Hi, everybody, I'm Ms. Gardner and welcome to the next lesson from our unit, "The Journey": Diary Writing.

I'm really looking forward to today's lesson because we are going to get started with our writing the first paragraph of our diary entry.

So, for this lesson you will need access to the text, "The Journey" by Francesca Sanna.

So if you need to, you can pause the video now so that you have it ready for the lesson.

Okay, great.

Hopefully you've all got the book, which means we are ready for today's learning.

So off we go.

In today's lesson from our unit, "The Journey": Diary Writing, we are going to be using our plan from the previous lesson to help us write the first paragraph of our diary entry.

So your learning outcome is I can write the first paragraph of a diary entry.

Let's start by looking at the key words.

We're going to do my turn, your turn.

Tense.

First person.

Informal language.

Show-not-tell.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

The tense tells the reader when something happens.

First person is the I/we perspective.

Informal language is language and vocabulary that is used for more casual and relaxed purposes.

And show-not-tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language, and facial expressions.

So there are two sections of my lesson today.

In the first we'll be preparing to write and in the second we'll be writing the diary entry.

So let's start with preparing to write.

So this diary entry can be structured like this.

A greeting.

So dear diary.

Paragraph one where we recount "The Journey." Paragraph two where you'll be expressing your current feelings.

And then a sign-off.

In today's lesson, we are writing paragraph one.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

And then check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

So we are going to be writing a diary entry written from the first person's perspective of the girl in "The Journey." So essentially, you are writing a diary entry, pretending to be the main character of "The Journey," the girl.

First person perspective is the point of the view where the writer is the I character.

You are writing in character as the girl, so you'll use pronouns like I, we, me, my because you are writing in the first person.

So let's just review the notes from our plan that we've made.

In our planning lesson, we identified the five key moments of "The Journey" and the characters' thoughts and feelings at each moment.

So the first key moment, and we're gonna be talking about this in first person perspective remember was we packed all our belongings, said goodbye to everyone.

And then the thoughts and feelings about this.

I was heartbroken.

Why must everything change.

Then travelled for many days and nights, turned away at the border.

And then the thoughts and feelings about this, my legs were aching.

I felt shattered and exhausted.

Then the third key moment ran away from the border police and spent the night in the forest.

Thoughts and feelings about this, my heart was pounding and I hugged Mumma tightly all night.

Then crossed the sea on a ferry.

Spoke to lots of other passengers, other refugees.

And the thoughts and feelings about this.

I felt seasick, nauseous, my legs were like jelly.

And then finally, took a train across many countries and arrived closer to a safe place.

And the thoughts and feelings I felt relieved and hopeful but I still miss my toys and my friends.

So these were the bullet point notes we made in our plan that we'll want to be including in full sentences in our writing today.

So this paragraph needs to include the following for text flow.

A greeting, dear diary.

Informal language.

Fronted adverbials of time.

Simple, compound, and complex sentences.

And you'll be writing in the present tense and the past tense.

So your diary entry will switch between present tense and past tense.

The majority of the first paragraph is written in the past tense because you are recounting the events which have already happened.

You'll only shift into the present tense to communicate how you currently feel or what you are currently doing.

So, the present tense can be written in the simple, perfect, or progressive form.

So for example, the simple present tense is made up of one main verb such as I slash we write or you walk, or he/she/it sleeps.

The perfect present tense is made up of have or has, have or has plus a past tense main verb.

So I/we have written, you have walked, he/she/it has slept.

And the perfect tense shows that something that started in the past but it's still connected to now.

Then you have the progressive present tense, which is made up of am, is, or are plus a main verb ending an -ing.

So I/we am writing or we are writing, you are walking.

He/she/it is sleeping.

And the progressive present tense tells the reader that the verb is ongoing.

So checking for understanding.

Which form of the present tense is each sentence written in? A, we have been exhausted for days.

B, I am feeling exhausted, just exhausted! Or C, I feel terrible.

So identifying for each sentence which form of the present tense it is in.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so let's go through it.

A, this sentence uses have plus the past tense, main verb been, we have been.

So it's the perfect present tense.

B, this sentence uses am plus the -ing main verb feeling.

I am feeling.

It is the progressive present tense.

And C, this sentence uses one main verb feel.

So it's the simple present tense.

Well done everybody.

So the first sentence in your diary letter should state what is happening now.

So this is written in the present tense.

So for example, dear diary, I am writing this from a train as finally we have sat down.

I am writing is in the progressive present tense.

We have sat is in the perfect present tense.

So your opening sentence is formed with two different types of the present tense.

