Lesson video

Hello everyone, it's Mr. Brown here with your English lesson for today, and we are writing.

We are writing the first entry into Florence Nightingale's diary, or your diary I should say, because we are writing from Florence Nightingale's perspective.

Writing as if we are Florence Nightingale.

So let's write the first entry into your diary, Florence.

Let's go for it.

The outcome for today's lesson is I can write the first entry of Florence Nightingale's diary.

And the key words we'll be using are perspective, past tense, and first person.

So let's say those together.

My turn, your turn.

Perspective.

Very good.

Past tense.

Nice.

And first person.

Good.

Perspective, past tense, first person.

So today's lesson, we will start by preparing to write, and then move on to writing a diary entry.

Now, diaries are usually an example of a non-fiction text because they are written about real events.

However, diaries can become more like fiction texts when they are written from someone else's perspective.

Now we are writing from Florence Nightingale's perspective, therefore we are pretending to be Florence writing a diary entry.

What is your name? I should hear you say Florence.

You are Florence.

I am Florence.

We are writing as if we are Florence Nightingale.

So let's get started, Florence.

Diaries are a type of recount.

When we are recounting, we are talking about things that have already happened.

This is called the past.

Writing in a diary will mostly be in the past tense because we are writing about past events, past experiences, things that are in the past.

The past means it happened before now.

And tense tells the reader when something happens.

Past tense.

Let's check our understanding.

Diaries are mostly written in which tense? Is it A, the past tense, B, the present tense, or C, the future tense? A, B, or C.

Can you pause the video and decide now? Welcome back, everyone.

Let's see if you were right.

Diaries are mostly written in which tense? Congratulations if you said the past tense.

Diaries are all about the past, things that have already happened.

Well done if you said A.

Writing in the past tense means that the verbs used will describe actions that have already happened.

So let's have a look at some verbs happening now compared to already happened.

So we have run, walk, sweep.

They're happening right now.

Now if it's already happened, it will be ran.

Right now, I run.

Yesterday, I ran.

Right now, I walk.

Yesterday, I walked.

Right now, I sweep.

Two minutes ago, so it can be yesterday, it can be a week ago, could be just two minutes ago, could be two seconds ago, I swept.

Ran, walked, swept.

These verbs are written in the past tense.

Let's check your understanding.

Which of these is a past tense verb? Is it A, clean? B, cleaning.

C, cleaned.

Which one is past tense? Which one is describing an event that has already happened? A, B, or C? Can you pause the video and decide now? Welcome back.

Let's see if you were right.

Which of these is a past tense verb? A, B, or C? Well done if you said C, cleaned.

Cleaned is past tense.

It has already happened.

Words such as was, were, and had help us to tell the reader that things happened in the past too.

So again, happening now.

Run, walk, sweep.

Already happened, we know as I was running, we were walking, I had swept.

So run is now.

I was running means that you were running in the past, but you are now no longer running.

I was running, we were walking, I had swept.

These verbs are written in the past tense.

So was, were, and had change the timing of those verbs.

So running could be something you are doing right now, but if you say I was running, it was in the past.

Now diary entries are personal, and the events being described are from the perspective of the person they happened to.

This means a diary entry should be written in the first person.

For this diary entry, remember you are Florence Nightingale.

You are writing in the first person as Florence Nightingale.

So you'll be saying I, and when you say I, you don't mean yourself, you mean Florence Nightingale, because that's who you are for the purposes of this diary entry.

When writing in the first person, a writer will use words such as these to show the reader that they are writing about themselves.

So I, me, my, we, us, our.

These are all words that will help you tell the reader you are writing as yourself.

You are talking about yourself.

Let's look at an example.

Florence Nightingale walked into the hospital and she couldn't believe her eyes.

Would you see this in your diary entry? Now, it's accurate.

Florence Nightingale did walk into the hospital, and yes, she couldn't believe her eyes, but it doesn't fit in a diary entry when you are writing as if you are Florence.

Let's look at an example that would be correct.

I walked into the hospital and I couldn't believe my eyes.

Now this example, you are Florence.

Florence is talking about herself, and that's what we're aiming for.

The words highlighted in the second example show the reader that the writer is talking about themselves and their own experiences.

So I, straightaway, you see that word and you know, ah, the person is talking about their own experiences.

Let's prepare to write.

Which of these is written in the first person? So as part of our preparing to write, we're checking your understanding now to see if you know about first person so that you can use it correctly.

A, she felt tired and overwhelmed by the task ahead of her.

Is that written in the first person? B, Florence felt tired and overwhelmed by the task ahead of her.

C, I felt tired and overwhelmed by the task ahead of me.

Which one is written in first person? Pause the video and decide now.

And welcome back.

I am so intrigued to see if you spotted it.

Okay, which one is written in the first person? First person means it's written by that person about their own experiences, so it must be C.

And you can see words like I and the task ahead of me.

