Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from the Unit, ""The Man on the Moon"" narrative writing.

I'm really excited for today's learning.

Thank you so much for coming to join me.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson from my unit, ""The Man on the Moon"" narrative writing, We're going to be doing some writing.

So your learning outcome is I can write a narrative build-up based on "The Man on the Moon." Let's have a look at our keywords.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

I'll say the word first and then you can say it back to the screen or to your partner or to whoever you're in a room with.

Text flow, fronted adverbial, past tense, rhetorical question.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

So text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged.

So which sentences are used and which order they come in.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

Past tense shows that the action happened before now.

We'll be writing "The Man on the Moon" in the past tense.

A rhetorical question is a question asked to the reader that does not expect an answer.

So there are two sections of our learning today.

In the first, we'll be preparing to write and then in the second section we're gonna be writing our build-up.

So let's start with preparing to write.

"The Man on the Moon" can be structured like this, an opening which we've already written, a build-up, the climax, the most exciting moment, and then the resolution.

In this lesson, we are writing the build-up.

So the purpose of the build-up is to do all of these, to build up that tension and excitement.

So that's when we get to the climax.

It's the most exciting moment.

To develop the characters and the plot and then introduce a problem.

So in the build-up of "The Man on the Moon", we did do that.

We developed the characters.

We started to look at how Lily was feeling back on Earth when she's desperate to reach "The Man on the Moon." And we also looked at how lonely the man was becoming.

We also introduced the problem of how is Lily going to find a way of getting her letter to the moon? Let's just review the notes from the plan 'cause our plans are going to be really useful in today's learning because they contain lots of precise and ambitious vocabulary and also a range of fronted adverbials that we can use to start our sentences.

So let's just recap what we've included.

So the first key moment was that Lily scooted home to look through her telescope.

That's it.

That's a really simple sentence, describing the key moment.

We want to describe it in a lot more detail.

So the fronted adverbials from my plan were as quick as a flash.

That was how she was scootering home.

Excitedly again, how she was scootering home.

And then through the lens of what she saw when she was looking through the telescope.

Ambitious vocabulary, the curious girl bolted home, bolted that synonym for sprinted or running really quickly.

Her heart pounded with excitement that show and tell language to show how excited she is.

And then the rhetorical question, how could she help? The next key moment, we moved up into space onto the moon away from earth and we saw the man sat on the bench.

So meanwhile, so at the same time as back on Earth, up on the moon, there's the man.

On the rocky moon, a fronted adverbial of place where he is.

He might have chosen a different adjective to describe the moon.

I went for rocky.

And then amid the eerie silence that eerie creating that negative image of the moon and the sounds and the kind of creepy silence.

Ambitious vocabulary, solitary man.

Solitary means he's alone.

The freezing cold bench.

It doesn't look like a very comfy bench to sit on.

And it's a really direct, a really direct comparison between the soft, comfortable, cosy sofa that the girl Lily was sat on in the opening.

He gazed longingly at earth.

So he was looking for a really long time down at earth.

And then he sighed hopelessly.

He's kind of giving up hope that anyone would ever know he was there.

Then the final key moment of the opening was that Lily tried different ways to send her letter to the moon.

So the next night, to show that time had passed, you'd been thinking about it for a while and then suddenly she had this bright idea that she would send a letter and then again and again, that's how many times she tried to get her letter to the moon.

Ambitious vocabulary on my plan.

She stared thoughtfully so that she was staring at the moon thinking about what she could do to help.

She had that bright idea and genius idea.

Desperately, that's how she was trying to send a letter to the moon again and again.

So she was desperately trying to send it.

And then another rhetorical question to end the build-up, would it ever reach the moon? And then we finish the build-up there because in the climax, that's the moment that the letter lands on the moon.

The gift lands on the moon.

So the end of the build-up is us, it leaves the reader wondering, will the letter ever reach the moon? So when we write, we always try to do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it, so we can hear if it makes sense and check for any errors.

We use punctuation where we know the rules.

We showcase each sentence type we know, simple, compound, complex.

We write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

And we all do this, we all really need to do this is check and improve our writing even when we think we finished.

So we're gonna start with a talk task.