But you're also going to use the past tense in this paragraph.

And the past tense can be written in the simple, perfect, or progressive form.

So let's have a look at some examples.

The simple past tense is made up of one main verb.

I started, you felt, we walked.

The perfect past tense is made up of had plus a past tense main verb.

I had started, you had felt, we had walked.

And the perfect past tense indicates that something before another action has happened before now.

Then the progressive past tense which is formed from was or were plus a main verb ending in -ing.

I was starting, you were feeling, we were walking.

And this tells the reader that the verb was happening over a timeframe.

So a recount is written mainly in the past tense.

So where is the past tense used in this sentence? We had walked for days and days and my legs were aching so much.

Which forms of the past tense can you spot in this sentence? Had walked is written in the perfect past tense because it has had before the main verb walked.

Were aching is in the progressive past tense and you can see that because it has were and then the main verb is ending in -ing.

So that's the progressive past tense.

Sentences often use different forms of the same tense so that they sound right.

So often you just have to say the sentence out loud to check it does the tense is used correctly.

So checking for understanding.

Which the following sentences uses both the simple past and the progressive past tenses? A, we slept overnight in the forest.

B, my heart was pounding as we ran through the forest.

C, she had hugged us tightly all night.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so it can't be A because slept overnight is in the simple past tense.

B, my heart was pounding as we ran through the forest.

That's correct.

It uses the progressive past and the simple past.

And it cannot be C because had hugged is the perfect past tense.

Well done, everybody.

So diary entries use informal language.

This is because only the writer is reading their writing so it doesn't need to be formal.

You are writing in the character as the young girl from "The Journey" and your language choices so should reflect this.

So you want to sound like a young girl would.

So let's explore ways of making our writing informal.

Interestingly, our journey was very complicated.

This is quite a formal way of describing "The Journey." You've used a formal fronted adverbial and it sounds just quite factual, informative.

So it's pretty formal.

I had no idea how crazy our journey was going to be.

That is much more informal.

We've used exaggeration with emotive language.

So that is an informal way of speaking.

Using apostrophes for contraction also helps to make our writing more informal.

I do not know exactly how far we have travelled.

That is quite a formal way of speaking, a formal tone.

So it's not informal.

However, saying, I can't believe it! Home must be a million miles away.

You've used an apostrophe for contraction in can't instead of saying cannot.

You said can't which is much more informal and you've used a bit of an exaggeration because a million miles is an exaggeration, it wouldn't be that far.

So that's a type of informal language you could find in this diary entry.

So this is much more informal.

Checking for understanding.

Which sentences use informal language? A, it is a great relief to have found a seat.

B, I'm SO happy to be finally sitting down.

C, I can't believe how wild the last few weeks have been.

And D, in addition, we have crossed many borders.

My top tips is look for words with an apostrophe for contraction.

Pause the video now.

Okay, welcome back.

So, which sentences used informal language? B, I'm so happy.

I'm used an apostrophe for contraction and SO in capital letters, so an exaggeration, an emotive language.

And then C, again, can't uses an apostrophe for contraction and wild is quite an emotive adjective to describe how she feels.

In addition is a formal fronted adverbial, we wouldn't use that in a diary entry.

And it is a really great relief to have found a seat is quite a formal tone.

Okay, well done.

Show-not-tell language is an effective way of conveying emotions in a diary.

Show-not-tell descriptions tell the reader what the writer is thinking or feeling by what they are doing or gesturing with their body or face.

This is engaging.

The reader can then imagine the characters' gestures and actions and empathise with and understand their emotions a bit more.

So for example, we ran really quickly.

How can we use show-not-tell language to describe that a bit more effectively? We could say, "My heart was pounding so fast it nearly jumped out of my chest." Much more engaging and descriptive for the reader.

Using show-not-tell language helps to describe an experience in an informal tone that is engaging for the reader.

So, we could say the ferry journey was hard because the seas were rough.

But let's be a bit more descriptive and imagine we are a young girl writing this in our diary 'cause that is a bit too formal for a diary entry.

My legs were wobbling like jelly for days and days.

Much more descriptive using show-not-tell language and it is much more informal as a result.

So checking front standing, which sentence uses show-not-tell language? A, my heart was thumping loudly as we ran through the forest.

B, quickly we ran through the forest.

C, I felt really scared in the forest.

Pause the video now.

So, the example of show-not-tell was my heart was thumping loudly as we ran through the forest showing how scared the girl was by describing her thumping heart.

Well done.

So, we can use the notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Using a range of sentences in our writing helps it to flow.

