Lesson video

Hi there.

I'm Mr. Buckingham.

And it's so good to see you here for today's lesson.

Now, today's lesson is an exciting one because we're going to be starting to write our own narratives.

So this is a great chance for us to show off our writing skills and produce some fantastic first draughts.

Let's get to work.

Today's lesson is called writing the first half of the buildup of "A Kind of Spark", and it comes from a unicorn, "A Kind of Spark' narrative writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll be able to write the first half of a section of the buildup in "A Kind of Spark" switching between a third person perspective and internal monologue.

Now, for this lesson, you may want to have access to the model narrative you can find in the additional materials for this lesson.

Although I will be reading you the relevant section during the lesson, you will definitely want to have access to the plan that you wrote in a previous lesson.

So if you've got those with you, let's begin.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

The buildup is the part of a narrative where problems are introduced and tension rises.

The third person perspective is the he/she/it or they perspective.

Internal monologue is the inner voice for a character, their thought to themselves not spoken aloud.

And figurative language is the use of metaphor, similes, personification, and other literary devices to create imaginative meanings.

And here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by preparing to write and then we'll be writing the first half of the buildup.

So over the next few lessons, we could be writing four paragraphs that cover part of the buildup in "A Kind of Spark" that we've planned a previous lesson.

We'll have a third person perspective on a first event, then an internal monologue section reflecting on that first event.

Then we'll have a third person perspective on a second event.

And then we'll finish with an internal monologue section reflecting on that second event.

So you've chosen your two events to focus on your buildup and you've planned how to describe each event from a third person perspective.

And you've planned what Addie's internal monologue might be in response to each of those events.

It might be that your internal monologue is at the same time as the event or it might be just after the event.

Either way is fine.

So Izzy's also written a plan, and you saw this in the previous lesson if you did that lesson.

So Izzy's got her events in the wrong order.

Can you put them back in the correct order from one to four to show the different sections of her text? Have a go.

Well done, good job.

So she will start with a description of what happens as Emily taunts Addie and provokes her.

And then she'll have Addie's internal monologue showing her thoughts as she feels overcome with emotions and goes on to attack Emily.

Then we'll have a description of what's happening in the classroom as Addie sits alone after that instance.

That'll be a third person paragraph.

And she'll finish with a internal monologue section where Addie's showing her thoughts as she sits in the classroom.

So that's in the first person.

So just like yours, Izzy's is going to be third person, first person, third person, first person.

Really well done if you've got those in the right order.

So today, we're going to write just the first two sections of this text using our plans, of course.

We will have our section one, which will be that third person perspective on the first event.

And we'll have our section two, which will be added internal monologue based on that event.

So event one, remember, could be any moment in this part of the buildup and you may have chosen a very different moment to what Izzy chose.

Izzy chose to have event one as the moment when Addie's being taunted by Emily and she eventually snaps and jumps on her.

So let's just check what your event one is.

Pause the video and talk to your partner about what your event one is and look back at your plan for both section one, the third person perspective on that event, and section two, the internal monologue reflecting on that event.

Pause the video and chat those through with your partner now.

Well done.

So now you should be really clear which sections you're going to write today.

So let's have a look at what we're aiming for in these first two sections that we're going to write today.

If you've got the model narrative with you from the additional materials, you might want to pause the video here and have a read of those first two sections, or you can keep with the video and I will read them to you now.

It was the end of the day and the classroom was empty, a deserted wasteland with one lone soul waiting to meet her fate.

In the far left corner, Addie's head lay on the cold hard desk.

She had barely moved in hours not since it happened.

"Up," barked Miss Murphy, her eyes burning like hot coals.

Crossing her arms, she hissed venomously as Addie took a moment to unfold herself and stand up.

Addie's eyes were glazed and her face was blank.

She looked away from the fearsome teacher hoping to avoid her hateful gaze.

"I've called your parents," Ms. Murphy continued, "But as usual, they're not available, so your sister is coming instead to discuss your appalling behaviour today.

Follow me." Ms. Murphy, whose expression was strangely triumphant, turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

Addie felt her pulse racing.

This had never happened before.

The corridor between my classroom and the head teacher's office feels like an endless tunnel with every step, every slow, leaden step, I'm moving closer to something terrible, something unknown, something I can't escape, following in Miss Murphy's icy wake.

