do that now with this sentence.

In this report, you'll be educated about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and diet.

I can already see some things that I need to fix there.

So I have said that in this report, comma, because I need a comma after my fronted adverbial, you will be educated about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and I've got a comma there between appearance and habitat because I'm listing the anglerfish's, the sections of the anglerfish in the report.

Sorry.

And then finally, a full stop because I finished my sentence.

And then, just to reiterate what I just said, I need a comma after a fronted adverbial, I need comma for items in a list, and finally, a full stop at the end of a sentence.

Now remember, we only use a comma when you know the rule.

Do not put in a comma if you are doubtful.

When are commas used? Tick two.

Is it to mark the end of a sentence, to denote a direct question, is it after a fronted adverbial, or to separate items in a list? While there are two correct there so you need to have a think.

Pause the video, and do that now.

Okay, the answers are after a fronted adverbial and to separate items in the list.

Well done.

We are now onto the first task.

You are going to edit the introduction and first section of your non-chronological report about anglerfish.

Just focus on the first two sections of your report.

When editing, you should check for missing or incorrectly used punctuation, such as capital letters, full stop, commas, and possibly apostrophes if you've used them.

Pause the video and have a go at editing your introduction and first section.

Okay, let's read my introduction and also use the checklist to see if I've edited my work well.

So my introduction reads like this, "Anglerfish have a unique appearance and fascinating adaptations.

They can be found all over the world, but most of them live in the Atlantic and Southern Oceans.

Intriguingly, anglerfish inhabit the abyssal depths of oceans because they thrive in environments devoid of sunlight.

In this report, you will be educated about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and diet." Now I can already see there that I've got some mistakes which I need to put in.

So I need to make sure that I have capital letters.

So I've got a capital letter at the start of my sentence.

"Anglerfish have a unique appearance." And I'm missing capital letters for Atlantic Southern Oceans.

Now, why would I need that? Because they are proper nouns.

They are the names of oceans.

And then again, I've forgotten, silly me, to put a capital letter to begin my last sentence in this report.

Great.

Now I need to move on to my full stops.

I have actually only missed one full stop, which is right at the end.

That's good.

And finally, for my commas and apostrophes, I actually have missed a comma before but, so we all know that if we use the coordinating conjunction but, we need a comma before it.

And I also forgot the commas after my fronted adverbial.

So I have a viewpoint fronted adverbial intriguingly.

I've forgotten a comma there.

And also in this report, I've also forgotten a comma there.

And another comma I've forgotten, the comma in the list, appearance, habitat, and diet.

And I also did not include, that's very naughty of me, that I did not put an apostrophe for the anglerfish's appearance because I'm talking about the appearance, habitat, and diet that belongs to the anglerfish.

It's a possessive apostrophe.

It's an apostrophe used for possession.

Let's have a look at my section now.

What is the appearance of anglerfish? Let's quickly just read through it and just check this way.

"Anglerfish display a mesmerising, bizarre appearance with ingenious adaptations for deep-sea life.

Intriguingly, they have rotund bodies with expandable stomachs, so that these creatures can consume prey much larger than their own size.

However, the most iconic feature is the bioluminescent lure dangling from their heads.

As a result, they can attract prey, and they can lure them closer.

Significantly, female anglerfish are considerably larger than males, and they have dark, mottled skin, therefore, they can camouflage in the deep-sea landscape." I noticed quite a few things there that were wrong.

So I'm going to fix them now.

I need my capital letter at the beginning of my sentence for anglerfish.

I also need one for however, because I'm actually starting a new sentence there.

And also for as a result, because that is the start of a new sentence.

And then my full stop.

So because I've started a new sentence with however, I need to put a full stop at the end of the sentence that precedes that one.

And then again, silly me, I keep forgetting that full stop right at the end of the section.

So I need one after landscape.

And then what about my commas and apostrophes? Well, I keep doing this.

I need to stop.

I need to remember to include my commas after my fronted adverbial.

