Lesson video

Hi, I'm Mr. Buckingham,, and I'm so glad you've chosen to join me for today's lesson.

Today we're going to be writing the second persuasive paragraph of our letter to Sherlock Holmes, and I think we're gonna be doing some fantastic writing.

So let's make a start.

Today's lesson is called "Writing the Second Paragraph of a Persuasive Letter to Sherlock Holmes," and it comes from our unit called "Sherlock Holmes: descriptive and letter writing." By the end of today's lesson, we'll be able to write the second persuasive paragraph of a persuasive letter, giving reasons and evidence, and using a range of persuasive techniques.

Now hopefully, you have a bank of persuasive techniques that we generated in a previous lesson.

If you do, make sure you've got it with you, and if you don't, please don't worry.

There'll be lots of help given in this lesson.

You may also wish to have access to the cohesive devices bank you can find in the additional materials for this lesson.

Here are the keywords for today's lesson.

My turn, your turn.

Persuasive technique, cohesive device, parenthesis, reason, and evidence.

Well done.

So a persuasive technique is a structure or device used in writing to try to change someone's mind or behaviour.

Cohesive devices are language structures that develop text cohesion.

Parenthesis is additional information that is added to a sentence, and if it's removed, the sentence still makes sense.

A reason is an explanation or a justification, and evidence is information or facts that show something is true.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by planning and preparing to write, and then we'll move on to writing this second paragraph.

There'll be lots of opportunities to practise saying our sentences out loud before we write them.

So remember, we are writing in role as Sir.

Henry Baskerville to Sherlock Holmes, asking him to investigate Sir.

Charles Baskerville's death.

So we're going to follow this structure.

We have an introduction and paragraph one that are already written.

We're going to write paragraph two today.

Our second persuasive paragraph where we give another reason that Holmes should help investigate Sir.

Charles's death.

So we're going to write that second persuasive paragraph today, and we'll plan it before we write it.

And we're going to include the following things.

We're going to give a reason why we think Holmes should investigate, evidence to explain why this reason is correct, and persuasive techniques, such as flattery, veiled threats, and presumption.

So our persuasive paragraph will need to include another reason we think Holmes should investigate the death of Sir.

Charles.

So we could use this reason.

We could say Holmes needs to investigate because the police have not been helpful.

We know that Holmes is a private detective, so he doesn't work for the police.

So the police have failed us, and we're asking Holmes to help us because they failed.

So we need to now think of evidence that supports that reason, that backs it up.

And we could use the following questions to help us come up with some evidence.

We could say, well, what have the police done and not done? How do we feel about the local police? And why might Holmes be better equipped than the local police to solve this crime? So what evidence can you think of to support this reason? We have our questions here.

Pause the video and see if you can come up with some pieces of evidence to answer those questions to show some more evidence for this reason.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well, we had some really good ideas.

So maybe you came up with something like this.

You could say, "They've been hopeless.

They've said they've investigated, but they have no idea if the hound is real, and they say Sir.

Charles died naturally." You could say, "I don't blame them.

They're not used to this kind of investigating.

They're just not skilled enough." We could say, "Holmes's superior intelligence will allow him to see things the police have missed." So we've given some evidence that backs up that reason, and I'm sure you came up with some great ideas too.

Good job.

So we already know as well a range of persuasive techniques that we can use to persuade Holmes to help us.

For instance, we could use flattery where we say positive things about him.

We could say, "With your superior intelligence, I am certain you will find answers the police have missed." We could use a veiled threat.

We could say, "Without your help, there is little hope of any progress in this case." We're saying a negative consequence of him not helping.

We could use presumption, acting as if he's already agreed to help.

We could say, "I know that you will succeed where police have so far failed." And finally, we could use a rhetorical question, "Who else but the great Sherlock Holmes would be up to the task of solving this puzzle?" All of these persuasive techniques will help to persuade Sherlock Holmes that he's the only person who can solve this mystery.

So using your previous notes if you've got them from the previous lesson, can you think of some persuasive techniques you'd like to include in this paragraph? And if you don't have notes from your previous lesson, you can use some of the ideas we just discussed.

Pause the video and see what you can come up with that you want to use in this persuasive paragraph.

Have a go.

Well done, fantastic work.

So maybe you thought of some flattery like this.

"I have no doubt that you, Mr. Holmes, with your unmatched observational skills, will be able to succeed where police have failed." Maybe you wrote something like this.