Right now, it's like my head is a big bass drum and someone is pounding out the word sorry with every beat.

I'm sorry to Emily.

I'm sorry to Keedie.

To Nina.

To mom.

To dad.

I can see it all like a scene from a movie, Emily's leering, grinning face as she tears up my book.

Mr. Allison's shocked, worried expression as he pulls me off her.

Miss Murphy's scornful, disgusted, hate-filled eyes as she looms over me.

So what were the main differences between those two sections? Pause the video and have a chat with the person next to you about what differences stood out to you in the content, the structure and the language that we used.

Have a go.

Well done.

Good thinking.

Maybe you spotted that in section one, the third person perspective.

We've used the third person and the past tense.

We've described events that have happened and things that could be seen.

And we've included some direct speech, haven't we, for Ms. Murphy in that paragraph? And you might want direct speech in yours as well.

In section two, which was our internal monologue, we've got the first person and the present tense.

And here, we're describing Addie's feelings and thoughts as that event happens.

Now, yours might be just after the event.

As I said, that is fine.

And this doesn't include direct speech.

You could include some direct speech, but because we're doing an internal monologue, we're mostly going to be focusing on the thoughts that Addie is having herself internally.

So it's less likely we'll include direct speech in this section.

So here was Izzy's plan for those first two sections.

You can see a plan for section one on the left and a plan for section two on the right.

Notice how the plan for section one uses Addie's name because it's in the third person.

And we've used the past tense as well here you can see.

Saw tattered remains of thesaurus, felt like a pot of water simmering.

And notice how I've got a mixture of direct speech.

I've got figurative language, but also I've just got descriptions of what people are doing, what is seen, what is happening.

Then on the right, we've used the first person.

It says my and I.

And we've got the present tense.

My mind is a blank page.

We've still got that figurative language, metaphors and similes.

We haven't used direct speech here because we're reflecting mostly Addie's own internal thoughts.

Now, I have slightly moved on the action here in this example with Mr. Allison coming in at the end, and you can choose to do that too in your internal monologue if it works for your story.

So we can see is he's got lots of details planned out here as I'm sure you do.

So she's nearly ready to write.

We're just going to recap a few things first before we get going.

So let's think about those third and first person perspectives.

Based on the language used in these sentences, would each of these sentences be found in section one, the third person section, or section two, the first person section of Izzy's text? Pause the video and see if you can work it out.

Well done.

Good thinking.

So A says my mind is a blank white page.

That is the first person.

This is gonna be section two.

B says Emily sneered and we've got some direct speech.

This is gonna be section one.

A says as the word Keedie left, Emily said, Addie.

So this is the third person, so section one.

And D says, what am I doing? Why can't I stop myself? Why? We've got some repetition and rhetorical questions.

It's in the first person, it's in the present tense, it must be section two.

Really well done for working those out.

So like in all our writing, we're going to want to use a full range of language features, different centred stretches, and different punctuation to make our writing really coherent and to make it interesting and engaging for our reader.

Now, you will have learned loads of these over the course of the year, so we're not going to cover them in detail here.

You might learn to use some features like these.

We know a range of different types of complex sentences.

We know a range of types of functional verb, and we can use semicolons in different ways.

We know we can use colons in different make ways as well.

And we can use compound sentences, dashes, and different types of simple sentence as well in our writing.

So we're aiming to use a wide variety of different types of sentences, different types of punctuation, and different language structures and features in order to make our rating engaging and coherent.

So which language features can you see in each of these examples from Izzy's writing? Pause the video and see if you can work them out.

Well done.

Good job.

So A says the whole class just stood there, staring eagerly at Addie.

That word staring is a verb in its ING form.

So this is a non-finite ING complex sentence.

For A, we've got as Addie surveyed the tattered remains of the thesaurus, she felt broken and alone.

As a subordinating conjunction, it's starting an adverbial clause.

This is an adverbial complex sentence.

For C, we've got a colon in the middle there and it's a colon to explain, isn't it? We're explaining why her breathing's growing quicker.

So that's a colon to introduce an explanation.

And D starts with in an instant, which is a fronted adverbial of time.

Really well done if you spotted this.

