Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome back to your next lesson from "The Man on the Moon," narrative writing unit.

Thank you so much for joining us on today's learning.

I'm really excited.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit, "The Man on the Moon," narrative writing, we are going to be doing our first bit of planning.

So your learning outcome is, "I can plan precise, ambitious vocabulary to help write a narrative opening based on 'The Man on the Moon'." So let's have a look at our keywords.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Plan, notes, ambitious vocabulary, fronted adverbial.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

A plan is a framework that writers create before they write a section or a whole text.

It's really useful to writers to have a plan to help them with their writing.

Notes are written out of full sentences.

We do not use full sentences in notes.

Ambitious vocabulary is a high level language in writing that meets the text purpose.

And a fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

So there are two sections of our learning today.

In the first section, we'll be preparing to plan, and then in the second section, we'll be writing the plan.

It's really important that you keep these plans safely for the next lesson where you'll be writing 'cause they'll be essential to help you organise your writing.

Let's get started with preparing to plan.

So, "The Man on the Moon" can be structured like this: Opening, then the buildup, then the climax, and then the resolution.

In this lesson, we are planning the opening.

The purpose of the opening is to do all of these: engage the reader, make them want to read on, get them excited.

Introduce the characters, so we'll be introducing Lily and the man.

And introduce the setting.

So we'll be introducing Lily's house and the moon.

Let's just recap the opening.

In the opening, we are introduced to all of these: the settings.

So Lily's home, her cosy, warm home on Christmas day.

And the moon, the opposite really, isn't it? The moon is really cold, lonely, empty place.

And we're introduced to the main characters, Lily and the man on the moon.

So the purpose of the opening, let's just check for understanding is, A, to solve a problem.

B, to introduce the characters.

C, to build-up tension or D, to introduce the setting.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

The purpose of the opening is to introduce the characters and the setting.

Thinking back to our prior learning where we learned that A, to solve a problem takes place in the climax.

And C, to build-up tension takes place in the build-up.

Well done everyone.

When we plan, we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

We must include precise verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and a range of nouns.

In the opening, we are setting the scene.

So we can use fronted adverbials of place and time to help do this.

So let's just review the key moments of the opening.

We know there's much more that takes place in the opening, but these are our key moments.

Firstly, Lily was bored at home.

You can see that in the picture at the top.

She's slumped on the sofa, looking very bored.

Then Lily looked through her telescope.

What does she see? That's the key, third key moment.

She saw a man on the moon.

So those were our three key moments of the opening, that we will be describing in a lot more detail when it comes to writing.

So let's just check our understanding here.

"Order the key moments of the opening." You've got Lily saw a man on the moon.

Lily was bored at home.

Lily looked through her telescope.

What comes first, what comes second and what comes third? Pause the video now.

Okay, well done.

One, Lily was bored at home.

Two, Lily looked through her telescope and three, Lily saw a man on the moon.

Well done everybody.

Now let's look at each moment in more detail so we can start to think about the vocabulary we wanna be including in our plan.

So we're gonna be thinking about what we can see and what we can hear, or we can imagine we could hear in each picture.

In the first picture, Lily was slumped on the sofa.

A very comfortable looking sofa and she slumped on it, lying over the edge of the arm chair.

Her living room was quiet but cosy.

It looked like a really warm, comfortable place to be.

She was bored because nobody would play.

You can see her brother, he looks like he's playing a video game.

He does not wanna play with Lily.

So she's getting a bit restless.

We can use show and tell language to describe Lily's emotions.

In this first picture, we could say she was bored.

But saying she was bored, it's maybe not as precise and descriptive as if we were using show and tell language.

So show me what your body language and facial expressions alike when you are bored.

We want you to show the screen or your partner or anyone else you're with.

Show them using your face and your body, what you would look like if you were bored.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, well done.

I wonder if we came up with slightly similar ideas.

So I said that to describe Lily as being bored.

We could say she was slumped on the sofa.

When you're slumped, you look a little bit bored.

You look like you don't want to move or do anything.

You don't have any energy to do anything.

She yawned quietly.

Often when I'm a bit bored, I can yawn.

It could also be tiredness, but I think it's showing that Lily was bored in this moment.

And she sighed in boredom.

(Gardner sighs) That's Lily sighing in boredom.

So you can see these three examples are much more descriptive than just simply saying she was bored.

They show how she was feeling and not just tell us simply the emotion, she was bored.

So that's a really ambitious and effective technique to use in your writing.

Let's look at the next moment now in more detail.

Again, thinking about what we can see and what we could hear.

Lily peered through the telescope.

She gazed into the starry sky, and then, she zoomed into the moon and that's when she sees the man and she cannot believe her eyes.

So again, we can use show and tell to describe Lily's emotions here.

