Lesson video

Hi everybody.

I'm Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our "Day the Crayons Quit" unit, reading and writing persuasive letters.

You've all done absolutely brilliantly in this unit and I hope you are really proud of your persuasive letters.

In today's lesson, we are gonna have a chance to edit our work and our partner's work, which is really exciting.

In today's lesson, you might want to refer to the book "The Day The Crayons Quit" by Drew Daywalt.

So if you need to pause the video now, you can go and get the book now ahead of the lesson.

Okay, great.

Hopefully you've all got the book, which means we are ready to get started with today's learning.

Off we go.

In today's lesson from our "Day the Crayons Quit" unit, we are going to be editing our own work and also a partner's work.

So your learning outcome is I can edit my own and my peers' persuasive letter.

So let's start by looking at the key words.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Editing.

Punctuation.

Sentence structure.

Vocabulary.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

For example, full stops, commas question marks.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

And vocabulary refers to the language choices made by the writer.

So there are three sections of our lesson today.

The first is peer editing punctuation, the second, peer editing sentence structure, and the third, peer editing language.

Let's start with peer editing punctuation.

So editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and also what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need and want to edit their work.

Now, editing does not mean rewriting everything all over again.

Instead, it's about making select corrections and improvements.

So checking for understanding.

True or false.

If you are asked to edit your work, it means it's full of mistakes.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A editing is something we do at school because children are much more likely to need to edit their work than adults, or B, editing is something all writers do because it is a chance to improve their work and make it better.

Pause the video now.

That is B.

Everybody needs to edit their work, including professional writers.

Well done.

So the job of an editor is to do all of these.

Check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, and make improvements in vocabulary choices.

In this lesson, you are going to be editors, and you'll be working together with your partner and editing each other's work.

This is called peer editing.

Let's do my turn your turn.

Peer editing.

And I really like peer editing because it means I get a chance to read somebody else's work, not just my own.

And that's great because it's a chance to learn from somebody else.

So checking for understanding.

Editing is the process of A, rewriting a whole piece of text, B, checking for punctuation errors, C, making improvements to sentence structure, D, writing the text again with better handwriting.

Pause the video now.

So editing is the process of B, checking for punctuation errors, and C, making improvements to sentence structure.

We do not need to rewrite the whole text when we're editing.

Well done.

So let's start with editing for punctuation.

Editing for punctuation means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas, all those punctuation marks that we spoke about in the keywords.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

So this is the checklist.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops or question marks? Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? So let's start by checking for missing or incorrectly used capital letters in this sentence.

You used the yellow one on Monday.

So just looking at that sentence, I wonder if you can spot any errors with capital letters.

So I did and I've edited them out.

That's okay, that's why we check back our work, 'cause we can make the edits.

So you at the start need to have a capital letter.

We're missing a capital letter at the start of the sentence.

There was also an incorrect capital letter.

One, the yellow one.

One isn't a proper noun.

It's not at the start of the sentence.

It didn't need a capital letter.

So I crossed that out and replaced it with a lowercase.

And then finally, Monday is a proper noun.

So I crossed out the lowercase m and replaced it with a capital M, 'cause all the days of the week are examples of proper nouns.

So have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? We can give ourselves a tick off the checklist.

Checking for understanding.

What are two uses of capital letters? A, they are used to begin all nouns.

B, they are used to begin proper nouns.

C, they're used at the beginning of sentences.

D, they're used to begin adverbs.

Pause the video now.

We use capital letters to, B, begin proper nouns, and C, at the start of the sentence.

Well done.

So now let's check for missing or incorrectly used full stops or question marks in the sentence below.

Why do you keep choosing me? So you can see in the middle of my sentence there is an incorrect full stop.

So I've crossed that out.

And this is a question: Why do you keep choosing me? So we need to have a question mark at the end of the sentence.

So now I can tick off my checklist.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops or question marks? So check for understanding.

Where are full stops placed at in a sentence? A, after a fronted adverbial, B, at the start of a sentence, C, at the end of a sentence, or D, at the end of a question.

Pause the video now.

Full stops are placed at, C, the end of a sentence, so are question marks.

Well done.

So now let's check for missing or incorrectly used commas in this sentence below.

On Monday, you even used me to colour in a banana.

So I wonder if you can spot a missing comma or an incorrectly used comma.

So on Monday is a fronted adverbial.

It's fronted adverbial of time, so it needs to have a comma after it.

And then I had a comma after colour, which I didn't need.

So it was an incorrect comma, so I've just neatly crossed it out.

So now tick off our checklist.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Yes, we have.

Let's now check another sentence for missing or incorrectly used commas.

As I'm writing this, I'm shaking with exhaustion.

This is a complex sentence, so I wonder if you can spot if there's a missing comma.

Think about the comma rules that you know.

As I'm writing this is a subordinate clause, so it needs to have a comma after it, before the main clause.

So now I can give myself a tick off the checklist.

So you can see here in all these examples, I haven't rewritten the entire sentence.

I've just made neat, precise edits by simply crossing out a mistake or adding in a correction.

So checking for understanding.

