Lesson video

Let's look at the agenda.

We're going to review build up action and purpose.

So what the, what happens in our build up, and what the point of it is.

We're going to review our notes, and we're going to do a shared write of the build up, and then we're going to check it.

In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or paper, a pencil or a pen, and your notes from previous lessons because that will help our shared write.

Let's do a warm up.

So here we've got some prepositions of place and I've underlined the positions bit of prepositions to remind you that that's where things are, the positions.

So I just wanted you to have a think about, what ones we might use in our writing today? What might be useful? Would we use behind? Does that come up? Behind.

Behind the woman, maybe.

Below.

Possibly, 'cause we're talking about things being up and down, aren't we? Above, maybe.

So just go through and decide, might you use these? Think about the context that you would use these in our writing today.

Under, between, next to.

Have a think.

And then, I want you to pause and then we'll point to some.

Pause now.

Okay, let's point to some of the ones that we might use today and maybe use it in a full sentence.

Okay point to one that you might use today now.

Did yours pop up? And tell me your full sentence, please.

Oh, I like that one, I'm going to say that one as well.

Next to the woman, was her sick son.

Or beneath the covers lay her ill boy.

Or below, the bird could see the palace was having a party.

Any of those, fantastic.

Those are some useful prepositions for today's writing.

Now we're going to review the action and the purpose of the build up.

So there's our build up in our story mountain, we've done our opening, now we're on our build up.

Now this is the first part of our buildup that we'll be writing.

We're not going to write it all today and this is the bit that introduces a problem or how we might solve the problem of the sad prince.

We are going to focus on what the bird and the, what the prince says to the bird about the seamstress, and also describing the conditions that the seamstress and the boy live in.

So let's have a look at reviewing our notes.

Last lesson we looked at close ups and how they make us feel something either when we're watching it in a film or when in writing.

So how it makes us feel sympathetic with the person that we're watching.

Here are some of the notes that we did last lesson so you will have those ready to hand when you're writing.

Here's some other examples, the full sentence at the bottom.

And some more vocabulary that we gathered together, really, really great stuff there.

And some more, all useful, I want you to have them to hand for when we're doing shared writing and for when you're doing your own writing.

So now we're onto the shared write.

Let's get going with that.

Here are the skills to include.

We need to make sure we write the parts of the story that are needed and try to include that contrast, the difference between the very rich, the very poor, the very old and tired, or the very shiny and new.

To write those close ups that we've just been practising.

We want to use vivid adverbs and verbs, we want to use precise adjectives, and we want to start our sentences in different ways.

Make sure we do our two finger check.

We sound out our words.

We check the words are really there.

Check we've used our past tense, and only use a comma where there's a rule.

Let's start writing.

So, first of all we've got that first picture, the tearful prince.

What does the tearful prince say? The tearful prince.

Let's start our writing.

We need to make sure that we get that first bit of action in there.

So what does the Prince.

The tearful Prince told the Swallow, What did he tell the Swallow? The tearful Prince told the swallow about.

The tearful, full of tears.

Prince, capital letter for our character.

Told the, another capital letter for our character.

Swallow about the.

Well, we haven't met her yet so it would need to be, a poor seam, seamstress, full stop.

The tearful Prince told the Swallow about a poor seamstress.

New sentence.

Where did she live? She lived, in a.

What was it like? Tell me.

Cramped, yeah.

Dirty, yeah, it could be.

Anything else? Small, yeah.

This is her house we're describing, or her room.

We could say a cold, comma, cramped, lovely, thank you.

Room, in the city below.

'Cause we want that contrast that way between the high, what's up high, and what's down low.

So the tearful Prince, capital letter for Prince, told the Swallow, capital letter for Swallow, about a poor seamstress.

She lived in a cold, comma, cramped room in the city below.

Oh! What have we forgotten? Full stop at the end.

Okay so have we got some, we've got some of the parts of the story needed, have we got close ups? Not yet.

Have we got vivid adverbs and verbs? We haven't used any adverbs, to describe how something is done.

And we haven't really got.

Lived is a verb.

Medium.

Precise adjectives, let's see.

Swallow about a poor, good, seamstress.

She lived in a cold, there's an adjective, comma, cramped, nice bit of alliteration, and room in the city alone.

Have we started our sentences in different ways? Yes.

And we've done some of those things in the first two sentences, but I think we've got some more work to do.

Let's do the next section together.

So we might need to do our punctuation and sense check there.

we'd need to put a finger on the capital letter, and a finger on the full stop.

The tearful Prince told the Swallow about a poor seamstress, full stop, capital letter.

She lived in a cold, comma, cramped room in the city below.

So make sure when you do your writing that you do each of those punctuation and sense check things.

I'm going to skip to the next bit, because I want to do a little bit more shared writing with you, before the end of the lesson.

Okay, well let's write the next part of the story.

So we're going to focus on those hands, and on those eyes, to show, not tell, that our character is tired.

So her, let's have a look at what we would say.

Her.

How would we describe them? Look back at your notes.

Her.

Her dirty hands could be.

Let's have two adjectives.

