Lesson video

Hi, everybody.

It's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit, "Jabberwocky" Narrative Writing.

Today's a really exciting lesson because we get to read back through some of our writing from this unit and make some purposeful edits to ours and our peers' writing.

So thank you for joining and let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit, "Jabberwocky" Narrative Writing, we are going to be peer editing the first paragraph that we wrote in our narrative, so the opening.

So your learning outcome is I can edit my own and my peer's opening paragraph of a narrative based on "Jabberwocky".

So let's start by looking at the keywords.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Editing.

Punctuation.

Sentence structure.

Vocabulary.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning, and vocabulary is the use of specific words and phrases to convey a meaning.

So there are three sections of our lesson today.

In the first, we'll be peer editing punctuation.

In the second, we'll be peer editing sentence structure, and in the third, we'll be peer editing language.

So let's start with peer editing punctuation.

Editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing, to make it better.

When you edit, you decide what you will change but also what you want to keep the same.

Even really successful writers need and want to edit their work.

Now, editing does not mean rewriting everything all over again.

It's about making select corrections and improvements.

So checking for understanding, true or false.

If you're asked to edit your work, it means it is full of mistakes.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? A, editing is something we do at school because children are much more likely to need to edit their work than adults, or b, editing is something all writers do because it is a chance to improve their work and make it better.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

It is b.

We all need to edit our work, even professional writers, because we want to have the chance to make any corrections and improve our writing.

Well done.

So the job of an editor is to do all of these: check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, make improvements in vocabulary choices.

And in this lesson, you are going to be editors, but you will be working together with your partner and editing each other's work.

So this is a collaborative task where you get to work with somebody else.

This is called peer editing.

So checking for understanding, editing is the process of, a, rewriting a whole piece of text, b, checking for punctuation errors, c, making improvements to sentence structure, or d, writing the text again but with better handwriting.

Pause the video now.

So that's right, editing is the process of b, checking for punctuation errors, and c, making improvements to things like sentence structure and vocabulary choices.

Well done.

Editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas, and speech punctuation.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

So have we checked for all of these? This is the checklist we're going to be using when we're thinking about making punctuation corrections.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, missing or incorrectly used full stops, missing or incorrectly used commas, and have we checked for accurate punctuation in direct speech? So let's check for some missing or incorrectly used capital letters in the sentence below, "the brave men entered The forest to find the jabberwock." I wonder if you can spot any errors with capital letters in this sentence.

Okay, so let's go through the mistakes.

The first word in a sentence should always start with a capital letter.

So I have crossed out the lowercase T in "the" and replaced it with a capital T.

There was no need for the word "the" in the middle of the sentence to begin with a capital letter, so I crossed that out and replaced it with a lowercase T, and finally, "Jabberwock" is a proper noun, so it needed a capital J.

So I've replaced the lowercase J with a capital J.

So now I can tick off my checklist, "Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters?" So checking for understanding, what are two uses of capital letters? A, they are used to begin all nouns.

B, they are used to begin proper nouns.

C, they are used at the beginning of sentences, or d, they are used to begin adverbs.

Pause the video now.

So we use capital letters for proper nouns, so the names of people, places, companies, brands, countries, and they are used at the beginning of a sentence.

Well done.

So now let's check for missing or incorrectly used full stops.

"Rotten leaves.

cascaded from the trees".

Can you spot any missing or incorrectly used full stops in this sentence? Okay, so hopefully you spotted that there was an incorrect full stop in the middle of the sentence.

So I've just neatly crossed that out, and there was a missing full stop at the end of the sentence, so I've added one in at the end.

So now I can check off my checklist, "Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops?" Yes, we have.

So checking for understanding, where are full stops placed in a sentence? A, after a fronted adverbial, b, at the start of a sentence, c, at the end of a sentence, or d, at the end of a question.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

Full stops are placed at the end of a sentence.

That's c.

Well done.

So now let's check for missing or incorrectly used commas in this sentence, "Above an enchanted forest thick heavy mist blanketed the treetops." Have a think about the comma rules that you know and see if you can find any missing commas.

Off you go.

Okay, so hopefully you spotted the missing comma after the fronted adverbial, "Above an enchanted forest," comma.

There was also a missing comma in between the two adjectives "thick" and "heavy".

So there was the missing comma in an ENP, an expanded noun phrase.

So I've added those both, both of those missing commas in.

So now I can tick off my checklist, "Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used commas?" Let's continue looking for missing or incorrectly used commas though in this sentence, "As dusk approached dark, sinister magic swirled." Now, there is one comma there already.

Have a think if you think that's correct, and then also think about where there might be a missing comma.

Off you go.

Okay, so the "dark, sinister magic", the comma in that is correct because it's an expanded noun phrase.

However, there is a missing comma after "approached".

"As dusk approached" is an adverbial subordinate clause, so you needed a comma after it before the main clause.

So now, again, we can tick that off our checklist.

We have checked for the missing or incorrectly used commas.

Well done.

Let's check for understanding though.

