Lesson video

Hello, again.

This is our second to last lesson of this unit.

You have been working so incredibly hard.

We're going to be writing today the second part of the build up.

So that means that we are going to be continuing on from where we were and solving the first problem.

So, I think we should just get started.

I hope everything is good where you're.

Lets get going.

Okay, lets go through the lesson.

We are going to review the build up action and purpose.

So what the action is and why we need it.

We are going to revise the speech rules cause we're going to use speech in our writing today.

And we are going to then do a shared write.

We then, I'm going to make sure as always that we check and edit our work.

What will you need? You will need an exercise book or paper.

Pencil or a pen.

And your notes from previous lessons to help you during your build up writing.

So particularly that build up, those built up notes you've done.

Okay, here's a warm up.

What we might want to have a go at is adding action to speech.

So, "I will help you," replied the compassionate bird as he.

So that's turning into a complex sentence.

Can you have a go at finishing this complex sentence with speech in it? So write it out carefully with all the correct punctuation.

And then as he, what does he do at the same time as he says that? He replied, as he.

Or as he.

What is it that he does at the same time? Finish the sentence.

And don't forget, you're all stop.

Off you go.

Okay.

Can you tell me please, your full sentence.

I want you to read it to me and I will listen carefully.

It's very important.

Even if I can't hear you always, to say what you've written loud cause it helps you to hear how it should sound.

So, ready, steady, read your sentence.

Fantastic.

Really good.

So here's another example that you could have done.

"I will help you," replied the compassionate bird as he flew over the rooftops.

Or, "I will help you," replied the compassionate bird.

So compassionate means someone with lots of feeling.

So someone who understands other people's feelings.

"I will help you," replied the compassionate bird as he carried the gem to the family.

So that's some action added to speech using, as.

We'll see if we can include that in our writing today.

Okay, let's review the action and the purpose of the build up.

So here we have our story mountain.

And we're in the second part in the build up.

And we've already done the first part of the build up.

So this is the second part.

So we need to know now, will the bird help? And what will the prince do to help the seamstress? So we're in the second part, part B of our build up.

And we're also going to include part C.

So the swallow flying over the city.

And the first mini problem being solved.

And then the question in the readers head, what will happen next? So, the prince asked the bird to take the ruby.

The bird agrees to help.

The bird takes the ruby and the family are happy.

Those four bits of action are the things that we need to include in our writing today.

Let's revise the speech rules cause we're going to try and include speech.

You be the teacher.

Here, I've had a good speech.

There's so many parts to remember.

Sometimes I forget.

So we just need to check really, really well.

Can you please have a little look and see if you can spot some mistakes.

Can you see them all? Pause and have a look.

Now.

Oh, what I'd like you to do actually, I'd like you to write it down.

I'd like you to write it as it should be using the speech sandwich.

Can you do that now? What now that you've had a look, pause and write this down as it should be.

Cause it's good to have a practise.

Off you go.

Okay, did you write it down? Let's check through together.

So I've got a tick there because I remembered my first open speech marks which was great.

But did I remember my tomato? Let's see.

No, I forgot my capital letter.

Did you spot that? Hopefully.

It's easy to forget sometimes.

So we need to change that to be a big K and capital letter.

Then, let's have a look.

Where's the end of our speech marks? Oh, well, I can see that's a bit of a problem too.

Did you spot that? Let's see.

We've got the K.

We got our capital letter.

Then we've got our speech.

Here it is.

"Kind swallow, will you take this ruby from my sword? And then it stops just before the said word.

But we haven't got closed speech marks.

We need to do that now.

So, I mean at the end of that speech, something else.

First, close the speech marks.

So, let's pop those in.

But we can also see that we've got a missing tomato.

I should have spotted that first.

Really shouldn't I? Cause he's asking a question.

So he needs to have a question mark.

So you can see we've put that in.

And even I forget sometimes.

Its easy to forget.

So that's why we have to be really clear about our sandwich.

And our sandwich you can see is symmetrical.

So, there's something on both sides that you need to remember.

Tomato on both sides of the cheese.

Bread on both sides of the tomato.

Then we've got our synonym for said.

Have we gotten it correct? Yes.

And then we've got a capital letter for the name of the character and a full stop at the end.

Let's just double check that.

Yep, we've got a small letter there for our synonym for said.

And we've got our full stop at the end.

Give yourself a pat on the back.

A round of applause.

Well done for getting any of them.

Just double check.

Oh, I want to double check, pause and make sure yours looks like this.

Only please.

Could you do that? Pause now.

Okay, so we need to remember also that we've got to remember four things with our speech punctuation.

One of them is our speech sandwich.

And you can picture it and that'll help you.

One is said and who said it.

But with this small letter.

Important.

One is a full stop at the end.

And then we also need a new line for a new speaker.

For example, "Sweet swallow, please can you take this ruby to the poor family?" asked the Prince.

New speaker new line.

"I will help you," replied the kind bird.

You can see I started a new line for a new speaker not because I finished that line which I did.

But because it was a new speaker, the bird.

Okay, let's try our shared write, together.

We need to remember to write the parts of the story needed.

We need to use precise adjectives.

We need to include a bit of speech.

And we need our synonyms for said.

So there's four things that we're going to remember.

We also, as always need to check our punctuation and check it makes sense.

And those are the five things down there that we should look out for every time.

So, we need to remember the parts of our speech sandwich.

