Lesson video

Storytelling superstars to make sure that you are prepared for today's lesson.

You will need a piece of paper or something to write on, a pencil or something to write with, and your wonderful creative brain.

You will also need our boxing up plan that we completed in lesson six of units of 11.

If you need to go and get any of those things, pause your video now.

Brilliant.

Now that we are prepared, let's have a look at what we are learning today.

We are going to start with an alliteration challenge.

We are then going to do something called step planning.

You will see what that looks like soon.

Together we are going to create our shared write, and then we are going to edit our writing just like real authors do.

Let's have a look at our alliteration challenge first.

So on the screen, I have two short sentences rapidly running and carefully climbing.

Now rapidly running, both of those words start with R so they are an example of alliteration.

And carefully climbing, both of those words start with, C so that is another example.

Now alliteration can make reading or listening to a story, really fun because it sounds really nice, rapidly running, carefully climbing.

It can also help our reader to create a really strong image of our scene in their minds.

So I have got six other words on the screen, searching, swimming, jumping, travelling, moving, and finding.

I would like you to choose three of those words and then come up with an action that has alliteration.

So for example, for jumping, I need to think of a word that starts with j.

And is an action.

How would somebody jump, jump, jump.

I know, joyfully jumping.

It is now your turn.

Choose three of those words and create an action that has alliteration.

Pause your video now to do that.

Fantastic, I had a really interesting example.

One of our learner said, furiously finding, angry finding, furiously finding what a great example.

We are now going to think back to lesson six.

When we booked up our story and we going to focus on setting two.

Now all I'm going to pause my video and remind myself by reading my what happens on my mood boxes about all the details to do with setting number two.

I would like you to look at your setting number two and read over the details.

Can you pause your video now to do that? Brilliant.

So I reminded myself that my fancy setting is Buckingham Palace and Kartikeya bows to the Queen and bumps into the Queen's corgis.

And remember, those are her dogs.

And actually the mood is really exciting because Kartikeya is elated.

He's excited, but he's also a little bit disappointed at the end because he wishes that he could stay longer.

We are now going to complete a staircase clung together.

I'm really excited.

Make sure you have your paper and your pen.

And I will see you in just a second.

Okay everybody, we are now going to draw a staircase plan.

The first thing that you need to do is draw a staircase that has four different steps.

And I would like you to label them 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Can you please pause your video now to complete your staircase? Fantastic.

So we are using the staircase structure because it will help us to think of the different events that are going to happen.

Instead of just writing about one event, we will be able to paint a clearer picture in our reader's mind.

So the first thing that I am going to write is Kartikeya spots the red carpet.

So he spots the red carpet of Buckingham Palace.

That is my events number one, event number two, he finds the Queen.

I wonder what the Queen is doing when he finds her.

I'm going to say, he finds the Queen drinking tea.

Because the Queen is very famous for drinking tea.

The third thing that it's going to happen, what could happen next? That will be exciting for our reader.

I'm going to write he hears lot of barking.

Okay, I've got a really good idea for step number four.

I think because he has heard the barking, he can go and investigate and play a game of fetch in the Palace gardens.

So my step number four, he plays fetch in the gardens with the Queen's dogs.

Now the dogs belong to the Queen.

So I have put a possessive apostrophe.

I would now like you to pause your video and create your own staircase plan, where you are thinking about four different events that will happen when you are writing about second at setting number two, your fancy setting.

Okay, everybody.

The first thing that we need to do for our shared write today is write down our toolkit.

We have got our mood toolkit to create a mood that moves our reader.

Remember we have all those moves.

So I would like you to write down actions, appearance, thoughts, and feelings on the side of your piece of paper.

Because when you do your writing, you can tick them off and be reminded.

Pause your video now to write down your toolkits.

Fantastic.

Let's get started.

I am going to start with one of my alliteration actions.

So I am going to start with joyfully jumping, Kartikeya landed.

And then I'm going to explain where he landed in this location.

I would like you to pause the video now and write down your action here.

Miss McCartney's action is, joyfully jumping.

Pause the video now to write down your action.

I am now going to explain where he was jumping.

Joyfully jumping Kartikeya landed on a.

I'm just going to have a look back at my step plan so I can remember my first step Kartikeya spots the carpet.

So joyfully jumping Kartikeya landed on a long, I'm going to use two adjectives with a comma in between, a long, red carpet.

Okay, so I've given a clue.

I haven't said he went to Buckingham Palace straightaway.

I have given my reader a clue.

I'm going to use a rhetorical question now, one of those questions that Kartikeya might ask himself, and that will give our reader direction in which to think.

So I'm going to say, Was that who he thought it was.

Was that who he thought it was? That is miss McCartney's rhetorical question.

Can you write your rhetorical question down here? Brilliant.

I'm now going to use some action to describe the Queen.

I am going to say, sat with her crown sat with her crown.

And I already said that I planned, she was going to be drinking tea.

Can you pause your video and write down a piece of action that could happen next in our scene.

Pause your video now.

I'm going to say sat with her crown.

Sat with her crown was the Queen drinking tea.

So that is creating an action for me and my story showing that she was very relaxed.

Excellent.

Now I am going to think about what Kartikeya was doing and what he looked like.

I'm going to use the fronted adverbial soon after.

You could think about your fronted adverbial of time, or your time conjunction.

So I'm going to say soon after Kartikeya was laughing and rolling in the palace gardens with, can you remember who he was with? With the Queen's corgis.

Let's read what I have written say far.

Joyfully jumping Kartikeya landed on a long red carpet.

Was that who he thought it was? Sat with her crown, was the Queen drinking tea.

Now I've started that sentence with actions I need to punctuate that.

Soon after Kartikeya was laughing and rolling in the palace gardens with the Queen's corgis.

So I have ticked appearance because I have indicated what he looked like.

And it's creating this really positive mood.

Now I'm going to think about Kartikeya's thoughts.

What was Kartikeya thinking at this point? I'm going to say he remembered the race.

He remembered the race.

Okay, pause your video and write down what your Kartikeya thought.

So I'm going to say, but Kartikeya then remembered the race, sorry about that.

The race.

And then I'm going to use a short, sharp, interrupted sentence, focus.

And here is going to read focus.

That is my second scene description.

I would now like you to pause your video, use your toolkit and use your notes to help you create your second setting description, creating a mood that moves, well done everybody.

We are going to move on to editing.

However, before I would like you to hold up your very own piece of writing that you have written about setting two, so that I can have a little look at your wonderful work.

Can you do that now? Fantastic.

I can see so many of our learners have included action, appearances, thoughts, and feelings, massive shine to you.

You are amazing.

I would now like you to go and check your punctuation.

You need to check your capital letters, full stops, commas, question marks, exclamation marks, inverted commas.

You don't have to have used all of those things, but if you have used them, make sure they're in the right place.

You also need to read through your work to make sure that it makes sense.

Sometimes when we are writing and we are getting all of our wonderful ideas down on paper, we can miss out words or we can spell things wrong.

So make sure your writing makes sense.

You can also then have a look at your actions, appearances, thoughts, and feelings, and make sure you are happy with the wording.

You might want to swap something around or add something in that is what's been wonderful writer is all about.

So pause your video now to check your edits.

Fantastic learning everybody.

If you'd like to please ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and @TeachTMcCartney, #LearnwithOak.

I cannot wait to see you soon to do some more writing.