"I do not expect much from the police: however, I know that you will be able to solve the matter in a few short days." That's some more flattery, isn't it? And also a bit of presumption there.

"I know that you're going to do it," even though he hasn't yet agreed.

I could say, "Who else but you could finally solve the mystery of the hound?" That's both a rhetorical question and some flattery.

And I could have a veiled threat here.

"If you choose not to help, I will be left to rely on these useless fools." And I'm referring of course to the local police.

Really well done for your ideas there.

That's gonna really help you when you come to write in a moment.

So let's do our first part of our task for this lesson.

I want you to make notes to record the reason, and evidence, and the persuasive techniques you're going to use to write this paragraph.

So remember, our reason will look something like this, we're going to answer these questions for our evidence, and we're going to use a range of persuasive techniques.

So remember, we are in roll as Sir.

Henry, so we can use the first person for these note, using I, we, me, mine, and we do not need to use full sentences for our notes.

We are writing notes, so we don't need to write out that whole reason.

We can just write a note to remind us what that reason is.

So pause the video and get your notes written to support your planning of this paragraph.

Have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So here are some example notes for this paragraph.

Maybe for your reason, you just put because police have been useless.

For the evidence, I could say, "Say they've investigated, but no results.

They say Sir.

Charles died naturally.

Don't blame them, not used to this." And, "You'll see things they've missed." And then from my persuasive techniques, I've just written these notes, "No doubt you'll succeed where they failed.

If you choose not to, left with useless fools," and, "Who else could solve?" So now that we've planned our writing, we need to think about how we're going to connect these notes together when we write the real paragraph.

So we'll want to use a range of cohesive devices to connect up these ideas, and you can refer to the cohesive devices bank from the additional materials for this lesson for some inspiration with this.

So one cohesive device we can use is parenthesis, and this is extra information inserted into a sentence that could be removed.

So for instance, "They have no idea - no idea whatsoever - what caused his death." "I know that Sherlock Holmes, the greatest detective in London, will have no trouble finding the solution." And finally, "The local police officers, a useless bunch, have found nothing at all." So we've used dashes there to emphasise a point, and you can see that in the first example.

And we've used commas if we're just adding some clarifying information.

So I'm saying that Sherlock Holmes is the greatest detective in London.

I'm saying that the local police officers are a useless bunch.

I'm clarifying something more about that noun phrase, about Sherlock Holmes or about the local police officers.

Each time, that piece of parenthesis could be removed and the sentence will still make sense.

For instance, the first one would say, "They have no idea what caused his death." I've removed the parenthesis and it still makes sense.

We've just added in a piece of parenthesis as extra information.

So how can we combine these pairs of ideas using parenthesis? Take each pair of ideas and using either commas or dashes, can you combine it using parenthesis? Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Great job.

So for the first one, you could say, "The police, a bunch of incompetent fools, are not capable of solving this mystery." And for the second you could say, "The police are not capable - simply not capable - of solving this mystery." Now, we use dashes in that second one because we're repeating something, aren't we? We are repeating the capable idea.

So because we're emphasising something, I think dashes are more appropriate for the parenthesis there.

Really well done for your ideas there.

Good job.

Now we can use a range of other cohesive devices to connect ideas as well.

Let's go through a few.

We could use an adverbial complex sentence like this one, "Because they have very little experience of these matters, the local police have achieved nothing." I've got an adverbial clause there at the start of the sentence starting with a subordinated injunction with because.

I could use a relative complex sentence, "The local police, who are completely useless, are not capable of solving this puzzle." There I've got a relative clause interrupting a main clause, and it starts with that relative pronoun, who.

I could use a compound sentence, "The police had tried their best, but they lack the skills and experience to be of any real use." So there, but is a coordinating conjunction joining together two main clauses.

And I could use a colon to explain.

I could say, "I don't blame the police: they do not have the experience needed to solve this mystery." Here, I've got a complete sentence either side of the colon, they're joined together by the colon, and the second part explains what comes before the colon.

So how could you use cohesive devices to connect these two ideas? They claim to have thoroughly investigated.

They have no idea what has caused Sir.

Charles's death.

I wonder if you could do it in a few different ways? Pause the video and have a try.

Really good job.

Well done.

So maybe you came up with some ideas like this.

I've said, "The police claim to have thoroughly investigated the matter; however, they have no idea what has caused Sir.