When are commas used? A, to mark the end of a sentence, B, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, C, after a fronted adverbial, or D, after a verb.

There are two correct answers to this question.

Pause the video now.

So we use commas in B after an adverbial subordinate clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, and C, after a fronted adverbial Well done.

So it's time for task A.

You are now going to peer edit your persuasive letters looking only at punctuation.

So you are gonna be checking for all of these things.

Capital letters, which might be forgotten or incorrectly used.

Full stops, question marks, and commas.

So again, just checking if they're missing or incorrectly used.

You need to follow these steps in order to peer edit successfully.

So firstly, get into partners and name yourselves A and B.

Partner A places their book on top of partner B's book.

So you are looking first at partner A's work.

Partner A reads aloud their writing as B holds a different coloured pen.

Partner B makes edits to partner A's writing.

Then you swap books and repeat these steps.

What's really important, if you're partner B and you're making the edit, that you're explaining what you're doing to partner A, because this is a collaborative task.

You're working together.

So now pause the video and off you go.

Peer editing, the punctuation in each other's persuasive letters.

Okay, welcome back, everybody.

Well done.

Did you use the checklist to help you edit your work? Here is an example of some successful editing.

So I'm going to read out this section of my persuasive letter.

And as I'm reading it, I wonder if you can spot any punctuation edits I'm going to need to make.

Dear owner, I have been completely shattered all week.

I must be the most overused crayon in the entire world.

I am feeling especially exhausted because you have used me during the holidays.

Every day, you pick me up when you want to colour something in on Monday, it was an apple.

On Tuesday, it was a bus.

On Wednesday, you even used me to colour in a banana.

Can you please use another colour? So let's start with capital letters.

There were some edits I need to make with my capital letters.

I wonder if you spotted those too.

I'd forgotten at the start that I has to have a capital letter.

It also was the start of a sentence, so it definitely needed to be a capital letter.

So I replaced that with a capital I.

When I said it was an apple, was doesn't need a capital letter, so I replaced that.

And then Tuesday did need a capital letter because Tuesday is the name of the day of the week.

It's a proper noun.

It needed a capital letter.

So I replaced that with a capital.

So I can tick that off my checklist, the capital letters.

So now making edits, full stops, or question marks.

You can see I had an incorrect full stop after feeling.

I am feeling, I didn't need one there, so I crossed that out.

I also have forgotten one at the end of the sentence: Every day, you pick me up when you want to colour something in.

So I've added that in.

And my final sentence was a question, so I needed a question mark.

So I've replaced the full stop with a question mark, so I can tick that off my checklist.

And finally, checking for missing or incorrectly used commas.

In my salutation, dear owner, I needed a comma, so I've added that in.

And I needed a comma after every day because that was a fronted adverbial of time.

So I've added one in there So I can tick that off my checklist.

Well done, everybody, for editing the punctuation in your persuasive letters.

Let's now move on to the second section of our lesson.

We're now going to be peer editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

So again, we can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

So have we reread each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

We know how helpful it is to say our sentences aloud so we can hear for any errors.

Has an appropriate conjunction been used to join two clauses? And have a variety of sentence types been used? So checking for understanding.

True or false.

When we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, we say sentences allowed to check for missing words and to check for sense.

Or B, once the sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video now.

That is A, exactly.

We need to say our sentences out loud to check the sense.

Well done.

So now let's check the sentence structure in an example and use our checklist to help us make any improvements.

I think you should to use the other crayons they are feeling neglected.

Stop chose me every time, or I'll have to move boxes.

So just by saying out loud that sentence, I could hear there was some missing words and it didn't quite make sense.

So the first edits that I made were I added in the missing words.

I said, "I think you should start to use the other crayons." So I was missing a verb.

I also changed the tense in chose.

Stop Chose, we're not writing in the past tense.

We're writing in the present tense, so I changed it to choosing me every time.

So I can give myself a tick on the first point of my checklist.

I also added in a missing conjunction, because.

This now has become a complex sentence because I've used subordinating conjunction because.

So that sentence now makes sense, so I can give myself a tick in my checklist.

Okay, now we need to think about using a variety of sentence types.

Let's have a look at these two sentences.

I'm writing this and I'm shaking with exhaustion.

I am the most exhausted crayon in the entire world and I feel totally fed up.

So you can see there I've got two compound sentences in a row, 'cause I've used the coordinating conjunction and twice.

So I'm going to edit this so it's not two compound sentences in a row.

I've now made it a complex sentence.

First, as I am writing this, I am shaking with exhaustion.

So I've replaced the coordinating conjunction and with the subordinating conjunction as.

So now I have a variety of sentence types.

We have a complex and a compound sentence.

So I can get myself a tick.

So just checking for understanding.

How do you form a compound sentence? A, join two main clauses with any conjunction, B, join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction, C, join two main clauses by removing a full stop, or D, write two separate main clauses.

Pause the video now.

B, we form a compound sentence by joining two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction.

Well done.

So it's time for task B.

Now you are going to peer edit your persuasive letters looking only at sentence structure.

So you'll be checking for these.

