Hello, my name is Ms. Grant.

I'm so glad you decided to learn with me today.

We're in the modern text first study unit, and our modern text is leave taking.

Today we're gonna look at some fantastic model responses in answer to an essay question on this text.

We're gonna think, well, what's really good about them and how could we refine them? How could we make them even better? We're gonna get into the nitty gritty of essay writing, and I cannot wait to hear all of your fantastic ideas.

I'm gonna be your support and guide as we work through today's lesson together.

Let's get started.

So by the end of today's lesson, you are going to be able to use model responses to refine your own writing about leave taking.

It's always really good to look at some fantastic writing on leave taking, and then think, well, what can I take here? What can I use in my own writing? How can I embed that into my own style? But we're also going to look at some slightly less successful writing on leave taking and think, well, how could we improve it? Now, writing is a difficult process.

It's a craft.

So the idea of redrafting is incredibly important and a process that I really, really enjoy.

I have rarely written something, first draught, and thought this is perfect.

So redrafting is really, really important to me, and I hope it's gonna become really important to you by the end of today's lesson, you're gonna see its value.

Now we have some key words which are gonna help us unlock our learning today.

They are thesis, topic sentence, dramatic methods, main quotations, and supporting quotations.

These all help us understand what makes a fantastic essay.

So let's go through their definitions.

We've got thesis, which is the overarching argument to an essay supported by the entire text.

Topic sentence, which is the first sentence of a paragraph, and it states the paragraph's main idea.

Dramatic methods, which are the tools the playwright uses to create drama.

Examples are setting, stage directions, dialogue and language choices.

Main quotations, quotations which support your topic sentence, and that require analysis.

And supporting quotations, which are quotations which support your topic sentence, but don't require analysis.

We're gonna reference these throughout today's lesson, and they're gonna help us achieve our objective.

So our lesson outline for today, we're gonna start off by looking at topic sentences, and then we're going to look at main body paragraphs.

Topic sentences really set your paragraph up for success.

And then we're gonna think, well, how do we build on that success? How do we write a really good analytical main body paragraph? So let's get started with topic sentences.

Now you are going to evaluate and improve responses to this question in today's lesson.

How does Pinnock explore ideas around belonging and identity? So really rich, really interesting question.

Now, here at Izzy's annotations.

Of course, the first step in writing any essay is to understand the question.

And a good way to do that is to annotate it.

So Izzy has annotated the word how, so she knows she's going to explore Pinnock's dramatic methods.

And belonging and identity.

She knows that she's going to explore these themes.

Now, Izzy has also written her thesis statement.

So after annotating and really thinking carefully about the question, she's come up with her main idea, her overarching argument.

Here is what she's written.

Pinnock presents Enid, Del, and Viv as characters who don't have a strong sense of belonging or sense of self, a feeling Pinnock (the daughter of first generation migrants) links to their status as first and second generation migrants.

Through them, Pinnock explores what it means to be "caught between two worlds", ultimately voicing (through the character of Mai) that if "you are at peace with yourself, you are at home anywhere." Now I'd like you to discuss why is this a powerful idea? I'm really impressed by Izzy's thesis.

This is a really, really strong draught of a thesis statement.

And let's unpick it a bit.

So I'd like you to pause the video and discuss why is this a powerful idea? Pause the video now.

Some really beautiful discussions there showing off your strong knowledge of this word thesis, that it needs to be an overarching argument, which Izzy can then develop throughout her entire essay.

Here's some ideas that you might have had.

So Izzy starts off with Pinnock presents, a seemingly quite simple statement, but it acknowledges writer's craft.

So he's not talking about these characters as if they're real, but understands that Pinnock created them for a specific purpose.

If we look at this next section of her thesis, we can see that Izzy has a really, really clear argument.

She's gonna argue that Enid, Del, and Viv are presented as characters who do not have a strong sense of belonging.

And then this final section of her thesis, she develops her thesis.

So she says they don't just have one idea, one tool, which I'm going to develop throughout the rest of this essay, but I've actually got a number of things that I wish to say.