Charles's death." So there I have used a formal fronted adverbial.

I've used however after a semicolon.

I could do it as an verbal complex sentence.

"Although they claim to have thoroughly investigated the matter, the police have no idea what has caused Sir.

Charles's death." And I could do a compound sentence.

"The police claim to have thoroughly investigated the matter, but they have no idea what has caused Sir.

Charles's death." So each time I've used a cohesive device to connect those ideas together.

So see the second part of our task.

We're going to do some oral rehearsal now.

So I want you to say the sentences that you plan to write aloud using these notes or the ones you just made yourself to help you, and I want you to use that cohesive devices bank for ideas.

So you could start like this.

You could say, "In addition to this, your help is needed because," and then give the reason.

Then you're gonna rehearse the sentences of evidence and then the sentences of persuasive techniques.

Remember to use those cohesive devices to join up your ideas as well.

Now, we're not going to get our sentences perfect as we say them out loud for the first time, and that's fine.

We are just trying to get an idea in our heads of what these sentences might sound like before we come to write them.

So pause the video and have a really good go at this task so that you're really well prepared when you come to write.

Have a go.

Brilliant job.

Well done.

That's gonna help you so much when we come to write.

So here's an example of what you might have said.

Now, I've written this out in advance, so mine is done in a way that looks perfect, but yours won't be perfect yet because you've said it out loud.

So that's fine.

So please don't worry that yours doesn't look quite like this, but here's an idea of what we could say if we got it perfect.

"In addition to this, your help is needed because the local police have been useless <v ->utterly useless - and they have made no progress</v> in solving the mystery.

Although they claim to have investigated the matter thoroughly, they still claim that Sir.

Charles died of natural causes.

However, I do not blame them: they have no experience of dealing with matters this serious.

I have absolutely no doubt that you, Mr. Holmes, with your superior intelligence, will succeed where they have failed.

Who else could possibly solve a puzzle of this nature? Who else could finally discover the truth about the hound of the Baskervilles?" So I've used a range of persuasive techniques there.

I've used lots of flattery, for instance, and some rhetorical questions, and I've got my cohesive devices.

I see an adverbial complex sentence, some parentheses, and a formal fronted proverbial as well.

So you won't have got your sentences quite as perfect yet, and that is fine.

So long as you've had a go rehearsing them out loud, you're going to be much better prepared to write.

Great job.

So now we've planned and prepared our writing.

We're now going to move on to writing the second paragraph.

So here's our success criteria we're going to use to write today.

Let's read it through.

It says, "I've begun the paragraph by giving a reason that Holmes should investigate." Then, "I have given evidence to support this reason, explaining why it is a good reason." Then, "I have included a range of cohesive devices, including parenthesis." And, "I have used persuasive techniques such as flattery, presumption, and veiled threats." And of course, we can tick off our success criteria as we write.

So now I'm going to show you how to write this paragraph.

Okay, I've got my success criteria here, and I've actually started writing my first sentence.

And this is where I state the reason.

Now, I've said, "In addition to this," because it is our second reason.

So I'm going to say, "In addition to this, your help is needed because," and then I can use my first reason here, which is from my plan where I've written, "Because police have been useless." I need to make it a complete sentence, so I could say, "In addition to this, your help is needed because the local police have been useless." At doing what? Yeah, I could say, "at solving this crime," or I could say, "at solving this puzzle," or "at solving this mystery." What do you think? Let's go for a puzzle.

Let's say, "useless at solving this puzzle." I think Holmes will like the idea of solving a puzzle, so that might be persuasive as well.

So, "at solving," oh, I'm sorry, there's a mistake, "at solving this puzzle." Okay, let's just read that back.

See if we've met our first success criteria.

"In addition to this, your help is needed because the local police have been useless at solving in this puzzle." So yes, we've begun the paragraph by giving a reason Holmes should investigate.

I wonder if we could also include some parentheses here.

Could we repeat this word useless, and maybe we could do it in dashes to emphasise that point? We could say, hmm, do you think totally useless or utterly useless? Yeah, I like utterly.

So let's say, "useless - utterly useless -," and then I need my second dash to show it's a parenthesis, "at solving this puzzle." Okay, that works really well, and I can tick off my parenthesis now.

Great work.

Okay, let's look back at our notes.

We're now gonna give the evidence, aren't we? So they say they've investigated, but they've got no results.

