Lesson video

Hi everybody.

I'm Ms. Gardner and welcome to your final lesson from our unit, "The Man on the Moon", Narrative Writing.

You've all done so well in this unit and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

So let's get started with our final lesson.

This is our final lesson from our unit, "The Man on the Moon".

So we are going to be doing some editing.

So your learning outcome today is, I can make purposeful edits to my narrative opening of "The Man on the Moon".

Let's have a look at the key vocabulary.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

I'll say the word first and then you can say it back to the screen or to your partner or whoever you are with.

Editing.

Punctuation.

Sentence structure.

Vocabulary.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

So editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

So for example, full stops, exclamation marks, question marks, commas.

These are all types of punctuation.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

And vocabulary refers to the language choices made by the writer.

So there are three sections to our learning today.

In the first section, we'll be editing punctuation.

In the second section, we'll be editing sentence structure.

And in the third and final section, we'll be editing language.

So let's start with editing punctuation.

So editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

When you edit, you decide what you want to change, but also what you want to keep the same 'cause we don't want everything to be rewritten.

There's so many good things you will have written in your narrative, we don't want to get rid of it all, but we just want to make some improvements where we can and make any changes that we need to.

Even really successfuls need and want to edit work.

Even the most famous authors will edit their books so many times before they get published.

And editing doesn't mean rewriting everything.

It's about making select corrections and improvements.

So the job of an editor is to do all of these things, check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, and make improvements in vocabulary choices.

In this lesson, you are going to be an editor.

So let's check for understanding.

Editing is the process of A, rewriting a whole piece of text, B, checking for punctuation errors, C, making improvements to sentence structure, or D, writing the text again with better handwriting.

Pause the video now.

Okay.

Editing is the process of B, checking for punctuation errors, and C, making improvements to sentence structure.

Well done, everybody.

Editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, and commas.

So we can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

So our checklist looks like this.

Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops? And have I checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? So let's have a look at what this looks like in sentences from "The Man on the Moon".

So first of all, we're thinking about missing or incorrectly used capital letters.

Let's read this sentence together.

"the man smiled at lily through his Telescope".

Can you see any missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Pause the video now and have a look.

Okay.

I wonder if you spotted the same ones I did.

So the mistakes I made.

The 'the' was the first word of my sentence, so it needed to be a capital T.

Lily is a girl's name, so it needed to be a capital L.

And then telescope was just the last word in my sentence.

It's not a proper noun, so it doesn't need a capital letter.

So I'm gonna change the capital T to a lowercase t in telescope 'cause that was an incorrect capital letter.

And now I can tick off my checklist the first point, have I checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Yes, I have.

So what are the two uses of capital letters? A, they're used to begin all nouns.

B, they are used to begin proper nouns.

C, they're used at the beginning of sentences, or D, they're used to begin adverbs.

Pause the video now.

So the uses of capital letters are B, they're used to begin proper noun.

So that's the name of something.

So in this sentence, it was the name of Lily, and C, they're used at the beginning of sentences.

Well done, everybody.

Okay, now we're thinking about missing or incorrectly used full stops.

So let's read the sentence together.

"In the living room Lily.

slumped on the sofa".

Can you spot any missing or incorrectly used full stops? Pause the video now.

Okay.

I wonder if you spotted the same mistakes as I did.

So you can see, in the middle of my sentence, "In the living room Lily.", I had a full stop.

That's not the end of a sentence.

It doesn't make sense by itself, so it can't be a complete sentence.

So I need to cross that out.

And then I'd forgotten a sentence at the, sorry, a full stop at the end of my sentence.

So you can see I've added one in at the end 'cause I had a missing full stop.

So now I can tick on my checklist, have I checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops? 'Cause I crossed out my incorrect one and I added in the one that was missing.

So let's check for understanding.

Where are full stops placed in a sentence? A, after a fronted adverbial, B, at the start of a sentence, C, at the end of a sentence, or D, at the end of a question? Pause the video now.

That's right.

Full stops are placed at the end of a sentence.

They're a type of closing punctuation.

