Lesson video

Hello, everybody.

It is me, Miss McCartney, and I am super excited to learn with you today because we are going to write the first part of our recycled story, and we are going to focus on making the problem matter.

For our lesson today, you will need a piece of paper or something to write on, a pencil and your wonderful, creative brain.

You will also need our boxing up plan that we created together in lesson six of unit eight.

If you need to go and collect any of those things, pause your video now.

Brilliant.

Now that we are prepared, let's start thinking about what we're going to do today.

We are going to start with a tell me more game to warm up our brains, ready for our writing.

We are going to write the beginning of our story together, using a shared write.

Then we will edit our writing just like a real author, and at the very end of the lesson, you are going to retell the beginning of your story because you are a superstar storyteller.

Let's get started.

We are going to play a little game called tell me more, and I would like you to tell me more about the beginning of your recycled story to warm your brain up, ready for our writing.

So I would like you to tell me more about how your animal ended up living with the other animal's family.

Tell me more about how your animal ended up living with the other animal's family.

Whisper to your screen now.

Brilliant.

So in Miss McCartney's story, the mommy shark was looking for a meal when she saw the abandoned fish egg, and she felt sorry for the abandoned fish fish.

So she picked it up carefully and hid it in her own baby shark nest.

I heard some of you say that, actually, somebody else found the abandoned animal and snuck it into another animal nest.

Fantastic.

Can you tell me more about when your animal was born? Tell me more.

Okay, so I heard some of our learners say when the animal was first born, they didn't notice they were different, but as they started to grow, they noticed they weren't quite the same as their brothers and sisters.

Now, I would like you to tell me more about the setting.

Miss McCartney's setting is the deep sea.

I would like to know more about your setting.

Whisper to your screen now.

Fantastic.

We have got such a range of settings, and I cannot wait to start writing about them today.

We are now going to do a shared write and complete the writing for the beginning of our story, but we are still working with problem throughout all of our writing in unit eight.

So the first thing I would like you to do is to write your problem toolkit at the side, and this is really important because, when we are writing, we can look at it and check off to make sure we're using the features of really good writing to create a problem that matters.

So we've got difficulty, consequences, thoughts and feelings, and learning for the world.

Pause your video now, and write down your problem toolkit.

Excellent.

The next thing that you need to do is to have a look at your boxing up plan.

We created this together in lesson six of unit eight, and you need to have a recap of the beginning.

So I'm going to read through my summary.

I would like you to pause your video and read through your summary.

Excellent.

Now, we are reminded of the events that happen in the beginning of our story.

I can't wait to get started.

Okay, I'm going to start by telling my reader what time of day it is so they can really imagine it.

So in my story, I'm going to use the fronted adverbial early one morning.

Does your story take place in the morning or a different time of day? Maybe it takes place at dusk.

Maybe it takes place after dinner.

It is up to you.

Pause your video now, and write down your fronted adverbial at the side.

Brilliant.

I'm just moving my plan to help me.

Okay, let's start writing.

Early, I need a capital letter for the start of my sentence.

Early, one, number one is a common exception, tricky word, one that we need to just learn.

Early one mah or nuh ing, early one morning.

That is my fronted adverbial.

So I need to mark it with a comma.

Early one morning, a.

Now I am going to the mommy shark 'cause she is the first character that I meet, and I am going to use two adjectives to describe her.

I'm going to use hungry and determined.

How are you going to describe the first character that we meet in your story? Can you pause your video and write down your two adjectives? Brilliant.

Early one morning, a hungry.

Now I'm using my comma to separate my two adjectives because I'm using a comma in a list to add more detail.

Okay, early one morning, a hungry, determined sh ark, shark hunted.

Now that is a past tense verb, but it is a regular past tense verb because it has our suffix E-D.

Early one morning, a hungry, determined shark hunted for some, another tricky word that we need to learn, a common exception word, hunted for some prey.

She was hunting for some food.

Fantastic.

Okay, I'm going to write she soon noticed.

Okay, in my story, my character noticed, noticed, an abandoned fish egg.

What does your character notice? Pause your video now to write down what your character notices.

Brilliant.

She soon noticed an abundant fish fish egg.

Okay, I'm going to add a little bit more detail using the preposition on to tell my reader where the fish egg was.

Abandoned fish egg on the sea floor.

Again, floor is a tricky word that we need to learn.

Okay, I'm going to use a short, sharp interruption now.

Yummy, that's what she was thinking.

Let's look at my toolkit and think about what I have used so far.

So I've definitely started to think about my shark's thoughts and feelings.

Okay, now I'm going to introduce my difficulty.

Okay, yummy.

As she got closer.

That is another fronted adverbial.

As she got closer Okay, so I need to mark that with another comma.

As she got closer, she remembered her own shh ark, shark eggs.