Those are the words which tell us, ah, this person is talking about themselves.

Well done if you said C.

Okay, it's time for a practise task.

I would like you to edit these sentences so they are written in the first person.

So we have number one, Florence arrived in Scutari after a long journey for her and her team.

That is not written in first person.

Your job, to write it in the first person.

Number two, she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the hospital.

Number three, Florence saw soldiers lying on the floor and it made her feel determined to improve the conditions.

One, two, and three.

Your job, to turn those sentences into sentences that are written in the first person.

Pause the video and have a go at rewriting those sentences now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Let's see how you got on.

So I asked you to edit these sentences so they are written in the first person.

Number one, Florence arrived in Scutari after a long journey for her and her team.

We could rewrite that as, I arrived in Scutari after a long journey for me and my team.

Number two, she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the hospital.

We could rewrite that as, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the hospital.

And number three, Florence saw soldiers lying on the floor and it made her feel determined to improve the conditions.

Could be rewritten as, I saw soldiers lying on the floor and it made me determined to improve the conditions.

Well done if you rewrote those sentences correctly in the first person.

Okay, it is time to write a diary entry.

When we write, we always try and do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Vary our sentence types.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Sound out words to spell them accurately.

And read our sentences out loud to check they make sense and edit to improve our writing if necessary.

These are all so important to remember.

Every single time we pick up a pen to write, we must remember these.

Things like planning and saying your sentence before you write it is so important.

Using punctuation, but only where we know the rules.

Not trying to guess where the punctuation might be, but to use it when we have learned the rules.

To vary our sentence types.

To write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, something that can be overlooked.

The neatness of your writing is so important.

If the person reading your writing finds it difficult to actually read because it's not neat enough, then that's not acceptable.

We have to keep ourselves to a very high standard of presentation, and writing letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting is a big part of that.

Sounding out words to spell them accurately.

Using our phonic knowledge to be able to spell those words accurately, and sounding them out.

And then reading our sentences out loud to check they make sense, and edit to improve our writing if necessary.

Even the most famous, popular, talented, and best authors in the world reread their writing time and time, and time again to edit and improve.

That's so important.

So we must definitely do the same.

Let's check our understanding.

Which of these do we always try to do when writing? Is it A, use punctuation even if we don't know the rules.

B, use punctuation where we know the rules.

Or C, use as much punctuation as we can.

Which of these do we always try and do when writing? Is it A, B, or C? Pause the video and decide for yourself now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Let's see if you found the right answer.

So which of these do we always try to do when writing? Use punctuation even where we don't know the rules.

Absolutely not.

We should not be using punctuation if we don't know the rules.

So if you're not sure, leave the punctuation out.

I would rather that than you are putting a comma in by simply guessing where you think it should go.

So it's either B, use punctuation where we know the rules, or C, use as much punctuation as we can.

Now using lots and lots of punctuation, it doesn't get you any more credit.

You will not be getting more marks or more ticks from your teacher by putting in lots and lots of punctuation.

It is not about using lots, it is about using it correctly.

So the correct correct answer is B, using punctuation where we know the rules.

So well done if you said B.

Time for you to use your plan to say the first two sentences out loud of Florence Nightingale's diary entry.

We know the importance of rehearsing our sentences, saying them out loud first to check that they sound okay, to check that we might want to edit and improve them.

Rehearsing and practising.

So important.

So remember to use the first person and the past tense.

Now here is the first part of your plan.

So you can see on the left, it says, what happened and what you saw.

And on the right, how you felt.

So on the left, arrived hospital in Scutari, very unhygienic and disorganised.

And on the right, shocked, couldn't believe my eyes.

Your job is to use that to come up with your first two sentences.

So you can see this is one note, but you can definitely stretch this across two sentences to tell your reader, which is of yourself in a diary entry, all about what happened.

So it's over to you now.

Pause the video and have a go at saying your first two sentences of your Florence Nightingale diary entry.

Pause the video now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Let's see if you were right.

So what's happened, what you saw, and how you felt.

Let's have a look.

But just before we do, take a moment to stop and think, and check your sentences.

Did you use the past tense and first person? Did you use your own plan, or my plan that I gave you, if you didn't have your own one.

If you need to, you can pause the video and edit.

Change your sentences, have another go.

If you're ready, I'll show you an example.

"This evening, I finally arrived in Scutari after a long and difficult journey.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the conditions in the hospital!" And you can see I've chosen an exclamation mark to really emphasise how shocked I felt.

I've got that couldn't believe my eyes.

That's from my plan.

My plan says shocked and I haven't said the word shocked, but I don't need to, because couldn't believe my eyes does that.

The exclamation mark helps to do that.

Scutari as a capital letter 'cause it's a proper noun, comma after this evening, 'cause that's my fronted adverbial of time, and two sentences.

Here's the success criteria for today's writing.

If you can achieve these four things, you will have produced an excellent piece of writing.