We're gonna say two full sentences out loud that use these ideas from our plan.

So from our plan, the first key moment is describing lily scootering home.

So you could use the fronted adverbial as quick as a flash.

You could describe her as the curious girl.

Some show and tell language.

Her heart pounded with excitement.

And you can use this sentence scaffold to help you when saying these sentences.

So I'll say the sentences now, and when I say blank, that's where you can fill it out.

Fill in the missing blanks using the words from the notes above.

As quick blank, the blank bolted home on her scooter.

Her heart pounded blank as she raced to get back to her telescope.

So using the notes from the bullet points, can you write, say sorry, say complete sentences using the sentence scaffold to help you.

Pause the video now.

Okay, welcome back.

Let's go through all these sentences, sound like when you've said them out loud.

As quick as a flash, cross that off my notes because I've included it.

The curious girl, again, crossing that off.

The curious girl bolted home on her scooter.

Her heart pounded with excitement as she raced to get back to her sleep, her telescope.

So you can see I've changed the notes that were not written into full sentences and I've made them part of full sentences.

Really well done everybody.

So when we're writing our build-up, we need to think about what we need to include.

This section, the build-up needs to include ambitious vocabulary.

So that includes precise adjectives, adverbs, verbs, references to the noun in different ways.

We're not calling her Lily again and again.

We're not just keeping calling him the man, the man, the man.

A rhetorical question to engage the reader.

Sentences written in the past tense.

Fronted adverbials of time, place or manner.

And then we're thinking about text flow.

So including a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex.

Let's remind ourselves of a rhetorical question.

A rhetorical question invites the reader to think about what's happening in a story and makes them feel involved in it.

The writer does not expect the reader to answer rhetorical questions, but they do help the reader to engage with the story and become more curious and feel a bit more involved in it.

So for example, in this moment in the opening, when Lily is desperately trying to find a way to get her letter to the moon, she tries all those different ways, the bow and arrow, the paper aeroplane, it's not working.

So a rhetorical question could be, would the letter ever reach the moon? Makes the reader think.

Now this moment, the moment the man sat alone on the bench, maybe did anyone know he was there? Again, making the reader think and also probably it's also what the man's probably thinking as well.

Would anyone ever find him? So that gets the reader thinking and makes them feel even more empathy towards the moon, towards the man.

So let's just check for understanding true or false.

The reader is expected to answer this rhetorical question.

Whoever could it be? Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, a rhetorical question helps the reader to become involved with the story by getting them to think about what's happening.

Or B, a rhetorical question helps the reader to become involved with the story by asking them questions they respond to.

Pause the video now.

That is correct.

It is A.

It can't be B because when readers do not need to respond to a rhetorical question, it's just to get them thinking.

Well done everyone.

Let's have a look at compound sentences.

So these two sentences below are now both simple sentences.

The curious girl raced home.

Her heart pounded with excitement.

They're both formed of a main clause.

What we could do though is join these two main clauses together, instead of being two separate simple sentences become one compound sentence.

Let's have a look.

So the curious girl raced home, your first main clause.

Then you can include a coordinating conjunction and, or, or but.

And then another main clause, her heart pounded with excitement.

Two main clauses can be turned into a compound sentence with a coordinating conjunction.

All three of those things together become a compound sentence.

So let's have a look.

I'm gonna say the first main clause and then I'm gonna use the conjunction and to join it to a second main clause.

The curious girl raced home, that's main clause number one, and her heart drummed excitedly against her chest.

I've used the conjunction and and then I've got my second main clause, her heart drummed excitedly against her chest.

Now I have one compound sentence.

It's your turn.

You need to say the first main clause and then use and to join it to a second main clause.

You could use the one I've given you as well her heart drummed excitedly against her chest.

Or if you want to do something else from your, maybe you want to include something else from your plan, that's also okay.

But you need to complete this compound sentence.

So saying the first main clause, then using and to join it to a second main clause.

Pause the video now.

Well done everybody.

I wonder if your sentence sounded like this.

The curious girl raced home and her heart pounded with excitement.

Really well done everyone.

A complex sentence is formed of a main clause stretched with a subordinate adverbial clause that starts with a subordinating conjunction.

So you have our main clause here at the start.