But also the four things to remember which we've just been through.

Okay, let's start.

Okay, so we need to write the parts of the story that are needed.

The first thing is that the prince says that he wants the bird to carry the ruby to the poor family.

We've described the family in the previous part of built up.

And now the journey needs to happen with the ruby.

So let's open speech marks and say, "Sweet swallow." Comma.

After the letter when you say, "Dear mom," you put a comma after sweet swallow.

Please, will you take the.

Lets describe the ruby.

The red ruby.

Could be the.

Can you give me another idea? Right ruby.

That's another nice one.

Or sparkling.

Yeah, let's use that one.

Sparkling ruby from my sword.

And what do we want him, what do we want the bird to do? And give it to the.

How do we describe the family? They are poor.

Poor.

Comma.

Suffering family.

Its a question so I'm going to include the question mark.

And then, said the bird.

Full stop at the end.

Okay.

I'm going to go through and check that in just a minute.

Let's check it together in fact.

Okay, let's check what we've got.

We've written some of the parts of the story needed.

We've conveyed that the prince wants the bird to take the ruby to the suffering family.

So we've managed to include that.

We've used some precise adjectives.

You can see those in pink.

We've used some speech and we've used a synonym.

Oh, have we used a synonym for said? No, it doesn't look like we have.

I added a little bit of speech on the end as well to show what the bird says in response.

I think we might need to do some editing of that.

Let's have a look.

Okay, here's our speech sandwich.

Sweet swallow.

We've got our opening speech.

We've got our capital letter.

Please will you take the spark.

Sparkling ah, yes.

That was spelt wrongly as well.

So lucky I checked.

Sparkling ruby from my sword and give it to the poor.

Comma.

Suffering family.

Question mark.

But no close speech.

And then we've got a capital letter there.

Said the prince, "I will help you." Do spot anything else there? Hm.

What's number four say? New speaker new line.

Have I done that? Doesn't look like it.

So I need to change that as well.

And then I've got, said the bird.

So I didn't use a synonym for said there, either.

Let's see if we can make these improvements.

Okay.

Sweet swallow, there we go.

So I've got my close speech marks after the question mark.

After family.

So sweet swallow, comma, please will you take the sparkling.

Spelled correctly.

Ruby from my sword and give it to the poor comma suffering family.

Question mark.

Close speech marks.

Asked the prince.

That's better synonym for said.

I will help you.

So we've got new speaker new line.

And we've got opening speech mark, capital letter I will help you.

And it's a comma there cause it's not a question or an exclamation mark.

Close speech marks.

Replied with a lowercase r and a full stop at the end.

Lots to check there.

When you're doing your writing, just make sure you're checking every single stage cause it's so easy.

As you could see, when I was doing it.

So easy to make a mistake, isn't it? So doesn't matter.

We all make them.

We just need to make sure we check them.

So, the next bit.

The swallow is carrying the ruby.

You can see and they're happy in the end.

So let's say this.

Well, we could say that couldn't we.

Okay, what's the next bit of action? The swallow has to carry the ruby and then the family are happy in the end.

So let's say, the swallow.

You could say, carried the.

How are we going to describe it? Say giant.

Yeah.

Giant ruby over the.

Now I'm going to describe the city like this.

Troubled city.

Now it's funny cause we know that cities aren't people.

And so you can't really describe them as troubled as such.

But this city is troubled.

It has troubles.

Things aren't fair.

Like so many cities that people live in.

Things aren't fair between the rich and the poor.

So I've described it as a troubled city cause I think that helps communicate what the message we're trying to convey in our story.

So I've described it as the troubled city.

So the swallow carried the giant ruby over the troubled city to the family.

Full stop.

I'm going to do a complex sentence.

When they woke and saw the jewel.

Comma.

This they smiled from ear to ear.

Again showing not telling.

At the hope it gave them to survive.

So we've done that last picture there.

Showing how they feel.

It could be a laugh.

It could be a giggle.

It could be a punch the air.

At the hope it gave them.

That then maybe things would be alright.

Okay, let's stop that section there.

So let's make sure we've got the parts of the story needed.

The bird carries the ruby and they're very happy at the end.

So write the parts of the story needed.

I think we've done that.

Use precise adjectives.

We've got the giant ruby and the troubled city.

Have we used speech? We use that earlier on.

And have we used synonyms for said? We used that earlier on.

Okay, I want you to have a go now.

So in a moment I'm going to ask you to pause the tape.

Pause the video.

And have a go at writing this section of the action.

Pause with this screen so that you can see each of the parts you need to include.

You can see those pictures there.

There's your success criteria.

The things that you need to do.

There's the speech sandwich to remind you of what you need to include when you write speech.

I want you to use your notes.

I want you to say your sentence aloud.

I want you to write it down each time.

Check carefully.

Edit.

When you've done that and written this section, you can press play again.

Off you go.

You're going to do a brilliant job.

Okay, so you need to make sure you go through your writing for punctuation and sense.

So pause now and go through each of the parts of that checklist.

Look really carefully.

Always read it aloud to yourself so you can hear what's actually there.

Pause and check for punctuation and sense.

Fantastic.

What brilliant work today.

Such a lot that we're including.

Such a lot of brilliant skills.

I'm so glad that you had a really good go at it.

We just got one more lesson to go.

And then we'll have finished the unit.

So good.

All right.

See you next lesson.