Lesson video

Hi there everyone, and welcome to our lesson today.

My name is Ms. Mullins and today we're going to be doing some writing.

So I hope you're feeling ready and let's get started.

By the end of today's lesson, you will write the opening of a journalistic report about the Titanic.

Here are some key words we're going to use, opening, general information, purpose, text cohesion, parenthesis.

Well done.

The opening is the first paragraph of a journalistic report.

General information is the most basic necessary information.

The purpose is the aim of the text.

Text cohesion is how text flows to maintain the interest of the reader and achieve the text's purpose.

Parenthesis is additional information that is added to a sentence.

If it is removed, the sentence still makes sense.

Today we're going to be writing the opening of a journalistic report about the Titanic.

Firstly, we're going to be preparing to write and then we're gonna move on to writing our opening.

The layout of a journalistic report can look like this.

We start with a headline.

Then the opening gives the reader some general information about the event.

The recount section gives specific details that tell the reader about the event.

The quote section includes quotes from people who know more about the event.

And finally, the closing described what is currently happening and what is likely to happen next.

Today we are going to be writing our opening.

The opening is the first paragraph of a journalistic report.

So we start with our headline and here are some key things we are going to answer or key questions we're gonna answer for our reader.

But remember, we keep everything general.

So we will answer the question of when did the event take place? What happened? Where did it happen? Who was there? And what is currently happening? So what is happening right now? The purpose of the opening is to do all of these things.

So we want to engage our reader and hook them in.

We want to make them want to read on and find out more about the event, and we also want to give them some general information.

We're not gonna go into too much detail in the opening because that's what the recount is for.

Pause the the video now while you decide the purpose of the opening is to.

Well done.

If you spotted that, the purpose of the opening is to engage the reader and give the reader general information.

Text cohesion is higher text flows to maintain the interest of the reader and achieve the text's purpose.

Now we've got to remember that the purpose of a journalistic report is to inform our reader about an event that has taken place.

It's a type of nonfiction writing.

We can achieve text cohesion through lots of strategies, including using subject specific vocabulary, journalistic language, fronted adverbials, all of these linguistic devices improve text cohesion.

For example, using subject specific vocabulary helps our writing to flow and it also keeps our reader engaged because if we're using a wide range of vocabulary and I'm referring to nouns in different ways, not always using the same words.

This keeps our writing interesting and it avoids it becoming repetitive.

So that helps our reader stay engaged and it also helps us share information with our reader in a really clear, concise way and in a factual way.

Again, bringing it back to the purpose of our text, which is to give our reader clear, concise information about an event.

Journalistic language helps contribute to that formal tone and that flow again, that we're talking about and fronted adverbials can be used to link sentences together or to introduce a new concept or fact.

Again, that helps our writing to flow.

It avoids it from being very stilted, like separate sentences that are unrelated.

It helps our reader make links between different sentences, match the cohesive devices to their definitions and pause the video while you do that.

Great work everyone.

Well done, if you spotted that subject specific vocabulary is vocabulary used when writing about a particular subject.

Journalistic language is words and phraseology used in journalistic reports and fronted of adverbials are sentence starters followed by a comma.

So again, if we come back to this previous point, text cohesion is higher text flows to maintain the interest of the reader and achieve the text purpose.

We've already talked about subject specific vocabulary, journalistic language, and fronted adverbials, but now let's introduce another linguistic feature or cohesive device parenthesis demarcated using brackets.

Parenthesis is additional information in a sentence.

It can be removed from the sentence and the sentence will still make sense.

Brackets can be used to demarcate parenthesis and separate it from the rest of the sentence.

Brackets are particularly appropriate punctuation to use in nonfiction formal writing.

Let's look at this sentence and read it together.

Over 2000 people are currently on board this magnificent ship.

Here we have a nice, clear, simple sentence.

Let's see what happens now if we add some extra information.

If we wanted to share with our reader that of those 2000 people, approximately 1,200 of them are passengers and there are 900 crew on board, we could add it to the sentence like this.

Over 2000 people, approximately 1,200 passengers and 900 crew are currently on board this magnificent ship.

Now I have added some parenthesis to this sentence, but it's quite confusing to read.

My reader may not fully understand where the main part of the sentence ends and where the parenthesis begins.

