Lesson video

Hello and welcome.

My name is Mr. Santhanam.

And welcome to lesson 10 of 10.

Today's learning objective is how to write a dramatic middle for a recycled story.

We've been working really hard on recycling our story about The Brave Little Bird and the Forest Fire.

Our new main character is the Eagle God, and we've really been thinking about how to build that tension in the middle part of the story to create a really dramatic middle part.

And in today's lesson, we're going to finish off our writing.

In today's lesson, you are going to need some paper, your exercise book, pencil, and your brilliant brain.

Pause the video now, while you go and get those things.

Great, let's begin.

In today's lesson, our agenda is like this.

We're going to start with our spelling activity.

We're then going to review our boxed up story to remind ourselves of what happens in the middle and the end.

Then we're going to think about how we can show emotion instead of telling it to the reader.

And that will help us really generate some ideas for when we go into our shared write for the middle and the end part.

First of all, let's get started with our spelling activity.

This week we have been looking at the sound 'tch'.

My turn, your turn.

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

We hear the 'tch' sound in catch, fetch, switch, witch, snatch, watch, patch, sketch, and clutch.

I know that I can remember a spelling by looking at the word, saying it in a sentence, writing the word, and then checking my spelling.

Today we're going to have a go at doing a spelling test.

I'm going to read out a word and you are going to write it without checking the spelling until afterwards.

Are you ready? The word is fetch, fetch.

Switch, switch.

Patch, patch.

Watch, watch.

Clutch, clutch.

Catch, catch.

Sketch, sketch.

Witch, witch.

Amazing.

Now you can pause the video, and check your spelling to make sure that you got them all correct.

If you didn't, don't worry.

All you need to do is correct it, and then you can remember for next time.

Good job.

It's now time for us to do our grammar focus.

This week we have been looking at punctuation.

Now some punctuation works really, really well in the middle part of our story, and we can really start to use it more often in the middle part.

What punctuation do you think would suit the middle part of our story? I've got some examples of some sentences here, and I want you to think about what kind of punctuation would you use? Little bird, you must run away.

What kind of punctuation would you include there? Well, to me, that sounds like someone is saying something.

It sounds like speech.

And it also sounds like someone is shouting something or saying it very urgently and dramatically.

So what kind of punctuation would work there, do you think? What's missing? Good idea, let's see if you're right.

Of course, we know that when someone is saying something out loud it is speech, and therefore we need speech punctuation.

Someone's also saying it very urgently and dramatically.

So then we need an exclamation mark.

Let's have a look at the next one.

If he didn't do something, the little bird would be killed.

There's a few different things that we could use there.

That also sounds very dramatic.

It sounds like at the end, we should have a dah, dah, dah.

That might give you a bit of a clue.

What do you think should go at the end of that sentence? Oh, let's if you're right.

Oh, an ellipsis, of course.

Dah, dah, dah.

I could also put an exclamation mark at the end there or just a full stop.

But I thought it would make it seem much more dramatic if I put ellipses on the end.

And the last one, what was this feeling inside him? Hang on a a minute.

What's that first word there in that sentence? There's definitely something missing there.

What do you think is? Let's see if you're right.

Of course it starts with what, which is a question word.

So it definitely needs a question mark on the end of it.

We also know that in the middle parts of our stories, we want to build uncertainty and mystery and questions really help us to do that.

Well done everyone.

Don't forget to use that punctuation in your middle part later on when he goes to your shared write.

Let's have a look at our box up version to remind ourselves about what we're going to be really focusing on in the middle and end parts of our story.

Don't forget in the middle, we want to really add in new problems and setbacks to make the reader think, oh no, something's going wrong, we have to fix it.

We might want to slow down time to build anticipation and keep the reader wanting more.

We might want to use vagueness or hinting or empty words like it and something, and maybe even questions to build suspense and mystery.

And we also want some uncertainties.

What are we expecting the characters to do? What don't we know yet? What do we want our readers to find out? All of these things help to build drama.

So in the middle part of our story, we want to build tension, to add mystery and to include new setbacks.

I know that's so far the Eagle God has been made fun of by the other gods because they don't think he's very important.

We also know that the Eagle God has seen the fire and he's been very shocked and he's thinking to himself, I've got to do something.

And now what we need to do is the Eagle God is going to go and fly down to the little bird to try and help her.

And he's going to doubt her and say, "No, you can't put out the fire, you must run away." And then finally, she's going to explain to him, "No, I can't leave, I must save my forest." And that's what fills his heart with compassion and makes him so moved that he begins crying giant tears.

And that's what puts out the fire.

And then we have the resolution at the end.

He puts out the fire, the tree is saved.

Little bird goes back to live in her tree.

And the Eagle God goes back up to the heavens.

Don't forget, in this middle part, we want to use short, dramatic sentences, vagueness and hinting, longer sentences to add detail and really draw out that anticipation.

And we also want to use powerful vocabulary.

Before we get started on our final shared write, I want to show you an activity which is going to help you to really show the intensity of someone's emotions, 'cause we really want to show how the Eagle God feels about the fire and about the little bird, and this is going to really help you.

It's called show, not tell.

Now in our writing, sometimes we'll very obvious with the way that we talk about someone's feelings.

We might say he felt sad.

He felt so glum.

He felt like he wanted to cry.

And sometimes that's not very effective because it sounds a little bit boring and you're not leaving very much to the reader's imagination.

You're just telling them everything they need to know.

