Lesson video

Hi, everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit, "The BFG:" Reading and Narrative Writing.

I'm really excited for today's lesson because we're going to have a chance to read back through our opening of our narrative of "The BFG" and make some ambitious and purposeful edits with our partner.

So thank you for joining and let's get started.

In today's lesson from my unit, "The BFG:" Reading and Narrative Writing, we are going to be reading back through our opening paragraphs, part one and part two, and making some purposeful edits to yours and your partner's work.

So your learning outcome is I can edit my own and my peer's opening paragraph of a narrative based on "The BFG." Here are your key words for today's lesson.

We're going to do my turn, your turn.

Editing, this is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation, this is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

For example, full stops, commas, question marks, exclamation marks.

Sentence structure, this is the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

And vocabulary, this is the use of specific words and phrases to convey a meaning.

So there are three sections of our lesson today.

In the first, we'll be peer editing punctuation.

Then we'll be peer editing sentence structure.

Then we'll be peer editing language.

So let's start with peer editing punctuation.

Editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need and want to edit their work.

And editing does not mean rewriting everything all over again.

Instead, it's about making select corrections and improvements.

So check for understanding.

True or false? If you are asked to edit your work, it means that it's full of mistakes.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, editing is something we do at school because children are much more likely to edit their work than adults, or B, editing is something all writers do because it is a chance to improve their work and make it better.

Pause the video now.

That's why it is B.

Everyone, even professional writers, edit their works.

It's a really important stage of the writing process.

Well done.

So the job of an editor is to do all of these.

Check for mistakes and punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, and make improvements in vocabulary choices.

In this lesson, you are going to be editors, and you'll be working together with your partner and editing each other's work.

This is called peer editing.

So check in for understanding.

Editing is the process of, A, rewriting a whole piece of text, B, checking for punctuation errors, C, making improvements to sentence structure, or D, writing the text again, but with better handwriting.

Pause the video now.

Editing is the process of B, checking for punctuation errors, and C, making improvements in sentence structure.

Well done.

So editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas, speech, punctuation, if you've included speech.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

So this is your checklist.

Have we checked for all of these? Missing or incorrectly used capital letters, missing or incorrectly used full stops or question marks at the end of the sentence, and missing or incorrectly used commas.

So let's start by checking for missing or incorrectly used capital letters.

Here's your sentence, as quietly as possible, sophie put on her Tattered shoes.

Pause the video now and see if you can spot missing or incorrectly used capital letters.

Okay, so I'm sure you've spotted the mistakes too.

At the start of my sentence, we needed a capital letter.

So I've replaced the lowercase A with a capital A.

Sophie is a proper noun, so we need a capital letter, and tattered didn't need a capital letter.

So I replaced it, crossed it out, and replaced it with a lowercase T.

So now we can tick off our checklist.

Have we missing? Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Yes, we have.

So checking for understanding.

What are two uses of capital letters? A, they are used to begin all nouns, B, they are used to begin proper nouns, C, they're used at the beginning of sentences, or D, they are used to begin adverbs.

Pause video now.

So capital letters are used, B, to begin proper nouns, and C, at the beginning of sentences.

Well done.

So now let's check for missing or incorrectly used full stops.

Here's your sentence.

The young orphan.

picked up her glasses.

Pause the video now and see if you can spot the mistakes.

Okay, so the first mistake was that we didn't need a capital, a full stop, sorry, after orphan.

The young orphan is not a full sentence.

So I've crossed that out neatly.

And I'd forgotten a full stop at the end.

So I've added one in to end the sentence.

So now we can tick off our checklist.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops? Yes, we have.

So just checking for understanding.

Where are full stops placed in a sentence? A, after a fronted adverbial, B, at the start of a sentence, C, at the end of a sentence, or D, at the end of a question.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

Full stops are placed at the end of a sentence, C.

Well done.

Now let's check for missing or incorrectly used commas.

Here is your sentence.

Quietly she sat on the edge of her old creaking bed.

Pause the video now and see if you can spot the mistakes with our commas in this sentence.

Okay, so the first mistake, we needed a comma after quietly because it is a fronted adverbial.

Our second mistake was we needed a comma in between old and creaking.

'cause that is an expanded noun phrase.

So I've added that in neatly there.

And now we can tick off our checklist for this sentence.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Yes we have.

But now, let's check for missing or incorrectly used commas in this complex sentence.

As she stared at a screeching owl thunder raged outside.

Pause the video now and see if you can find where the comma should go.

Okay, so as she stared at a screeching owl is a subordinate clause, a subordinate adverbial clause.

So we need a comma after it before the main clause.

So now that I've added that in, we can tick off our checklist for this sentence.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Yes, we have.

So just checking for understanding.

When are commas used? A, between two adjectives in an ENP, B, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, C, after a front of adverbial, D, after a verb.