And that's where we bring in our brackets to separate the parenthesis from the rest of the sentence.

Here now we can see because the brackets are around the parenthesis and they separate it from the rest of the sentence, it's really clear to see where this additional information has been added.

Let's read it through one more time.

Over 2000 people, approximately 1,200 passengers and 900 crew are currently on board this magnificent ship.

Here we can see that we've got a simple sentence which has had parenthesis marked using brackets added into it.

Now using this strategy, I've been able to give my reader an additional fact packed into that one sentence.

These brackets separate the parenthesis from the rest of the sentence and help the sentence to make sense for the reader.

Match the terms to their definitions and pause the video while you do that.

Well done if you spotted that brackets are a punctuation mark used to add extra factual information in a clause and parenthesis is additional information in a sentence that can be removed.

Now we're on to our task.

Tick the sentence, which correctly uses brackets for parenthesis.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done if you spotted that the correct answer was C, the Titanic, the largest ship ever constructed set steel from Southampton Docks at midday today.

Now we know that this is correct because if we were to lift the parenthesis out of the sentence, it should still make sense.

So let's practise reading the sentence without the parenthesis in it.

The Titanic set sails from Southampton Docks at midday today.

That sentence still makes sense without the parenthesis in it.

So I know that se sentence C is the correct use of brackets for parenthesis.

Well done everyone.

What a fantastic start to our lesson.

Now we're going to move on to writing the opening.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it.

We use punctuation where we know the rules.

We showcase each sentence type we know.

We write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, we use spelling strategies to spell words accurately and then we check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

It's also really important for us to use some success criteria in our writing.

Success criteria are a really useful guide to help us remember which writing skills we want to showcase in this piece of writing.

We can also showcase other skills as well.

But these four success criteria are what we need to include to ensure that our writing is as successful as it possibly can be.

Let's read them through together.

I've included general information from my reader.

I've included journalistic language and subject specific vocabulary.

I've included parenthesis, demarcated using brackets, I've used a relative complex sentence.

All of these things we know how to do.

So it's very achievable for us to showcase these skills in our writing.

Now, we're gonna move on to writing our opening.

The first thing you need is your plan, so make sure you've got it with you.

Then take a moment to reread your plan and decide on your headline.

Then write your headline onto your page and underline it with a ruler.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done everyone you might have had, had lots of different headlines on your plan.

Here are a couple of the headlines I had on my plan.

Now, before we move on to writing the rest of our opening, I'm going to showcase me writing my opening and you can help me.

Okay, everyone.

So you can see I've set up my page.

I've got my success criteria stuck in.

I've gone ahead and I've written my headline.

I've gone for the headline Titanic departs Southampton Docks.

I've also used a ruler to underline it.

So now I need to explain to my reader what happened, when it happened and where it happened.

So I'm looking at those sections of my plan.

So I'm gonna start with a fronted adverbial of time.

I'm gonna go with at midday today.

So I remember my indentation in from my margin capital letter for at, and the whole time I'm writing, I'm focusing on my letter formation and writing in cursive handwriting style.

At midday today, now I need a comma after my fronted adverbial of time.

At midday today so now I've got my when.

Now I need to explain what happened.

So the Titanic set sail, didn't it? Now I'm going to use some more formal vocabulary than that.

I'm gonna go with Titanic embarked upon its maiden voyage.

So we know that embarked upon means the same thing as set off, set sail or departed.

So Titanic remembering capital T for Titanic because that is a proper noun.

Titanic embarked upon it's maiden voyage and we know that maiden voyage is just its first journey.

Okay, at midday today, Titanic embarked upon maiden voyage.

Lovely.

So I've told my reader when this happened and what happened.

Now I do think that I could potentially improve this sentence slightly by maybe just adding a little bit more detail around the maiden voyage.

So perhaps with an adjective here, how would we describe its maiden voyage? Well, in this opening, I really want to capture from my reader how big and significant an event this was.

So I think I'm actually going to describe the maiden voyage as it's highly anticipated maiden voyage.

So I'm just going to put a little arrow here.

Highly anticipated means just that it was lots of people were really excited and looked forward to this event.

I could have also chosen to describe it as highly publicised event, but I'm gonna go with highly anticipated maiden voyage and that kind of captures also the public mood and how excited people were about this event.

