Lesson video

Hello, I hope all is well, wherever you are.

And today we're going to carry on writing the opening.

So the next bit whether comes in, and, and so we're going to build some vocabulary together, and then we are going to do another shared write, and then you are going to have a go, with the next bit.

Let's get going.

Let's have a look at what this lesson will include.

It is a review of the opening action.

So what else we need to happen in the opening, the last bit of the writing.

Actually, there's one more after this, but this is the next bit of action.

We're going to build some more vocabulary to help us with our shared write, and then with your writing, we're going to do shared write.

So write something together, and we're going to check and edit, then it'll be your turn to write independently.

What do we need for this lesson? We need your exercise book or some paper, a pencil or a pen, and your notes from previous lessons, cause that might help you with the writing today.

If you haven't got those, pause the video and go and get them, and sit in a place that is as distraction-free as possible.

So you can really concentrate.

Pause now.

Okay, if you're ready, let's go.

We're going to review the opening action.

So we are still writing the opening section of our story.

After that we'll go onto the buildup, and then the last two bits, the climax and the resolution, you're going to be doing yourself much later in the unit.

So in the opening we have already set the scene.

Now we need to introduce some of the main characters, and we need to try and grab the attention, or interest of reader.

So let's build some vocabulary.

So we've got it close to hand, in our pockets, in our bags, in our rucksacks, wherever you keep your vocabulary, in your brain probably, so that when you're writing, it's as fluent, as smooth as possible.

So that action, we need to remember what happens.

One night, what happens? One night festival, a bird comes flying down.

Fantastic.

He was tired.

And what did he do? Finish my sentence for me.

And.

he rested, yeah on the pedestal.

Could you say that, "rested on the pedestal." One of our new words, of the statue or something else.

We're just reminding ourselves what the action was.

Then what happened? He felt her a.

What did he feel, on his head? He felt a drop on his head.

The Prince was crying.

It's sad that the Happy Prince was sad, which is a very intriguing, unusual thing.

One, that a statue could cry, Two, that the Happy Prince was sad, to kind of contrast ideas well again, isn't it? So let's try and describe the bird, to build up some vocabulary, to remember that really vivid writing we've been doing.

So one night.

Well, how do we describe the bird? A.

Give me a word.

A.

Lovely, really good ideas.

Here were some of the ideas that I could hear, Cause of my magic: tiny, small, little, delicate.

Delicate means easy to break.

Sometimes those little birds look like they might be easy to break.

Certainly a cat can break them pretty easily.

Okay, so, those are some words we could use to describe the bird.

But we're going to stretch this even further.

I would like you to write down this sentence, with a powerful verb in the gap so.

One night a tiny, actually you could choose, you could say tiny, small, little, delicate, or one of yours.

One night, a mmh bird mmh through the sky.

What did it do? We've had to go with some of that vocabulary already.

It.

What did it do? Pause and write a full sentence for me please.

Okay, it might have glided, it might have dipped, which is going down slightly.

It might have darted like a dart.

It might have fluttered like a butterfly, or it might have danced.

Check your sentence, make sure you've got a capital letter, and a full stop.

Pause now, make sure you've got it, and then play, once you've checked your sentence.

Okay, so here's some more of the action.

How did the bird feel? You remember that he was going quite a long distance, wasn't he? So how might he feel? Can you have a think and tell me? What did he feel? He felt tired, yeah.

Weary or exhausted? Absolutely.

And what did he then do? He.

Tell me, say out loud, He.

Landed, yeah, he perched, or he stopped.

So the bird flew in, he felt really tired, so he landed his, he perched on the.

Where did he put the feet of the statue on the.

? Pedestal.

That's it.

So let's try and make this into a complex sentence.

As the weary bird, mmh, he felt maybe, or he felt, Finish the sentence.

And here I've got some weighing scales, because what we need to have in a complex sentence, where the relative clause is at the front, 'as', with 'as' there, is a comma in the middle, and the comma balances the two parts of the sentence.

So as the weary bird did this, So as the weary bird, rested, settled down, lay down, any of those That's the door bell.

I'm going to pause, and then I'm going to resume one moment.

Okay, I'm back.

That was a book.

Very exciting.

So as the weary bird, mmh.

what did he do? Comma he felt mmh full stop So we need to make sure that we have a verb on either side to balance our sentence, and the bit in the middle, the pivot, is our comma.

So can you write down this sentence for me, and fill in the gaps.

As the weary bird, something, I got some clues there.

He felt something.

Pause and write it down for me.

Okay.

Have you written your sentence? Let's have a check of what it could have been.

