Lesson video

Hi everyone, my name is Ms Voyle and welcome to today's lesson where you are going to be writing part one of the buildup of your narrative based on "The Iron Man".

You have already written a plan for the buildup of your narrative and it is important you use your plan to support you with your writing today.

Pause the video and make sure you have the notes from your plan with you now.

Great, now I know you have your notes with you.

During this lesson you'll need to be listening and looking carefully.

There'll be tasks where you need somebody to talk to and you will also need a piece of paper and pen or pencil for writing.

I hope you're feeling excited and ready to learn, let's get started.

The learning outcome for today's lesson is, "I can write the first paragraph "of the build-up of 'The Iron Man'." Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

Let's practise saying them.

My turn, your turn.

Suspense.

Show and tell.

Subordinating conjunction.

Adverbial clause.

Adverbial complex sentence.

Great job, well done.

Let's look at their definitions.

Suspense refers to when you are feeling anxious or excited about what may happen.

Show and tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions and expressions.

A subordinating conjunction is a word that starts an adverbial clause.

An adverbial clause is a type of subordinate clause that starts with a subordinating conjunction and an adverbial complex sentence is a sentence formed of a main clause and an adverbial subordinate clause.

There are two parts to today's lesson.

In the first part, we will be preparing to write and in the second part, you will be writing part one of the build-up.

So let's begin with preparing to write.

"The Iron Man" can be structured like this.

Opening, build-up, climax, resolution.

In this lesson, we are writing the build-up.

We will write our build-up in two parts and today you will write part one of the build-up.

The purpose of the build-up is to do the following.

Develop the plot and characters and build up suspense and excitement.

You will focus on the following key moments in your writing.

Paragraph one.

Key moment one, Hogarth spotted the Iron Man while fishing and ran home to tell his parents.

Key moment two, Hogarth's farther went in search of the giant and made a close escape.

Your narrative build-up needs to include the following linguistic features.

Precise and ambitious vocabulary.

This should include a range of verbs, adjectives, adverbs and nouns from your plan as well as show and tell language that builds suspense which you also developed in your plan.

You need to include a range of sentence types to support text flow.

Simple and compound sentences and adverbial complex sentences.

You should also use fronted adverbials in your writing.

Linguistic features are types of words and language that a writer chooses carefully.

We will use the notes from our plan to write the build-up.

Here is an example of some of the notes we developed for the first key moment in paragraph one.

We developed fronted adverbials, ambitious vocabulary and show and tell to build suspense.

We should use our notes to form a range of sentence types as this supports text flow.

Let's check your understanding.

True or false, when I write the build-up, I can just copy out my plan.

Pause the video and select your answer.

That is false, well done.

Now it's time to justify your answer.

A, I should use the notes in my plan to form a range of sentences.

Or B, I should reorder the events from my plan.

Pause the video and select the correct justification.

The answer is A, well done.

You should use the notes from your plan to form a range of sentences.

So let's now take a look at the different sentence types formed from the plan for the first key moment.

Here is a model, I will read it to you, listen carefully.

"One quiet day, a local farmer's son named Hogarth "was peacefully fishing when he had an uneasy sense "that somebody was watching him.

"Nervously he glanced around.

"At the top of the nearby cliff, "he spotted a humongous, strange life form "and he suddenly caught his breath." Let's take a look at the different sentence types in this example.

The first sentence is an example of an adverbial complex sentence because it contains an adverbial clause.

The adverbial clause begins with the subordinating conjunction, when.

The next sentence is an example of a simple sentence because it contains one main clause and these short, simple sentences are great for building suspense.

"Nervously, he glanced around." And the final sentence uses the coordinating conjunction, and.

Which means this is a compound sentence because it has joined two main clauses.

Let's now look at the rules for simple and compound sentences.

A sentence made of just one main clause with just one idea is called a simple sentence.

It contains one main clause.

A compound sentence is a sentence formed of two main clauses and a coordinating conjunction.

Main clause, coordinating conjunction, and, or, or but.

Followed by another main clause.

Let's now look at the rules for an adverbial complex sentence.