So can you find an example of each of these language features in the first two sections of the model text? Pause the video, have a look at the text, and see if you can find examples of these features.

Have a go.

Well done, good job.

So maybe you spotted a non-finite ING complex sentence like this one.

She looked away from the fearsome teacher, hoping, there's adverbial in ING form, to avoid hateful gaze.

For a relative complex sentence, maybe you saw Miss Murphy whose expression was strangely triumphant, turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

We start with the relative pronoun whose, that's what starting the relative clauses to make a relative compound sentence.

For our colon to introduce an explanation, maybe you saw this one.

Addie fell her pulse racing: this had never happened before.

What comes after the colon explains what came before, why her pulse is racing.

And the dashes may be so this one, with every step, every slow, leaden step, I'm moving closer to something terrible.

So that one was from our internal monologue.

And you can see there, there's a repetition inside those dashes as well.

We've used the dashes to create this dramatic effect to show how slow and how leaden these steps are.

Well done for spotting all this.

So when we write that internal monologue section, we also have some additional language features we might want to include.

And we've talked about these in previous sessions and you've hopefully included some of them in your plan.

So you might include a repetition of certain words and phrases like this.

I'm so sorry for what I've done.

Sorry to Emily, sorry to mom, to dad.

Sorry that I couldn't stay in control.

We've repeated sorry.

We might use informal sentence openers like these.

I want more than anything to be alone, but the classroom is full of children and no one seems to care what I do.

We know but and and don't usually come at the start of sentences, but here, because we're talking about someone's internal thoughts, we're being more informal and using 'em at the start of sentence really works well here.

And we can see that informality in the repetition sentences as well, where we said things like, sorry to mom, a very short, very informal sentence.

We can use contractions and ellipses to build this informal tone as well.

I can't stop seeing what I did to Emily.

I can't stop replaying in my mind.

What have I done? We've got lots of contractions there.

The ellipse has shown trailing off are interrupted thoughts as well.

And then rhetorical questions, things we're asking ourselves in our own head.

What's going to happen to me? Am I going to be suspended? What will mom and dad say? So these informal features help us to show these up inner thoughts in Addie's head.

So what features can you spot in this piece of internal monologue from the examples we just talked about? You might also see some other language features too and see if you can find them as well.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Good choice.

So hopefully, you saw a rhetorical question there.

What's going to happen when I get there? We've got lots of contractions, like whats and I've.

We've got informal sentence openers, but I did do it, and now I have to face the consequences.

We've got ellipsis to show trailing off several times there, and we've also got those dashes used for dramatic effect.

Again, with repetition here, down the corridor, the endless, endless corridor towards the office.

So we can try and include those kind of features as well.

Well done finding all those.

So we also know that we can use figurative language in different ways to add to the mood of our writing.

Remember, the mood is likely to be quite tense and anxious in this section that we're writing currently.

So we know we can use similes to compare things to other things.

For instance, as Emily's face leered across the classroom at her, Addie felt like a pot of water simmering on the stove, coming closer and closer to a boil.

For metaphor, we're saying something is something else.

So we could say, Addie heard the word, Keedie, escape Emily's lips.

Suddenly, she was, there's a metaphor, a boat untethered from its moorings, heading out into a stormy sea.

And personification, we're giving non-human things, human qualities.

For instance, the tattered remains of the thesaurus glared up at her taunting her.

That word, that disgusting word stared directly at her.

We know thesaurus can't glare, words can't stare.

We're giving them human qualities in order to convey this mood.

And, of course, you might not have planned all of these.

You can add more in as you write.

So let's just check we've got some of these planned.

Using your plan for the first few sections, can you identify where you've used each type of figurative language and say it out loud to your partner? And if you've missed one out, you might be able to think of an idea for that now.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Good job.

So for simile, maybe you found something like this.

I feel like a balloon whose string has been cut.

I'm floating away out of reach out of my body.

For a metaphor, I've got before I know it, I'm swooping down on Emily, a furious wind crashing into her with all my force.

And for personification, the lights, the glaring, blazing lights stare down at me, judging me.

The whispers of the other children bombard me from every side.

So we know that lights can't really stare.

We've personified them to set this intense anxious mood.

Really well done for your ideas there and I hope you feel more prepared to use those now in your writing.