Check each sentence makes sense.

Check a conjunction has been used.

Check a variety of sentence types have been used as well.

And it's really important when you're checking sentence structure that you are reading your sentences out loud.

And just like in task A, follow the same steps in order to peer edit successfully.

So pause video now and off you go peer editing each other's sentence structure in your persuasive letters.

Well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Did you use the checklist to help edit your work? Let's now go through some example of some successful editing.

I'm going to read out loud the paragraph.

And as I'm reading, you can be checking if there's any edits I need to make to my sentence structure.

I think it was ridiculous that you are only using me.

The other crayons are just as capable.

Yellow cannot understand your decisions.

Do you know how neglected they have felt? You have hundreds of beautiful colours to choose from.

Pick one of them.

If you do not leave me alone tomorrow, I'm going to leave classroom forever.

You are tired and overworked friend, Red.

So just by saying those sentences out loud, I could hear there was some missing words.

So I'm going to make some edits.

The first edit I made was that I changed the tense.

I said, "I think it was ridiculous that you were only using me." It's is.

We're writing in the present tense, so I changed that to is.

And I'd forgotten my determiner at the end, my final sentence.

I'm going to leave this classroom forever.

So I've added that in there so I can give myself a tick for checking sentences make sense.

Have I used a conjunction or have I forgotten a conjunction? I did actually.

In my first sentence, I've forgotten the subordinating conjunction because.

So now this is a complex sentence that makes sense.

So I can give myself a tick.

And have I used a variety of sentence types? So I said, "You have hundreds of beautiful colours to choose from.

Pick one of them." That's two simple sentences in a row.

So I've changed it to being one compound sentence and then a simple sentence.

So I said, "You have hundreds of beautiful colours to choose from, but you keep choosing me." So now I have a compound sentence, and then a simple sentence.

So I could give myself a tick for thinking about including a variety of sentence types.

Well done, everybody, for working really hard on task B.

Let's now move on to the third section of our lesson where we are looking at peer editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, so making things clearer, improving the tone and the effectiveness of your writing.

When editing language, make sure you do all of these.

Check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader and choose language that matches the text types.

We're writing a persuasive letter, so we want to really be including linguistic features of a persuasive letter.

So checking for understanding.

True or false.

When editing language, you change some of the words and phrases.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

B, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

It is A.

When editing languages, we can make changes to those words and phrases that we've used.

Well done.

So let's check the language choices in an example.

I am exhausted and I feel tired.

I'd like it if you chose another colour.

So have I used ambitious language choices to engage the reader? I think I could be a bit more ambitious there.

So I've replaced exhausted with the most exhaustive.

So I've used a superlative adjective and I've used some exaggeration.

I said the entire world.

I also replaced tired with totally fed up, which is a bit more ambitious, different than just tired.

So I can give myself a tick for thinking about editing and for adding in some more ambitious adjective choices there.

Does my language match the text type? I'd like it if you chose another colour.

I don't think that's massively persuasive.

So I've changed it to a command and a warning and I've said, "Stop choosing me or I'll have to leave," which we know a command and a warning is a feature of a persuasive letter.

So now I can tick that of my checklist because I've used language that matches the text type.

So checking for understanding, true or false.

Superlative adjectives are used to exaggerate emotions in a persuasive letter.

Pause the video now.

that is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, "I am the most exhausted crayon," is more effective than, "I am exhausted," when using persuasion.

Or B, adjectives are used to express emotions.

Pause the video now.

That is A.

"I am the most exhausted Crayon," is a great example of using exaggeration to persuade.

Well done.

So it's time for tasks C.

Now, you are going to peer edit your persuasive letters, looking only at language choices.

So you're gonna be checking for all of these, ambitious language choices and that your language matches the text type, so includes linguistic features of persuasive letter.

So just like in task A and task B, you need to follow the same steps to peer edit successfully.

So pause the video now and off you go peer editing each other's language choices.

Okay, well done, everybody.

Did you use the checklist to edit your work? Let's just go through some example of some successful editing of language.

Dear Owner, I have been tired this week.

I am used more than most crayons.

It would be nice if another crayon was used for once or I might need to have a look somewhere else.

So have I used ambitious language choices to engage the reader? I think I could have been a bit more ambitious.

So I replaced tired with absolutely shattered, which is an ambitious adjective and adverb choice.

Shattered is just a bit more powerful than tired and I put it in capital letters to make sure it's being emphasised.

So I can give myself a tip there.

Have I checked that my language matches the text type.

I think I can make this a bit more persuasive.

So I've replaced, "I am used more than most crayons," with "I am the most overused crayon in the entire world," so some exaggeration there.

And I've replaced, "It would be nice if another crayon was used," with, "Choose another crayon or I'll have to think about moving," a command and a warning, which we know is a feature of a persuasive letter.

So I can give myself a tick there on the checklist.

Well done, everybody, for working really hard on task C.

Okay, here is the summary of everything we've learned today.

Peer editing is the process of working collaboratively when making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and language choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and comm are checked.

And when editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of word and phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Great job, everybody, today.

Well done.