Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome back to your next lesson from the unit, The Man on the Moon" Narrative Writing.

Thank you for joining me on today's lesson.

I'm really excited.

So, let's get started.

In today's lesson, we're doing some more writing.

So, your learning outcome is, I can write a narrative climax based on "The Man on the Moon." So, let's have a look at our keywords.

We'll do my turn your turn.

I'll say the word first and then when I do this, you can say it back to the screen or your partner or whoever you're with.

Text flow, fronted adverbial, past tense, rhetorical question.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged.

So, what sentences they choose to use and to what depth.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter, followed by a comma.

Past tense shows that the action happened before now.

So, we'll carry on writing everything in the climax in the past tense.

A rhetorical question is a question asked to the reader that does not expect an answer.

In our learning today, there are two sections.

In the first section we'll be preparing to write, and then in the second section we'll be writing the climax.

So, let's start with preparing to write.

"The Man on the Moon" can be structured like this, an opening, then a buildup, then the climax, and then back down to the resolution.

In this lesson, we are writing the climax and we're gonna be able to use the plans we've made to help us.

So, why do we need a climax? What happens in the climax? The purpose of the climax is to do all of these.

Describe the main action.

Take the tension and the excitement to its highest point.

It's the most exciting moment of the story and it often begins to solve the problem.

So, in our climax, "The Man on the Moon," the most exciting moment is the moment that those balloons arrive on the moon.

It's also the moment that the problem begins to be solved, 'cause that problem we know in the buildup was that how was Lily ever gonna find a way to find, get her letter to the moon.

And then the problem is solved in the climax when these balloons drop it off.

So, let's just review some notes from a plan.

Remember, these were the notes that I've created.

Don't worry if yours aren't exactly the same, but I'm gonna be using these in today's lesson to help me write my climax.

So, the first key moment of the climax was that it was Christmas morning.

Lily opened her presents and hugged her family, you can see the two pictures there from that moment.

So, let have a look at some fronted adverbials we generated.

On Christmas morning, so, telling the reader when this moment's taking place, excitedly describing how Lily was running around the stands, down the stairs, how she was hugging her family.

And besides the colourful tree.

So, a fronted adverbials of place.

Where is this scene taking place, where is moments in the scene happening? And some ambitious vocabulary, the joyful girl.

Tightly hugged, you can see her tightly hugging her mom in that picture.

We think it's her mom in that picture there, her eyes sparkles.

And I wouldn't tell language to show how excited she was, because her eyes aren't actually sparkling.

But that's some descriptive language.

And then the music and laughter filled the room.

So, they're creating the sounds for the reader to be able to imagine they can hear.

And these are really positive and happy sounds, aren't they? Then the next key moment was the main moment of the climax.

The moment the bunch of balloons landed on the moon.

So, fronted adverbials, on the rocky moon, describing where the man is and where the balloons coming to.

Suddenly, outta nowhere suddenly those balloons appeared and outta the darkness, that's where they're coming from.

So, fronted adverbials of place, ambitious vocabulary.

We described the man as slumped, sadly to show his emotions.

He's quite looks a bit lonely and bored on Christmas morning.

He thinks no one's thinking of him.

Then the mysterious, colourful, the balloons are mysterious, because at this point we dunno where they've come from.

Floated quietly.

I love that verb choice, floated.

And with the adverb, quietly, it's really descriptive of describing how they moved through the air.

And then he stared in amazement.

You could even add some show and tell language in there.

Maybe describe his eyes as widening or his jaw dropping to show how surprised he's.

Then finally, the final key moment of the climax.

The man received his present, which was the telescope.

So, it was in front of our fronted adverbials.

Carefully, he held the box.

In amazement.

In amazement, he stared at this gift.

And where was he doing this? He was on the solitary bench.

Solitary again is when it's the only thing there.

It's some ambitious vocabulary.

Show and tell language.

A smile spread across his face.

His eyes lit up.

An EMP to describe the telescope, the golden, precious telescope.

Precious means it's really special.

And then a rhetorical question.

Could this really be for him? So, it's showing the rhetorical question.

Could this really be for him? It's showing what the man is thinking, but it also engages the reader and gets them thinking.

So when we write, we always try to do these things, plan and say each sentence before we write it.

We're definitely gonna be using our plan.

And we'll say some sentences using our plan to help us first as well.

Use punctuation when we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know.

So simple, compound, complex.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

And then we all need to be doing this checking and our improving our writing, even when we think we've finished.

