Lesson video

Hi, everybody.

It's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to today's lesson from our unit "The Man on the Moon" - Narrative Writing.

Thank you so much for coming to join me on today's learning.

I'm really excited, and I hope you are too.

So let's get going.

In today's lesson from "The Man on the Moon" unit, we're gonna be writing our opening.

So your learning outcome is, I can write a narrative opening based on "The Man on the Moon." Let's have a look at our keywords.

So we'll do my turn, your turn.

I'll say the word first, and then you can say it back to the screen or your partner or whoever you're with.

Text flow.

Fronted adverbial.

Past tense.

Show and tell.

Rhetorical question.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged, so what sentences they choose to use and in what order they choose to write them.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

Past tense shows that the action happened before now.

We're gonna be writing "The Man on the Moon" in the past tense.

Show and tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, their body language, and their facial expressions.

And a rhetorical question is a question asked to the reader that does not expect an answer.

So there are two sections of our learning today.

In the first, we'll be preparing to write, and in the second, we'll be writing our opening.

So let's start with preparing to write.

"The Man on the Moon" is narrative, and it can be structured like this.

It can have an opening, then the buildup, then the climax, and then finally our resolution.

So into four sections.

We're gonna be writing each section at a time.

In this lesson, we are writing the opening.

The purpose of the opening is to do all of these, engage the reader, get them excited and want to carry on reading, introduce the characters, so in our case, Lily and the man, and introduce the setting, so Lily's house and the moon.

We are going to use the notes we made from the previous lesson on our plan to help us.

So let's just review the notes from our plan.

So, we had three key moments of the opening, and on our plan, we jotted down lots of ambitious vocabulary and fronted adverbials that we can include in our writing.

So the first key moment, Lily was bored at home.

That's just a simple sentence explaining that moment.

We want to write about it in a lot more detail.

So we could include some of the fronted adverbials that we thought of in our planning lesson.

Inside the cosy living room.

One wintry evening.

On the soft sofa.

Those are fronted adverbials of time and place, telling you where and when the opening is happening.

And some ambitious vocabulary that we included.

The restless young girl.

Slumped on a cushion, showing how bored she was.

She sighed with boredom.

(sighs) Again, show and tell language, showing how bored she was.

And she yawned again and again.

All of these would be really effective in describing Lily's emotion in the opening.

The next key moment was that Lily looked through a telescope.

So fronted adverbials that we could use from our plan.

At the frosty window, telling the reader where she was.

Eventually, after hours of being bored.

Eventually.

And then a subordinate clause, as she stared through the telescope.

And then ambitious vocabulary.

She gazed intently, intently with a purpose.

She zoomed in curiously.

She wanted to know more, so she zoomed in so she could get a better view.

Her eyes widened.

Show and tell.

She's surprised by what she's seen.

Her jaw dropped.

She's shocked.

Okay, and then the next moment, the final moment of the opening we'll be describing.

Lily saw a man on the moon.

So some fronted adverbials to describe where he is.

Amid a starry sky.

Outside a desolate shack, desolate meaning the only thing on the moon, it's all alone.

And slowly, how he appeared from the shack.

Then some ambitious vocabulary.

She glimpsed, caught sight of, a solitary figure.

The elderly man.

The barren landscape.

The moon is gonna be described as barren 'cause there's nothing else on it.

It's empty and lifeless.

And then silence echoed, some effective, descriptive language to describe the sound or lack of sound on the moon.

So this plan will be really useful for us in today's lesson when it comes to writing because it's got loads of ideas and loads of ambitious vocabulary that we can use.

So when we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know, so simple, compound, complex.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell words correctly.

And then last but not least, check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

So let's start with the checking for understanding and doing a talk task.

I want you to say two full sentences that use these ideas from the plan.

So the ideas from the plan are from the first key moment.

So inside the cosy living room, the restless young girl, slumped on a cushion, sighed with boredom.

These are notes from a plan.

So we know that notes in a plan don't need to be in full sentences.

We want to use these notes and make them part of a full sentence.

So you can use the sentence scaffold to help you.

Inside the, blank, the restless young girl, blank.

She sighed, blank, as nobody was playing with her.

So you need to include the notes from the plan in these sentences and say them to your partner or to the screen or whoever you're with.

Pause the video now, and off you go.

Okay.

Well done, everybody.

Let's go through what these sentences could look like.

Inside the cosy living room, so I'm gonna cross that note off 'cause I've included it now, the restless young girl slumped on a cushion.