My hint to you is there is more than one answer for this question.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so we use commas in A, between two adjectives and ENP, B, after the adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, and C, after a fronted adverbial.

Well done.

So it's time for task A.

You are now going to peer edit your openings, looking only at punctuation.

So you'll be need to checking for all of these, capital letters, full stops and question marks, and commas.

You need to follow these steps in order to peer edit successfully.

So, firstly, get into partners and name yourselves A and B.

Then Partner A places their book on top of Partner B's book.

Partner A reads their writing aloud as B holds a different coloured pen.

Partner B makes edits to Partner A's writing, but remember, Partner B, when you are making edits, make sure you are talking it through with Partner A because this is a collaborative task that you are doing together.

Then you swap books and repeat these steps.

So pause the video now and off you go, editing the punctuation in yours and your partner's openings.

Well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Here is an example of some successful editing.

In a moment, you're going to pause the video and you're going to read through this paragraph.

And as you are reading, you're going to use the checklist to see if there's any missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, well done.

I'm going to show you the edits that I've made to this paragraph.

So firstly, capital letters, any missing or incorrectly used? There were some, weren't there? The first time I said the word, so the name Sophie, I didn't use a capital letter.

So I replaced the lowercase S with a capital S.

As she was tiptoeing across, the first word of that sentence as needed a capital letter.

So I changed that.

And then I had an incorrect capital letter when I said Sophie Froze in fear.

Froze didn't need a capital letter.

So I crossed that out and replaced it with a lowercase F.

So I can tick the first point of my checklist.

Now, any missing or incorrectly used full stops or question marks? There were, wasn't there? Weren't there? I had an incorrect full stop in my second sentence, after tattered old shoes.

I didn't need a full stop there 'cause it was the middle of a sentence so I crossed that out.

And I'd forgotten a full stop at the end of the paragraph.

So I've added that in in purple.

So now I can tick that off my checklist.

And then finally, did you spot any missing or incorrectly used commas? There were.

I had forgotten a comma after my fronted adverbial, one thundery night, and I'd forgotten a comma after my subordinate at proverbial clause, as she was tiptoeing across the creaking floorboard.

So you can see, I've added that in as well in purple.

And now, I can tick the final point off my checklist.

So this is an example of some successful editing of punctuation.

If you need to, you can pause video now and go back through your opening again and just make any final edits to punctuation.

Well done.

Okay, it is time now for the second part of our lesson where we are peer editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

So have we reread each sentence out loud to check it makes sense and to hear if it makes sense? Has an appropriate conjunction being used to join two clauses? And have a variety of sentence types being used? We don't just want to use loads of complex sentences or loads of compound or loads of simple.

We want to use a range.

So check for understanding.

True or false? When we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, we say sentences aloud to check for missing words and check for sense, or B, once a sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video now.

That is A, we want to be able to say our sentences out loud to be able to hear if they sound right and if they make sense.

Well done.

So let's check the sentence structure in an example.

We know the first point of our checklist is to read a sentence out loud to check it makes sense.

So I'm going to do that now.

Bravely, she continues towards the window.

She hesitantly opened dusty curtains.

So just by reading that out loud, I could hear some mistakes.

So I've made some edits.

I changed the tense and continues.

We are writing in the past tense.

So it's not continues, it's continued.

I'd also forgotten the word the before dusty curtain.

She opened the dusty curtain.

So I added that in.

So I could tick the first point of my checklist.

I've reread aloud the sentence to check it makes sense.

Now, have I used a conjunction? I had forgotten the conjunction.

I had two clauses, but they weren't joined together by conjunction.

So I've added in the coordinating conjunction.

And so now we have a compound sentence.

So I can tick the second point of my checklist.

Now we want to think about using a variety of sentence types.

So let's have a look at these sentences.

She was pairing through the glass when she gulped in fear.

When she glimpsed a towering, mysterious silhouette, she gasped in shock.

So you can see here, in these two sentences, I've used the same subordinating conjunctions, when and when.

So two complex sentences in a row with the same subordinating conjunction.

So I've crossed out the second when, and I've replaced it with the coordinating conjunction and.

So now we have a complex sentence and a compound sentence.

So I can take the final point off my checklist.

Have a variety of sentence types been used? Now they have.

So just checking for understanding, which of the following makes sense? Pause the video now and make sure you say each sentence out loud to check if they, and check if they sound right.

Off you go.

Okay, so the sentence that makes sense was B, One Sunday night, a young orphan bolted upright.

A doesn't make sense because it doesn't have a verb.

And C doesn't make sense 'cause you've forgotten the word orphan.

A young bolted upright, that doesn't make sense.

So just remembering that by saying these aloud, sentences out loud is a really good way to hear if your sentences are right.

Well done.

So it's time for task B.

Now you are going to peer edit your openings, but this time looking only at sentence structure.

So you need to be checking for all of these.

