Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Miss Gardener, welcome back to your next lesson from the unit The Man on the Moon, narrative writing.

Thank you for joining me on today's learning, I hope you're as excited as I am, so let's get going.

In today's lesson, from our unit The Man on the Moon, narrative writing, we are going to be planning.

So, your learning outcome is I can plan precise, ambitious vocabulary to write a narrative build-up based on The Man on the Moon.

Let's start by looking at our keywords.

We will do my turn, your turn.

So I'll say the word first and then you can say it back to the screen or to your partner or whoever you're with.

Plan.

Notes.

Ambitious vocabulary.

Fronted adverbial.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

So a plan is a framework that writers create before they write a section or whole text.

Notes are written out of full sentences, we do not need full sentences on our plan.

Ambitious vocabulary is high-level language in writing that meets the text's purpose.

We're writing a narrative piece of writing, so we want our vocabulary to reflect that.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

So there are two sections in today's learning.

In the first section we'll be preparing to plan and in the second section we'll be writing the plan.

Let's start with preparing to plan.

The Man on the Moon is a narrative and it can be structured like this, opening, build-up, the climax, and then the resolution.

In this lesson we are planning the build-up.

So, what is the purpose of the build-up? What do we need to think about when we're writing a build-up? It is to develop, the purpose is to develop the plot and characters, introduce a problem, often the problem is introduced in the build-up, and then also it needs to build up that tension and excitement because we're building up to that most exciting moment in the climax.

So in the build-up you need to build up to that.

In the build-up, we develop the characters, we get to know them a little bit more, and we introduce the problem.

So Lily, she is determined to find a way to reach the man on the moon, she desperately tries different ways to send the letter, she stands on the roof, she uses a bow and arrow, none of them work, but she's really, really persistent, but she does become more and more frustrated.

So that is her character developing.

The man, he does become more and more lonely and he begins to give up hope that anyone will know he is there.

So these are the characters, we're getting to know them a little bit more, their personalities and their emotions are being developed, but also the problem that's been introduced is that Lily cannot find a way to get her letter to the moon.

So, the purpose of the build-up is, A, to solve a problem, B, to develop the characters, C, to introduce the characters, or D, to introduce a problem.

Pause the video now.

Okay, let's go through the answers.

It is, the purpose of the build-up is to, B, develop the characters, and D, to introduce that problem.

It can't be A, to solve a problem, that usually takes place in the climax, and C, to introduce the characters, we've done that already in the opening.

Well done everyone.

So when we plan, we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

We must include precise verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and a range of nouns.

Again, we can use show and tell language to describe in detail how the characters are feeling.

This helps us to develop the characters in our narrative.

We know in the build-up we want to develop the characters and their emotions, so we can use show and tell language to help us do this.

Let's start by reviewing the key moments of the build-up.

There were three key moments.

We're gonna describe them in a lot more detail, but these are them as a summary.

So the first key moment, Lily scootered home to look through her telescope again.

The second key moment, we go up into the moon, the scene changes and we see the man sat on the bench.

And the third key moment, back on Earth, Lily tried different ways to send her letter to the moon.

So these are the moments in their most simple form, we are gonna be describing them in a lot more detail.

But first, checking for understanding.

Put the key moments of the opening in the correct order.

So your options are, Lily tried different ways to send her letter to the moon, Lily scootered home to look through her telescope, the man sat on the bench.

Pause the video now.

Okay.

Lily scootered home to look through her telescope, that's your first moment, the man sat on the bench, Lily tried different ways to send her letter to the moon.

Well done everyone.

So now let's look at each moment in a bit more detail.

We're gonna be thinking about what we can see and what we can hear.

This first moment, the first two moments, there's two pictures to describe for this moment, Lily scootering home and then how she looks through the telescope again.

So, Lily raced home on her scooter.

Why? Because she was desperate to see the man again, she wanted to get back to her telescope and see if she could see the man again.

Maybe she'd been dreaming, she wanted to check.

She looked through her telescope, you can see her doing that in the picture, and she's thinking about what he was doing.

This is when we start to realise that Lily is feeling sorry for him, he seems quite lonely up there on the moon.

So she's starting to think, what can I do to help him? And she's also wondered, how can she reach him? How can she let him know she can see him? The next moment, we change the scene and we go up into the sky, up into the moon, and we start to develop the man, the man's character.

So, we can see the solitary man sat alone on the bench.