There's lots of different options.

I just wanted you to have a go.

It could have been: "as the weary bird settled down, "he felt a huge drop of water fall on his head." Full stop.

So we've got a comma there, as the weary bird settled down.

bird settled down, something else happened, he felt a drop of water.

So we've got our two parts of the sentence separated, by the comma.

So how did he feel? He felt confused, he felt puzzled, he felt that's strange, or that's odd.

So he flown in, he's very tired, he lands, a drop of water, how strange.

These are all parts of what we're writing today.

And what did he realise? He realised that the Prince was crying, yeah.

Or that he was.

Can you tell me? Tears, yeah.

Tears were trickling down his cheeks, or they were falling from his eyes.

So this is a very strange thing that's happening.

We're going to write that bit of the action now.

This is what we need to include: We need to describe the action, We need to use powerful adjectives and vivid verbs again, make it really vivid, clear in our reader's head, We need to start our sentences in different ways, And this time, I want us to use short and long sentences.

Now we might use short and long sentences when we write to: speed up the action, slow down the action.

So here you've got to speed up the action, Slow some of the action or speeds up or slows down, slows down information given to the reader.

So it may be that you want little things to be realised, like blinks or like chunks of information.

And sometimes we do that when we want something to happen fast.

He gasped, he jumped, he ran, As he was running doo doo doo doo doo doo, and the long sentence And it makes the reading more interesting, and it also speeds up and slows down, okay.

So we're going to include that together.

And I want you to have a go when you write as well.

We also need to remember our punctuation and sense check as ever.

So we need it to make sense.

Here's an example below of a complex sentence, where we've got the commas for a particular rule.

So we've practised a complex sentence, we've got a comma in the middle, as the weary bird settled down, So as the bird did something, he felt a huge drop of water.

So as he did this, he felt this.

It's two things happening simultaneously, and we've got our comma in the middle.

So let's start writing.

So we need to describe the action.

What's the first thing that happens? What time of day is it? How would we describe it? So.

Okay, so I'm going to type, and you're going to help me by saying some ideas, when I leave a pause.

We need to describe what happens and when.

So what's the first thing? You've got one oh no, not flying.

One.

How do we describe it? One.

Something like, One starry night.

That's a good idea.

Another one, One.

Yeah, one moonlit night, that's a nice one, one tranquil night, that's also a nice one.

Let's try.

One clear night, Okay, one clear night comma.

How do we describe the bird? Think of all vocabulary ideas early on in this lesson.

A.

Delicate bird, nice, A small bird, A, let's use this one, a tiny, good.

"Tiny and swallow, glided through the air," And, let's stretch it, And what did he do? Landed yeah? "Landed on, Landed on the pedestal, lovely.

Landed on a pedestal.

Landed or we could say and perched.

I like perched at the huge.

We going to describe with, huge feet, yeah, of the Prince, That's right cause he's now one of our characters.

He was tired and wanted, We're describing how he felt, Wanted to sleep yeah, could be.

Or wanted to rest.

Let's have a look at that together.

Okay, we've done a bit of the action, which is the first thing on the checklist, but I'm not going to focus on that right now, because we haven't quite finished it.

One clear night, a tiny swallow, so that's the key bit.

I'm going to go straight to, the second piece in our checklist, which is the powerful adjectives and vivid verbs.

So let's check through our writing: "One clear night, a tiny swallow glided through the air "and perched at the huge feet of the Prince.

"He was tired and wanted to rest." So have we got some powerful adjectives, and vivid verbs in there? Give me a thumbs up, thumbs down, thumbs middle, three, two, one.

Yeah, we've got some, we've got some so far.

It's only the beginning.

We've got a lovely glided, that's a nice vivid verb, something that is a doing word.

We've got perched, another vivid verb, We've got glided through the air, not sure why that's there actually, to be honest, that he was tired, we're describing how he felt, So we have used powerful adjectives and vivid verbs.

Another one, I don't know why I didn't have a tick, tiny swallow, that would be a good one.

So and huge feet also.

So started sentences in different ways, we've got two sentences, and they're started in different ways, one and he.

But we're going to move on to the next bit of writing now.

Okay, so the next bit of action, we've described some of the action, but not all of it.

Is on the head? And first of all, he's got to.

then drops on the head, then how strange.

And we want to start our sentences in different ways.

And also here focus on using short and long sentences.

And the reason why I want to use some short sentences here, is that it's such a strange thing.

It's like, we want to show that, there are kind of blinks of information, so that we realise something, something odd happens.