When are commas used? A, to mark the end of a sentence, b, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, c, after a fronted adverbial, or d, after a verb.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so there are lots of times we use commas in our writing, but after an adverbial clause, when it comes first in a complex sentence, b is correct, and also after a fronted adverbial.

Well done.

So now let's check for accurate punctuation in direct speech.

Here's the sentence below, '"beware of the Jabberwock, warned his father.

' Have a look at this speech sentence and see if you can spot any missing punctuation.

Off you go.

Okay, so when we use speech, direct speech, we have to remember some set punctuation rules.

We had our opening inverted commas.

That was good, but we needed to start our speech with a capital letter.

We had the comma at the end of the speech, but we forgot the missing closing inverted commas, so I've added them in after the comma.

Now I can tick off my checklist checking for accurate punctuation in direct speech.

So checking for understanding, which direct speech sentence is correctly punctuated? Read all four sentences and look carefully for the opening and closing inverted commas, the capital letter at the start of the speech, and the punctuation at the end of the speech.

Pause the video now.

Off you go.

Okay, so the sentence that was correctly punctuated was c.

You had your opening inverted commas.

Your speech began with a capital W.

You had a comma at the end of the speech just after the word "bird", and then you had your closing inverted commas.

So that was correctly punctuated.

Great job, everybody.

Well done.

It is time for Task A.

You are now going to peer edit your openings, looking only at punctuation.

So you're going to be checking for all of these: capital letters, full stops, commas, and speech punctuation.

You're checking if there's any missing or ones that you might need to cross out.

Follow these steps in this order to peer edit successfully.

So get into partners and name yourselves A and B.

Partner A places their book on top of Partner B's book.

So you're looking first at Partner A's work.

Partner A reads aloud their writing as Partner B holds a different coloured pen.

Then Partner B makes edits to Partner A's writing, but Partner B will explain what edits they're saying so it becomes a collaborative task.

Then you swap books and repeat these steps.

So by the end of the Task A, you will have peer edited both of your openings of "Jabberwocky".

So pause the video now and off you go.

Well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Let's go through an example of an opening which needs some edits to this punctuation.

So pause the video now and read through this opening and use the checklist to help you check for any edits that need to be made to punctuation.

Pause the video now.

Off you go.

Okay, so hopefully you spotted some punctuation errors.

I'm going to go through them now.

So firstly, the word "and" didn't need to have a capital letter before "and rolling", so I crossed that out and replaced it with a lowercase A.

"In the shadows" is a fronted adverbial, so I had to add in a comma.

"Which tormented the heart of the forest", that is a relative clause.

I didn't need to have the comma in the middle of that relative clause, so I crossed that out.

Then the next sentence, "At the edge of the wood", "at" was the first word in the sentence, so I replaced the lowercase A with a capital A, and then in the speech, I forgot my inverted commas before the word "beware", and I forgot a comma at the end of the speech, so I added that in.

And then finally, in my final sentence, I'd forgotten a full stop, so I've added that in, and now I can check off all the points on my checklist because I went through it really carefully and made all the edits that I needed to.

If you need to, you can pause the video and go make any more edits that you need to to your opening or your peer's opening.

Otherwise, really well done.

Okay, it is time for Task B.

Okay, it's time for the second section of our lesson where we are going to be peer editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

And again, we can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

So have we re-read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense? Has an appropriate conjunction been used to join two clauses? And have a variety of sentence types been used? So checking for understanding, true or false? When we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? A, we say sentences aloud to check for missing words and to check for sense.

B, once a sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video now.

That is a.

It's really important to say our sentences out loud 'cause then we can hear if they do make sense or if any words are missing.

Well done.

So let's check the sentence structure in an example.

"The gallant young man's eyes in fear.

His blood ran cold his heart pound against his chest." Just by saying these sentences out loud, I can hear that there are some errors and that it doesn't quite make sense.

So let's make these edits.

"The gallant young man's eyes widened in fear." I added in the missing verb.

"His blood ran cold as his heart pounded against his chest." When I was reading out loud the sentence before, I could hear that the tense wasn't right.

I said "pound", which is in the present tense.

So I changed the tense into the past tense.

So I can tick, "Have we read each sentence to check it makes sense?" off our checklist.

Then I've also added in the conjunction "as".

"His blood ran cold as his heart pounded against his chest." So I've joined the two clauses using a subordinated conjunction to form a complex sentence.

So I can give that a tick off my checklist.

So the final point on our checklist, have a variety of sentence types been used? Let's have a look.

"The gallant young man's eyes widened in fear.

His blood ran cold as his heart pounded against his chest.

As he wiped the sweat from his brow, he took a deep breath." So you can see here I used the subordinating conjunction "as" twice.

So we have two complex sentences in a row.

So I'm going to replace and cross out the "as" in the final sentence and replace it with a coordinating conjunction, "and", so that we now have a compound sentence.

So then we can now tick the final point off our checklist.

So checking for understanding, which of the following sentences makes sense? A, "Below the twisted branches, twigs with every footstep." B, "Below the twisted branches, twigs cracked with every footstep." C, "Below the twisted branches, twigs cracked every footstep." Pause the video now.

Off you go.