Solitary means he's alone, there's no one else there.

The moon is vast, his bench, his shack, him, they seem tiny in comparison.

Thinking back to that positive and negative image, this feels like a really negative image of the moon, he looks cold and lonely up there.

It doesn't look very peaceful or calm.

He gazed longingly at Earth, wondering if anyone knew he was there.

We don't know how he got up to the moon or why he's there, but we can see him looking down at Earth and thinking, does anyone know I'm here? He then begins to give up hope that anyone would ever reach him.

He kind of looks down at the ground, slumps his shoulders, and he looks pretty hopeless really.

And then finally, Lily gazed up at the moon and then she comes up with an idea.

She decides, I know how I'm gonna reach the moon, I'm gonna send him a letter.

So she tried lots of different ways to get her letter to the moon, by bow and arrow, by standing on her roof, and by paper aeroplane, but none of them work.

She becomes more and more frustrated.

We can see her getting really annoyed.

Would she ever find a way? And that's how the build-up ends.

The problem has not been solved.

So we know that that's gonna happen in the climax.

So our build-up ends with Lily thinking, will she ever find a way to reach the man on the moon? We can use fronted adverbials of time, place, and manner to tell the reader when, where, or how an action is taking place.

So, for example, in these key moments of the build-up, we could describe how she is scootering home, excitedly, or as Lily scootered home, so when she is scootering home.

As quick as a flash, she did that really, really quickly, she was scootering really quickly, that's a fronted adverbial.

And then through the lens, that's where she was when she saw the man on the moon again.

Okay, now this moment.

We've changed, the scene has changed, we've moved from Earth up into the moon, so we can say that meanwhile.

So at the same time as Lily's down on Earth, up in the moon, the man is sitting on his bench, so meanwhile.

On the rocky moon, where is he? That's a fronted adverbial of place.

And then amid the eerie silence, again, eerie is a really precise adjective choice to create that negative image of the moon.

If we'd said amid the peaceful silence or calm silence, it would feel a lot more positive, it would feel like it's quite nice that it's quiet up there.

But eerie silence creates a negative image, quite spooky image, and it doesn't sound like it's a very nice place to be.

And then the final image, the next night, we're showing that time's passed.

Or curiously, how she was looking through the telescope, thinking about what she can do.

And then suddenly, she comes up with this idea.

So some more fronted adverbials we could use to move the action along.

And finally, again and again, that's how many times she was trying to send the letter.

Again and again, she tried different ways.

It's time for task A.

You need to fill in the blanks with ambitious vocabulary from the box below.

I'm going to read the sentences and when I say blank, that means there is a word from the word bank that could be filled in there.

As I'm reading, you could even have a go at saying a word that you think makes sense in those sentences.

But don't worry now if you want to wait and do it independently, you can pause the video and do it after, but have a go at saying the sentences now as well if you'd like.

Excitedly, Lily, blank, home on her scooter.

She was desperate to see the man again.

Meanwhile, the blank man sat alone on his blank bench.

Blank, she stared at the moon and she wondered what she could do.

Suddenly, she had an idea and she raced blank up to her bedroom.

So your word choices from the word bank, solitary, bolted, curiously, freezing cold, and excitedly.

So pause the video now and have at go at filling in those missing spaces.

Off you go.

Welcome back everybody.

Let's go through the answers.

Excitedly, Lily bolted home on her scooter.

She was desperate to see the man again.

Meanwhile, the solitary man sat alone on his freezing cold bench.

Curiously, she stared at the moon and she wondered what she could do.

Suddenly, she had an idea and she raced excitedly up to her bedroom.

I want you to be thinking about these word choices and this ambitious vocabulary, because we could be including them in our plan in a minute.

It's now time for the second section of our learning where we're gonna be writing the plan.

When we write a plan, we use notes.

Notes are concise, so short and efficient, and capture key vocabulary and information.

The purpose of notes is to help the writer organise information easily for future use, so when it comes to writing.

We use bullet points when note-taking and they look like this, you can see there's a dot and then space for you to write on the line next to it.

We do not need to use full sentences in notes, on your plans, we can save that for when it comes to writing.

So, true or false? Checking for understanding.

This would be found in a plan, as quick as a flash, Lily bolted home excitedly to use her telescope.

Would you find that in a plan? True or false? Pause the video now.

It is false.

Could you use A or B to justify your answer? A, plans include ambitious vocabulary, including precise adverbs and verbs, or B, plans include ambitious vocabulary that is not written in full sentences.