Now, I've suggested but there to make a compound sentence, but I wonder if I could use a complex sentence instead, hmm? To make a complex sentence to show this contrast, I might use although.

So I could say, "Although they say they've investigated," what has been the outcome?" Yeah, nothing.

So I could say, "Although they claim," oh, that's a good formal word, "Although they claim to have investigated." And then I'm gonna put my comma because that's gonna be the end of my adverbial clause in this complex sentence.

"Although they claim to have investigated, I've got no results." So let's make that more formal.

I could say, "they have got no results." How could I be a bit more formal than that? Yeah, I could say, "they have made no progress." That would be nice.

So, "they have made no progress." Okay, let's read that back.

"Although they claim to have investigated, they have made." Oh dear, I've done the opposite.

I need to say they have made no progress, don't I? Okay, so let's look at this.

We've then said, "They say Sir.

Charles died naturally." Hmm, hang on.

I wonder if I could actually use a cohesive device here to connect this up, like it says on my success criteria.

What if I cross out this full stop and instead I use and? That would be easy, wouldn't it? I could say, "and they still claim." Well, I've used claim, so I could say, "still believe," couldn't I? Yeah, that would work.

So I could say, "and they still believe Sir.

Charles died of natural causes." Okay, so I could have had that as a separate sentence, couldn't I? But I've improved my text cohesion by using that and to create a compound sentence.

So let's check it back.

"Although they claim to have investigated, they have made no progress, and they still believe Sir.

Charles died of natural causes." So I could, if I like, given an additional tick in this box because I've got two cohesive devices, my although and my and.

I might not include all of this evidence, but I think I'm gonna do this one here, "Don't blame them.

Not used to this." Hmm? So let's have a think.

I wanna show kind of a contrast.

I'm frustrated with them in this sentence, aren't I? I'm saying they've done nothing, but now I'm saying that I don't blame them.

So to show that contrast, I could use however as a formal fronted adverbial to show that, okay, I am annoyed with them, but I don't really think it's their fault.

So I could say, "However, I don't blame them." Oh, hold on.

We're trying to be formal, so the contraction don't isn't gonna work, is it? What should I do instead? Yeah, I agree.

Let's do do not.

So I'm gonna say, "I do not blame them." Okay, so now I need to think about a cohesive device to connect this next idea up.

I've said, "Not used to this." Now, I could say, "I do not blame them because they are not used to this." Well, what else could I do? Yeah, I could do a colon, couldn't I, to introduce an explanation.

So let's put a colon on here.

And then I could say, "they are," so not they're, but they are because I'm being formal.

So I could say, "they are not used to investigating." Investigating what? I could say, "investigating things like this." That doesn't sound very formal.

What could I do instead? Things like this.

Oh, I could, "matters like this," or even, "matters of this nature." Hmm, that's really formal.

I like that.

Okay, let's go with that.

Let's check it back.

"However, I do not blame them: they are not used to investigating matters of this nature." So we need to make sure what's on either side of the colon could be a complete sentence, that's right, and what comes after explains what comes before.

So yes, this is the explanation for why I don't blame them.

I think that's worked really well.

But I think I'm gonna jump ahead to my persuasive techniques, and I can do this first one, "No doubt you'll succeed where they've failed." So I think this is going to be a bit of flattery, isn't it? So I'm going to say, "I have no doubt." I think I'm gonna put in a piece of parenthesis here.

I'm gonna say, "I have no doubt that," and then I think I'll do a comma, and I'll say with what, "with your," or we could do a bit of flattery here in our parenthesis, "with your superior," yeah, superior techniques, superior skillset? Superior, yeah, intelligence.

That would be good.

Let's do that.

So I could say, "I have no doubt that with your superior intelligence," now let me go back to my note to see what I meant to say, yeah, "you'll succeed where they failed." Okay, so I'm not gonna say you'll, I'll say? Yeah, good, you will, "you will succeed," double C, double E, "where." Now, I haven't mentioned the police in a while, so instead of saying they, maybe I should say the noun, I should say the police.

Yeah, "where the police have failed." Okay, so we've got some parenthesis in there, "with your superior intelligence." And I've said my note, haven't I? "I have no doubt that with your superior intelligence, you will succeed where the police have failed." Okay, I like that.

And then I'm going to do my piece of veiled threat, "If you choose not to, left with useless fools." So here I'm doing a veiled threat and saying, "Well, if you don't help us, we're gonna be stuck with these police officers who are no good." So I'm using if here as a subordinating conjunction, which is a cohesive device.

