Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from the unit, "The Man on the Moon" Narrative Writing.

Thank you so much for joining in on today's learning.

I hope you're as excited as I am.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit, "The Man on the Moon" Narrative Writing, we are going to be doing some more planning.

So your learning outcome is I can plan precise, ambitious vocabulary to help write a narrative climax based on "The Man on the Moon." Let's start with looking at some keywords.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

I'll say the word first, and then you can say it back to the screen or to your partner, or whoever you are with.

Plan.

Notes.

Ambitious vocabulary.

Fronted adverbial.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

So a plan is a framework that writers create before they write a section or a whole text.

Notes are written out to full sentences.

We don't write full sentences on our plan, 'cause we are using notes.

Ambitious vocabulary is high level language in writing that meets the text's purpose.

Our text we're writing is a narrative so we need to have language and vocabulary that reflects that.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

So there are two sections in today's learning.

In the first section, we'll be preparing to plan, and in the second section we'll be writing our plan.

So let's start with preparing to plan.

"The Man on the Moon" narrative can be structured like this.

We can have an opening, a buildup.

Both of these we've already written.

Then the climax, the most exciting moment, and then finally the resolution.

In today's lesson, we are planning the climax.

So what is the purpose of the climax? What happens in the climax of the narrative? So the purpose is to describe the main action.

It takes the attention and excitement to its highest point.

It's the most exciting, most tense moment.

And then it begins to solve the problem, the problem that was introduced back in the buildup.

So let's just recap the climax, and the key moments of the climax.

In this climax we'll describe the main action that takes place, and the problem will be solved.

The problem being will Lily ever get her letter to the moon? So Lily is excited for Christmas day.

She wonders about her gift for the man on the moon, wonders if it's reached the moon.

Then a colourful bunch of balloons arrives on the moon.

The man cannot believe his eyes as he discovers that the gift is a telescope.

So let's just check for understanding.

The purpose of the climax is A, to introduce a problem; B, to describe the main action; C, to introduce the characters, or D, to take the tension and excitement to its highest point? Pause the video now.

Okay.

So the purpose of the climax is B, to describe the main action, and D, to take the tension and excitement to its highest point.

A, to introduce a problem takes place in the buildup.

And C, to introduce the characters takes place in the opening.

Well done everyone.

So when we plan we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

We must include precise verbs, adjectives and adverbs, and a range of nouns.

And we can use show and tell language to describe in detail how the characters are feeling.

This helps us to develop the characters in our narrative, and helps to give the reader a better understanding of the emotions of the characters.

So let's first just review the key moments of the climax, because these are the ones that we're gonna be describing in more detail in our plan.

Firstly, Lily opened her presents, and hugged her family on Christmas day.

Then a bunch of balloons landed on the moon.

And then the man received his present, a telescope.

So these are the three key moments of the climax.

So let's check our understanding.

Order the key moments of the climax.

So the three moments we are ordering are: The man received his present, a telescope.

Lily opened her presents, and hugged her family on Christmas day.

And a bunch of balloons landed on the moon.

These are not in the correct order, so you need to pause the video now, and place them in the correct order.

Off you go.

Okay, let's go through it.

The first moment, Lily opened her presents, and hugged her family on Christmas day.

The second moment, a bunch of balloons landed on the moon.

And then third moment, the man received his present, a telescope.

Well done everybody.

So now let's look at each moment in more detail.

We're gonna be thinking about what we can see, and what we can hear.

So in the first moment it is Christmas morning.

Lily excitedly skipped down the stairs.

She's so happy because it is Christmas day, there's presents under the tree, there's Christmas lights everywhere.

There's Christmas music playing.

It's a really happy family scene.

She happily opened her presents, and she hugs her family tightly.

See in the picture from the bottom there, she's tightly hugging her, looks like her mom.

Laughter and happy music filled the room.

We need to use vocabulary to create this happy, positive image of Lily's Christmas day, especially in contrast with the man on the moon on his Christmas day, which is much less happy, and much more negative image.

So we can use show and tell to describe Lily's emotions.

You can see in this moment on Christmas day she was excited, but that's a bit boring to just say she was excited.

We don't want in our writing to say that, we want to describe her facial expressions, her body language, her actions, the way she moves.

So show me what your body language and facial expressions are like when you are excited.

So you can show the screen, you can show your partner or whoever you are with, but show them what happens to your body and your face when you feel really excited.

Off you go.

Okay.

Well these were the things I've written down that I thought could describe the way Lily is acting when she was excited.

She skipped ecstatically down the stairs, she beamed joyfully.

Beamed is a synonym for smiled.

And her eyes sparkled.

