Lesson video

Hi, everybody! It's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit "The BFG," Reading and Narrative Writing.

Today's a really exciting lesson because we are going to be doing our final bit of writing of this unit.

So for this lesson, you will need access to the 1989 film version of "The BFG." So if you need to, you can pause the video now to make sure you have it.

Okay, great, hopefully we've all got access to the film, which means we are ready to get started with our lesson today.

Off we go! In today's lesson from our unit "The BFG," Reading and Narrative Writing, we are going to be writing part two of the build-up.

So your learning outcome is, I can write the second part of a narrative build-up based on "The BFG." Here are your keywords for the lesson.

So there are two sections of our lesson today.

In the first, we'll be preparing to write, and in the second, we'll be writing the build-up, part two.

So let's start with preparing to write.

"The BFG" can be structured like this.

An opening, which we've already written.

Build-up, we've written part one.

A climax, and then the resolution.

In this lesson, we are writing the build-up, part two.

So let's review the notes from the plan.

Our plan contains lots of ambitious vocabulary, some fronted adverbials, and show-not-tell language.

And we want to think about how we can include this in our writing today.

Remember, the notes on our plan are not full sentences, so we'll need to be using them, using this vocabulary in full sentences.

So the first key moment was when the figure removed the green potion from his suitcase and he blew it out of his trumpet.

So some fronted adverbials we generated were moments later, carefully.

Mesmerised, to describe Sophie.

Ambitious vocabulary, the long, golden trumpet.

He twirled or spun it.

And then there was the magical, emerald potion.

Show-not-tell language to describe Sophie's, how shocked and fascinated she is by what she's seeing.

She squinted her eyes.

She leaned forward.

Her eyes were bulging, because she's so fascinated by what she's seeing.

Then the second key moment, the figure turned towards Sophie and she ran to her bed.

So some fronted adverbials, fiercely, how he looked at her.

As quick as a flash or in panic describe how she reacted and ran.

Ambitious vocabulary.

Turned and glared.

He had a wrinkled face.

So she bolted rapidly.

And then show-not-tell language to describe Sophie's feelings.

She was terrified, wasn't she? Her legs were shaking.

She was breathless, out of breath, and a wave of panic washed over her.

Then finally, the final moment when Sophie hid under her covers as the giant's hand grabbed her.

So some fronted adverbials, slowly, how the giant's hand moved.

From where? Across the room.

Below the covers.

That's where Sophie was.

Ambitious vocabulary.

The hand was gigantic or colossal.

It snatched or grabbed her, and then dragged her through the window.

Show-not-tell language to describe Sophie.

Her breathing quickened.

Her heart thumped.

She was stifling a scream, because she doesn't want the giant to hear her.

So as I said, we'll think about including lots of this vocabulary in our writing today.

So the purpose of the build-up is to do all of these.

Develop the plot and the characters and build up the suspense and excitement.

In the build-up of "The BFG," suspense is built up.

And the film created suspense in lots of different ways.

The music got louder and faster.

There was slow then fast character movements.

There were some dramatic pauses.

Lots of dark colours.

So we couldn't really see what was happening, so that created an even scarier atmosphere.

And it ended on a cliffhanger.

We didn't know what was going happen at the end of the build-up.

Where was Sophie going to be taken to? And as writers, we can create suspense in different ways too.

So we can use show-not-tell language to describe the character's emotions.

We want to show just how scared Sophie is so that the reader can really understand her feelings.

We can ask rhetorical questions to engage the reader, build up suspense that way.

Use exclamation marks.

Ellipses to create that cliffhanger effect.

And use short, snappy sentences.

So checking for understanding.

Which linguistic devices can writers use to build suspense? A, adverbial complex sentences.

B, show-not-tell language.

C, co-ordinating conjunctions.

Or D, short, snappy sentences.

Pause the video now.

So to build suspense, writers can use show-not-tell language and short, snappy sentences.

Well done.

So this section needs to include the following.

Ambitious vocabulary.

So precise adjectives, adverbs, verbs.

We want to refer to the noun in different ways, so not just keep calling her Sophie, Sophie, Sophie or the figure, the figure, the figure, but thinking about different ways to refer to them.

Show-not-tell language.

Fronted adverbials.

And for text flow, we want a simple, compound, and complex sentence, a range of sentence types.

It's important to use a range of sentence types to improve the text flow.

One thing we can do to help build suspense in our build-up is to write short, snappy, simple sentences in a row, and that can be a really effective way of building suspense.

Let's have a look.

Her heart thumped.

That's one simple sentence.