So, our first check for understanding is gonna be a talk task.

You need to say one full sentence allowed that uses these ideas from the plan.

So, we've got on Christmas morning, so you can use that as a fronted adverbial.

Tightly hugged, music and laughter filled the room.

And then you've got a sentence scaffold to help you.

So, I'm just gonna say it first.

And I want you to be thinking about what could go in those spacing spaces.

In those spaces.

On blank, Lily blank, her family has joyful music and laughter blank, okay? So, you need to pause the video now and have a go at saying this sentence, using the notes to help you.

Off you go.

Okay, well done everybody.

Let's go through what the sentence might have sounded like when you said it out loud.

On Christmas morning and then we can cross off that from our notes, because we've used it.

On Christmas morning, Lily tightly hugged, again we can cross that off, her family as joyful music and laughter filled the room.

We can cross off that final point.

Well done everybody.

So, this section needs to include the following, ambitious vocabulary, precise adjectives, adverbs and verbs, references to the noun in different ways.

We're not referring to constantly as lily, lily, lily or the man, the man, the man.

Three rhetorical questions in a row.

We'll look at that in a second.

Sentences written in the past tense.

Everything is written in the past tense in our narrative, fronted adverbials of placed time or manner.

And then text flow we need to be thinking about.

So, thinking about using different types of simple compound and complex sentences.

A rhetorical question invites the reader to think about what's happening in the story.

And it makes them feel really involved in it.

They wanna know more, they become more curious and it makes them think.

So, writing three questions in a row is an effective technique that writers can use to build up excitement and tension in narrative writing.

And we call this the power of three.

Can you say it back? Power of three.

Okay, so let's have a look at what this could look like in our narrative.

So, this is the moment that the balloons arrive on the moon.

So, we wanna think of three rhetorical questions we could use in a row to build up that excitement.

Could this really be for him? Did somebody know he was there, had somebody finally thought about him? You can see that the three in the row, build up that excitement in the climax.

So, let's just check for understanding.

Three rhetorical questions in a row is used by writers to, A, make the reader laugh.

B, build up excitement and tension.

C, make the reader feel scared.

Or D, indicate a new idea.

Pause the video now.

That is correct.

It is B.

There's three rhetorics in a row.

Build up excitement and tension.

We call it the power of three.

Well done everyone.

Let's recap compound sentences.

So, a compound sentence is formed of at least two equally important main clauses, joined together with a coordinating conjunction.

So, you have your main clause, then coordinating conjunction and or, or but.

And then you have your other main clause.

All of these together form a compound sentence.

So, let's look at two main clauses that are equally important.

A bunch of balloons floated quietly towards him and he said in amazement.

These two ideas can be joined into one compound sentence with the coordinating conjunction and a bunch of balloons floated quietly towards him and he stared in amazement and is our coordinating conjunction.

So, this is a great compound sentence.

We could do another one though with an even more detail.

So, outta the darkness, a colourful, mysterious budget of balloons floats towards him and he stared in amazement.

So, this is another compound sentence, but we've made it a bit more ambitious.

We've included a fronted adverbial of place.

outta the darkness and we've included an expanded, noun phrase to describe those balloons.

Colourful, mysterious, bunch of balloons.

Let's check for understanding which the following is a compound sentence.

A, the elderly man slumped on his solitary bench.

B, the elderly man slumped on his bench as silence echoed around him.

Or C, the elderly man slumped on his bench and silence echoed around him.

Pause video now.

That is correct.

It is C, sorry.

A can't be a compound sentence, because it's just a simple sentence.

It's made of just a main clause.

And then B is a complex sentence as silence echoed around him is a subordinate clause.

Well done everyone.

Let's remind ourselves of complex sentences.

A complex sentence is formed of a main clause, stretched with a subordinate adverbial clause that starts with a subordinating conjunction.

So, let's just remind ourselves, we have our main clause that makes sense by itself.

Then we have our subordinating conjunction.

So, because as or when and then we have our subordinate clause, which doesn't make sense by itself and needs to be joined together with the main clause to make sense.

So, all of these things together form a complex sentence.

Let's have a look at this in what it could look like in "Man on the Moon." So let's look at a main clause and a subordinate clause.

He carefully unwraps the present.

That's our main clause and make sense by itself.

As his eyes lit up in amazement, that's our subordinate clause.

It doesn't make sense by itself.

The first idea could be stretched with the second idea to make one complex sentence.

