Lesson video

Hi, everyone, my name is Ms. Voyle, and welcome to today's lesson where you are going to be editing the buildup of your story based on "A Christmas Carol." For this lesson, you need your writing with you so that you can edit it.

Pause the video now and make sure you have the buildup section of your narrative with you.

Great.

Now I know you have your writing with you so that you are ready to edit.

Editing is a crucial and fun process in which you get to refine your writing to ensure that you convey the appropriate meaning to the reader.

I hope you're feeling excited and ready to learn.

Let's get started.

The learning outcome for today's lesson is, I can edit the buildup of my story based on "A Christmas Carol." Here are the key words for today's lesson.

Let's practise saying them.

My turn.

Your turn.

?? Editing, punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary.

Great job, well done.

Let's take a look at their definitions.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

And vocabulary refers to the language traces made by the writer.

There are three parts to today's lesson.

In the first part, we will be editing punctuation.

In the second part, we will be editing sentence structure, and in the third part, we will be editing language.

So let's begin with editing punctuation.

Editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need and want to edit their work.

Editing doesn't mean rewriting everything again.

It is about making select corrections and improvements.

The job of an editor is to do all of these things.

Check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, make improvements in vocabulary choices.

In this lesson, you are going to be editors of your own writing.

Let's check your understanding.

Editing is the process of A, rewriting a whole piece of text; B, checking for punctuation errors; C, making improvements to sentence structure; D, writing the text again with better handwriting.

Pause the video and select the correct answers.

The answers are B and C.

Well done.

Editing is the process of checking for punctuation errors and making improvements to sentence structure.

Editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, and commas.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops? And have I checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Let's take a look at how we might edit some of the writing from our buildup of "A Christmas Carol." This sentence says, "Sternly, Marley warned Scrooge of his selfish ways." Take a little look at this sentence.

Can you spot where I have missed a capital letter where I need one, or maybe where I have used a capital letter where I didn't need one? Hopefully you spotted the same things as me.

I had a missing capital letter at the start of my sentence, so I would change that.

I was also missing a capital letter for a proper noun.

Marley is a name, so it needs a capital letter.

And I had an incorrect capital letter for the adjective selfish, which I didn't need, so I would make that correction too.

So now I can take that first point on my checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

What are two uses of capital letters? A, they are used to begin all nouns; B, they are used to begin proper nouns; C, they are used at the beginning of sentences; D, they are used to begin adverbs.

Pause the video and select the correct answers.

The answers are B and C.

Capital letters are used to begin proper nouns, and they are used at the beginning of sentences.

Well done.

Let's take a look at another sentence.

It says, "Scrooge crouched in the corner of the room.

And he trembled with terror." Can you spot where I have missing or incorrectly used full stops? I have an incorrect full stop after the word room.

I did not need this here because it was not the end of a sentence.

This is a compound sentence.

It uses the coordinating conjunction and to join two main clauses.

And I was missing a full stop at the end of the sentence.

So I can tick this point on my checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

Where are full stops placed in a sentence? A, after a fronted adverbial; B, at the start of a sentence; C, at the end of a sentence; D, at the end of a question.

Pause the video and select the correct answer.

The answer is C, well done.

Full stops are placed at the end of a sentence.

Let's now take a look at another sentence, and we are going to search for missing or incorrectly used commas.

After Marley's visit, the shamed old miser was left shaken and filled with dread.

Can you spot where I have missing or incorrectly used commas? Hopefully, you spotted that I was missing a comma after a fronted adverbial after Molly's visit.

And I also had an incorrectly used comma.

My comma was in the wrong place for an expanded noun phrase.

It needed to come between the two adjectives, shamed and old.

I can now tick this point on my checklist.

Commas are also used to separate a subordinate clause from the main clause.

Can you spot where the comma is missing In the following adverbial complex sentence? I will read it to you.

As Scrooge readied himself for the ghostly visits to come, he reflected on his unkind ways.

Where should the comma go? The comma comes after the adverbial subordinate clause.

As Scrooge readied himself for the ghostly visits to come, comma, he reflected on his unkind ways.

Remember, only use a comma when you know a rule.

We can take that point on our checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

When are commas used? A, to mark the end of a sentence; B, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence; C, after a fronted adverbial; D, to separate adjectives in an expanded noun phrase.

Pause the video and select the correct answers.

The answers are B, C, and D.