Pause the video now.

That is correct, it is B, we do not need full sentences on our plans.

Well done everyone.

Okay, it's time for task B, we are writing our plan.

You need to fill in the plan with fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe each moment in detail.

So the first moment, Lily scootered home to look through her telescope.

A fronted adverbial you could use could be as quick as a flash because you're describing to the reader that she was going really, really quickly, as quick as she could to get home to look at the scooter again.

You then can include some other fronted adverbials that we looked at earlier in the lesson to describe when, where Lily is, and how she is looking through the telescope, how she's feeling.

And then some ambitious vocabulary to describe her in this key moment.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, welcome back everyone.

I wonder what ideas you came up with on your plan.

Do not worry if your ideas do not look exactly like mine, that's to be expected, and actually that's a really good thing because it means that everyone will have different ideas on their plan, so that and everyone's writing will turn out to be quite different in the end.

But these were some of the ideas that I've come up with.

So, fronted adverbials for this key moment.

As quick as a flash, excitedly, that's how she was scootering home, and through the lens, so describing her when she is looking through her telescope.

And then some ambitious vocabulary, the curious girl, she's curious because she wants to know more.

She bolted home, bolted is a synonym for sprinted, ran really quickly.

Her heart pounded with excitement, so that's show and tell language, describing her heart to show how excited she is.

And then a rhetorical question, how could she help? How could she get in touch with the moon? Okay, it's now time to describe the second moment, the moment back up into the moon, we're going back up into the moon and describing the man and developing his character.

So a fronted adverbial you could use could be meanwhile to show that at the same time that Lily's down on Earth, up on the moon, the man is feeling really lonely and worrying that no one's thinking about him.

So now you need to pause the video and jot down some of your own fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Well done everybody for working so hard.

I wonder, again, if we've got any of the same ideas, do not worry if you didn't get any of the same ideas, that's quite all right, but also, if you like some of the ideas that I've written down, feel free to write them down yourself on your plan.

So, some fronted adverbials, meanwhile, on the rocky moon, I want to describe where he is.

Again, you could use any adjective to describe the moon, you could say on the barren moon, on the vast moon, on the empty moon, any of those adjective choices which create a negative image of the moon for the reader.

And then amid the eerie silence, again, that eerie creating a really negative image, it's not a happy silence, it's not a calm or joyful silence, it's this kind of creepy silence.

Then, ambitious vocabulary, the solitary man, all alone, the freezing cold bench, he gazed longingly at Earth, so gaze is a synonym for looked, but it's more, if you're gazing, you're looking at something for a long time, so he's looking at Earth, gazing at Earth, wishing he could be there or that someone was thinking of him, and then he sighed hopelessly, some show them and tell language.

(sighing) He's kind of given up hope.

Okay, as I said, if you like any of these ideas, you can write them down on your plan, otherwise, let's move on to describing the final moment.

The key moment is now that Lily tried different ways to send her letter to the moon.

So you want to think about some fronted adverbials to describe this.

You could say the next night to show that time has passed, she's been thinking about it and how she can send a letter to the moon, and she's been thinking about it all day, and then the next night she comes up with this idea.

You can now pause the video and add in your own fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment in detail.

Off you go.

Welcome back everyone, I'm gonna share my ideas with you and I wonder if you've come up with similar ones or if you like anything that I've written down, feel free to jot them down on your own plan.

So, some fronted adverbials, the next night, suddenly, suddenly, she came up with an idea, and then again and again, she tried to send that letter.

She stared thoughtfully, so she was staring and then she came up with her idea, she was staring at the moon.

She had a bright idea, bright is a really good idea.

Desperately, so how she was trying to send the letter, she was desperate, so she desperately tried.

And then a question to the reader, a rhetorical question, would it ever reach the moon? That's how we end our build-up, we don't know in the build-up if it does reach the moon, that's for the climax.

So we'll pause our writing here.

Well done everybody.

Hopefully you all got really ambitious, and precise vocabulary on your plan that can be used when it comes to writing the build-up.

Here is a summary or today's learning.

The purpose of the build-up is to develop the characters and introduce a problem.

When we plan, we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

Fronted adverbials of time and place indicate when and where the action takes place.

And a plan includes notes, key points, and ambitious vocabulary.

Well done for a fantastic lesson, make sure you keep these plans safe for when we come to writing our build-up.