Well done, everyone.

Okay, now we need to check for missing or incorrectly used commas.

So you need to be thinking about the common rules that you know.

Let's all read the sentence together.

"Excitedly the young ecstatic girl ran downstairs." Can you spot any missing commas? Pause the video now.

Okay, let's go through this.

I definitely did forget a couple of commas, but that's okay, that's why we edit.

'Excitedly' is a fronted adverbial of manner.

I had forgotten my comma.

So I've just added that in after the fronted adverbial.

And then 'the young, ecstatic girl' is an expanded noun phrase.

And I was missing a comma in my ENP.

So you can see I added one there in between young and ecstatic.

So now I can tick off my checklist, have I checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Yes, I have.

And I've added them both in.

And let's now read this sentence together.

And I want you to be thinking, have I got any missing commas in this sentence? "As the girl ran down the stairs joyful Christmas music was playing loudly." Any missing commas? Pause the video now and have a think.

Okay.

I'm just gonna read it again and I'm gonna pause where the comma should go.

"As the girl ran down the stairs, joyful Christmas music was playing loudly." That's right, I need a comma after 'stairs' because "as the girl ran down the stairs" is a, everybody.

Subordinate clause.

I'm gonna say it and then you are gonna say it back.

Subordinate clause.

Subordinate clause, when it comes first in a complex sentence needs a comma at the end of it before the main clause.

So the missing comma was there.

So I've added that in now.

Now I can tick off from my checklist, have I checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Yes, I have.

Remember, only use a comma when you know the rule.

Let's check for understanding.

When are commas used? Tick three.

A, to mark the end of a sentence, B, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, C, after a fronted adverbial, and D, to separate adjectives in an ENP.

Pause the video now.

Okay, the three rules, common rules we've looked at.

B, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, C, after a fronted adverbial, and D, to separate adjectives in an EMP.

Well done, everyone.

Okay, it's time for task A.

In this lesson, we are editing the opening of "The Man on the Moon".

So read back through the opening of your narrative and you're going to be editing the punctuation.

And you can use the checklist to help you.

So when editing punctuation, you should check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas.

So pause the video now and off you go editing the punctuation in your opening of "The Man on the Moon".

Welcome back, everybody.

We are going to read back through this opening of the narrative and we're going to use the checklist to check that we have made all the punctuation edits we need to.

So first of all, I'm just going to read it out loud and you can be looking closely as I read and trying to spot for those punctuation errors.

"One, night, a young bored girl slumped on her sofa as she yawned quietly.

Eventually lily stared through her telescope and she gazed intently at the silvery moon.

As she zoomed in curiously her jaw Dropped.

Whatever could that be? outside a desolate shack, an elderly, solitary figure slowly emerged onto the.

barren landscape Silence echoed around him." Okay, let's go first through the missing or incorrectly used capital letters.

I wonder if you've spotted the ones that I've had to edit.

So you can see, the first mistake I edited was 'Lily'.

I didn't use a capital letter.

So I've changed that to a capital L.

And then when I said that her jaw dropped, I had a capital letter for D, I don't need a capital letter for D.

So I crossed that out and replaced it with a lowercase d.

And then 'outside' was the start of my next sentence.

It was the first word in the sentence.

So it needed a capital O.

So I changed that.

So now I can tick the first point off my checklist.

I've checked for all those missing and incorrect capital letters.

Now I need to think about full stops.

Did you spot any missing or incorrectly used full stops? I think I did, so let's go through the one, the mistakes and errors that I needed to edit.

See, I'm sure you saw as well on the sentence beginning 'outside a desolate shack', I had a full stop I didn't need after 'the', so I crossed that out and I'd forgotten the full stop at the end of the sentence after 'barren landscape'.

So I've added that in there as well.

You can see it in purple.

So now I can tick that off my checklist as well.

And then finally, missing or incorrect commas.

Did anyone spot any missing or incorrectly used commas? These were the mistakes I found and edited.

So 'one', did I need a comma after 'one'? No, I did it after 'one night'.

That's my whole fronted adverbial.