Her body trembled.

Another simple sentence.

Her breathing quickened.

A third simple sentence.

Short, snappy sentences in a row to start building that suspense.

Here as well, show-not-tell language is used really effectively to show just how terrified Sophie is.

And then as a reader, they can really understand the character's emotions.

So in your writing today, it'd be great to think about trying to include simple sentences in a row as a way of building suspense.

We also want to include complex sentences in our writing.

A complex sentence is formed of a main clause stretched with a subordinate clause, adverbial clause, that starts with a subordinating conjunction, such as because, as, or when.

All of these together form a complex sentence.

So let's look at a main clause and a subordinate clause.

She gasped in shock.

That's your main clause.

It makes sense by itself.

When she caught sight of its enormous, wrinkled face.

That's your subordinate clause.

It doesn't make sense by itself, and it starts with a subordinating conjunction, when.

The first idea can be stretched with the second idea to make one complex sentence.

The young orphan gasped in shock when she caught sight of its enormous, wrinkled face.

So this is a really ambitious, complex sentence because we have an interesting way to refer to the noun.

We called Sophie the young orphan.

We had our subordinating conjunction, when.

And then we had an expanded noun phrase, the enormous, wrinkled face.

So a really ambitious, complex sentence here.

Remembering our comma rule as well in complex sentences.

Here, the first clause was the main clause.

Then our second clause was the subordinate clause, starting with when.

We do not need a comma next to the subordinating conjunction, when.

However, when you switch it around, you will need a comma.

So here, when she caught sight of its enormous, wrinkled face, the comma, there is a comma after the subordinate clause because it comes first.

Then your main clause came second, the young orphan gasped in shock.

So you need to have a comma here to separate the subordinate, adverbial clause and your main clause.

When you're writing your complex sentences today, try to make sure you're thinking about the comma rule.

So check for understanding.

Which complex sentence is punctuated correctly? Read the three sentence carefully and look to see which sentence the comma is accurately placed in.

Pause video now and off you go.

Okay, so the correctly-punctuated sentence was B.

As he blew magical liquid into a window is your subordinate clause.

So you need a comma after it, before the main clause.

Well done.

So this is one of the ways that directors can build suspense in a film.

Slow then fast character movements.

For example, the hand, as it came through the window, at first was really, really slow, and then suddenly it went really fast.

Writers can use fronted adverbials to describe slow and fast character movements.

So for example, some slow fronted adverbials that you could use could be gradually.

Slowly.

Moments later.

Cautiously.

But then we can also use, as writers, different fronted adverbials, which describe the fast movements, such as, as quick as a flash.

All of a sudden.

Suddenly.

Instantly.

And using a range of these, mixing slow and fast fronted adverbials, is a really effective way of creating suspense and excitement.

So let's look at these fronted adverbials in sentences.

Slowly, the gargantuan creature twisted his golden trumpet and he blew a dazzling potion into a window.

So that's our slow fronted adverbial there.

All of a sudden, he turned and stared directly at the petrified girl.

It's a quick fast one.

As quick as a flash, she bolted rapidly across the room to her bed.

So fast movements there, using a fast fronted adverbial.

And then, gradually, a slow one now.

Gradually, a gargantuan hand edged towards her.

And the suspense building up there because we don't know what's going to happen next.

So I wonder if you can use a range of fronted adverbials in your writing today.

So checking for understanding.

Which fronted adverbial could start this sentence? Blank, the terrified girl sprinted to her bed.

A, in addition.

B, in a flash.

C, slowly.

Or D, in the middle of the night.

Pause the video now.

We could use in a flash to show that really fast movement of her sprinting desperately to her bed.

Well done! So it's time for task A.

You need to say the first two sentences of part two of the build-up and make sure you include the following.

Ambitious vocabulary from your plan, fronted adverbial, and some show-not-tell language.

You can use these sentence scaffolds to help you.

Carefully, the gargantuan creature.

So you can just describe what he did with the trumpet and the potion.

And then, mesmerised, the young girl.

So pause the video now, and using your plan to help you, off you go, saying aloud your first two sentences.

Off you go.

Well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

I'm going to say aloud my sentences.

As I'm reading them aloud, you can be checking if I've included those three bullet points.

Carefully, the gargantuan creature twirled his golden trumpet in his hand as he blew the magical, dazzling potion into a window.

Mesmerised, the young girl leaned forwards and her eyes bulged in shock.

So have I included ambitious vocabulary from my plan? I had gargantuan, twirled, magical, dazzling, mesmerised and bulged, so yes.