Restless young girl and slumped on a cushion have been used, so I'm gonna cross those off.

She sighed with boredom as nobody was playing with her.

Sighed with boredom I can also cross off.

Okay, so two full sentences using the notes from my plan.

Really well done, everyone.

This section, our opening, needs to include the following.

Ambitious vocabulary, which we can definitely do 'cause we've got loads of ambitious vocabulary on our plan.

So that includes precise adjectives, adverbs, verbs.

References to the nouns in different ways, so we don't want to keep calling her Lily, Lily, Lily, or the man, the man, the man.

We want to think of different ways to call her and refer to them.

A rhetorical question.

We'll look at that in a minute.

Sentences written in the past tense.

Everything we're writing in "The Man on the Moon" is in the past tense.

And fronted adverbials of time, place, or manner.

And text flow.

So we need to be thinking about including a range of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

So writers are always looking for ways to engage with their reader, so to kind of connect with the reader and make the reader feel more interested in what they're writing.

They can ask, so writers can ask, rhetorical questions as a way of hooking their readers in to make them feel more engaged with the story.

A rhetorical question invites the reader to think about what's happening in the story and makes them feel involved in it.

But what's important to remember with a rhetorical question, the writer does not expect the reader to actually provide an answer.

They don't expect the reader to write an answer down or say an answer back.

It's more just to make the reader think.

So, for example, this moment of the opening when she sees that man on the moon, what rhetorical question could we ask the reader to really make them think and get them more engaged? Maybe, who could it be? What was out there? Whatever could that be? Again, the reader is not expected to answer those questions, but it makes them feel more involved in the story.

So let's just check for understanding.

A rhetorical question, A, makes the reader laugh, B, is not expected to be answered by the reader, C, is expected to be answered by the reader, or D, makes the reader feel more curious about the story.

Pause the video now.

Okay, let's go through it.

It is B, a rhetorical question is not expected to be answered by the reader, and D, it makes the reader feel more curious about the story.

Well done, everyone.

Okay, let's think about some of the sentence types we can include in our opening.

A compound sentence is formed of at least two equally important main clauses joined together with a coordinating conjunction.

So you can see here we've got our main clause, coordinating conjunction, and, or, or but, remembering or or but have a comma before them, and then another main clause of equal importance.

All of these together form a compound sentence.

So let's look at two main clauses that are equally important.

The girl slumped on the sofa.

She sighed in boredom.

These two ideas can be joined into one compound sentence with the coordinating conjunction "and." Let's have a look.

The girl slumped on the sofa and she sighed in boredom.

You can see we've got the coordinating conjunction "and." However, we could add a little bit more detail to give the reader a better image of what is happening at this moment.

So, you could include a fronted adverbial, in the warm living room.

You could include a expanded noun phrase, the young restless girl slumped on the sofa and she sighed in boredom.

You can see there's just a little bit more extra detail there for the reader.

So let's check for understanding.

Which of the following is a compound sentence? A, the young girl sighed in boredom because no one would play with her, B, the girl yawned quietly and she slumped on the sofa, or C, the restless girl sighed quietly? Pause the video now.

Okay, the answer is B.

Well done.

A is a complex sentence because it has the subordinating conjunction "because" and C is a simple sentence.

Well done, everyone.

Okay, a complex sentence is formed of a main clause stretched with a subordinate adverbial clause that starts with a subordinating conjunction.

So let's have a look.

We have our main clause, then a subordinating conjunction, because, as, or when, and then a subordinating clause.

Remembering that a subordinating clause doesn't make sense by itself.

It needs to be joined to the main clause with a conjunction for it to make sense.

These three together form a complex sentence.

So let's look at a main clause and a subordinate clause.

Her jaw dropped in shock, main clause, makes sense by itself, as she stared through her telescope, a subordinate clause.

It starts with the subordinating conjunction "as" and it doesn't make sense by itself.

The first idea can be stretched with the second idea to make one complex sentence.

Let's have a look.

Her jaw dropped in shock as she stared through her telescope.

You can see our subordinating conjunction "as" starts the subordinate clause.

However, we could even add, again, a bit more detail.

At the frosted window, a fronted adverbial of place, the young girl's jaw dropped in shock as she stared through her telescope.

Young girl referring to the noun differently, and jaw dropped in shock, some show and tell language.

So this is, again, another complex sentence, but with a bit more detail for the reader.

So true or false? Checking for understanding here.

This is a complex sentence, "As she zoomed in curiously towards the moon, her eyes began to widen in surprise." True or false? Pause the video now.