After however, I need my comma there.

As a result, comma there.

Significantly, comma there, and therefore also a comma.

But I also noticed that I missed a comma between dark and mottled.

So they have dark comma mottled skin.

And I need a comma there because I'm separating my two adjectives in my noun phrase.

We have now moved on to editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

When editing, you should reread each sentence to check that it makes sense, because sometimes when you read it the first time, you think that it makes sense, but there might be a missing word or you might have used the wrong tense.

Check compound sentences are joined by an appropriate coordinating conjunction.

There are three there that you could use, and, but, and or, you've just got to make sure you've got the right one in there.

Check that you have included a variety of sentence types.

We don't want people to be bored.

We want them to be engaged with our writing, so we need to make sure our writing has different types of sentences.

Is this true, or is this false? When we edit sentence structure, we slowly and carefully read our writing back, do we? Pause the video and have a think about whether this is true or false.

Okay, get ready to point with me in three, two, one.

It is true.

Yes, we do slowly and carefully read back our writing.

We make sure there is only one sentence type in our writing, or we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

Well, we know that we shouldn't only have one sentence type, so we are choosing B as our answer.

Let's just have a look at this sentence for a minute.

"They can found all over the world, most of them live in Atlantic and Southern Oceans." Hmm, I've reread that.

It doesn't really make sense.

Well, it doesn't make sense.

They can found.

Hmm, let's change it.

"They can be found all over the world, but most of them live in the Atlantic and Southern Oceans." So I have reread, I've used the coordinating conjunction, I've used but, and now I've changed the sentence type.

So I had a missing verb there.

I have used the but coordinating conjunction, and I was missing an article there.

So in the Atlantic and Southern Oceans, and I've actually changed that sentence to become a compound sentence.

I'm happy with the last thing on my checklist.

How do you form a compound sentence? We should know this 'cause we've talked about it previously.

Do we join two main clauses with any conjunction? Do we join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction? Do we join two main clauses by removing a full stop? Or do we write two separate main clauses? Hmm, have a think, pause the video, and then, when you found out the answer, you can press play again.

Okay, so the answer is yes.

You join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction.

You are now onto task B.

You are going to edit the introduction and first section of your non-chronological report about anglerfish.

So just focus on the first two parts of your whole report.

When editing, you should reread each sentence to check that it makes sense and check compound sentences adjoined by an appropriate coordinating conjunction.

What's the final thing? We need to check that we've included a variety of sentence types.

Pause the video and reread your first two sections of your report.

Okay.

Okay, let's have a look at my introduction.

I'm going to read it and then I want you to help me to see if I can tick off the things in my checklist.

"Introduction.

Anglerfish have a unique appearance, fascinating adaptations.

They can be found all over the world.

Most of them live in the Atlantic and Southern Oceans.

Intriguingly, anglerfish inhabit the abyssal depths of oceans.

They thrive in environments devoid of sunlight.

In this report, you will be educated about appearance, habitat, and diet." Hmm, I already can hear that some of these sentences do not make sense, so I need to just fix them now.

Okay, so I'm going to say that anglerfish have a unique appearance and fascinating adaptations.

I'm missing the and there.

They can be found all over the world, but most of them live in the Atlantic and Southern Oceans.

Intriguingly, anglerfish inhabit the abyssal depths of oceans because they thrive in environments, because of that.

In this report, you'll be educated about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and diet.

So I was missing the subject there in the final sentence.

So yes, I have reread, and yes, I've used the appropriate coordinating conjunctions to join my two main clauses, I've used but, and I have included a variety of sentence types.

I've got simple, I've got my compound, and I've also got my adverbial complex sentence.

Can you see that in that third sentence? Intriguingly, anglerfish inhabit the abyssal depths of oceans.

And then I've got, because they thrive in environments devoid of sunlight.

That's my adverbial clause there, joined to my main clause, which is the first part of that sentence.