Okay, so that's my difficulty.

As she gets closer, she's not thinking about food anymore.

She's thinking about her own baby eggs.

So I've started to introduce my difficulty.

Okay, I'm going to.

I was going to start a new paragraph, but I'm actually going to add a little bit more detail first.

I'm going to say instead, instead of.

I could use the verb eating, but I'm going to use a more interesting verb.

What other verbs could I use instead of eating? I know a really good one.

Instead of gobbling, gobble gobble gobble, instead of gobbling up the egg, instead of gobbling up the egg, she decided to save, sss ave, save is a split digraph.

Sss ave, she decided to save it.

Now here, I'm going to use an ellipsis, and that is three dots together, and that gives my reader some time to think about the consequences.

She decided to save it.

So I'm going to give myself a tick for consequences because my reader is thinking she's a shark, but she's saving the fish egg.

What is she going to do with it? Now, I'm going to start my new paragraph because I'm moving forward in time and starting a new idea.

When she returned.

There's another past tense verb that is regular because it has the E-D.

I'm just about to use an irregular one.

When she returned, she hid.

There's my irregular past tense verb.

It doesn't have an E-D.

It's irregular.

When she returned, she hid the fish egg.

Now, I'm going to use the preposition amongst.

A preposition tells us where something is in relation to something else.

So you could have amongst, under, to the left, beneath.

I would like you to think about your preposition that you are going to use to describe where your animal was hidden.

Can you pause your video now to write down your preposition? Brilliant.

When she returned, she hid the fish egg amongst her shh ark, shark eggs.

Okay, fantastic.

I have also created another difficulty.

She hid the fish egg.

She didn't tell anyone, so that could be potentially quite difficult in the story.

I'm now going to end with a rhetorical question to guide my reader to think about the consequences.

My rhetorical question, what do I want my reader to think about? I want them to think about what would happen, what would happen if the others found out? Would they eat the fish egg? Would they be really angry at the shark who has hidden it? I just don't know.

That is my rhetorical question.

Can you pause your video and write down your rhetorical question to help your reader think about the consequences of our problem? Excellent.

So when she returned, she hid the fish shark amongst her shark eggs.

What would, that's another tricky word that we can't sound out the common exception word that we need to know.

and it belongs to the family of should and could, as well.

What would happen if the others found out, and I need to remember my question mark.

Okay, I'm going to read through my work before you start yours to check that it makes sense and that I don't want to make any edits, 'cause I might want to change some things.

Early one morning, a hungry, determined shark hunted for some prey.

She soon noticed an abandoned fish egg on the sea floor.

I really like that I have told my reader where it is to help them imagine.

Yummy.

As she got closer, she remembered her own shark eggs.

Instead of gobbling up the egg, she decided to save it, and then I'm thinking about the consequences.

Now, I'm going to add another adjective in here because I really want to show my reader how much she loves her shark eggs.

So she remembered her own.

I'm going to add the word beloved because she really loves them.

Her own beloved shark eggs.

Instead of gobbling up the egg, she decided to save it.

When she returned, she hid the fish egg, amongst the shark eggs.

What would happen if the others found out? I'm really pleased with my first section of my story.

I think I have made the problem really mat- I would now like you to pause your video and craft the beginning of your story.

I cannot wait to read it.

It is now time to edit our writing, but before we edit, I would love to see your work.

Would you be able to hold it up to the camera now so I can have a little look? I am so impressed with all the ticks that I am seeing next to our problem toolkit.

That means that we have really crafted a problem that matters, and that is what is going to make our reader want to read the next part of our story.

Fantastic.

I'm going to give you some special shine.

Now, it's really important that we edit our writing because, when we are being all creative and writing our ideas down, sometimes we do it super fast that we forget some words, or we make a spelling mistake, or we forget our punctuation, and that is fine because everybody makes mistakes.

I make mistakes in my writing all the time, and so do real authors.

So the first thing you need to do is check for your punctuation.

Is it in the right place, and have you remembered to use it? The second thing you need to do is read through your work and make sure it makes sense.

If you would like, you could read it out loud to a teddy or to me on the screen because sometimes when we read our work out loud, that's when we notice our mistakes.

So that's a really good strategy to use.

Then, I would like you to double check your toolkit.

Have you made the difficulty really clear? Have you prompted your reader to think about the consequences, what if, and then have you thought about your character's thoughts and feelings, and you might have some learning for the world already.

Ms. McCartney didn't, so she didn't tick that, but you might have.

So have a look through and see what you have done, and you might want to change some words or add something in, just like I did when we did our shared write.

Pause your video now to edit your writing.

Brilliant editing, everybody.

I am going to give you a round of applause.

You could give yourself a round of applause, as well, because you have done such wonderful learning.

Fantastic work, everybody.