Correct, it is true.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, the subordinate clause starts with the subordinating conjunction "as" and it is linked to the main clause.

B, a complex sentence contains two clauses.

Pause the video now.

That is correct, it is A.

As she zoomed in curiously towards the moon, that is your subordinate clause, and it starts with the subordinating conjunction "as" and it is linked to the main clause to form a complex sentence.

Well done.

Okay, it's time for Task A, Preparing to write.

We're going to do a talk task today 'cause we know how important it is to say our sentences aloud before we start writing so we can hear that they make sense and that there's nothing missing.

So, using your plan, really important you're using your plan here, say the first part of the opening of "The Man on the Moon." Say as many sentences as you like, but include the following, a fronted adverbial, show and tell descriptive language, and a compound and complex sentence.

Pause the video now, and off you go.

Okay.

Well done, everybody.

Just having a think now, checking your sentences, have you included a fronted adverbial, show and tell language, and a compound and a complex sentence? If you think you need to say your sentences again, pause the video now and have another go.

Otherwise, I'm going to say the sentences I've come up with.

Don't worry if yours didn't sound exactly like mine, 'cause we might have had different ideas in our plan, but these are the ones I said using my plan: One wintry evening, a young restless girl slumped on her sofa.

She yawned again and again because no one was playing with her.

Eventually, she stared through her telescope and she gazed intently at the starry sky.

As she zoomed in curiously, her eyes began to widen.

So have I included a fronted adverbial? Yes, two, one wintry evening and eventually.

Have I included show and tell descriptive language? Yes, I've said she was slumped on the sofa, she yawned again and again, and her eyes began to widen.

So three examples.

And have I included a compound and a complex sentence? She yawned again and again because no one was playing with her.

That's my complex sentence.

Eventually, she stared through her telescope and she gazed intently at the starry sky.

That's my compound sentence.

So yes, I've done all those things.

Really well done, everybody, for working so hard on Task A.

It's now time for the second section of our learning where we are gonna be writing an opening.

Here is your success criteria for today's learning.

These are the things that you need to be including in your writing to make it really successful.

So let's go through it.

Firstly, I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I've included a rhetorical question to engage the reader.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, to improve text flow.

And I have used ambitious vocabulary, including show and tell language.

I'm now gonna show you my thought process and how I used my success criteria when I wrote the first few sentences of my opening, I'm just going to go through the success criteria so I feel really confident in knowing what I need to include.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have written a rhetorical question to engage the reader.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, to improve text flow.

And I've used ambitious vocabulary, including show and tell language.

Now, I'm only gonna write the first two or three sentences now, so I might not be able to include all of them, but I'm gonna do the best I can.

So, let's start.

I know I want to have a fronted adverbial because it's the opening.

I need to set the scene for the reader.

So I might start with the fronted adverbial of place to tell the reader where the scene is taking place.

It is taking place inside Lily's living room, isn't it? So I'm gonna start my sentence always with a, what does every sentence need to start with? A, that's right, capital letter.

And I'm making sure I'm leaving an indent from the margin.

So inside the living room.

Maybe I should include an adjective, actually, to describe the living room.

I want to create that really positive image for the reader, so I'm going to choose an adjective which does that.

I think cosy, cosy is a really positive adjective choice.

Inside the cosy living room.

It's the end of my fronted adverbial, so what do I need at the end of it? I need a comma.

Well done.

Inside the cosy living room, a, okay, a young girl.

She is a young girl, but maybe I can make it an ENP to add extra description.

A bored young girl? Restless, I'm going to use restless.

That shows that she couldn't sit still.

A restless young girl.

I wanna use some show and tell language, actually.

How can I show she was bored? I'm gonna look at my plan to help me with this.

Oh, okay, I'm gonna say that she was slumped, that shows she was bored, slumped on a cushion.

Slumped on a cushion.

I could finish it here, but I know I need to have a range of sentence types.

So actually, I'm going to use this chance to use a complex sentence.

As, as she was slumped on the cushion, what else was she, what was she doing at the same time? She, (sighs) she looked so bored, didn't she? I wanna do another show and tell language.

As she sighed in boredom.

So I'm showing really clearly to the reader that Lily was bored.

As she sighed in boredom.

It's the end of my sentence, so what do I need? I need a full stop.

Well done.

Okay.

I always do this, I always read back to check I've got all the punctuation I need and that it makes sense.

So I'm gonna say my sentence out loud.

Capital letter at the start, good.

Inside the cosy living room, comma after my fronted adverbial, a restless young girl.