Her.

Let's see the feeling.

The feeling now.

Rough, could be.

A rough, comma.

Let's do something else about how they felt, aching.

Her rough aching hands were.

What were they like? Were, let's do what they looked like.

Dirty, could be.

Were, red.

Yeah, that works.

Red from.

What were they red from? From all the, sewing, that's it.

And who is it for? Sewing.

From sewing the, beautiful, dresses for, for the palace, and I can see I have a spelling mistake there.

So I'm going to go back, I don't need an extra S, I'm getting rid of that.

So, describe her eyes now.

Her.

So I'm going to use her again because actually it's really nice to have sometimes a bit of a pattern when you're describing different things about someone.

So her small, nice.

How else might we describe her hands? Look at your notes.

Her small cloudy, could do.

Cloudy eyes.

What were they doing we got to finish that sentence.

Were, drooping, nice, from working in the dim candle light, let's finish it like that.

Her rough aching hands were red from sewing the beautiful dresses from the palace full stop.

Her small cloudy eyes were dripping from the working, from working in the dim candlelight.

Lovely.

So have you written the parts of the story needed? Yes, we've done those, and we've done those good close-ups.

Have you used vivid verbs and adverbs? Okay, we haven't used adverbs but we have used verbs.

We use precise adjectives, let's have a look.

Small cloudy eyes, rough aching hands.

Yes.

And have we started our sentences in different ways? Well, interestingly, we've chosen to start our sentences in the same way on this occasion, because it's a bit like a pattern to show, maybe a little bit like, that life is a bit monotonous, that it repeats.

Her this, her that.

And then we don't do that a lot, we show that we're doing that on purpose.

So let's move on to the next bit.

Okay, now we need to describe her son.

So let's use one of those prepositions.

Where was her son compared to her? Was she beneath? No.

Was she a above, was he a above? No, He was, yeah, beside her.

Beside her, comma, lay her sick son.

Not sone, son.

Describe his face? His, let's use a expanded now phrase.

His something, something face.

His, let's look back at our notes.

Can you suggest something for me.

Is, pale, nice, comma.

What else? He has a temperature doesn't he.

His pale sweaty, nice, face.

Shone, there is our verb.

With fever, I'm going to extend it into a complex sentence.

And let's put our relative clause here.

As we, what did he do? As he.

Yeah, we could have he moaned or he sighed.

Let's say he turned over in his hard bed.

Nice.

And then we need to say something about their situation, I think.

It's just something, a straight simple sentence.

His mother, what could she not afford? Could not afford her medicine, good, or, food, could be, to make him better, full stop.

Lovely.

Let's check together.

Beside her comma, lay her sick son, full-stop, capital letter, finger on.

His pale, comma, sweaty faced shone with fever as, a nice complex sentence.

He turned over in his hard bed and we don't have a comma there, we only have a comma when the relative clause is switched around to the front.

So that's fine without a comma there.

His mother could not afford the medicine or food to make him better, full stop.

So, have we written the parts of the story that we needed? Thumbs up or thumbs down? Yes, thumbs up.

Have we written close ups? Yes.

Pale sweaty face, and we've got the rough hands and the cloudy eyes, good.

Have we got some vivid adverbs and verbs? We have not used an advert here, but we have got some vivid verbs.

Maybe we'll see if we could add to an adverb like, he turned over, lets say.

He turned over.

His pale sweaty face shone with fever as he turned, sleepily we could say.

Sleepily over in his hard bed.

Precise adjectives, we've got lots of those.

And start our sentences in different ways.

Yes we have.

Fantastic.

Done our two finger check, sounded out the words.

We could do a bit more of that actually to make sure the sounds of that, but we don't quite have time now.

Check the words are really there.

You need to put our finger on every one and read it out.

Use the past tense.

Yes, we've checked our commas.

Really fantastic.

It's going to be your turn now to do this bit of writing.

Okay, so it's your turn to write your build up, the first part of it.

So you need to make sure you write the parts of the story that are needed.

Write those really powerful close ups to make your reader feel sympathy for the characters.

Use your vivid adverbs and verbs, precise adjectives, and start your sentences in different ways.

Or do a couple of patterning where you say her and then her again, but not all the way through the same.

I want you to make sure you use your notes.

You can see the paper picture there.

Say your sentence aloud, write it down, check it carefully.

Write it again, and edit it, sorry.

And then when you are done, you can press play again.

Really good luck.

I think you've got fantastic ideas.

So I'm really looking forward to seeing your writing.

Off you go.

Okay, so you need to make sure that you are checking and editing your writing.

So I want you to pause now and make sure you're doing your punctuation and sense check.

Make sure it says what you want it to say.

Pause, check, edit.

Go! Fantastic.

You've written another section of your brilliant story.

I think you are playing on the heartstrings of your reader.

So you are really creating a picture that will convey the message.

Give the message that we want to give about being kind to your friends, about being helpful, about not just taking everything for yourself.

These are all things that your story is conveying to your reader.

And I think you're doing a very good job so far.

Look forward to the next lesson.

Bye!.