Now I need to explain my who or actually no, I need, yeah, so I'm gonna explain my who.

So who was actually there? I also need to explain where we were, okay? So at Midday today, Titanic embarked upon, it's highly anticipated maiden voyage.

Actually, I'm going to just extend the sentence.

So I'm gonna cross out my full stop from Southampton.

Southampton needs a capital letter because it's a proper noun.

And Southampton Docks, that's the name of the location.

So I'm going to give Docks a capital letter.

Also, now I've explained when the event took place, what happened and where it happened.

Okay, and there's my full stop at the end.

Now I'm gonna explain who was there.

So who was there? There were passengers and there were also crew.

There were also lots of people there as crowds who were waving off the ship and the people who had left on the ship.

So I'm also going to use this as an opportunity to use a relative subordinate clause and give my reader as much information about who was there as possible in one sentence.

So I'm gonna go with passengers and crew and crew, who now obviously my relative pronoun needs to be a who, because I'm talking about passengers and crew and they're all people.

Now what can I say about them? What were they doing are the quayside? So the main event is that they were waved away by excited crowds, but I also want to share something about what they were doing on the quayside.

So I'm gonna actually say about the crew who loaded luggage onto the ship, onto the ship from the quayside.

Now that's a tricky spelling.

Might need to go back and check my plan for that.

Remember, it almost looks like it should be pronounced quayside and that helps me spell it correctly, even though I know it's pronounced quayside who loaded luggage onto the ship from the quayside.

I remembered my commas, around my who, relative subordinate clause were weaved off by excited crowds, okay? So my mean clause is that passengers and crew were waved off by excited crowds, but I've used my who relative subordinate clause to add some extra information about the crew who loaded luggage onto the ship from the quayside, okay.

And I've just doing a double check here.

I've remembered my commas either side of my relative clause.

I have now used a relative complex sentence.

Now I'm gonna write my final sentence.

Okay, this is my what is happening right now, okay? So what is currently happening? Well, I'm gonna start with a fronted adverbial of time.

On my plan, I've got a few options I've written down currently, at present, or at the time of press, I'm gonna go with at present.

So at present, the ship is sailing or travelling.

I'm gonna go with sailing.

The ship, I've referred to it as the ship rather than Titanic because I've already referred to it as Titanic and that could get a bit repetitive.

Is sailing, where is it sailing towards? It is sailing towards Cobh.

Towards, oh no, that's another tricky spelling that BH in Irish is makes of v sound.

So capital C for Cobh, because it is a proper noun, Cobh.

Now, I think a lot of people might not know where Cobh is, so I'm actually going to give that additional information.

In brackets we call that parenthesis.

Well done, okay.

Ceiling towards Cobh, Ireland.

And I've got to remember my brackets, either side of my parenthesis to collect extra or I'm gonna say additional, more formal to collect additional passengers before journeying.

I could say sailing again, but that would be a bit repetitive.

Before journeying towards New York City.

And remember, I need a capital for New and York and City because this is the entire name of the place.

Okay, let's have a full read of the whole thing.

At Midday today, Titanic embarked upon it's highly anticipated maiden voyage from Southampton Docks.

Passengers and crew, who loaded luggage onto the ship from the quayside, were waved off by excited crowds.

At present, oh, what have I forgotten? Well done if you spotted.

I forgot my comma after my fronted adverbial of time.

At present, the ship is sailing towards Cobh, Ireland to collect additional passengers before journeying towards New York City.

And I've got that is there 'cause I've switched to the present tense.

So I have included general information for my reader.

I've also included journalistic language and subject specific vocabulary such as embarked upon, passengers, crew, quayside.

At present is a nice example of journalistic phraseology.

I've also included parenthesis demarcated using brackets where I explained where cove was to my reader and I've used a relative complex sentence.

Thank you so much for all of your help with writing that.

Okay, everyone, thank you so much for all of your help.

Now it's your turn.

So you are going to reread the when, what, and where sections of your plan.

Here's what I've got on my plan.

Then you're going to use your plan to draught sentences explaining what, when and where the event happened.

If you want to, you can use my sentence starter, which was at precisely 12 noon on the 10th of April.

You can use this fronted adverbial of time if you would like to, or you might come up with your own.

Pause the video now while you draught your sentences.