Good work.

So let's do our first task flow assessment where we're going to orally rehearse what we want to write, because before you write, it's really useful to do that in order to help us get our first ideas ready.

We won't always get it perfect and that's fine.

So you're going to look carefully at your plan and think about the language features we've discussed and that you've learned during this year.

I want you to try saying the first two sections of your plan aloud as sentences using a range of different language features.

And you're going to make sure that you switch intense perspective for the internal monologue section of your text.

So you're going to read your first section and third person past tense and your second section in first person present tense.

And don't worry if it's not perfect, you're gonna have much more time to think when you're writing or rehearse as our chance to get our first ideas sorted.

Which means when we come to write, our brain feels much more prepared and it's much more enjoyable.

So pause the video now and have a go already rehearsing your first two sections.

Fantastic job.

Well done.

Now, I'm not going to show you all of Izzy's ideas.

Let me just show you two short samples of Izzy's oral rehearsal from her first two sections.

Here's a part of Izzy's section one.

Addie looked down at the tattered remains of her thesaurus.

What had she done to deserve this? The word, that awful word, glared up at her, taunting her.

Emily smiled.

She could see that she had hit her target.

And here's part of Izzy's first person present tense internal monologue for section two.

My hands are moving, hitting, punching, but I'm not in control them, I'm not in control of anything.

I'm not in control of me.

My body, which feels like it's floating above the ground, is no longer my own.

What am I doing? Read the words for your oral rehearsal there.

Now, you might not have reached the same standard as Izzy's one there because obviously I wrote that down, which made it much easier for me.

You haven't had a chance to write yet, but hopefully now you feel much more prepared to go and write in the next part of our lesson.

Okay, we've done lots of work to prepare to write, and we have our plans with us.

We're now going to write the first half of our buildup.

So we're ready to write.

And when we write, we always try and do these few things.

We want to make sure we plan and say each sentence before we write it.

So to think through our sentence before we write it.

We'll say it either out loud or in our own heads.

We're going to use punctuation where we know the rules and we're going to showcase each sentence that we know where we can.

We're going to write our letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, of course.

And use any spelling strategies we know to spell words accurately.

And, of course, we'll check and improve our writing when we think we've finished.

So let's try and follow those steps to make sure we do our really best first draught that we can do here.

So here's the success criteria we're going to use to write today.

Let's talk it through.

First of all, it says, I have written from a third person perspective using a range of sentence structures and language features.

That's for section one, isn't it? Then it says, I've written an internal monologue using a range of sentence structures and language features.

That's for section two.

And then it says, I've used figurative language to add to the mood of my writing.

And that could be anywhere in the text, couldn't it? And, of course, we can tick off our success criteria as we write.

So let's write the first few sections of our text.

You're going to make sure the model text isn't visible to you right now because this needs to be your own independent work.

And you're going to refer back to your plan throughout your writing.

And make sure, of course, you read back your sentences once you've read them to make sure you did what you planned to do in that sentence.

So pause the video and have a go at writing these first two sections on your end.

Have a go.

Really well done for your effort there.

Great job.

So I'm not gonna show you another example now because you've already seen my model example, but let's just take a few steps now to feedback to our partner.

Here's what we're gonna do.

First of all, I want you to read your work aloud to yourself or to a partner.

And as you do that, make any small changes you can see need to be made.

Then I'd like you to point out to your partner the places where you've met the success criteria we can see here.

Support the video, read your work, make any quick changes you can, and then point out to your partner the places where you think you've met the success criteria.

Pause the video now and have a go at feeding back with your partner.

Well done.

Really good job.

Hopefully, you've been able to tick off all three success criteria there.

Really, really well done.

So let's review our learning in this lesson.

We've said that narrative writing can include switches in perspective.

And in this case, we've switched from a third person perspective to a first person perspective using internal monologue to show Addie's inner thoughts and feelings.

We've said that referring to a plan and already rehearsing our ideas prior to writing helps us to do our best work.

And we know that we should aim to include our full range of language features in our rating, including figurative language that helps set a particular mood.

Really well done for your effort in this lesson.

I hope you're really pleased with the first half of your piece of writing.

We're going to continue with the second half in the next lesson.

I'd love to see you there.

Goodbye.