He carefully unwrapped the present as his eyes lit up in amazement.

As is our subordinating conjunction.

So, that's an excellent complex sentence.

Let's think about how we can make it even more ambitious and add a bit more detail.

Carefully, he unwrapped the beautifully wrapped present as his eyes lit up in amazement.

Carefully, is our fronted adverbial.

Beautifully wrapped is a really precise adjective to describe the present.

And then we have his eyes lit up in amazement as our show and tell language.

So, that's another fantastic complex sentence we can think about including, let's just check for understanding, true or false.

This is a complex sentence.

As he carefully unwrapped the gift, he realised the precious telescope was meant for him.

True or false, this is the complex sentence? Pause the video now.

That's correct.

It is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, the subordinate clause starts with the subordinating conjunction as, and it's linked to the main clause.

Or B, a complex sentence contains two clauses.

Pause the video now.

That's correct, it is A.

Well done everybody.

The need for a comma in complex sentences, depends on the position of the clauses.

So, if the main clause comes first in a complex sentence, a comma is not placed after it.

That's because the second idea stretches the first idea.

Let's have a look.

Lily ran down the stairs in excitement.

That is our main clause first, no comma comes after the main clause when it comes first, because it was finally Christmas.

That's our subordinate clause.

It doesn't make sense by itself, but it's just stretching that idea in the first main clause.

So, it's your adverbial subordinate clause, second.

So, no comma is needed in this sentence because the main clause came first, and then you've got your full stop at the end to complete the sentence.

However, if the subordinate clause comes first in a complex sentence, a comma is placed after it.

That's because the comma separates the adverbial subordinate clause from the main clause.

Let's have a look.

As music and laughter filled the room, that's our subordinate clause and it comes first.

So, we need a comma after the subordinate clause, then you have your main clause.

She hugged her mum tightly and then you have a full stop to complete the sentence.

So, let's just read this back.

As music and laughter filled the room, comma, she hugged her mum tightly.

So, you needed that comma to separate your subordinate adverbial clause and your main clause.

True or false? If the subordinate clause is first in a complex sentence, a comma is not needed, pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, if the subordinate clause is first in a complex sentence, a comma is used, or B, if the main clause is first in a complex sentence, a comma is used after the main clause.

Pause the video now.

That's correct.

It is A, we need to have a comma after the subordinate clause if it comes first in a sentence.

Well done everybody.

Okay, it's time for task A.

We are going to be doing a talk task, 'cause we are going to be saying some sentences of our climax.

So, using your plan, it's really important you're using your plan, because we've got some fantastic vocabulary and fronted adverbials on our plan to help us.

Using your plans, say the first part of the climax of "The Man on the Moon." Say as many sentences as you like, but do include the following, A fronted adverbials could be of time, place, manner, ambitious vocabulary from your plan and a simple compound or complex sentence.

So, we're thinking about text flow and using a variety of our sentence types.

So, pause the video now and off you go, saying the first part of your climax.

Okay, well done everybody.

Let's just go through a few sentences and we're gonna be thinking about, if I've included a fronted adverbial, ambitious vocabulary for my plan and a simple and compound sentence.

So, I'm gonna read my sentences and you can be checking for me.

Have I included all of these things? On Christmas morning, Lily skipped ecstatically down the stairs and she looked around the room in excitement.

The happy sounds of laughter and music filled the room as she hugged her family tightly.

Lily's eyes sparkled with joy.

Okay, have I included a fronted adverbial? I have.

I've said on Christmas morning, I've included that.

Have I included ambitious vocabulary from my plan? I think so.

I've said she skipped ecstatically.

She looked around the room in excitement, happy sounds, family tightly, the adverb tightly.

And then that's show and tell language.

Her eyes sparkled with joy.

So yes, I have included ambitious vocabulary.

Have I included a simple compound and complex sentence? Let's have a look.

My first sentence has the fronted adverbial.

And then Lily skipped ecstatically down the stairs and she looked around the room in excitement.

That's my compound sentence.

Then the happy sounds of laughter and music filled the room as she hugged her family tightly.

That's my complex sentence.

And then I have a nice simple sentence for effect, Lily's eyes sparkled with joy.

If you need to pause the video now and have another go at saying your sentences, thinking about including these three points.

But otherwise really well done for task A.

It's now time for the second part of today's lesson where we are writing our climax.

This is your success criteria for today.

These are the things we want to be including in our writing to make our climax a really, really successful piece of writing.