Her eyes are not actually sparkling with bright lights, but they seem to be lit up with excitement because she's so happy it's Christmas day.

So that's a show and tell language describing just how happy she is.

The next moment in the climax.

This is the moment that the balloons arrive.

The man was slumped alone on the bench on Christmas morning.

Slumped.

He's not sat up really excited or ready for Christmas day.

He's slumped.

He's a bit alone, maybe a bit bored and lonely.

Then a mysterious, so we dunno what it is at this point.

A mysterious, colourful bunch of balloons floated towards him.

Then he sits up straight, and he stared in amazement.

He can't believe what he is seeing.

And he's really amazed by this beautiful, colourful bunch of balloons amongst the dark night sky, an empty barren moon.

Then, the next moment, the balloons arrive in his hand, and he receives this gift.

A beautifully wrapped present was attached to the balloons.

He carefully unwrapped the present, and inside the present there was a sparkling gold telescope inside the box.

The man's eyes lit up with joy.

He's not just excited about receiving a present, he's so touched and amazed by the fact that somebody is thinking of him on Christmas day.

So let's try and show those emotions, and describe those emotions with the man in a bit more detail.

And we can use show and tell to describe the man's emotions.

So we could say he was amazed, but it's much more interesting to describe his body, his face, his actions to describe to the reader, and give the reader a really clear and vivid image of how he was feeling.

So, show me or show the screen or whoever you are with what your body language and facial expressions are like when you are amazed, when you can't believe what you're seeing, you're so excited.

Off you go.

Okay.

These are the ideas I came up with to describe how excited the man was, or how amazed he was.

His eyes lit up, a smile spread across his face, and he gasped in amazement, the noise he makes.

He was amazed about what he's seen.

Okay.

So now just checking for understanding here.

Match the emotion to the show and tell descriptive language.

Your emotion choices are excited, sad, amazed.

And then the show and tell descriptive language, gasped in astonishment, skipped ecstatically, and a tear rolled down their cheek.

Pause the video now, and off you go.

Okay, let's go through it.

Excited.

Instead of just saying excited, we could describe Lily as that she skipped ecstatically.

Instead of saying someone was sad you could say a tear rolled down their cheek.

And instead of saying someone was amazed you could say they gasped in astonishment.

Really well done everybody.

Let's have a think now about fronted adverbials.

Fronted adverbials of time, place and manner tell the reader where, when or how an action is taking place.

So in the first moment of the climax fronted adverbials you could use could be excitedly to describe how she ran down the stairs, on Christmas morning to describe when the action is taking place.

Beside the colourful tree to explain where she was hugging here family, or where she was opening her presents.

And then in the next moment, when the colourful balloons arrive you can say on the quiet moon is where he was sat, or where the balloons were arriving.

Suddenly, out of nowhere the balloons appeared.

And then out of the darkness, so describing where the balloons are coming from.

All of these will be really precise fronted adverbials to use in your writing.

And then in the final moment of the climax, fronted adverbials you could use, in amazement describing how the man opened the present.

Or carefully, again describing how he unwrapped the wrapping paper.

On the solitary bench descending where he is as he was opening this gift.

So we can use ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

So in this sentence below, laughter and music filled the room as Lily hugged her family tightly.

We want to create a really positive image for the reader about Christmas morning in Lily's house.

So we can imagine colours to help us choose that vocabulary.

Colours like blue and green create a really positive image in our minds.

And we can use vocabulary to help us create this positive image.

So laughter, hugged, tightly, music, all of those words really help to create a positive and happy image on Christmas day.

In contrast, we can create a negative image for the reader to emphasise the difference between Lily and the man's experience Christmas day.

So, for example, the man slumped alone on the cold, solitary bench.

Silence echoed around the vast moon.

So, again, we can image the colours to help us choose negative vocabulary.

So imaging maybe red, orange colours.

And then the vocabulary choices like slumped, alone, cold and solitary, and silence echoing.

All of those words create a really negative image of the moon.

If we'd said the man was jumping ecstatically outside his house as a calm silence filled the night sky that would create a really different image for the reader in their head.

They would have had a much more positive image of the moon.

But we don't want to create a positive image, we want to create a negative image of the moon so we really have a direct contrast between the man's Christmas day, and Lily's Christmas day.

Okay, it's time for task A.

You need to fill in the blanks with ambitious vocabulary from the word bank.

In your word bank you have colourful, slumped, mysterious, amazement, and ecstatically.

I'm going to read the sentences, and when I say blank you can have a go at saying the sentence to your partner or to the screen using one of the words from the word bank.

Have a go at saying these words out loud as I read, but you'll also have a go at completing this independently afterwards.

So I'll say the word blank, and that's where a word needs to go.