Well done.

Commas are used after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence.

after a fronted adverbial and to separate adjectives in an expanded noun phrase.

It's now time for your first task.

In this lesson, we are editing the buildup.

Read back through both paragraphs for the buildup of your narrative using the checklist to help you.

When editing punctuation, you should check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas.

Pause the video and edit the punctuation in your buildup now.

Well done for editing the punctuation in your writing.

Let's now take a look at an example together and see if we can spot which punctuation edits are needed.

I will read this to you.

See if you can spot where I have missing or incorrectly used punctuation while I am reading it.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells rang and Scrooge's heart pounded in his chest.

As the air grew colder, the ghost of Jacob Marley appeared.

Sternly, Marley warned Scrooge of his selfish ways.

Scrooge crouched in the corner of the room and the colour drained from his face.

Marley informed him of the visits he would be paid by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future.

When Marley left, the old miser trembled and was consumed by fear.

Hopefully, you spotted the same punctuation errors as me.

Let's go over them now.

I was missing a capital letter in the beginning of my first sentence, all.

And I was missing a full stop at the end of that first compound sentence after the word chest.

So I added that in.

In the next sentence, I was missing a comma after a fronted adverbial, as the air grew colder.

So I needed a comma there.

I was then missing capital letter for a proper noun, Jacob.

In the next sentence, I had another missing comma after a fronted adverbial Stanley and a missing capital letter for the proper noun Marley, and a full stop at the end of that sentence.

I then needed to make sure I used a capital letter for the proper noun Scrooge, and I had an incorrectly used capital letter for the verb crouch, which I didn't need.

So I changed that.

Further down, I had an incorrectly used full stop after it said Marley informed him.

So I crossed that out.

And then I needed a capital letter for Christmas, another proper noun, and I needed a comma to separate past and present because it's in a list.

In the final sentence, I was missing a capital letter at the beginning of my sentence and a full stop at the end.

So I can tick all the points on my checklist.

It's now time for the second part of our lesson where we are going to be editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

Have I reread each sentence to check it to make sense? Have I used an appropriate conjunction to join two clauses? Have I used a variety of sentence types? Let's check your understanding.

True or false, when we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it to make sense.

Pause the video and select your answer.

That is true.

Well done.

Now it's time to justify your answer.

A, we say sentences allowed to check for missing words and to check for sense; or B, once a sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video and select the correct justification.

The answer is A, well done.

We say sentences allowed to check for missing words and to check that it makes sense.

Let's take a look at an example together and see if we need to make any changes to the sentence structure.

So first of all, have I reread each sentence to check it makes sense? Let's do this.

I'm going to read it aloud.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells, Scrooge's heart pounded in chest.

Hmm.

Now I'm not sure that does make complete sense.

I think I've got some missing words in there.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells, I need a verb to say what the bells did.

So I'm going to add in the missing verb rang.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells rang.

Okay, that makes sense now.

Scrooge's heart pounded in chest.

Hmm, I need a pronoun here.

His chest.

Okay, let me read that again.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells rang.

Scrooge's heart pounded in his chest.

Great, now I feel confident that this makes sense.

So I can check that point on my checklist.

For I have I used a conjunction to join two clauses, well, I can see I have two main clauses here and I haven't put a full stop after the word ran.

So I need a coordinating conjunction and to form a compound sentence.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells rang and Scrooge's heart handed in his chest.

So I can take that point on my checklist.

And for have I used a variety of sentence types, I might want to add in a new sentence here.

Maybe his breath became shallow and rapid.

This is a simple sentence.

So I've now used a variety of sentence types and the use of a simple sentence supports in the building of suspense.

So I can take that point on my checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

How do you form a compound sentence? A, join two main clauses with any conjunction; B, join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction; C, join two main clauses by removing a full stop; D, write two separate main clauses.

Pause the video and select the correct answer.

The answer is B, well done.

You form a compound sentence by joining two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction.

Our coordinating conjunctions are and, or, and but.

It's now time for your task.

Read back through the buildup of your narrative using the following checklist to help you.

When editing sentence structure, you should do all of these.

Reread each sentence to check it makes sense.

Check sentences are joined by an appropriate conjunction, and check that you have included a variety of sentence types.

Pause the video and edit the sentence structure in your writing now.

Welcome back.

Well done for editing the sentence structure in your writing.

Let's take a look at an example together now.