So, let's go through it.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have included three rhetorical questions in a row to increase excitement.

Remember we call that the power of three.

I have written a range of sentence types, so simple, compound, complex to improve that text flow.

And then I've written in the past tense.

So, let's have a look at a modelled example of the next few sentences.

So, we've just had a go in our talk task of describing the first key moment of the climax of Lily on Christmas day.

Now, we're gonna go up into the moon and think about describing what's the man at this moment.

On the rocky moon, the frail man slumped on his solitary bench.

Suddenly a colourful, mysterious bunch of balloons slowly floated towards him and he stared in amazement.

Carefully he opened the beautifully wrapped gift and he found a precious telescope in the box.

Could it really be for him? Did someone know he was there? Had someone finally thought about him? So, let's go through the success criteria.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

Can I give myself a tick? On the rocky moon and carefully.

So yeah and suddenly, so I have actually got three.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

All of them as well, were followed by a comma, which is great.

I have concluded three rhetorical questions to increase excitement.

The power of three.

You can see that at the end I can give myself a tick there.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex to improve text flow.

The first sentence is simple sentence.

It has a fronted adverbial, on the rocky moon, but the main clause, the frail man slumped on his solitary bench.

It's just a main clause by itself.

So, it's a simple sentence.

Then I have a compound sentence.

Suddenly, a colourful, mysterious bunch of balloons slowly floated towards him and he stared an amazement, two main clauses.

So, that's my compound sentence.

Ah, I haven't got a complex sentence in this one, so I'm gonna have to be thinking about including that in the next moment that I'm describing.

But I have included simple and compound.

So, I am still gonna give myself a tick, but I've been thinking, I need to include a complex sentence next.

And have I written in the past tense? Definitely, all of this paragraph is written in, all of this section, sorry, is written in the past tense so I can give myself a tick.

It's now time for you to write your climax.

It's task B.

So, you need to use your success criteria to help you and ensure you create text flow by including a range of sentence types.

So simple, compound and complex and fronted adverbials.

So, you need to stick in your success criteria and have your plan in front of you to help you and think about starting from the first key moment on Christmas morning and Lily, showing how excited Lily is because it's Christmas day.

So, you're gonna stick in your success criteria and then you can pause the video and off you go writing your climax.

Well done everybody.

I'm sure you've all worked so hard.

We are now going to read back an example to check it makes sense and edit any punctuation errors.

And then you can go back and do that to your own writing as well.

So, let's go through a paragraph.

I'm gonna read it first and then we'll go through the success criteria and see what we can tick off.

On Christmas morning, Lily skipped ecstatically down the stairs as the room filled with sounds of laughter and music.

Meanwhile, the lonely man slumped on his bench on the cold, empty moon.

Suddenly a vast bunch of balloons slowly floated towards him and he stared in awe as he opened the beautifully wrapped gift.

His eyes lit up in amazement.

Could it really be for him? Did someone know he was there? Had someone finally thought about him, a joyful smile spread across his face.

So, let's go through the success criteria.

Have I written at least two fronted adverbials.

I've got on Christmas morning meanwhile, and suddenly you can see them all in green.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

I have included three rhetorical questions to increase excitement at the end there.

Could it really be for him? Does someone know he was there, had someone finally thought about him? The power of three, three in a row.

I can give myself a tick.

Now, thinking about text flow, have I included a range of sentence types? Let's look at the ones in green.

My first sentence, we have a complex sentence.

Lily skipped a statically down the stairs as the room filled with sounds of laughter.

Then you have our compound sentence.

Suddenly a vast bunch of balloons slowly floated towards him and he stared in awe.

So, my compound sentence and then my final sentence, that simple sentence for effect, a joyful smile spread across his face.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

Have I written in the past tense? You can see there the verb choices.

The verbs are in green, skipped, slumped, lit, beautifully wrapped.

All of those are past tense verbs.

So yes, I have written in the past tense.

You can now pause the video, go back through your writing and have a go at marking your success criteria.

Really well done, everybody.

It's the end of the lesson.

Here is a summary of everything we've done.

The purpose of the climax is to describe the most dramatic action and to begin to solve the problem, using a range of simple compound and complex sentences and fronted adverbials, improves text flow for the reader, saying sentences out loud, before writing helps them to make sense.

And then three rhetorical questions in a row, build up excitement and the past tense is maintained throughout one paragraph.

Well done for a fantastic lesson everybody.