An adverbial clause is a type of subordinate clause.

It is a group of words that contains a verb and does not make complete sense.

When an adverbial clause is joined to a main clause, it makes an adverbial complex sentence.

The main clause can come first and the subordinate clause can follow it.

Or, the adverbial subordinate clause can come at the beginning of the sentence with the main clause following it but if it does, then there must be a comma to separate the clauses.

Let's check your understanding.

Match the sentence types to their definition.

The sentence types are A, simple sentence.

B, compound sentence.

C, adverbial complex sentence.

The definitions are, a sentence formed of a main clause and an adverbial subordinate clause.

A sentence made of just one main clause with just one idea.

A sentence formed of two main clauses and a coordinating conjunction.

Pause the video and match the sentence type to the correct definition now.

Let's take a look at the answers together.

A simple sentence is a sentence made of just one main clause with just one idea.

A compound sentence is a sentence formed of two main clauses and a coordinating conjunction.

And an adverbial complex sentence is a sentence formed of a main clause and an adverbial subordinate clause.

Well done for demonstrating your understanding of the different sentence types.

Adverbial complex sentences improve text flow.

We are going to look at these a little bit more carefully.

The subordinating conjunction allows us to join the adverbial clause to a main clause to make an adverbial complex sentence.

Here is an example where the subordinate clause comes first and is followed by the main clause.

"As Hogarth sprinted home to tell his parents, "his heart pounded in his chest." Here, the subordinating conjunction, as, has been used to begin the adverbial subordinate clause.

Here is an example where the main clause comes first and is followed by the subordinate clause.

"Hogarth sprinted home to tell his parents "as his heart pounded in his chest." Again, the subordinating conjunction, as, has been used to begin the adverbial subordinate clause but this time it comes second and does not need a comma.

The adverbial clause relies on the main clause to make sense.

A range of subordinating conjunctions can be used to begin an adverbial clause.

Each is used for a different purpose.

We have when, as, because and so.

These two subordinating conjunctions will be really useful for your writing and they have similar purposes.

When means at that time.

And as means at the same time.

Let's take a look at some example sentences using these subordinating conjunctions.

"When Hogarth arrived home, " "he told his parents what he had seen." "Hogarth's father hastily grabbed his gun "as he rushed out of the house." Let's check your understanding.

Choose the appropriate subordinating conjunction to complete the adverbial complex sentences.

I will read them to you.

A, "Hogarth's father scanned the fields, "he spotted a tractor that had been bitten in half." B, "Hogarth ran home to tell his parents, "his heart was pounding through his chest." And C, "Hogarth's father was driving home, "a mysterious iron foot landed in front of his car." Pause the video and select the appropriate subordinating conjunction to complete these adverbial complex sentences.

Let's take a look at the answers together.

A, "When Hogarth's father scanned the fields, "he spotted a tractor that had been bitten in half." B, "As Hogarth ran home to tell his parents, "his heart was pounding through his chest." And C, "Hogarth's father was driving home "when a monstrous iron foot landed in front of his car." Well done for demonstrating your understanding of how to use subordinating conjunctions to form adverbial complex sentences.

Show and tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language and expressions.

The use of show and tell is a key feature in the build-up of a narrative because it creates suspense.

We can use show and tell to convey how Hogarth's emotions shift and increase in intensity.

Let's look at examples of show and tell that convey Hogarth's emotions increasing in intensity.

We might start with uneasy feeling in his stomach.

This communicates a bit of nervousness.

Caught his breath.

This conveys a sense of shock or surprise.

Pulse raced.

This starts to convey fear.

And heart pounded through chest, this intensifies that fear.

Let's check your understanding.

Put the following pieces of show and tell in order from one to three to show a gradual build-up of suspense.

A, sweat dripped as panic surged through his body.

B, strange, unsettling feeling.

C, gasped and caught his breath.

Pause the video and number these one to three to show the gradual buildup of suspense now.

Let's take a look at the answers together.

First, it would be strange, unsettling feeling.

Second, gasped, caught his breath.

And third, sweat dripped as panic surged through his body.