So not just the idea that Enid, Del and Viv don't have a strong sense of belonging, but also that Pinnock is exploring what it means to be caught between two worlds.

And that phrase caught between two worlds, is from Pinnock's introduction to leave taking.

So you can tell that Izzy has done some really good revision so that she's prepared to write this essay.

So that is a really, really powerful thesis statement.

And Izzy has now set up to write the rest of her essay.

Well, Izzy has annotated the essay question and she's written her thesis statement.

So what's the next step? Well, the next step is that she needs to draught three topic sentences.

And before she does this, she reminds herself that a topic sentence explains the focus of an individual paragraph.

So Izzy really knows what she's doing.

She got the essay question, she went through these steps, she annotated it, she wrote her thesis statement, and now she knows, now it's time to write these topic sentences.

And a topic sentence should explain the focus of an individual paragraph.

So here at Izzy's topic sentences, her first one, Pinnock explores ideas around belonging and identity.

Her second, Pinnock explores ideas around belonging and identity when Enid says, "this is my home." And her third one, Pinnock uses lots of dramatic devices like stage directions and metaphors, and many more.

So three topic sentences here.

Now I'd like you to discuss, do Izzy's topic sentences explain each paragraph's focus.

Pause the video, reflect on her topic sentences, and discuss the question.

Pause the video now.

Well done.

Just as you explored the thesis statement and worked out what was really strong about it, lots of people having discussions here saying that these topic sentences are not quite where they need to be in order for Izzy to write the rest of her essay.

So the first one, Pinnock explores ideas around belonging and identity.

Does this explain the paragraph's focus? No, it does not.

It's just sort of repeating the essay question, and it should have, this paragraph should have an individual focus rather than just repeating the essay question.

The second one, Pinnock explores ideas around belonging identity when Enid says, "this is my home." There is slightly more focus here, but still not enough in order for the reader, in this case me, to understand what Izzy's paragraph is going to be about.

And finally, Pinnock uses lots of dramatic devices like stage directions and metaphors and many more.

This also does not explain the focus of the paragraph.

There's a list of dramatic devices.

Of course, Izzy should explore dramatic devices when she's writing her essay, but she does not need to list them in her topic sentence.

So she's had a go at drafting those sentences.

They haven't quite worked out.

That is absolutely fine.

Writing is a craft, it is difficult.

And so she's gonna return to these topic sentences and she's gonna have a go at redrafting them.

So here is her redraft.

We've got Pinnock explores ideas around belonging and identity.

And now Izzy has written, Pinnock uses the intergenerational conflict between Enid and her daughters to explore ideas around identity and belonging.

Pinnock explores ideas around belonging and identity when Enid says, "this is my home" becomes in its redrafted form, Pinnock creates a character of broad to challenge Enid about her views on England, and thus give the play political edge.

And finally, Pinnock uses dramatic devices like stage directions and metaphors and many more becomes Pinnock's stage directions in scene eight reveal the journey Del has been on in order to feel a sense of belonging.

So I'm really proud that Izzy sat down, not always easy to do, but she sat down and she thought, I'm gonna redraft these topic sentences using that feedback that you just gave her about her original topic sentences.

Now each topic sentence has a clear focus.

Let's see what those are.

So the first one is we can see that Izzy's gonna focus on intergenerational conflict between Enid and her daughters in paragraph one, that will be a really rich paragraph.

In her second main body paragraph, she's going to focus on the character abroad.

Again, a really clear focus for her paragraph.

And finally, in her final main body paragraph, she's going to focus on stage direction.

So she is looking at a dramatic device, but instead of listing it in her topic sentence, she's opened that up a bit more to a specific idea, stage directions in scene eight to reveal the journey that Del has been on.

So a really successful redraft, and you can see why it's so important to return to work and redraft and refine your ideas.

So check for understanding so that we can see that all those ideas about really good topic sentences that we have secured those in our minds.

So which is the strongest topic sentence answering the question, how does Pinnock explore ideas around identity and belonging? I'd like you to pause the video, read through A, B, and C, and then select what you think is the strongest topic sentence.