So the first thing is, I have written the date and a greeting.

Straightaway, this will help us to ensure that our writing looks and feels like a diary entry.

I have used my plan to include the relevant events I have written in the first person and the past tense.

And crucially, I have read my writing back to check for any mistakes.

So you can use your plan to help you write your diary entry today.

If you don't have one, feel free to use this, of course.

And you can see on the left, we've got a column of key moments, what's happened, what you saw.

And on the right, how you felt, because we know a diary entry is full of opportunities for the writer to share their feelings and thoughts, and emotions.

So my turn, then your turn.

I am going to write the date, greeting, and first two sentences of my diary.

And then we will come together, and you can help me look at my success criteria to see how I'm getting on.

The first thing I've written is the date.

15th of March 1855.

And we know, after writing the date I need, what is it? So a diary entry, you write the date, and then it's a greeting, isn't it? And a diary, we always do the same greeting.

And that is? Tell me.

One more time, tell me again.

Dear Diary.

Good job.

And we make sure it has Dear Diary with a capital letter for Dear, a capital letter for Diary, and a comma.

Dear Diary.

Okay, so I know I'm looking at my plan right now.

Yeah, okay, great.

Got it.

This evening, I arrived in Scutari after a long and difficult journey.

First sentence done.

I have said that I'm writing this diary entry on the day that I've arrived, 'cause that's what this evening does.

I couldn't believe my eyes, so straightaway, I am saying how shocked I feel about something.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw, so whatever I'm going to write now tells the reader that I was shocked when I saw it.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the conditions in the hospital, and an exclamation mark just further intensifies how shocked I was.

Okay, so that's the date, the greeting, and the first two sentences of my diary entry as Florence Nightingale done.

Let's come together and let's check using the success criteria.

So I have written a date and a greeting.

Absolutely.

15th of March 1855 and Dear Diary, so I can tick that off.

I've used my plan to include the relevant events I had.

I looked back at my plan and I knew that I needed to write about when I arrived in Scutari, and I knew from my plan it said I couldn't believe my eyes to say how shocked I was, so I can tick that.

I've written in the first person.

Ooh, have I written in the first person? Yes.

I finally arrived in Scutari.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Good.

And past tense? Yeah, arrived in Scutari and when I saw, so past tense, I can tick that.

Now, read my writing back to check for any mistakes.

I always feel you need to hold back on this one till the very end.

Only once you've written your entire diary entry can you commit and say, yes, I did this consistently.

So I'm gonna hold back on that one.

Okay, it's your turn.

It is your time.

You are now going to write your own diary entry as Florence Nightingale on the day she arrived in Scutari.

Use your success criteria and your plan to help you.

And you can see your success criteria there.

Over to you now.

You have the knowledge, you have the success criteria, the plan.

You know how to do this.

Let's do it.

Pause the video and write your diary entry now.

Welcome back, everyone.

I am so excited to see how you got on.

How did you find it? Did you find it strange writing as if you were Florence Nightingale? Okay, let's have a look.

Just before we dive into an example, I would like you to take a minute to stop and to read your writing back to check it makes sense, and edit any errors.

I am almost sure there will be some edits that you need to make.

Even the best writers have edits they need to make.

Moments that they can look at and think, yes, I can improve that.

When you've done that, I want you to tick each box in your success criteria to show that you've completed it and that you are ready to move on and have a look at an example.

So pause the video, read your writing back, check, edit, improve, and then tick your success criteria.

And can you do this now? Welcome back, everyone.

I hope you use that time effectively.

You were able to read back, edit, improve.

Let's have a look at a full example.

"15th of March 1855 Dear Diary, This evening, I finally arrived in Scutari after a long and difficult journey.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the hospital.

My eyes filled with tears and I felt such sadness to see that there were wounded soldiers lying on the floor because there weren't enough beds.

My team and I noticed that the food the soldiers were being fed was mouldy and even had maggots inside.

It made me feel sick but determined to help!" Okay, I've got my date and my greeting so I can tick that off.

I can see that's at the top there.

I use my plan.

You can see all that information from my plan has been taken.

I arrived in Scutari, the wounded soldiers on the floor, the food.

That can be ticked.

First person and past tense.

Let's see.

Yeah, okay, great.

I've got I, I've got my.

Yeah, I can see that.

And past tense, yet my eyes filled with tears.

I arrived.

My team noticed.

Good.

And then finally, I read my writing back to check for any mistakes.

Constantly reading our writing back, seeing if we can improve, so I hope you did that too.

Well done.

Let's summarise our learning today.

Perspective is the way someone thinks, feels, or sees something.

Now writing in a diary will mostly be in the past tense, important to remember.

Past tense tells the reader something happened before now.

A diary entry should be written in the first person using I, me, my, we, our, us.

These are the kind of words that we will see in your diary entry as it's written from the first person.

Well done today.

Congratulations, Florence.

Excellent writing of your own diary.

I will see you soon.