Well done for demonstrating your understanding of how show and tell can gradually increase suspense and the intensity of emotions.

It's now time for your first task and it is a talk task.

Say the first few sentences of part one of the build-up.

Make sure you use your plan and include the following.

Show and tell language that builds suspense.

Precise vocabulary from your plan included fronted adverbials.

And a range of sentence types, including an adverbial complex sentence.

You could use the following sentence starter to help you.

One quiet day, a local farmer's son named Hogarth was peacefully fishing when.

And here, you would need to complete the adverbial subordinate clause.

Pause the video and orally rehearse the first few sentences of paragraph one of the build-up now.

Welcome back, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your oral rehearsal.

You did a great job at including all of the necessary linguistic features.

Let's take a look at a good example together.

"One quiet day, a farmer's son named Hogarth "was peacefully fishing when he had a strange feeling "he was being watched.

"As he turned around, "he saw two bold lights shining at the top "of a nearby cliff.

"He looked closer and he soon realised "that they belonged to a gigantic, iron creature.

"His pulse raced.

"Quickly, he sprinted home to tell his parents "what he had seen." Let's take a look at how the linguistic features appear in this example.

So for show and tell language that builds suspense, we can see it begins by saying that Hogarth was peacefully fishing.

Then he had a strange feeling he was being watched.

It says that his pulse raced further down, after he spotted the gigantic, iron creature.

And for precise vocabulary from the plan including fronted adverbials, we can see two bold lights shining.

We can see gigantic iron creature as a descriptive way to refer to the Iron Man.

We can see it says he sprinted home to tell his parents.

The fronted adverbials are one quiet day, that's a fronted adverbial of time.

And we can also see the fronted adverbial quickly which is a fronted adverbial of manner and for a range of sentence types including an adverbial complex sentence.

The first sentence is a great example of an adverbial complex sentence.

It uses the subordinating conjunction, when, to begin the adverbial subordinate clause.

The next sentence is an example of a simple sentence because it contains just one main clause.

"He saw two bold lights shining at the top "of a nearby cliff." Then we can see an example of a compound sentence.

He looked closer, and, which is a coordinating conjunction, he soon realised that they belonged to a gigantic iron creature.

We have another great example of a simple sentence next and I love this one because it is really short, which helps to build suspense.

His pulse raced.

Well done for orally rehearsing the beginning of paragraph one of the build-up.

It's now time for the second and most exciting part of the lesson where you are going to be writing part one of the build-up.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Vary our sentence types.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Sound out words to spell them accurately.

And read our sentences out loud to check they make sense and edit to improve our writing if necessary.

Here is the success criteria for your writing today.

I will read it to you.

I have used precise and ambitious vocabulary from my plan, including at least two fronted adverbials.

I have used show and tell language to convey intensifying emotions and support the building of suspense.

And I have used a range of sentence types, including at least one adverbial complex sentence.

You will use the notes from your plan for writing today.

Your plan contains notes for the first two key moments which is what you will be writing about in paragraph one.

Pause the video and make sure you have your notes with you.

Great, now I know you have your plan with you.

I am now going to share a model of the first few sentences of paragraph one of the build-up.

Listen carefully.

"One pleasant day, a farmer's son named Hogarth was fishing "when he had the uncomfortable sense he was being watched.

"Nervously, he scanned his surroundings.

"On top of a nearby cliff, "he spotted an enormous, strange life form "and his pulse began to race." I would now like your help.

Can you please check my writing against the success criteria? See if you can spot where I've met each point.

Pause the video and discuss with your partner.

You were so great at checking my writing.

Thank you for your help.

Let's go over the answers together and see where I met the success criteria.

For precise and ambitious vocabulary, including at least two fronted adverbials.

Well we can see that the first sentence says he had an uncomfortable sense.

That is very precise vocabulary.

It says nervously he scanned his surroundings which is also very precise.

And we can see that the Iron Man is described as an enormous, strange life form which is very descriptive.

And for two fronted adverbials, you actually spotted three fronted adverbials here.

We have one pleasant day which is a fronted adverbial of time.