A subordinating conjunction, because, as, or when, and then your subordinate clause, remembering that a subordinate clause has to be connected to the main clause with a conjunction for it to make sense.

It cannot make sense by itself.

These three things together form a complex sentence.

So let's look at a main clause and a subordinate adverbial clause.

As Lily stared thoughtfully at the moon, that's your subordinate adverbial clause.

It starts with the conjunction as.

It doesn't make sense by itself.

She worried about the man, main clause.

Makes sense by itself.

So the first idea can be stretched with the second idea to make one complex sentence.

Let's have a look.

As Lily stared thoughtfully at the moon, she worried about the man.

As is the subordinating conjunction and it starts the subordinate adverbial clause.

Or we could add even more detail to our complex sentence to give the reader an even clearer image of what's happening.

Later that night, the young girl stared thoughtfully at the moon as she worried about the man all alone without anyone to spend Christmas with.

So that by extra detail, we've got the fronted adverbial of time at the start.

The young girl's referring to the noun in a different way to add more detail about her.

And then you've got that final stretched clause at the end without anyone to spend Christmas with adding extra detail.

Let's now have a think about commas in complex sentence.

The need for a comma in complex sentences depends on the position of the clauses.

If the main clause comes first in a complex sentence, a comma is not placed after it because the second idea stretches the first idea.

So you don't need a comma to separate them.

Lily was gazing thoughtfully at the moon.

This is our main clause coming first.

There's no comma after the main clause, but I'm gonna stretch this main clause with a subordinate clause when she had a bright idea.

So your adverbial subordinate clause comes second.

I'll then have a full stop to complete the sentence as always.

So there is no comma when that main clause comes first.

However, if the subordinate clause comes first in a complex sentence, a comma is placed after it because the comma separates the adverbial subordinate clause from the main clause.

Let's have a look.

As she stared thoughtfully at the moon, that's your subordinate clause first, so you have a comma after the subordinate clause.

Then I'm going to add the main clause.

She had a bright idea.

And so the main clause comes second, and then we have a full stop at the end to complete the sentence.

So you'll see that when the subordinate clause, the subordinate adverbial clause comes first, you need to have a comma after it to separate it from the main clause.

Let's check for understanding here, true or false.

If a subordinate clause is first in a complex sentence, a comma is not used, true or false, pause the video now.

That is false.

Can we use A or B to justify our answer? A, if the subordinate clause is first in a complex sentence, a comma is used, or B, if the main clause is first in a complex sentence, a comma is used after the main clause, pause video now.

That's correct.

It's A.

Well done everybody.

It's time for task A.

Using your plan, say the first part of the build-up of "The Man on the Moon." We need to say our sentences before.

So important to do that, so we can hear if the sentence sounds right and if it makes sense.

You need to say as many sentences as you like.

But include the following, a fronted adverbial, ambitious vocabulary from your plan, making sure you're using your plan.

And then a simple compound and or complex sentence.

So starting at that first moment of the build-up, when Lily is excited to get home.

So she's on her scooter, getting home as quickly as she can.

So starting from there.

Pause the video now and off you go, saying the first few sentences of your build-up.

Off you go.

Okay, well done.

Welcome back.

Before I go through my sentences, just think about the sentence you've just said.

Have you included a fronted adverbial? Have you included ambitious vocabulary from your plan? Have you included a simple compound and or complex sentence? If you need to say your sentences again, that's completely fine.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Otherwise, I'm going to go through the sentences I've said.

Don't worry if yours don't sound exactly the same.

That doesn't matter at all.

These are just the ones I've said using my plan to help me.

As quick as a flash, the young girl bolted home as her heart pounded with excitement.

She was desperate to see "The Man on the Moon" again.

Through the telescope lens, she stared at the vast moon and she wondered what he was doing alone on the moon.

So have I included a fronted adverbial? I have, I said as quick as a flash and through the telescope telescope lens.

Ambitious vocabulary for my plan, definitely I said included heart pounded with excitement.

The vast moon, the heart, the young girl bolted.

So yes, I've included vocabulary for my plan and then a simple compound and or complex sentence.

My first sentence is a complex sentence.

I've got the subordinating conjunction as, then she was desperate to see "The Man on the Moon" again.