As I'm reading it to you, listen carefully and see if you can spot where any edits need to be made to the sentence structure.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells and Scrooge's heart pounded in his chest.

As the air grew colder, the ghost of Jacob Marley appeared.

Sternly, Marley warned Scrooge of his selfish ways, Scrooge crouched in the corner of the room, the colour drained from face.

Marley informed him of the visits he would be paid by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future.

When Marley left, the old miser trembled and was consumed by fear.

Let's take a look at the edits that needed to be made.

So in the first sentence, I was missing a verb.

I needed to say what the bells did.

So I now have, all of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells ran.

I then added in a simple sentence after that to ensure I had a variety of sentence types.

His breath grew shallow and rapid.

Further down, I was missing a coordinating conjunction to form a compound sentence.

Scrooge crouched in the corner of the room and the colour drained from his face.

I was also missing a pronoun before the noun face.

I have checked that my writing made sense, I have used a coordinating conjunction to join two main clauses, and I have used a variety of sentence types.

It's now time for the third and final part of our lesson where we are going to be editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, tone, and effectiveness.

When editing, make sure you do all of these.

Check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader and choose language that matches the text type.

Let's check your understanding.

True or false, when editing language, you change some of the words and phrases.

Pause the video and select your answer.

That is true.

Well done.

Now, it's time to justify your answer.

A, when we edit the language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Or B, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video and select the correct justification.

The answer is A, well done.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Let's take a look at an example now.

I will read this to you and then I want us to consider how we might edit the language in this sentence.

When Marley left, the old miser trembled and he was consumed by fear.

Let's look at our checklist.

Have you used ambitious language choices to engage the reader? Hmm, I can see some there, like trembled and consumed, but I think there's some vocabulary here that we could make even more ambitious.

And have you checked that the language matches the text type? So I know that I'm writing a buildup where the suspense is building for the reader, and it's meant to convey an eerie atmosphere.

So I want to consider what changes I could make, or any extra words I could add in to really improve my language choice here, to convey that atmosphere to the reader.

So when Marley left, now that's quite a normal everyday verb.

I think I would like to change that to the verb vanished, which is a far more precise verb.

And the old miser, I think I'd like to be more descriptive about Scrooge's character.

So how about the regretful old miser? I've now used another adjective and I have formed an expanded noun phrase that is far more descriptive about the character.

So we have, when Marley vanished, the regretful old miser trembled, and he was consumed by fear.

That's already much stronger, but I think I would also like an adverb to describe how he trembled.

How about nervously trembled? That adds greater detail to describe how he did the verb.

So I can tick these points on my checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

Language in narrative writing is which of these? A, funny; B, descriptive; C, factual; D, formal? Pause the video and select the correct answer.

The answer is B.

Well done.

Language narrative writing is descriptive.

It's now time for your final task.

Read back through the buildup of your narrative using the following checklist to help you.

When editing language, you should check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader.

And that the vocabulary you are using matches the text type.

Pause the video and edit the language in your narrative buildup now.

Welcome back and well done for editing the language in your writing.

Let's look at an example together now.

As I'm reading it to you, see if you can spot any opportunities where more ambitious language could be used.

All of a sudden, the sharp tolling of bells rang and Scrooge's heart pounded in his chest.

As the air grew colder, the ghost of Jacob Marley appeared.

Next, Marley warned Scrooge of his selfish ways.

Scrooge crouched in the corner of the room and the colour drained from his face.

Marley informed him of the visits he would be paid by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future.

When Marley left, the old miser trembled and was consumed by fear.

You may have spotted opportunities for using more precise verbs and adverbs to describe the moments happening.

For example, we could change the verb rang to echoed to describe the sound of the bells.

And we could change the verb left to vanished to describe how Marley disappeared.

Precise verbs and adverbs show and tell the reader.

The use of adverbs fearfully and nervously provide additional information about Scrooge's movements.

You may also have spotted opportunities to add in adjectives to provide greater description.

So as the crisp air grew colder and the colour drain from his gaunt face and the regretful old miser.

Precise adjectives help to enhance the description of nouns.

So we can check these points on our checklist.

We've now come to the end of our lesson.

So let's go over a summary together.

Editing is the process of making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and language choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of word and phrase choices are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Well done again for all of your hard work editing the buildup of your narrative based on "A Christmas Carol." I have really enjoyed teaching you this lesson.