So you can see here, here is our plan in note four.

As you can see, they are not full sentences.

Travelled for many days and nights, turned away at border.

My legs were aching, shattered slash exhausted.

We can't write this in our diary entry because they're not full sentences yet.

So let's change them now into full sentences.

Every day, we travelled further away from home as my legs began to ache more and more.

Eventually, we arrived at the border completely shattered and we were turned away.

So you can see I used as well fronted adverbials of time to help me write these sentences and to show chronology.

And I had a range of sentence types.

My first sentence was a complex sentence, as my legs began to ache more and more.

And then my second sentence was a compound sentence because I've used two main clauses.

So you can see I've used the notes and turned them into different types of sentences.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? For my diary entry, I can just copy exactly from my plan.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, I should use my plan to help form simple sentences, compound sentences, and complex sentences.

B, I should use the ambitious vocabulary from my plan.

Pause video now.

That is A, we use the notes from our plan to help us form different sentence types.

Well done.

Okay, it's time for task A.

You need to say the first few sentences of your diary entry and make sure you include the following: first person perspective, use of present tense to explain what you are doing now, use of past tense to recount, and use of informal language.

You can use these sentence starter scaffolds to help you.

Dear Diary, I am and you can finish that sentence.

Two weeks ago, we, and then you can finish that sentence.

So pause the video now and off you go saying out loud your first sentences.

Okay.

Welcome back.

I'm going to read aloud my first sentences and as I'm reading aloud you can check to see if I've included all those points.

Dear Diary, I'm writing this from a train as we have FINALLY sat down! Two weeks ago, we packed all of our belongings and hugged goodbye to our friends and family.

I was heartbroken and I had no idea how crazy the journey was going to be.

So, did I write in first person perspective? I did, I said I'm, I, I.

And then I used present tense in my first sentence.

I'm writing this from a train as we have FINALLY sat down.

Then past tense, we packed, hugged, was.

And then informal language FINALLY was in capital letters.

I'm, I used an apostrophe of contraction.

And crazy is quite an informal adjective choice.

Thank you for helping me check.

Well done, everybody, on task A.

It is now time to write our diary entry.

This is the success criteria that we will use to write today.

So let's go through it.

I have written in the first person perspective.

I have written in both present and past tense.

I have used informal language to reflect the writer of the diary's character.

And I have used show-not-tell language.

So first I'm going to write the date, greeting, and then the first few sentences of my diary entry and you are going to help me check that I've used the success criteria.

Okay, so I've started by sticking in my success criteria so I can make sure I'm including everything I need to.

I've already written my first few sentences, so let's just read them back and check they make sense.

Dear Diary, comma, I'm writing this from a seat on a train and I'm so happy to FINALLY have sat down! I'm pleased with my first sentence because I've made sure to use informal language.

I've got an apostrophe for contraction in I'm and I'm and I've used capital letters to exaggerate finally.

So this is informal language that reflects the writer.

It has been the most crazy few weeks.

A nice simple sentence there to vary the sentence types.

A few weeks ago, comma, after my fronted adverbial, we pack all of our belongings and we said goodbye to everyone we knew.

Hmm, I wonder if anyone heard the mistake there.

We know we need to be using both present and past tense.

I've used present tense in my first sentence.

I'm writing this, I'm so happy.

But does it make sense to use present tense in this sentence? A few weeks ago, we pack all of our belongings? It doesn't, does it? And that needs to be in past tense.

So I'm going to neatly edit that and add an ed.

We packed all of our belongings and we said goodbye to everyone we knew.

So a nice compound sentence there.

Okay, let's carry on.

I want to use a fronted adverbial of time to show the chronology of the events.

Then what do I need after my fronted adverbial of time? We need a comma.

Well done.

Okay, I'm going to look at my plan now to remind me of what came next.

Then, we travelled for many days and nights and we were turned away at the border.

Okay, I'm gonna describe that moment now.

Then, we travelled for many days and nights, using my plan there.

And then, but this is a really important moment.

What happened? They were turned away, weren't they? But we were turned away.

Does anyone remember what punctuation we need before but? It's our coordinating conjunction.

We need a comma.

Well done.

But we're turned away.

We could say at the border, but I want to describe, use an adjective to describe the border police.

And I think the girl would probably describe him as angry or mean and we're trying to get into character of the girl.

So I'm going to say, but they were turned away by the mean security guard, border police, either would work.

Security guard.

Now, we can use a full stop to run the sentence or we could even use an exclamation mark.

I'm going to go for an exclamation mark in this sentence.