Okay, so the sentence that makes sense, and we could check it makes sense 'cause we said them all loud to hear and hear if they sounded right, was b.

Well done.

So it's time for Task B.

Now you are going to peer edit your openings, but this time, looking only at sentence structure.

So you need to check for all of these.

Check each sentence makes sense by saying them out loud.

Check an appropriate conjunction has been used, and check a variety of sentence types has been used, and once again, follow the same steps to peer edit successfully.

So pause the video now and go back through each other's openings of "Jabberwocky".

Off you go.

Okay.

Well done, everybody.

Did you use the checklist to help edit your work? Let's just go through an example of editing sentence structure in an opening.

So pause the video now and off you go, reading back through this opening and using the checklist to help you spot for any sentence structure edits that we need to make.

Pause the video now.

Okay, well done.

I wonder if by reading those sentences out loud, by reading the opening out loud, you could hear what edits needed to be made to the sentence structure.

Okay, let's get through it.

So my first sentence, "an old man was conversation with his son", does that make sense? It doesn't, so I've added in "deep in conversation".

I'd also forgotten a word in the sentence, "the cunning Bandersnatch that lurks", so I've added in the word "lurks", and I had a problem with my tense in the sentence, "The gallant young man's eyes widen in fear." I made it "widened in fear." So I've checked each sentence to make sure they make sense, so I can tick that off my checklist.

Has a conjunction been used to join clauses? I wonder if you spotted that we had to have one in the sentence beginning, "His son listened".

"His son listened intently as he continued".

We added in the conjunction "as", so I can give that a tick, and then finally, have a variety of sentence types been used? My final two sentences, "The gallant young man's eyes widened in fear.

His blood ran cold," those were two simple sentences in a row, and then I had a third simple sentence, So I changed my final sentence by adding in the coordinating conjunction "and" and making it a compound sentence.

So now I can tick the final point off my checklist.

If you need to, you can pause your video.

Pause the video and go back through your openings again, making any more edits needed to sentence structure.

Otherwise, really well done.

It is time for the third section of our lesson where we are peer editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, so making things clearer, tone and effectiveness.

When editing language, make sure you do all of these.

Check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader, and choose language that matches the text type.

We're writing a piece of narrative fiction, so we want our writing to be really descriptive rather than factual and formal, like you would in like a non-chronological report, for example.

So check for understanding.

True or false? When editing language, you can change some of the vocabulary.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? A, when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

B, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video now.

That's right, that is a.

Well done.

So let's check the vocabulary choices in an example.

"Above a vast forest, there was a cloud of mist.

It was very dark and eerie.

Below the branches, twigs broke with every footstep." So that all makes sense, it's grammatically correct, but I think we can be a little bit more ambitious with our language choices.

So I've made some edits.

I've added in some descriptive adjectives, enchanted forest, the sinister magic, the gnarled, twisted branches, so some really ambitious and descriptive adjective choices there to help create this creepy, scary atmosphere in the forest.

I've also added in some really precise verbs which help to create this vivid image in the reader's mind, "blanketed", "swirled", "cracked", and "snapped".

You can almost hear now the sounds of the twigs, so much more descriptive than before.

So we can tick that off our checklist.

The second point in our checklist is, does this language match the text type? Now we've added in these descriptive adjectives and verbs, it now has created a much more vivid image in the reader's mind, which is what we're trying to do in descriptive writing.

So yes, we can give ourselves a tick.

So checking for understanding, true or false? Precise and descriptive vocabulary is used in narrative writing to create a vivid picture for the reader.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? A, "The gnarled, skeletal branches" creates a more vivid picture than "the branches on a tree" when writing a narrative, or b, adjectives are used to describe nouns.

Pause the video now.

That's right, that is a.

Great job.

So it's time for Task C.

You are now going to peer each other's openings, but this time, looking only at vocabulary choices.

So you need to check for all of these.

Check that you've used ambitious language choices, and check that the language matches the text type, so descriptive writing.

Once again, follow the same steps to peer edit successfully.

Pause the video now.

Off you go.

Okay, well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Did you use the checklist to help you edit your work? Here is an example of some successful editing.

Pause the video now and have a read of this opening or this extract from the opening and think about what edits you could make to the language choices.

Off you go.

Okay, so here were the edits I made.

I added in some more ambitious adjective and adverb choices.

"Intently", "cunning", "determinedly", "bravely", "danger" all help to create a more vivid picture for the reader.

I also wanted to add in some show-not-tell language.

Instead of just saying the young man was scared, I said, "The young man's eyes widened in fear.

His blood ran cold.

His heart pounded against his chest." Much more ambitious and also is much more appropriate for narrative and descriptive writing, and so I can tick off from the checklist both points 'cause we've made it more ambitious and made sure that it matches the text type of descriptive writing.

If you need to, you can go back through each other's openings and make any more edits to language choices.

Otherwise, really well done.

Great job today, everybody.

Here is a summary of everything we've learned.

Peer editing is the process of working collaboratively when making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and vocabulary choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made, and when editing vocabulary, reviews of word and phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Great job today, everybody.

Well done.