Have I included a fronted adverbial? Both carefully and mesmerised are fronted adverbials, so yes.

And then show-not-tell language.

I said she leaned forwards and her eyes bulged in shock to show how mesmerised and fascinated she was.

So maybe you can include some of these ideas from task A in your writing in the second section of the lesson.

Well done.

So it's time for the second part of the lesson where we are going to be writing part two of the build-up.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

And use spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

And finally, check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

Here is the success criteria for our writing today.

So this is what we want to include in our build-up to make it a really successful piece of writing.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have used ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell language.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, to improve text flow.

And I have used linguistic techniques to build suspense.

So there are three key moments on your plan to describe in detail in the second part of the build-up.

Firstly, the figure removed green potion from his suitcase and he blew it out of his trumpet.

Then, the figure turned towards Sophie and she ran to her bed.

And then finally, Sophie hid under her covers as the giant's hand grabbed her.

So we want to be describing these three moments in vivid detail today.

So I'm going to write the first few sentences of my build-up, part two, and then you're going to help me check that I've used the success criteria.

So as you can see, I've started by sticking in my success criteria neatly at the top of my page.

And I've written my first sentence and the first clause of my second sentence.

So let's just read it back and check it makes sense first.

Carefully, comma, I've remembered my comma after my fronted adverbial, the hooded figure twirled his long, golden trumpet in his hand.

Full stop.

So this is a nice simple sentence to open my writing.

Then, as he blew the dazzling, sparkling potion into a window, comma.

So this is my subordinate clause.

So this means I'm going to be writing a complex sentence.

So I need to have a main clause now.

What was happening as he blew the dazzling potion into a window? Let's have a look at our plan.

Well, that was when, and we can describe Sophie, can't we? How she was leaning forwards because she's mesmerised.

So let's say, let's call her.

Instead of Sophie, let's call her the mesmerised girl.

Because we like to be able to refer to our nouns in different ways.

The mesmerised girl.

What was she doing? She leaned forwards.

And actually, I want to add a bit of extra detail to that.

So I'm going to use some show-not-tell language and say, with bulging eyes.

With bulging eyes.

How do I finish the sentence, everybody? We need a full stop.

Let's just read it back and check it makes sense and that we've got the correct punctuation.

Capital letter at the start.

As he blew the dazzling, comma, sparkling, comma between my adjectives and my expanded noun phrase, dazzling, sparkling potion into a window, comma, the mesmerised girl leaned forwards with bulging eyes.

Full stop.

Great.

Okay, now I want to describe the moment that he turned and faced her.

So a bit of time has passed, so I'm going to say, moments later.

So that's a slow fronted adverbial there.

Moments later.

And what do I need after a fronted adverbial, everybody? We need a comma.

Well done.

The figure.

Actually, we've used figure earlier, so I now want to use creature because it doesn't really look like a human, does it? The creature.

What did he do? He turned and glared.

I'm using my plan to help me here.

Turned and glared.

At who? At the, at Sophie, at the terrified girl, at the young girl.

I'm going to say terrified.

I want to show how scared she's feeling.

Show her emotions.

At the terrified girl.

How do I finish the sentence? We need a full stop.

Let's just check back.

Moments later, comma, the creature turned and glared at the terrified girl.

Ooh, there is a spelling mistake there.

I wonder if anyone can spot that.

Terrified.

Terrified, the root word does end in a Y, but when I change the suffix to terrified, we need to spell it -ied.

So I'm just going to neatly cross it out and rewrite it above.

That's why we leave a space between lines so that we can neatly make edits.

Okay, now let's describe what Sophie did next.

I want to use the fronted adverbial, in panic.

In panic, she, what does she do? She bolted rapidly.

Could use that.

Actually, I want to use a synonym for bolted.

I want to use sprinted.

She sprinted, and instead of rapidly, I'm going to say, determinedly.

She was determined to get to the bed.

Determinedly to her bed.

And let's use some show-not-tell language to show how scared she was.

And her legs were shaking, or, and her legs began to shake.

Either would work.

And her legs to shake.

Okay, how do we finish the sentence, everybody? We need a full stop.

Let's read it back and check it makes sense.

In panic, oh, that's my fronted adverbial.

I've forgotten a piece of punctuation there.

What do I need after my fronted adverbial? A comma.

Well done.

She sprinted determinedly to her bed and her legs begins to shake.

Begins to shake.

That doesn't sound quite right, does it? We're writing in the past tense.

So let's rewrite that as began to shake.

Okay, now in our success criteria, we know we need to build suspense.

So I want to do some short, snappy sentences in a row.