Does each sentence make sense? Has a conjunction been used? And have a variety of sentence types been used? And just like in task A, you need to follow the same steps to peer edit successfully.

So pause the video now and off you go editing the sentence structure in each other's openings.

Well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Did you use the checklist to edit your work? In a moment, you're going to pause the video and I want you to read back through this opening and use the editing checklist to help you see what edits need to be made, and then I'm going to go through the edits that I made.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, so did you spot any edits that needed to be made to my sentence structure? I definitely did.

So firstly, have I reread each sentence to check It makes sense? There were definitely some sentences which didn't make sense there.

I'd forgotten the verb slipped in the inquisitive girls stealthily slipped on her tattered shoes, so I've added that in.

And I had the wrong tense in the sentence, Sophie froze in fear.

So I made those edits and I can tick that off the checklist.

Have I used a conjunction? I had forgotten the conjunction in the sentence, she was tiptoeing across the creaking floorboards.

Mrs. Clonkers bellowed furiously.

I needed a conjunction.

So I started the sentence with the conjunction as, which you can see I've added in in green.

So now I can tick that off my checklist.

And I finally, have a variety of sentence types been used? My final two sentences are both compound sentences, used the coordinating conjunction and.

So I've changed that to my final sentence being as, so a complex sentence instead.

So now I can take that of my checklist.

I've got a variety of sentence types.

If you need to, you can pause the video now and go back through your work and make any more edits to sentence structure, but otherwise, really well done.

It's now time for the final part of our lesson where we are peer editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, so making things clearer, tone, and effectiveness.

When editing language, make sure you do all of these.

Check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader, to create that vivid picture in the reader's mind.

And choose language that matches the text type.

We are writing a piece of narrative writing, so we want our writing to be really descriptive and our vocabulary choices to be really descriptive.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? When editing language, you change some of the vocabulary.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases, B, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

It is A.

When we are editing language, we're making changes to the vocabulary.

So the words and the phrases.

Well done.

So let's check the vocabulary choices in this example.

As she moved across the floorboards, Mrs. Clonkers shouted.

Sophie stopped.

Then, she continued towards the window.

Sophie was shocked.

Have we used ambitious language choices to engage the reader? I don't think I have really.

So I'm going to make some edits here.

So first, the first thing I've done is add in some descriptive adjectives.

The courageous girl, the creaking floorboards, the dusty window.

I've then added in some really precise and ambitious verbs and adverbs, tiptoeing, bellowed furiously, bravely, and shrieked.

So now I can tick off my checklist.

Have ambitious language choices been used? Yes, they have.

Now, does the language match the text type? We are writing a piece of narrative writing.

We want to make it as descriptive and vivid as possible.

So I'm going to replace the sentence, Sophie was shocked, with some show not tell language.

Sophie froze in fear, Sophie's jaw dropped, and she shrieked in horror.

This is show not tell language was just much more appropriate for descriptive narrative writing.

So I can give that a tick off my checklist.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? Precise and descriptive vocabulary is used in narrative writing to create a vivid picture for the reader.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, the towering mysterious silhouette creates a more vivid picture than the silhouette in the street when writing a narrative, or B, adjectives are used to describe nouns.

Pause the video now.

That is A, it's much more descriptive to describe the silhouette as towering and mysterious than just the silhouette in the street.

Well done.

So it's time for task C.

Now you are good peer edit your openings, but this time looking only at vocabulary choices.

So you need to check for all of these, ambitious language choices, and that language matches the text type.

So that it's descriptive because we are writing a descriptive narrative.

And just like in task A and task B, you need to follow the same steps to peer successfully.

So pause the video now and read back through your openings, editing your vocabulary choices.

Well done, everybody.

Did you use the checklist to edit your work? So now, I'm gonna show you another example of some successful editing.

But before I show you the edits I've made, you need to pause the video, read back through these sentences, and see what edits you think you could make using the checklist to help you.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, so one night a young orphan sat up because she heard thunder.

She stared at an owl.

Then, she sat on the edge of her bed.

Next, she slipped on her old shoes.

So you can hear there, there is a much ambitious or descriptive vocabulary here.

So I've added some in.

I've added in some precise and descriptive adjectives and adverbs, including thundery, bolted upright, the thunder was raging loudly, her creaky bed, the inquisitive girl, her tattered old shoes.

So lots more descriptive language there.

So I can tip the first point of my checklist.

And then, does the language match the text type? Well, now I've added in some show not tell language.

So I said with wide eyes.

And I've actually added in some fronted adverbials of manner rather than just next and then because this is much more descriptive, and what we want to include a descriptive narrative writing.

So now I can take off my checklist that the language matches the text type.

If you need to, you can pause the video now and go back and make any more edits to your language choices, but really well done on Task C.

Here is a summary of everything you've learned today.

Peer editing is the process of working collaboratively by making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and vocabulary choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of words and phrase choices are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Great job today, everybody.

Really well done.