Brilliant work everyone.

Okay, so what I've got on my plan or my draught is at precisely 12 noon on the 10th of April, the Titanic departed from Southampton Docks.

Have a reread of your information or your sentences and check which success criteria you've met.

I can see that in my sentence.

I've included some general information for my reader and I've also included journalistic language and subject specific vocabulary.

So I've included some subject specific vocabulary like departed and Southampton Docks and my journalistic phrase there of at precisely 12 noon.

Have a quick read of your writing and tick off any success criteria that you can.

Okay, and now this brings us on to the next section, the who section.

Take a moment to reread the who section of your plan.

This is what I've got on mine.

I've got that excited crowds gathered at the quayside and over there were over 2000 passengers and crew.

What do you have in your who section? Now it's time to use your plan to draught your sentences explaining who was at the event.

You could use my subordinate opener if you want, as passengers and crew boarded the vast vessel.

Here we've got a nice subordinate clause.

If you would like to, you can use this or you might decide to use something else.

Pause the video now while you draught your sentences.

Brilliant work everyone.

Here's what I've written down.

As passengers and crew boarded the vast vessel, hundreds of excited onlookers gathered at the quayside waving the ship off.

Here I've included more general information, more journalistic language and subject specific vocabulary such as vessel and quayside.

And now finally, we've got to explain to our reader what is currently happening.

Here's what I've written down in my plan.

So I've got some fronted edge burials of time, such as currently, at present and at the time of press.

I've got a few options to choose from.

The ship is sealing.

So remember now we're switching into present tense.

It is sealing or travelling across the Atlantic and that it is due to doc at Cherbourg in France and Cobh, Ireland before proceeding towards New York City in the USA.

Take a moment now to reread your section of your plan about what is currently happening.

Okay, now it's time to use your plan to draught sentences explaining what is currently happening.

If you want to, you could use my front and adverbial of time at present, or you might choose to use something else.

Pause the video now while you do that.

Brilliant work everyone.

So here's my final sentence.

At present the Titanic, which is on route to Cobh, Ireland will collect additional passengers.

It will then proceed towards its final destination New York City, USA.

So here I've included some general information.

I've got some journalistic language such as at present.

I've also got some subject specific language such as Titanic, Cobh, Ireland, passengers, final Destination, New York City, USA.

I've included parenthesis using brackets, can see that there with the New York City, USA and I've used a relative complex sentence.

A relative complex sentence remember has got a witch subordinate relative clause.

Now it's time for you to check your writing and make any edits or improvements.

Then rewrite your sentences as a full opening with a headline and use the success criteria to help you.

Pause the video while you do that.

Brilliant work, everyone.

Here's what I've written down.

Let's read it together.

RMS Titanic departs Southampton Docks.

At precisely 12 noon on the 10th of April, Titanic departed from Southampton Docks.

As passengers and crew boarded the vast vessel, hundreds of excited onlookers gathered at the quayside, waving the ship off.

At present the Titanic, which is on route to Cobh, Ireland will collect additional passengers.

It will then proceed towards its final destination New York City, USA.

I do think that this piece of writing is successful, but that final sentence feels a little bit stilted and incohesive.

So I'm going to try adding some more information to that sentence.

Here I've turned it into a compound sentence using that conjunction and.

It will then proceed towards its final destination New York City, USA and is due to arrive on Wednesday the 17th of April.

Now I feel like that final sentence is a little bit of more informative and a little bit more cohesive for my reader.

I've included general information from my reader.

I've included journalistic language and subject specific vocabulary.

I've included parenthesis, demarcated using brackets, and I've used a relative complex sentence.

Take a moment now to check that you have met all of your success criteria.

Well done everyone.

That now brings us to the end of our lesson where we've been writing the opening of a journalistic report about the Titanic.

The purpose of the opening is to engage the reader, give them some general information about the event and make them want to read on.

Writers can use a range of cohesive devices to maintain the interest of the reader and help achieve the text's purpose.

Parenthesis is additional information that can be added to a sentence when we write.

We should use a plan and success criteria to ensure our writing is successful as possible.

Well done everyone.

I am so impressed with the writing outcomes you've produced in our lesson today, and I hope you're feeling really proud of your achievements.

I'm already looking forward to seeing you at our next lesson.