And I want to use some show-not-tell language because we know both of these are devices we can use to build suspense.

So I'm going to say, her breathing quickened.

I've used that from my plan.

And then it's the end of my simple sentence so I need a full stop.

What else happened? Her heart thumped.

And then our third simple sentence in a row.

She stifled a scream.

All of these are show-not-tell.

It includes show-not-tell language in our simple sentences.

Okay, let's just read them back and check it makes sense and that there's no errors.

Her breathing quickened.

Full stop.

Her heart thumped.

Oh, can anyone spot that? What does every sentence need to start with? A capital letter.

Well done.

Her heart thumped.

Full stop.

She stifled a scream.

Okay, now, I want to use an ellipses to end this section on a cliffhanger.

So I'm going to use a final fronted adverbial.

Across the room.

What's happening from across the room? And then we need a comma after it.

A gigantic hand, a colossal hand.

I want to use colossal to show how big it is.

What was happening? Edged towards her.

Now, I want to use an ellipses to show, to end this on a cliffhanger, so I'm going to do dot, dot, dot.

The reader is then left thinking, what's going to happen next? So have I written at least two fronted adverbials? Let's go through the success criteria.

I had carefully, moments later, in panic, across the room, so yes.

Ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell.

We had twirled, dazzling, sparkling, mesmerised, glared, sprinted, loads of ambitious vocabulary.

And show-not-tell language.

Her legs began to shake.

Her breathing quickened.

Her heart thumped.

She stifled a scream.

So yes! Have I written a range of sentence types? I had a simple sentence at the beginning.

A subordinate clause there in my complex sentence.

I have a compound sentence here.

She sprinted determinedly to her bed, and her legs began to shake.

And then finally, some short, snappy, simple sentences in a row.

So a range of sentence types definitely I can tick off.

And then linguistic techniques to build suspense.

We had show-not-tell language.

We had simple sentences in a row, and an ellipses at the end.

So yes! Thank you for helping me with my part two of the build-up.

It's now your turn to have a go at writing.

Okay, it is time for task B.

You are going to write part two of the build-up.

In a moment, you'll pause the video and you'll need to indent the first sentence.

So leaving a space between the margin and the first word.

Then you can use your success criteria and your plan to help you structure your paragraph.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, well done, everybody! Great job.

In a moment, you're going to pause the video and you're going to read your writing back to check it makes sense and for any errors.

And it's absolutely fine if we've made errors.

That's the point of checking.

Then you'll take the success criteria as you find an example of each part, just like in this example.

So I'm going to read out aloud my version of part two of the build-up.

And as I'm reading, you can be checking to see if I've included everything I needed to from my success criteria.

Carefully, the enormous creature twirled his golden trumpet in his hand.

He blew the magical, dazzling potion into a window and the young girl leaned forwards with bulging eyes.

Fiercely, the figure turned and stared at the terrified girl.

In a flash, she bolted rapidly towards her bed as her legs were shaking.

Below the covers, her heart thumped wildly.

Her breath quickened.

She stifled a scream.

Slowly, a gargantuan hand edged closer and closer.

So have I used fronted adverbials? I have carefully, fiercely, in a flash.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

Ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell.

I had enormous, magical, dazzling, bolted rapidly.

And then my show-not-tell language, I said her legs were shaking.

Her heart thumped wildly.

Her breath quickened.

She stifled a scream.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

Have I used a range of sentence types? I had a compound sentence, and the young girl leaned forwards with bulging eyes.

I had a complex sentence, as her legs were shaking, as my subordinate clause.

And then I had simple sentences in a row.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

And have I used linguistic techniques to build suspense? I used show-not-tell language.

I said her heart was thumping.

Her breath quickened.

She was stifling a scream.

I also used short, simple, snappy sentences in a row.

Three in a row.

And then finally, I used an ellipses to end the paragraph on a cliffhanger.

So yes, I can build.

I can give myself a tick for building suspense.

So now you can pause the video, read back through your part two of the build-up, and tick off your success criteria as you read through it.

Pause the video now.

Off you go.

Well done, everybody! You've done so well in this lesson and in fact, all of the writing across the whole unit.

Here is a summary of everything we've learned today.

The purpose of the build-up is to build up suspense and excitement.

Using a range of simple, compound, and complex sentences improves text flow for the reader.

Saying sentences out loud before writing them helps when we come to write them.

Fronted adverbials of time, place, or manner add extra detail to the main clause.

And show-not-tell language shows a character's feelings by describing their actions, body language, and facial expressions.

Great job today, everybody.

Well done.