So have a go at saying it.

On Christmas morning, Lily skipped blank down the stairs.

Beside the blank tree she hugged her family as laughter and music filled the room.

On the quiet moon the man was blank alone on the bench when he saw a colourful blank bunch of balloons floating towards him.

Carefully he unwrapped the gift, and his eyes lit up in blank.

Okay, pause the video now, and have a go at completely task A.

Off you go.

Well done everybody.

Let's go through the answers.

On Christmas morning Lily skipped ecstatically down the stairs.

Ecstatically means really, really happily and excitedly.

Beside the colourful tree she hugged her family as laughter and music filled the room.

On the quiet moon the man was slumped alone on the bench when he saw a colourful, mysterious bunch of balloons floating towards him.

Carefully he unwrapped the gift, and his eyes lit up in amazement.

Well done everybody.

It's now time for the second section of our lesson, where we're gonna be writing our plan or the climax.

When we write a plan we use notes.

Notes are concise, capture key vocabulary and information.

The purpose of notes, why do we write them? Is to help the writer organise information easily for future use when it comes to writing.

We use bullet points when note taking, and they look like this, little dots with space for you to write your note next to it.

True or false.

This would be found in a plan: Excitedly Lily skipped downstairs as laughter and music filled the room.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, plans include ambitious vocabulary including precise adverbs and verbs.

Or B, plans include ambitious vocabulary, but it is not written in full sentences.

Pause the video now.

That is correct, it is B, we don't need to use full sentences in our plan.

Well done.

Okay, let's start filling in our plans.

So the first moment we're gonna be describing is Lily opened her presents, and hugged her family on Christmas day.

So that's what happens, but we now need to think about some ambitious vocabulary, and some fronted adverbials so we can describe the scene in more detail.

So one fronted adverbial could be on Christmas morning, 'cause you're explaining to the reader when this scene is taking place.

You now need to pause the video, and have a go at thinking of some fronted adverbials, and ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment.

Off you go.

Okay, welcome back.

I'm gonna go through some of the ideas I've come up with.

Don't worry at all if yours aren't exactly same.

But, if you do like something that I've shared, feel free to jot it down in your plan too.

So some fronted adverbials.

On Christmas morning, excitedly she ran down the stairs, she skipped down the stairs.

And then beside the colourful tree.

Ambitious vocabulary: The joyful girl, tightly hugged, eyes sparkled, show and tell language.

And music and laughter filled the room.

Well done everyone.

Okay, now the next moment we are gonna be describing is the moment that bunch of balloons landed on the moon.

So thinking about to use on the rocky moon to describe where this moment is taking place.

So now pause the video, and add to your plans fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe the second key moment of the climax.

Off you go.

Welcome back everybody.

I'm now gonna share my ideas with you, you're welcome to jot down anything that you like onto your plan.

And I wonder how many of ours were the same, if you got any of the same ideas as I had.

So fronted adverbials.

On the rocky moon, suddenly.

Suddenly the balloons appeared.

Out of the darkness.

That's where they've come from, out of the darkness.

Vocabulary.

Slumped sadly to describe the man, the way he was sat on the bench.

Mysterious, colourful, two adjectives to describe the balloons.

Floated quietly, the way the balloons gently and quietly arrive on the moon.

Stared in amazement, the man's reactions of show and tell.

Well done everybody.

Let's now move on to the final plan.

I'm sorry, the final moment of the climax.

The moment the man received his present, a telescope.

So fronted adverbial to start you off could be carefully, carefully he held the present.

Now you need to pause the video, and add one or two other fronted adverbials, some ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment in detail.

Off you go.

Okay, welcome back.

Let's go through some of the ideas I came up with.

Once again, don't worry if yours didn't look exactly like this, I'm sure you've come up with some amazing ideas yourself.

But here are some of mine, and feel free to write them on your plan as well if you like them.

Carefully, in amazement.

So fronted to describe how he opened the box, gift.

On the solitary bench, so explaining where, describing where he is.

And then some ambitious vocabulary.

Smile spread across his face, show and tell language.

His eyes lit up, more show and tell.

The golden, precious telescope, two adjectives to describe the telescope.

And then a rhetorical question.

Could this really be for him.

If you'd like to add any of these ideas to your plan, you can do that now.

Otherwise, really well done for another fantastic lesson.

Here is a summary on everything we've learned.

The purpose of the climax is to describe the most exciting or tense action.

When we plan we log precious and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

Fronted adverbials of time and place indicate when and where the action takes place.

And a plan includes notes, key points and ambitious vocabulary.

Make sure you keep these plans safe so that you can use them for writing the climax.

Well done everybody.