Sometimes we can really stimulate our imaginations by showing, instead of telling.

Let me show you an example.

What happens to our bodies when we are upset? Have a little look at this face.

You could explain what he's thinking.

You could explain what he's doing.

Let's have a look, oh no.

Here's a picture of me looking very, very sad just like the Eagle God.

Imagine that I'm the Eagle God and the little bird has just told me about how much she loves her forest and how much she wants to save it.

Think about what my eyes are doing.

Think about what my hands are doing.

Think about what my mouth is doing.

What sounds am I making? Maybe what am I thinking as well? Oh well, I heard some brilliant ideas there.

Maybe you can lock those in your brain and use them in your writing later on.

Let's have a look.

I heard someone saying the Eagle God's lips began to quiver.

So when we cry, sometimes our lips do this.

They shake as if we're about to cry.

So I'm not telling the reader that I'm about to cry, I'm showing the reader by what my face is doing.

Giant tears stream down his face as he felt his heart breaking.

Again, I'm not just saying the Eagle God was crying.

I'm showing the reader that the Eagle God is crying and I'm showing the emotion through description.

Pause the video now, while you think about the Eagle God's emotions.

What might he be doing with each different part of his body? How could you describe that emotion without telling the reader? Remember to show it not tell.

Now we've got some ideas to explain how the Eagle God feels.

We're going to do our shared write for the middle part and the end part.

Remember, the middle part is what we want to focus on today.

'Cause we're really trying to build that drama with all the things that we've learned so far.

Now that we have written about the fire starting, the Eagle God is shocked and he wanted to do something to help.

He's thinking what is he going to do? First thing we're going to is write about the gods laughing at the little bird and then him going down to help.

And then him getting upset, cries.

So these are all the things I want to talk about.

I'm going to start off with a front adverbial, again, switching from the heavens to the forest.

I'm going to say out of the corner of the Eagle God's eye, he noticed a tiny bird flying back and forth from the river.

All the other animals had left the forest.

Now I want to introduce some speech now.

So I'm going to say something that one of the gods said.

"Look!" cried the gods, "She is trying to put out the fire! "She is far too small, she will never do that." I've used an exclamation mark to show how the gods are crying out.

They're shouting that out.

Now, how do you think that's going to make the Eagle God feel? The Eagle God felt.

Does he feel angry? Does he feel enraged? Does he feel cross? Does he feel upset? How does he feel? Eagle God felt enraged, I'm going to say it, and took pity on the little bird.

So first we said that he was in despair.

He was in shock.

Now he feels enraged at the other gods.

What's he going to do now? I would like a front adverbial of time to explain how quickly the Eagle God goes down to the forest to help her.

So it could be quickly.

It could be instantly.

It could be with a flash.

It could be.

I'm going to go with instantly.

Instantly the Eagle God.

What past tense verb can I use to describe how he goes down? Should I say swooped? Should I say flew? Or shall I say glided? I want it to seem very, very fast and urgent.

So I'm going to say swooped.

Instantly the Eagle God swooped down to the forest to help the little bird.

Now, how can I describe how he feels? Remember we want to keep that tension building and building and building.

We've already said he's in shock.

Then we've said he's enraged.

Now we want to make him seem like he's getting really emotional.

I could say his heart was full of compassion for her.

I could say his heart was full of compassion.

I could say he was over flowing with sympathy.

I could use some show, not tell and say that his brow hung low.

His brow hung low with sorrow.

I'm going to go with his heart was full of compassion.

His heart was full of compassion.

So I'm using show, not tell now.

It was full of compassion for that little bird.

And he's going to say "Little bird, you must fly." But the little bird does not, she stays.

He shouted but the little bird would not leave her forest.

I want to use show, not tell again to show how that tension is building.

So maybe his eyes might feel filled with giant tears.

Maybe his wings might cover his eyes.

Maybe his shoulders start to shake.

"Little bird you must fly away," he shouted.

But the little bird would not leave her forest.

Just then I'm going to have use his shoulders start to shake.

His shoulders started to shake.

Maybe he felt a fire inside him perhaps 'cause he felt so passionate towards little bird.

He felt as though there was a fire inside of him.

His eyes filled with giant tears as he began to sob.

Soon there was a giant river flowing down.

Let's read that one more time.

Out of the corner of the Eagle God's eye, he noticed a tiny bird flying back and forth from the river.

All the other animals had left the forest.

"Look," cried the gods, she is trying to put out the fire.

She is far too small.

She will never do that.

The Eagle God felt enraged and took pity on the little bird.

Instantly the Eagle God sweeped down to the forest to help the little bird.

His heart was full of compassion for the little bird.

"Little bird, you must fly away!" he shouted.

But the little bird would not leave her forest.

Just then his shoulders started to shake.

He felt as though there was a fire inside of him.

His eyes filled with giant tears as he began to sob.

And soon there was a giant river flowing down.

Pause the video now, while you finish off your middle part of your story.

Don't forget to use all the amazing ideas that you come up with so far and build that drama in the middle part.

Don't forget your end can just be one or two simple lines just to resolve the story and make it a nice ending.

I can't wait to see how you do.

Good luck.

Wow, I've been absolutely blown away by all your hard work and effort today.

I can't wait to hear your story, so please don't forget to share your work with Oak National.

If you would like to, please ask your parent or carer, to share your work on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and #learnwithOak.

You have made me a super proud teacher today.

I'll see you next time.

Bye bye.