She was surprised she'd seen this man on the moon.

We could just say she was surprised, but I think it's a lot more descriptive and a lot more ambitious to use some show and tell language.

So, show me what your body language and facial expressions are like when you are surprised.

Tell the show the person next to you or the screen or whoever you are with.

Pause the video now, and show what you look like when you are surprised.

Okay, welcome back.

I wonder if your facial expressions and body languages that you just showed or your partner showed, is similar to what I've thought about.

Her eyes widened.

You can see my eyes widening now.

It's because I'm surprised, I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Her jaw dropped often.

That's a face you do if you are shocked or surprised.

(Gardner gasps) And she gasped in shock.

(Gardner gasps) That's the noise that she might have made when she saw the man on the moon.

All of these are examples of show and tell language.

They're a lot more descriptive than just saying she was surprised.

Now let's look at the final moment of the opening in a bit more detail.

We're gonna think about what we can see, I can see, and what we would imagine we can hear.

So this is the first time we see the man on the moon.

On the vast moon, there was this desolate shack, this shack that was empty.

It was all alone, nothing else around it.

Very bare and empty.

So a desolate shack.

A solitary figure stood outside the door.

A solitary means alone.

So one single figure, a figure is quite effective here because it's very unknown who this person is.

So figure is a little less specific than the man.

A solitary figure stood outside the door and now, but a setting description.

The landscape was barren, so lifeless and empty and silence echoed around him.

When thinking about what we can hear, we can't hear anything.

It's an eerie silence on the moon.

So fronted adverbials of time and place.

Tell the reader where or when an action is taking place.

It gives the reader some context and helps them to understand where the story and when the story is set.

So for example, the first picture, you could use the fronted adverbial inside the cosy living room, or you could tell the reader when it's taking place.

One wintry evening.

Wintry means it's taking, it's in winter, so we know it's cold.

Nearly Christmas time.

Or on the soft sofa.

You can describe where Lily is.

She is on the soft sofa.

You'll notice all of these fronted adverbials are followed by? Everybody.

That's right, followed by a comma.

So we need to make sure we're remembering that when we write our fronted adverbials, even in our plan, 'cause it makes us remember it when it comes to writing.

Now thinking about the fronted adverbial for this image.

The image, when she's looking through the telescope, she's doing it, where is she looking through the telescope? From behind the curtains or through the frosty window, she pointed the telescope.

And when was she doing that? Later that evening when she'd got a bit bored, no one was playing with her.

So she decided to look through the telescope.

Now to describe the man on the moon, amid the starry sky, that's where the moon is amongst the amid the starry sky.

On the silvery moon, there was the man and the shack.

And outside a desolate shack, we see this solitary figure.

So there's three fronted adverbials there that could be useful, describing where the man and the moon are.

So now it's time for task A.

You need to fill in the blanks with ambitious vocabulary from the box below.

So in the word bank, you have bored, curtains, starry glimpsed, moon and shack.

And you need to fill in the missing words using the words from the word bank.

I'm going to read the sentences now.

When I say blank, I want you to try and say the word that you think it is.

Don't worry if you aren't quite sure just yet, because you're gonna have a chance to pause the video and do this.

Read through this properly and independently.

But have a go now if you can think about what word should go there.

Inside the warm living room, a blank.

Let's hear what you're thinking.

A blank girl slumped on the sofa.

Behind the blank, she looked through her telescope at the blank sky.

On the silvery moon, she blank a solitary man outside a desolate blank.

Okay, it's time for you to carry on with task A by yourself.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Well done everybody.

Let's go through the answers.

Inside the warm living room, a bored girl slumped on the sofa.

Behind the curtains, she looked through her telescope at the starry sky.

On the silvery moon, she glimpsed a solitary man outside a desolate shack.

Hopefully these sentences will be really useful for you in the next section of this lesson where we are gonna be writing our plans to try and think about some of this, think about including some of the ambitious vocabulary we've looked at in this section of the lesson.

It's now time to start writing our plan.

When we write a plan, we use notes.

Notes are concise, so short, and they capture the key vocabulary and information.

The purpose of notes is to help the writer to organise information easily for future use so when it comes to writing.

We use bullet points when note-taking, note-taking, and they look like this.

You can see it's a dot and then a line for you to write your note and then another dot, and then a line for you to write your note and so on.

This is just a really clear way for you to show your notes and organise them really neatly on your plan.

So what is in our plan? Let's check for understanding.

A, full sentences with capital letters and full stops.

B, bullet points for notes.

C, ambitious vocabulary, or D, unnecessary information.

Pause the video now.

Okay, well done.

Let's go through it.

So what is in the plan? Bullet points for notes, B, and C, ambitious vocabulary.

We don't need full sentences in a plan.

So A is not necessary.

And D, we don't need any unnecessary information.