Pause the video, read through the responses and select your answer.

Pause the video now.

Well done if you selected A: Pinnock uses the opening scene to establish Del's sense of belonging.

We can see that clearly this paragraph is going to focus on the opening scene and on the character of Del.

If we look at B, Pinnock explores many ideas around belonging, identity and belonging, looking at the themes in many different and complex ways.

Well, maybe that is true.

Obviously the play itself is very complex, but this does not tell us what the paragraph is actually going to be about.

It just says that it's a complicated idea.

It is your job as the writer of the essay to pin down one of the complicated ideas that you wish to talk about.

And C, the character Viv says, and then there's a quotation.

And putting quotation in your topic sentence, it's not necessarily wrong, but it can sometimes make it a bit more difficult because it pushes you into analysis immediately.

And you should always avoid using the word quotation in an essay.

You should use quotations themselves, but you don't need to use the word quotation.

Alright, we're going to move on to our practise task, and you're gonna show me all of that fantastic work you've done on topic sentences.

You're gonna show how you can apply that to your own writing.

So I'd like you to rewrite and improve these topic sentences which answer, how does Pinnock explore ideas around identity and belonging? We've got three topic sentences there.

They are a first draught, and so they need to be improved and improved by you.

So I'd like you to pause the video, have a read through of those topic sentences, and just like Izzy redrafted her topic sentences earlier in this learning cycle, you are now going to do that too.

Pause a video, pick up your pen or your laptop, whatever you're writing on, and let's get started.

Good luck, and off you go.

Beautiful to see people thinking so carefully about what they can take from these original topic sentences and what they need to do to refine them, to make them even stronger so that each main body paragraph has an incredibly clear focus.

Now we're going to think about Izzy, and we're gonna be like Izzy, because we know that she redrafted her topic sentences.

And when she did that, she was able to identify the focus of each paragraph.

For example, Pinnock uses the intergenerational conflict between Enid and her daughters to explore ideas around identity and belonging.

And we can see that the focus there was the intergenerational conflict between Enid and her daughter.

Izzy was able to identify that very, very clearly.

So I'd like you to be like Izzy and self-assess each topic sentence by identifying the focus of each.

You could highlight it or underline it, or just think about it in your mind, but make sure it's very clear what each paragraph's focus will be.

So pause the video and reflect on your topic sentences, finding the focus for each paragraph.

Pause the video now.

Welcome back, and I hope that you really enjoyed and now feel confident that your topic sentences will set you up for success when you are writing an essay about ideas about identity and belonging because each paragraph has an incredibly clear focus.

We're gonna move on to our second learning cycle.

So we've got these three fantastic topic sentences.

Well, now we need to think, well, what makes a really, really good main body paragraph.

Topic sentences are great.

They set us up for success, but we obviously need to develop the idea that we've generated in that topic sentence to a main body paragraph.

So when writing a main body paragraph, the way you select and write about quotations is key to creating a convincing argument.

Your quotations should support your topic sentence, come from across the play and be divided in her main quotations and supporting quotations.

Now, main quotations, this is one of our key words, a reminder.

Quotations, you will analyse in depth and you'll focus on dramatic methods, whereas supporting quotations, these are quotations that you embed in sentences and they don't need to be analysed.

Now, Izzy writes part of her first main body paragraph.

She's gonna use main quotations and supporting quotations.

Let's have a look at this first main body paragraph.

So Izzy writes, Pinnock uses the intergenerational conflict between Enid and her daughters to explore ideas around identity and belonging.

Significantly, the play opens with Enid taking her daughters to an obeah reading, which Del calls "stupid", "voodoo" and "mumbo-jumbo." Del hurts Enid- "you go too far"- but the succession of insults also shows Del doesn't understand or respect an aspect of her (and her mother's) cultural identity.

This misunderstanding goes two ways.

In Scene Two, Del accuses her mother of not acknowledging the racial discrimination Del faces as a second generation immigrant describing police vans as "hunting us down" a metaphor which expresses Del's feelings of vulnerability in her own home.