Okay, I'm happy with that.

Now let's have a look at the appearance section.

"So what is the appearance of anglerfish? Well, anglerfish display a mesmerising, bizarre appearance with ingenious adaptations for deep-sea life." That one seems okay at the moment.

"Intriguingly, they rotund bodies with expandable stomachs." Hmm, that doesn't make sense.

"These creatures consume prey much larger than their own size.

However, the most iconic feature is the bioluminescent lure dangling from their heads.

As a result, they attract prey that can lure them closer.

Significantly, female anglerfish are considerably larger than males, they have dark, mottled skin." Hmm, that bit doesn't make sense.

"Therefore, they can camouflage in the deep-sea landscape." Okay, I'm ready to edit.

I can see my mistakes there.

Right, I have said that they have.

So I did say that my first sentence was fine.

I've left that one.

They have rotund bodies with expandable stomachs, so that these creatures can consume prey much larger than their own size.

And then I've said, "As a result, they can attract prey, and they can lure them closer." And then my second to last sentence, I've said, "Significantly, female anglerfish are considerably larger than males, and they have dark, mottled skin." So I was missing quite a lot there.

And if I just skim through, I was missing two, and they can, missing two coordinating conjunctions, actually.

I've used and twice, my coordination conjunction, and I've put them in now.

"As a result, they can attract and they can lure them closer." And then I've said, "That they're larger than males, and they have dark, mottled skin." So I'm happy with my coordinating conjunctions.

And I've also included a so, so that they have round bodies with expandable stomachs so that, so therefore I've created a complex sentence there using so.

So I have now got a variety of sentence types too.

We're now onto the third and final part of the lesson.

We are going to look at editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, that means making it clear, making sure that it's clear to the reader, the tone, that means whether the writing is formal or informal.

Is it using the right language for that and effectiveness, whether it's good or not.

When editing, make sure that you check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader.

Now, we want to choose words that aren't boring.

We want to choose, we want to uplevel or upskill our language choice.

We want to choose language that matches the text type.

So the text type being a non-chronological report, which is a formal report.

We want to make sure that the language actually matches that.

Is this true, or is this false? When editing language for a non-chronological report, you don't need to change any of the words and phrases.

Is this true, or is this false? Pause the video and have a think.

Well, I hope you know the answer is, the answer is false.

Of course we need to change the words and phrases.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Or when we edit language, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed.

Is it about the construction of sentences, or is it about the specific words and phrases? I think, yeah, it's A, it is about making changes to words and phrases.

Let's have a look at this sentence for a moment.

"Anglerfish live in the abyssal regions of oceans because they live good in environments that have no sunlight." Is this a good sentence? Hmm.

I think we could definitely make it better.

There's some language in there that's not appropriate.

So let's look at changing the start of the sentence.

So I'm going to use a viewpoint fronted adverbial.

I think that's appropriate for a non-chronological report because it's introducing the fact using the writer's viewpoint.

So intriguingly, this is going to be an intriguing sentence I'm about to tell you, anglerfish live in inhabit.

So we're going to cross out live in, and we're going to use the word inhabit, the abyssal depth.

Let's change regions to depths.

It's just a bit more precise.

Of oceans because they, not live good.

Live good is not a good way of saying how they live.

Let's use the word thrive in environments that have no, that are devoid of sunlight.

That sounds much better.

We're improving our language because we want to make sure it's ambitious.

So instead of live in, inhabit, that's an ambitious word choice.

We want to use the word thrive, that's also ambitious.

And then have no is not incorrect, but I feel that the language that matches the text type would be are devoid of, and that's why I've chosen to change those words.

So just to reiterate what I said, intriguingly's the viewpoint fronted adverbial, and then we've chosen language that matches the text type.

So we can tick those two off.

We are on to task C.

You are going to edit the introduction and first section of your non-chronological reports about anglerfish.

Just focus on the first two sections.

When editing, you should check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader and match the text type.