So I could say, "If you choose not to help." What's gonna be the consequence? Yeah, I could say, "we will be stuck with these useless fools!" Okay, and I might even add an exclamation mark for emphasis there to show how strongly I feel about this.

Okay, and finally, I've got my last note, "Who else could solve?" This is going to be a rhetorical question, isn't it? So I'm going to start with my question word who, and I'm going to say, "Who else could." Now, hmm, I could just say, "Who else could solve this?" Hmm, but that doesn't sound quite formal enough and not very persuasive.

"Who else could," oh, what if I emphasise it by saying, "Who else could possibly solve?" Okay, again, I could say, "Who else could possibly solve this?" But maybe I could say instead, "solve a mystery?" I've already used puzzle, haven't I, further up, so let's say, "solve a mystery like this?" Again, not quite formal enough.

Mm, oh, of this kind maybe.

I've said of this nature before, so maybe of this kind will work better here.

And then I'm going to lock it in with a full stop.

Let's check it back.

"Who else could possibly solve a mystery of this kind." Oh, hang on, that needs a question mark, doesn't it, because it's a rhetorical question.

Okay, I think I've done all the notes I wanted to use.

Let's read this through, and then we'll check our success criteria.

Read with me.

Let's go.

"In addition to this, your help is needed because the local police have been useless <v ->utterly useless - at solving this puzzle.

</v> Although they claim to have investigated, they have made no progress, and they still believe Sir.

Charles died of natural causes.

However, I do not blame them: they are not used to investigating matters of this nature.

I have no doubt, that with your superior intelligence, you will succeed whether police have failed.

If you choose not to help, we'll be stuck with these useless fools! Who else could possibly solve a mystery of this kind?" Okay, I'm really pleased with that.

We've definitely used our persuasive techniques, so I'm going to tick that one off.

We've got some flattery, I can tick that one, and we've had some veiled threat as well.

And we've also got some rhetorical question, which we haven't mentioned there, but is in our work as well.

And I've definitely given good evidence to support this reason, explaining why it's a good one.

So I think we've met all our criteria, and we've done a really good piece of writing.

Okay, now it's your turn to write.

So remember, use your success criteria and your plan to help you.

And remember, you can of course change things from your oral rehearsal.

And you could start with that sentence starter we gave before, "In addition, your help is needed because." And don't forget to tick off your success criteria as you write.

So pause the video and have a go at writing this paragraph.

Well done.

Fantastic work.

So here's an example of the first part of the paragraph I've written.

"In addition to this, your help is needed because I have found the local police to be hopeless - completely hopeless - in this case.

They claim to have thoroughly investigated, but they still claim Sir.

Charles died naturally, which I find absurd.

I do not blame them: they have little experience in dealing with serious matters of this nature." So I've given a reason.

I've given this reason that the local police are hopeless.

I've given evidence, and that's the rest of this paragraph, isn't it? And I've got a range of cohesive devices here.

I've got some parentheses here, I've got a compound sentence, and I've got a colon.

I haven't yet used any persuasive techniques.

They're gonna come in the next part of my paragraph, and here it is.

I've written, "I am certain that with your help, things could be very different: with your unmatched observational skills, the mystery could quickly be solved.

Who else but Sherlock Holmes <v ->the remarkable Sherlock Holmes -</v> could possibly find the answer? I am afraid that without your help there will never be a solution." So I'm not really giving reasons and evidence in this part of the paragraph, am I? I'm really focused on persuasive techniques and of course cohesive devices.

So for instance, I have a colon and some parentheses here, and I've got a range of persuasive techniques all the way through this section.

For instance, I see rhetorical questions, and I've got veiled threat at the end there, and of course, some flattery as well.

Really well done for your effort here.

Great job.

So let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

We've said that when we write a persuasive paragraph, we give a reason that supports our view followed by evidence for that reason.

We've said that we can connect a piece of information using a range of cohesive devices, such as parenthesis, to insert additional information into a sentence.

And we've said that we can use a range of persuasive techniques in the paragraph to reinforce our argument.

You've done a fantastic job in your writing today.

I hope you're really pleased with what you've accomplished, and I'm sure that Sherlock Holmes is being really persuaded by our writing as well.

Great job, and I hope to see you again in a future lesson.

Goodbye.