So just as Izzy has got fantastic thesis, redrafting her topic sentences, she's now turned her attention to her main body paragraph.

So let's have a look at this.

At the beginning we've got this topic sentence.

So we saw that in learning cycle one, where Izzy redrafted it.

We've got her main body quotations now, and these are from across the play.

So we've got the play opens and three quotations.

They're "stupid", "voodoo" and "mumbo jumbo." But we've also looked at this metaphor from Scene Two.

So the main quotations are from cross the play.

But we've also got a supporting quotation.

Del hurts Enid, "you go too far." And Izzy has decided not to analyse that in depth, and I agree with Izzy's decision.

She did not need to look at any dramatic methods there.

It was just a good quotation to put in to prove that Del does actually hurt Enid.

So great main body paragraph there to support that topic sentence.

So let's have a check for understanding.

Really important that we understand the differences between supporting quotations and main quotations.

So we're gonna think about supporting quotations in this check.

So which statements are true of supporting quotations.

Is it A, they should be analysed in detail with reference to dramatic methods.

B, they can be embedded into sentences.

C, they don't need to support your topic sentence, only main quotations need to do that, or D, they don't need to be analysed for dramatic methods.

Pause the video and show off your understanding of supporting quotations by selecting a response now, Well done if you selected B and D.

So they can be embedded into sentences just as Izzy did in that previous paragraph that we looked at.

And they do not need to be analysed for dramatic methods.

If there's a dramatic method in your supporting quotation that you really, really want to analyse, then it suggests to me that it is a main quotation and it should form a big part of your main body paragraph.

And so I'd like you to return to your fantastic topic sentences, the topic sentences that you created in learning cycle one that we know are really strong and focus on one main idea.

And I'd like you to select your main quotations and your supporting quotations.

So that's the first step.

The second step is you're gonna write your main body paragraphs.

So just like Izzy used her main quotations and supporting quotations to write a brilliant main body paragraph earlier in this learning cycle, you are going to do that too.

So we've got two steps to this practise task.

The first is for each topic sentence, select main quotations and supporting quotations.

And the second step is to write your main body paragraphs.

I've got a diagram on the board that is gonna help you.

So you've got your topic sentence, and then underneath you've got your main quotations and supporting quotations.

And just a reminder of what both of those things are.

I can already see people reaching for their play script, which is absolutely fantastic because that is where of course you're going to find your main quotations and your supporting quotations.

So I'd like you to pause the video.

You are going to get yourself set up to complete these two tasks, and I'm going to see you in a bit once you have got these fantastic main body paragraphs and we can celebrate your writing together.

Pause the video and get started now.

It was so fantastic to see both the planning and the writing process there.

So people carefully selecting their main quotations and supporting quotations, really thinking, what dramatic methods do I want to look at in my main quotations? How am I gonna support my topic sentence adequately with quotations from across the play? And then to really see you apply all that brilliant planning that we've done over the course of this lesson into some great writing.

Now, before we celebrate your paragraphs, I would like to self-assess with these questions.

So do all of your quotations support your topic sentence? Have you analysed your main quotations with a focus on dramatic methods? Are your supporting quotations embedded into your sentences? So three really clear self-assessment questions there.

I'd like you to pause the video, read through your paragraphs, hold yourself to a really, really high standard.

Pause the video and I'll meet you back here shortly.

Pause the video now.

Just as I really enjoyed seeing you plan and then do your writing, so too did I really enjoy seeing that editing process, writing an analytical essay.

It's not just one thing.

The planning, the writing and the editing are all of equal importance.

So well done for applying yourself to that task so powerfully, so energetically, and making the changes that you need to to make sure your writing is as strong as it possibly can be.

So in summary, topic sentences state a paragraphs main idea.

Select main quotations and supporting quotations to include in an essay.

And main quotations should be analysed, supporting quotations don't need to be analysed.

It has been such a pleasure to work through this lesson with you today and see your planning, writing, and editing process, and I look forward to seeing you next time.