Okay, pause the video and have a go at doing this task, then press play when you finished.

Okay, let's have a look at my introduction and you are gonna help me to use the checklist to edit my work.

"Introduction.

Anglerfish have a weird appearance and have different bodies to other fish.

They can be found all over the world.

Intriguingly, anglerfish live in the abyssal regions of oceans because they live good in environments that have no sunlight.

In this report, you will know about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and diet." Okay, definitely language choices, better language choices to be made here.

So I am going to edit.

Instead of weird, I'm going to say unique because it's not weird, it's unique, it's special.

They have a special appearance, and they do have different bodies to other fish, but that's not really appropriate for this type of text.

We want to say they have fascinating adaptations.

They can be found all over the world.

And then we're just adding here.

There's nothing wrong with putting a full stop at the end of that, but I'd like to extend that.

But most of them live in the Atlantic and Southern Oceans.

Remember, it is a report after all, so we want people to know the facts.

Intriguingly, anglerfish inhabit is a much better language choice.

It's more ambitious.

The abyssal depth of oceans, depths of oceans because they thrive in environments that are devoid of sunlight.

We've already spoken about this sentence.

In this report, you will know, you will know, but you will be educated just sounds a lot more formal, about the anglerfish's appearance, habitat, and diet.

Let's now look at the appearance section.

"What is the appearance of anglerfish? Anglerfish display a bizarre appearance with adaptations for deep-sea life.

They have fat bodies with big stomachs, so that these creatures can eat animals much bigger than their own size.

The most iconic feature is the bioluminescent thingy thing dangling from their heads." Does look like a bit like a thing.

"They can attract prey, and they can pull them closer.

Female anglerfish are larger than males, and they have bumpy skin.

They can camouflage." Ooh, not great.

I think there's definitely some better word choices to be made here.

Okay, so this is what I've done.

Anglerfish display a mesmerizingly.

So I've added an adverb there, a mesmerizingly bizarre appearance, because it is a bizarre appearance, but it's mesmerising.

You can't stop looking at how cool it looks.

With ingenious.

So I've included ingenious because I want the reader to know that the adaptations are really clever because they are so well suited for them to live in that environment.

I then introduced the next fact with intriguingly because I want the readers to know that it's an intriguing fact.

They have instead of fat, I've said rotund.

I think I feel like that is a more formal word to use for their bodies.

And I've upleveled my language choice.

Instead of bigger, I've said expandable.

And that's also a little bit more specific as to what their stomachs can do.

So that these creatures can consume, a synonym for eat, more formal synonym, animals much larger than their own size.

And then I've said however, so I've used a formal fronted adverbial there.

It's contrasting what I just said.

However, the most iconic feature is the bioluminescent.

What's the thing? Come on, put it in, get it in there.

Illicium.

Yes, it's an Illicium.

We love that word.

Can you say Illicium? Illicium.

It's a great word.

Dangling.

Dangling.

Do you like that word too? From their heads.

And as a result.

So that's the linking the cause to the effect.

That's our fronted adverbial, of course.

As a result of this dangling thing.

It's not a thing anymore.

Illicium.

They can attract prey, and they can lure them closer.

So pull, lure, same thing.

Let's use a better word for that.

Let's use an ambitious word.

And then significantly is our next viewpoint fronted adverbial.

Female anglerfish are larger than males, and that is a significant fact.

They have dark, mottled skin.

Let's be specific about what the skin looks like.

Bumpy, am I able to imagine what bumpy looks like? I can.

But if I say dark and mottled, that's much more precise.

And therefore is my final sentence to introduce.

Therefore, which is the same as saying as a result.

Therefore, they can camouflage, where? In the deep-sea landscape.

Much better paragraph.

I'm really happy with that section now.

To summarise, editing is the process of making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, and review language choices.

The editing process is a critical part of the writing process.

I hope you enjoyed editing the first half of your non-chronological report about anglerfish.

Goodbye.