So I've crossed out 'one'.

'A young bored girl', 'young, bored girl' is an expanded noun phrase.

So I added in a comma in between young and bored.

And then, 'as she zoomed in curiously', that's my subordinate clause at the start of a complex sentence.

So I added a comma in there.

That was all.

So I can now tick that off my checklist.

If you need to pause the video and go back and make a few more edits to your punctuation, now's the time.

Otherwise, really well done.

It's now time for the second section of the lesson where we are gonna be editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

Again, we can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

So have I reread each sentence to check it makes sense? And when I say reread, I mean reread it out loud so you can hear.

Have I used an appropriate conjunction to join two clauses? And have I used a variety of sentence types? So simple, compound, and complex that improves text flow.

So true or false? Let's check for understanding.

When we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can we use A or B to justify your answer? A, we say sentences aloud to check for missing words and to check for sense, or B, once a sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video now.

That is correct.

It is A, we need to say our sentences out loud so we can hear if it makes sense and if there's anything missing.

Well done, everyone.

So let's think about editing a sentence structure now.

Let's read this sentence out loud together and check it makes sense.

Are there any missing words or missing conjunctions? "Lily more and more frustrated she refused to give up sending letters to the moon." So just by saying that, I could hear it didn't quite make sense.

So I've gone back in and added in some missing words.

"Lily became more and more frustrated." There was a missing verb.

"But she refused to give up sending the letter." I was missing the article before the noun.

You can't just say 'to give up sending letter', you need to say 'sending the letter'.

So I can take that off my checklist.

It didn't make sense.

So I added in some words.

And then, 'but'.

"Lily became more and more frustrated, but she refused to give up sending the letter to the moon." That is a compound sentence.

And it's the two main clauses were joined by the coordinating conjunction, 'but'.

So now I can check, take the second point on my checklist.

Now the final point of my checklist, have I used a variety of sentence types? Not in this sentence.

So I've added in a simple sentence for effect, "She had to find a way." So now I do have a variety of sentence types.

I have a compound sentence and then a simple sentence.

So I can tick that off my checklist too.

Let's check for understanding.

How do you form a compound sentence? A, join two main clauses with any conjunction, B, join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction, C, join two main clauses by removing a full stop, or D, write two separate main clauses.

Pause video now.

It is B, compound sentence is formed of two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction.

Well done, everyone.

Okay, it's time for task B.

You are going to be editing sentence structure.

Read back through the opening of your narrative using the checklist to help you.

So when editing sentence structure, you should do all of these.

Reread each sentence out loud to check it makes sense, check sentences are joined by an appropriate conjunction, and check that you've included a variety of sentence types.

So pause the video now and go back through your opening of "The Man on the Moon" and check for any edits you need to make to sentence structure.

Off you go.

Well done, everybody.

I'm sure you worked really hard on task B.

Let's go through this example of an opening and use the editing sentence structure checklist to help us.

I'm going to read it out loud first 'cause we know that saying sentences out loud help check for sense.

And I want you to be trying to think, are there any words that are missing or any conjunctions are missing? And have I used a variety of sentence types? Okay.

"One night, a young, bored girl slumped on her sofa as she yawned quietly.

Eventually, Lily stared through her telescope she gazed intently at the silvery moon.

As she zoomed in curiously, jaw dropped.

Whatever could that be? Outside desolate shack, an elderly, solitary figure slowly emerged onto the barren landscape as silence echoed around him." Just by saying that paragraph out, I could hear some missing words.

I wonder if you could too.

Okay, I'm gonna show you how I've made my edits.

So the first one, "As she zoomed in curiously, her jaw dropped".

And then, "Outside a desolate shack", we need that article before 'desolate shack'.

You can't just say "Outside desolate shack".

So I've added in the article 'a'.

So I can check that first point off my checklist.

Have I used a conjunction to join two clauses? Did anyone spot the sentence that was missing the conjunction? Yeah, it was the second sentence.

"Eventually, Lily stared through her telescope and she gazed intently at the silvery moon." I needed that coordinating conjunction 'and' to make a compound sentence.