(gasps) I'm missing something there.

What do I need in between my two adjectives? It's an ENP, so I need a comma.

Well done.

Yeah, a restless, comma, young girl slumped on a cushion as she sighed in boredom.

So I've got my complex sentence there 'cause I used my subordinating conjunction "as." Okay, I want to show some time has passed, so I'm going to use the fronted adverbial of time "eventually." Again, starting my sentence with a capital letter.

And then it's a fronted adverbial, so I need to remember that comma.

Eventually, she, 'cause I don't want to call her Lily just yet.

Oh, actually, we've not met Lily yet 'cause it's the opening, so I am gonna call her Lily, remembering that I need a capital letter for her name because the reader doesn't know who she is 'cause it's the first time we've met her.

So I'm going to call her Lily.

Eventually, Lily, what does she do? She went to her telescope.

And what does she do? She.

I'm gonna look at my plan.

Does she just fiddle around with it? No, no, no.

She, and, my compound sentence, and she gazed intently, so with a purpose, a nice adverb choice there, intently into the sky.

Hmm.

Full stop.

In fact, I think I could do an adjective there to describe the sky.

It's nighttime.

We know that she's looking up into space and to the moon, so I'm going to add starry to just explain that it's nighttime and that she's looking really, really far into the distance.

And she gazed intently into the night sky.

So let's just check this compound sentence makes sense.

Eventually, comma, Lily went to her telescope and she gazed intently into the starry sky, full stop.

Okay, I actually want to include now a simple sentence because sometimes just a simple sentence by itself can be really effective, can make the reader pause and think.

I want to show that she's shocked by what she's seen, so a simple sentence showing this, her jaw dropped.

How do I finish a sentence, everybody? I need a full stop.

Let's just go back and check.

Her jaw dropped.

Oh, I'm missing something.

Can anyone else spot it? What do I need at the start of my sentence? That's right, I need a capital letter.

So I'm just gonna make a neat cross and correct that.

Okay, let's just go through my success criteria for what I've done so far.

Have I included at least two fronted adverbials? Yes, inside the cosy living room and eventually, and I've remembered my comma.

A rhetorical question, I haven't done that yet, but that's okay.

I definitely think there's a chance for you to do that by yourself independently.

I've written a range of sentence types.

I have my complex sentence, "as," my compound sentence of "and," and I've got a simple sentence for effect at the end.

So yes.

And then have I included show and tell language? I have.

She was slumped, she sighed in boredom, her jaw dropped.

So I can give that a tick.

As I said, you are gonna be able to go off and do this by yourself now, and I'm sure that you can include a rhetorical question and lots more ambitious vocabulary and a range of sentence types.

Okay, it's time for Task B.

It is your turn to write an opening.

You need to use your success criteria to write your opening.

Ensure you create text flow by using a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, and fronted adverbials.

So the first thing you need to do is stick in your success criteria, and then you can get started with writing your opening.

So pause the video now, and off you go.

Okay.

Welcome back, everybody.

Before you go back and check through your writing and check your success criteria, I'm just gonna go through an example of an opening and use the success criteria to go through it and check we've got everything.

I'm going to read the opening out loud, and then we'll go through the success criteria: One night, a young bored girl slumped on her sofa as she yawned quietly.

Eventually, she stared through her telescope and she gazed intently at the silvery moon.

As she zoomed in curiously, her jaw dropped.

Whatever could that be? Outside a desolate shack, an elderly, solitary figure slowly emerged onto the barren landscape.

Silence echoed around him.

So let's go through it.

Have I included fronted adverbials? I have.

One night, eventually, and outside a desolate shack, so I can tick that off my success criteria.

Whatever could that be? That's my rhetorical question.

I can tick that.

Here, I've got my range of sentence types, my first sentence, a complex sentence, then the second sentence is a compound sentence, and finally, a simple sentence for effect.

So a great range of sentence types there.

And then finally, she yawned quietly, her jaw dropped, both of those examples of show and tell language.

So you can see, I can tick off all the elements of my success criteria.

Now you can go back through your work and see if you can do the same.

Really well done, everyone, for working so hard on Task B.

It's the end of the lesson.

Here is a summary of everything we've done.

The purpose of the opening is to engage the reader and to introduce the settings and characters.

Using a range of simple, compound, and complex sentences and fronted adverbials improves text flow for the reader.

Saying sentences out loud before writing helps them to make sense.

And rhetorical questions engage the reader and make them feel more curious about the narrative.

Well done, everybody, for an excellent lesson.