Let's just read it back to check it makes sense.

Then, we travelled for many days and nights, but they were turned away by the mean security guard? They? Where this is a diary entry, isn't it? So we are writing in first person perspective.

So I need to change that to we.

Well done.

We were turned away by the mean security guard.

So what happened next? Let's look at our plan.

They ran away from the border police.

We, and when you start a new sentence, every sentence starts with a capital letter.

Good.

We ran away, I'm gonna use a synonym for ran 'cause I want to be a little bit more ambitious.

So I'm going to use sprinted.

We sprinted away.

And then what happened? Oh, we spent the night in the forest, didn't we? Actually, I'm gonna say we hid 'cause I think that's more descriptive of what they were doing.

They were hiding from the mean security guard, weren't they? And, so we've got a compound sentence now, and we hid in the forest overnight.

I think it's really important now we describe how she felt about that experience.

So let's have a look at our plan.

We said she, in our plan we had my heart was pounding, hugged Mumma tightly all night.

I think these are really good ideas to include.

My heart was pounding.

That's an example.

Can anyone remember when you're showing the character's emotions by describing something to do with their body? Do you remember what that's called? It's show-not-tell language, which we need to include.

So this is a great example of that.

My heart was pounding.

So showing how scared she is.

And actually we've already done quite a few compound sentences and so I'm going to use a complex sentence now and say as.

As I hugged Mumma tightly all night, making sure we use a capital letter for Mumma because it is a proper noun.

As I hugged Mumma tightly, I want to use an adverb there, tightly to describe how she hugged her mom ALL night.

And I'm going to put ALL in capital letters 'cause I want to exaggerate it.

An exaggeration is a feature of a diary entry.

Okay, I need to finish the sentence.

My heart was pounding as I hugged Mumma tightly ALL night.

I'm going to use a full stop there to finish my sentence.

There's a few other key moments we'll need to describe, but I'm going to leave that there now and you can continue writing the recount.

So let's just check our success criteria.

Have I written in the first person perspective? I have.

I'm, we, we, my.

So I can give myself a tick.

Have I written in both present and past present tense? I'm writing, I'm so happy.

But also past tense.

We travelled, we were turned away.

Informal language.

I've used apostrophes for contraction.

I've used capital letters, the words crazy, mean.

These are informal adjective choices.

And then show-not-tell language.

I said my heart was pounding.

I hugged Mumma tightly.

These are showing how she is feeling.

Okay, so I've included everything I needed to and now you're going to be able to carry on writing the recount independently.

Okay, it is time for task B.

Now it's your turn to write.

So first, write your date and your greeting.

Then indent the first sentence.

Then use your success criteria and your plan to help you structure your paragraph.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, welcome back everybody.

Well done.

In a moment, you're going to read your writing back to check for sense and for any errors that you need to edit.

Then you'll tick the success criteria as you find an example of each part like I'm going to do here.

So, I'm going to read this out loud now, and as I'm reading you can check, have I included everything I needed to from the success criteria? Friday the 6th of March, 2024.

Dear Diary, I'm finally sitting down so I can now write to you after the most extraordinary few weeks.

Two weeks ago, Mumma told us to pack everything we owned and we left home in the middle of the night.

Every day, we walked for miles and miles.

My legs felt like jelly.

Finally, we arrived at the border, but we were turned away by an intimidating security guard.

We sprinted away and my heart was pounding so fast that it nearly fell out of my chest.

Then we had to spend the night hiding in the forest.

I'm very proud of myself for how brave I was that night.

So, first person perspective, I've got lots of examples of that.

You can see all my sentences used the pronouns I, we, or me, or my.

So I can give myself a tick.

Both present and past tense.

My first sentence was in the present tense.

I'm finally sitting down.

But then all of the recount was in the past.

So yes.

Informal language? I said that my legs felt like jelly.

I used apostrophes for contraction, I'm instead of I am.

And yes, and then I used lot, and I used lots of emotional language to describe how I was feeling.

So yes, informal language.

And then show-not-tell language.

Again, my legs felt like jelly, but also my heart was pounding so fast.

So some examples of show-not-tell language.

So now, pause the video and go back through your writing to check to see what you can tick off your success criteria.

Well done, everybody.

Great job today.

Here is the summary of everything we've learned.

We use notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Fronted adverbials of time communicate the chronology of events in a recount.

Diary entries use informal language that reflect the character who's writing, including show-not-tell language.

Writers switch between the present and past tense in diary entries.

And first person perspective is the point of view where the writer is the I character.

Well done today, everybody.

Great job.