I can tick that off my checklist.

Have I used a variety of sentence types? I've changed that final sentence into, a complex sentence into two separate sentences and made the final part a simple sentence for that dramatic effect and help encouraging readers to take a pause and reflect.

So now, yes, I can tick that off my checklist.

If you need to pause the video and go back and make some more edits to your sentence structure, now's the time.

Otherwise, great job with task B.

It's now the final section of our lesson where we are going to be editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, so how clear the writing is, its tone and effectiveness, how effective it is in creating an image for the reader.

So when editing, make sure you do these.

Check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader, and choose language that matches the text type.

We've been writing a narrative, so we need to make sure we're using descriptive language.

We are not writing a non-chronological report, so we don't need to include formal language that we would include in a non-chronological report.

So we need to be thinking about that.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? When editing language, you change some of the words and phrases.

Pause the video now.

That's correct, it is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

B, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video now.

That's correct.

When we edit language, we are making changes to words and phrases.

Well done.

So let's read this sentence together.

"The man stared at Earth.

In addition, he wondered if anyone knew where he was." So the first point of my checklist, have I used ambitious language choices? Not really.

I haven't included any adjectives or adverbs.

So I'm gonna add those in.

"The lonely, frail man", that's my expanded noun phrase to describe the man.

And 'longingly'.

That's a descriptive adverb to describe how he said.

So both of these creating a much more vivid image for the reader.

So I can tick that off my checklist.

Have I checked that the language matches the text type? 'In addition', that's a formal fronted adverbial.

We'd find that in nonfiction writing, like a non-chronological report.

So I don't want to use that.

So I'm gonna replace it with a fronted adverbial of manner, 'hopelessly', describing how he was wondering if anyone knew where he was.

Again, much more descriptive for the reader.

So I can tick that off my checklist.

Let's check for understanding.

Language and narrative writing is which of these? A, funny, B, descriptive, C, factual, or D, formal? Pause the video now.

That's correct, language and narrative writing is descriptive.

Well done.

Okay, it's time for the final task, task C, editing language.

Read back through the opening of your narrative and use the checklist to help you.

When editing language, you should check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader, and vocabulary choices match the text type, remembering when you're writing a narrative.

So now you need to pause the video, read back through your opening and check for any edits you can make to your language.

Off you go.

Welcome back, everybody.

Well done.

Let's go through this opening and I wonder if you can help me see if I can make, tick off the points of my checklist.

"One night, a girl slumped on her sofa as she yawned quietly.

Next, Lily stared through her telescope and she gazed intently at the silvery moon.

As she zoomed in curiously, she was shocked.

Whatever could that be? Outside a desolate shack, an elderly, solitary figure slowly emerged onto the barren landscape.

It was very quiet." So have I made ambitious language choices to engage the reader? I've definitely got quite a few adverbs and adjectives, but I did think there were some edits I could make.

So first, I added in two adjectives to describe the girl, 'young' and 'restless'.

So now I have a really precise expanded noun phrase.

And then, instead of saying she was shocked, I used some show and tell descriptive language, I said, "Her jaw dropped" to show how shocked she was.

So now I can tick that off my checklist.

Have I checked the language matches the text type? I thought that instead of saying 'next', 'cause that sounds like a fronted adverbial I might use in a explanation text, is an ordered fronted adverbial, I changed that to 'curiously'.

So a fronted adverbial of manner, explaining how she stared through her telescope.

And then my final sentence, instead of saying "It was very quiet", I thought I'd be a bit more descriptive and say that "Silence echoed all around him", kind of creates more of a sound, an image in the reader's head.

So now I can tick that off my checklist too 'cause I've said, 'cause I've included some descriptive language.

Okay, now if you need to go and make some more edits to your language choices, pause the video now.

Otherwise, really well done.

That is the end of our lesson.

And here is a summary of everything we've done.

Editing is the process of making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and language choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of word, phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Well done for a fantastic lesson, and I hope you've enjoyed this unit as much as I have.

Well done, everybody.