We have nervously which is a fronted adverbial of manner and we have on top of a nearby cliff which is a fronted adverbial of place.

So we can definitely tick that first point.

For show and tell language, to convey intensifying emotions and build suspense.

The first sentence begins one pleasant day and it then goes on to say that Hogarth had an uncomfortable sense.

Then it says, "Nervously he scanned", which builds that feeling of uncomfortableness and nervousness and then, after he spots the Iron Man, it says his pulse began to race.

So we can definitely tick that and for a range of sentence types.

Let's take a look.

We definitely needed at least one adverbial complex sentence.

The first sentence is an adverbial complex sentence.

"One pleasant day, "a farmer's son named Hogarth was fishing "when he had the uncomfortable sense he was being watched." When is my subordinating conjunction there.

The next sentence.

"Nervously, he scanned his surroundings." Is a simple sentence.

And the final sentence is an example of a compound sentence because it uses the coordinating conjunction, and, to join two main clauses.

So we can tick that point.

It's now time for you to write paragraph one of the build-up.

Indent the first sentence.

And use the success criteria and your plan to help you structure your paragraph.

Pause the video and do your writing task now.

Welcome back.

Well done for your hard work and concentration writing parts one of the build-up.

It's now time for you to read your writing back to check it makes sense and edit any punctuation errors.

You should also check your writing against the success criteria to make sure you have met each point and you should tick each box once you are sure you have.

Pause the video and do this now.

Well done for reading and reflecting on your writing, I am sure you did a great job at meeting the success criteria.

Let's take a look at a good example of paragraph one of the build-up together.

"One peaceful day, "a local farmer's son named Hogarth was quietly fishing "when he had the uneasy sensation that he was being watched.

"He carefully glanced around "and he spotted two humongous lights "beaming on a nearby cliff.

"Nervously he looked closer.

"He realised they were the eyes "of a gigantic, metal creature.

"As his pulse raced, "Hogarth sprinted home to tell his parents.

"Full of fear, Hogarth's father grabbed his gun "and ran out to the fields.

"He couldn't believe his eyes when he spotted a tractor "that had been bitten in half.

"As he sped home, a huge, iron foot "suddenly landed in front of him.

"It was the Iron Man.

"With power and determination, "the farmer drove into the foot "and managed to escape home safely." Let's check this against the success criteria.

For precise vocabulary and fronted adverbials, we can see carefully glanced.

That is a great example of precise verb and adverb.

Humongous lights beaming.

Gigantic metal creature.

Sprinted, huge iron foot.

And we then have quite a few good examples of fronted adverbials.

One peaceful day, nervously, full of fear.

With power and determination.

So we can tick that point.

For show and tell language to build suspense.

We can see that the first sentence says Hogarth had the uneasy sensation that he was being watched.

Then it says nervously he looked closer.

Then we can see it says, "As his pulse raced, he sprinted home." This heightens the suspense and the intensity of his emotions.

Then it goes on to describe the reaction of Hogarth's father.

It says he couldn't believe his eyes and then it says as he sped home.

So we can tick that point.

And for at least one adverbial complex sentence, the first sentence has an adverbial subordinate clause second.

"When he had the uneasy sensation "that he was being watched." So we definitely have an adverbial complex sentence.

The next sentence has the coordinating conjunction, and, to join two main clauses, making this a compound sentence.

Then we can see a short, simple sentence.

"Nervously, he looked closer." And a little further down, we can see another example of an adverbial complex sentence but this time, the adverbial subordinate clause comes first and is followed by a comma.

"As his pulse raced." So we can definitely tick that.

We've now come to the end of our lesson, so let's go over a summary together.

In part one of the build-up, Hogarth encounters the Iron Man and tells his father, who goes out in search of the giant.

The use of precise and ambitious vocabulary, including show and tell language supports the building of suspense.

Using a range of sentence types, including adverbial complex sentences supports text flow.

An adverbial clause begins with a subordinating conjunction and an adverbial clause is joined with with a main clause to form an adverbial complex sentence.

Well done for working so hard and producing such fantastic writing for part one of the build-up.

I have really enjoyed teaching you this lesson.