We think that's strange, we check.

And sometimes, when something really strange happens, our thought process slows down.

And so it kind of comes in little chunks and realisations.

So things that we're understanding slowly.

And so that one way of showing that, is by doing that in short sentences.

So let's start with our.

Let's start with the complex sentence, that we've practised earlier on.

We could say, as, I'm starting in a funny place there, let's start it further up.

As he lay his weary head down, As he lay his weary head down, Fantastic.

He felt.

What did he feel on his head? Good.

drop fall on his head.

Full stop.

What short snappy sentence? What does he think he thinks? How odd! And I'm going to put an exclamation mark, because it's a kind of very strange short sentence.

How odd! Great.

And then what did he do? Felt the drop and then, let's have a simple, short sentence, he.

Excellent.

He looked up.

What is he thinking about? He's thinking, the thing looks strange.

The sky was full of stars.

Cause we've already said it was a clear night, haven't we? So what could it mean? It couldn't, with an apostrophe there.

Could not, contracting the not, couldn't be raining.

Then what did he see? Then he saw, he's so lovely.

He saw that.

No let's say he saw, the character here, the Prince.

Tears were falling down his golden cheeks.

And let's have another short sentence.

It's a realisation.

It's a strange thing, and a key part to our story.

What was the Happy Prince doing? The Happy Prince was crying, that's great.

Okay, let's read that together.

So let's look at it against our checklist in the corner.

I've done some checking already, but let's have a look together.

We need to make sure that we describe the action.

"As he lay his weary head down, 'he felt a drop fall on his head.

How odd! "He looked up.

The sky was full of stars.

"So it couldn't be raining.

Then he saw the Prince.

"Tears were falling down his golden cheeks.

"The Happy Prince was crying." So do you think we've described the action? I think we have.

Have we used powerful adjectives and vivid verbs? Well, I've highlighted some really good.

Some powerful adjectives there, not a huge amount, but we have got some in the previous one.

I would think that we've done all right there.

So have we started our sentences in different ways? We've got a nice complex sentence at the beginning, with our comma.

We've got: how odd, he looked up, the sky, then, tears, the.

I would say we have started our sentences in different ways.

And using short and long sentences.

Let's have a look, "As he lay his weary head down, "he felt a drop fall on his head." So that's a long sentence.

Next we have, "How odd." Short "He looked up." Short, "The sky was full of stars, so it couldn't be raining." So we've got a nice compound sentence there, with 'so' as our joining conjunction.

"Then he saw the Prince." Short.

And then, "Tears were falling down his golden cheeks." So I think we've definitely started our sentences, in different ways and used short and long sentences.

Pat on the back.

Fantastic.

Okay.

Let's do our two finger check.

One clear night, the Prince, full stop, capital letter.

He, and wanted to rest, second finger put it on there.

Full stop, good, capital letter.

As at the beginning, I forgot my tick.

I've got a full stop at the end.

Then we've got a capital letter and a full stop.

Oh, it's not a full stop, it's an exclamation mark that time, because it's so surprising, how odd! He looked up, full stop and we've got, couldn't be raining, full stop.

And we've got next to each of our full stops, We've got, a really good capital letter.

There was one, full stop, capital letter, full stop.

Capital letter and we've got an exclamation mark at the end.

I changed that cause it was a full stop, wasn't it? And so we have sounded out our words.

Oh, we have done our two finger check, I have sounded out words, I would like you, when you read it, to read it slowly and make sure all the sounds are there, check the words are really there.

I've done that by saying it, it's allowed touching on each word.

Oh, commas, by the way there's a rule.

So we've got one in our.

Let's just go back.

There we've got one in our complex sentence.

As he lay his weary head down comma, he felt a drop fall on his head.

So we definitely have checked that there are commas where there's a rule.

Now it is your turn.

Make sure you do each of the things in the checklist.

Use your notes down there.

say each sentence, write it down, check it, edit it, and then read it again.

And I would like you to make sure you do each of those things, and cover all of the action.

Pause now, off you go.

Now that you've written your writing, can you make sure that you have done your punctuation and sense check? And I've showed you how to do this in previous lessons.

So you should be pretty good at it: doing your two finger check, sound out your words, check the words are really there, and only have a comma where there's a rule.

So can you pause, go back to your writing and do each of those things now, please.

Play when you're done.

Another big writing lesson.

You are working so hard, and don't worry if there are some mistakes along the way, that is how we learn.

You've done such fantastic writing.

Do show it to someone at home if there's a chance to.

And I look forward to you sharing things at the end of the unit.

Well done.