We're just capturing the most important moments from the film that we want to describe.

Well done.

Okay, it is time for task B.

We are going to be writing our plan.

So we're gonna think about each moment in detail.

In the first part, you are gonna fill in the plan with fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe each moment in detail.

And we're describing this key moment, "Lily was bored at home." So I want us to be thinking back to any of the show and tell language, 'cause we don't just want to say she was bored.

How can we show the reader that she's bored? What's she doing with her body? With her facial expressions? We wanna think about any fronted adverbials we could use and where is she? When is this taking place? And we just want to describe what she's doing and what's happening at this moment in a bit more detail.

I'll give you one fronted adverbial as an example to help you.

So inside the cosy living room, that could be an appropriate and precise fronted adverbial you could use.

You are now going to pause the video and fill in this plan using notes.

You don't need to write full sentences, but filling in the plan with ambitious vocabulary to describe in a bit more detail.

Lily, being this bored at home.

Make sure you are only describing this key moment.

We don't need to start describing about the man on the moon or about how she's looking through the telescope, 'cause that comes a little bit later.

So just this key moment.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Well done everybody, welcome back.

Let's go through a plan.

I am sure you will not have exactly the same bullet point notes as I do.

That's completely okay.

In fact, it's better 'cause we want everyone to have different plans so they could, we all produce different pieces of writing.

But these are some ideas that I've come up with and if you like these ideas, feel free to add them onto your plan yourself.

So fronted adverbial choices, inside the cosy living room, one wintry evening or on the soft sofa.

And then ambitious vocabulary, I've included, the restless young girl, slumped on a cushion, so showing that she's bored.

sighed with boredom.

Boredom, again, another show and tell language, and yawned again and again.

So again, describing in a bit more detail how she was bored, how bored, sorry, Lily was.

Okay, if you want some of these ideas, feel free to jot them down.

Otherwise, let's move on to the next key moment.

The moment Lily looked through a telescope.

Again, you're gonna think of some fronted adverbials, to explain to the reader where or when she was looking through the telescope and some ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment in a bit more detail.

Okay, because it's a bit boring right now, just saying Lily looked through a telescope.

So one idea could be at the frosty window as you're fronted adverbially telling the reader where she is.

You now need to pause the video, and fill in your plan with some more vocabulary to describe this key moment, off you go.

Well done everybody.

Again, don't worry if you didn't get exactly the same ideas as I did, and feel free to jot down anything I've done.

If you like it and think you want to include it in your writing.

So, "At the frosty window," it was a fronted adverbial I could use.

"Eventually," so after a while, after being quite bored, eventually she went to look through the telescope and then I've actually put in a fronted adverbial, but as a subordinate clause.

So, "As she stared through the telescope," so I've made sure I've included my comma there in all of my fronted adverbials.

So I remember to use them in my writing.

Then some ambitious vocabulary.

"Gazed intently," she was gazing through the telescope with real purpose.

Then she zoomed in curiously, what does she see? So she's zooming in to get a better look.

Her eyes widened, some show and tell language.

She's in shock, she's surprised and her jaw dropped.

She cannot believe what she has seen.

Okay, well done everybody.

As I said, if you want some of these ideas on your plan, you can note them down as well.

Otherwise, it's time for our final moment.

The moment that Lily saw a man on the moon.

So we want to describe this moment as well in a lot more detail.

So a fronted adverbial you could use could be, "A mid a starry sky." So you're describing where the moon is using that fronted adverbial.

You now need to pause the video, and fill in your plan with another fronted, another one or two fronted adverbials to describe the moon where it is, and some ambitious vocabulary to describe the man.

Pause video now and off you go.

Well done everybody.

Here are some of the ideas I've thought of.

Again, don't worry at all if yours statement exactly like this, that doesn't matter, but feel free to write them down if you like them.

"Amid a starry sky." So describing where the moon is.

"Outside a desolate shack." There's the man, where is he? Outside the desolate shack.

"Slowly," how did he appear? How did he walk out of his shack? Then some ambitious vocabulary, that glitchy glimpsed a solitary figure.

So solitary meaning by himself, the elderly man, a barren landscape.

Barren meaning there's nothing else there.

It's empty and lifeless on the moon.

And then describing that sound, the silence echoed.

Okay, now hopefully you've all got really full plans, so that you can use these plans in your writing of the opening in the next lesson.

So really what's done for all of your hard work today and for working so hard.

It's the end of the lesson.

Here is a summary of everything we've done.

The purpose of the opening is to engage the reader and introduce the setting in characters.

When we plan, we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

Show and tell language describes the emotions of the character in greater detail.

Fronted adverbials of time and place indicate when and where the action takes place.

A plan includes notes, key points, and ambitious vocabulary.

Well done everybody.