A simple sentence, and then my final sentence is a compound sentence.

So yes, really well done everybody for working so hard on task A.

It's now time to move on to the second section of our learning where we'll be writing a build-up.

Here is your success criteria for today's learning.

These are the four things you need to be thinking about, including to make your piece of writing really successful.

So let's go through it.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have included a rhetorical question to engage the reader.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple compound complex, to improve text flow.

And I've used ambitious vocabulary from my plan.

You will use this to help you when it comes to writing.

Let's have a look at the first few sentences written, and then see what we can tick off from our success criteria.

Excitedly, the young girl bolted home as her heart pounded with excitement.

She had to take another look.

Through the telescope lens, she stared at the vast moon and thought about the man alone on the cold barren land.

How could she find a way to reach him? Okay, let's go through our success criteria.

I have written two, at least two fronted adverbials.

I've got excitedly, a fronted adverbial of manner, and through the telescope lens, a fronted adverbial of place.

So yes, I can give that a tick.

I have included a rhetorical question to engage the reader.

How could she find a way to reach him? That's my rhetorical question, so I can give that a tick.

A range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex.

My first sentence, the young girl bolted home as her heart pounded with excitement.

That's a complex sentence because as her heart pounded with excitement is a subordinate clause joined to the main clause.

Then I have, she had to take another look.

That's a simple sentence for dramatic effect.

And then a compound sentence, through the telescope lens, she stared at the vast moon and thought about the man alone on the cold, barren land.

And it's my coordinating conjunction in a compound sentence.

So yes, I can give that section of my success criteria a tick.

And I've used ambitious vocabulary for my plan.

I have bolted, heart pounded and the cold and barren land.

I can definitely give that a tick.

It's now time for task B.

It's your turn to write your build-up.

You need to use your success criteria to help you.

Ensure you create text flow by using a range of sentence types.

So simple, compound and complex and fronted adverbials.

So now you need to stick in your success criteria neatly, making sure you're leaving an indent between the margin and your first word.

And pause the video now so you have a go at writing your build-up.

Off you go.

Welcome back everybody.

You now need to read back through your writing to check it makes sense.

So I recommend saying your sentences out loud, so you can hear if they make sense.

And edit any punctuation errors.

Don't worry if you need to make some corrections, that's completely fine.

That's what editing is for.

Then tick in each box when you have completed the success criteria, pause the video now and off you go.

So you should have had a go now at going through your success criteria.

Let's just go through the next section of the build-up and use our success criteria to check how successful we were.

So meanwhile, the frail man slumped on a freezing cold bench as he gave longingly at earth in the distance.

Amid the airy silence, he sighed hopelessly.

Would anyone ever know he was here? Back home, Lily was staring thoughtfully at the moon when she suddenly had a bright idea.

A letter! Desperately, she tried to find different ways to get it to the moon, but nothing was working.

Okay, let's go through this success criteria.

I can tick off my first one.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials 'cause I've included meanwhile, amid the eerie silence, back home and desperately, so I give that a tick, a rhetorical question to engage the reader.

Would anyone ever know he was here? I can give that a tick.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple compound, and complex to improve text flow.

You can see all the sentences in green.

We have a set simple sentence at the start, amid the eerie silence, he sighed hopelessly.

With the fronted adverbial back home, Lily was staring thoughtfully at the moon, when she suddenly had a bright idea.

That's your complex sentence.

And then finally, desperately to try to find different ways to get it to the moon, but nothing was working, your compound sentence so we can give that a tick.

And then ambitious vocabulary from my plan, we have eerie silence, frail, freezing cold, bright idea, desperately all from my plan.

So I can give that a tick.

Now you need to go back through your writing and make sure you can tick off everything you can from your success criteria.

Really well done everyone.

It is the end of today's lesson.

Let's go through a summary of everything we've done.

The purpose of the build-up is to develop the plot in characters and to introduce a problem.

Using a range of simple, compound, and complex sentences, and fronted adverbials improves text flow for the reader.

Saying sentences out loud before writing helps them to make sense.

And a rhetorical question engages the reader and makes them feel more curious about the narrative.

Well done everybody for a great lesson.