Lesson video

Hi, everyone.

My name is Ms. Voyle, and welcome to today's lesson where you are going to be writing paragraph one of the build-up of "A Christmas Carol." During this lesson, you'll need to be listening and looking carefully.

There'll be tasks where you need somebody to talk to, and you'll need a piece of paper and pen or pencil for your writing.

You have already written a plan for today's writing lesson, and it is important that you use the notes from this plan to support you when writing.

Pause the video and make sure you have your plan with you now.

Great.

Now I know you have your plan with you.

I hope you are feeling excited and ready to learn.

Let's get started.

The learning outcome for today's lesson is, I can write the first paragraph of the build-up of "A Christmas Carol." Here are the key words for today's lesson.

Let's practise saying them.

My turn, your turn.

Suspense, sensory details, show and tell, internal thoughts.

Great job.

Well done.

Let's take a look at their definitions.

Suspense is a state of feeling excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen.

Sensory details are descriptions that include touch, sight, taste, sound, and smell.

Show and tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions and expressions.

And internal thoughts are a character's thoughts that are not spoken out loud.

There are two parts to today's lesson.

In the first part, we will be preparing to write, and in the second part you will be writing paragraph one.

So let's begin with preparing to write.

In this lesson, you are going to be writing the build-up.

The build-up will be written in two paragraphs.

You have already written the opening, and you have also already written notes to plan both paragraphs of the build-up.

In this lesson, you will be writing paragraph one.

Paragraph one of the build-up will focus on the following.

Scrooge returns home and he feels relieved to have escaped London's Christmas joy.

He is comforted by the bleakness of his residence.

The usual silence of Scrooge's home is gradually disrupted by strange whispering sounds which fill him with unease.

He tries to dismiss the noises, but he becomes increasingly unnerved.

You will need to convey an atmosphere that becomes increasingly eerie in order to build suspense.

Paragraph one of the build-up needs to include the following linguistic features.

Precise vocabulary that builds suspense.

This should include descriptive sensory details and show and tell for Scrooge's emotions.

You will also need to include a range of sentence types to improve text flow and support the building of suspense.

Simple, compound and complex sentences.

Linguistic features are types of words and language that a writer chooses carefully.

We can use the notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Here is an example of the notes that we created for paragraph one.

These notes contain sensory details and show and tell ideas.

For example, "creaking door" is a sensory detail that lets the reader know what the door sounded like.

"Shiver ran down his spine" is an example of show and tell.

Using a range of sentence types in our writing supports text flow and the building of suspense for the reader.

I will read this model of paragraph one to you and then we will look at the different sentence types within it.

"When he reached his dark, lifeless home, Ebenezer unlocked the creaking door and stepped inside.

He exhaled a deep sigh of relief.

Scrooge slowly ascended the staircase and he considered how comforted he felt by the bleakness and silence.

However, just then he began to hear faint swishing sounds, which almost sounded like the whisper of voices." In the first sentence, the subordinating conjunction, when, has been used to begin an adverbial clause, "When he reached his dark, lifeless home." A comma has then been used to separate this from the main clause, "Ebenezer unlocked the creaking door and stepped inside." This forms an adverbial complex sentence.

"He exhaled a deep sigh of relief." This is a simple sentence because it contains just one main clause.

The next sentence uses the coordinating conjunction, and, to join two main clauses and form a compound sentence.

And the final sentence is an example of a relative complex sentence.

The relative pronoun, which, has been used to add detail about the noun that came before it, the swishing sounds.

Let's check your understanding.

True or false, I should only use complex sentences in my writing.

Pause the video and select your answer.

That is false.

Well done.

Now it's time to justify your answer.

A, using a range of sentence types in the build-up can support me in building suspense for the reader.

B, I should use simple and compound sentences.

Pause the video and select the correct justification.

The answer is A.

Well done.

Using a range of sentence types in the build-up can support you in building suspense for the reader.

And a range of sentence types also supports general text flow.

Let's look at the rules for simple and compound sentences.

A sentence made of just one main clause with just one idea is called a simple sentence.

It contains one main clause.

A compound sentence is a sentence formed of two main clauses and a coordinating conjunction.

Main clause, coordinating conjunction and, or, or but followed by another main clause.

Let's now look at the rules for an adverbial complex sentence.

When an adverbial subordinate clause is joined to a main clause, it makes an adverbial complex sentence.

The main clause can come fast and it can be stretched by the subordinate clause, or the subordinate clause can come at the front of the sentence, but if it does, then you need to use a comma to separate it from the main clause.

An adverbial clause must begin with a subordinating conjunction.

For example, as, when, while.

These are just some examples of subordinating conjunctions you can use to begin an adverbial clause.

These ones will be particularly useful for your writing.

Let's now look at the rules for a relative complex sentence.

When a relative subordinate clause is joined to a main clause, it makes a relative complex sentence.

A relative subordinate clause must begin with a relative pronoun.

The relative pronoun, who, is used to add detail about a person, and the relative pronoun, which, is used to add detail about a thing.

The relative clause can follow the main clause.

A comma must be used to separate them.

The relative clause can also be embedded within the main clause, and here a comma must be used on either side of the relative clause.

Let's check your understanding.

Match the sentence types to their examples.

Our sentence types are A, simple sentence, B, compound sentence, C, adverbial complex sentence, D, relative complex sentence.

I will read the sentence examples to you now.

"As Scrooge arrived home, he thought about how peaceful the bleak silence was.

Scrooge shook his head dismissively and he told himself it must be the wind.

The eerie noise, which almost sounded like familiar voices, unnerved him.

Just then, a gentle whispering sound began to trickle through the corridors." Pause the video and match the sentence types to the correct example now.

Let's take a look at the answers together.

The example of a simple sentence is, "Just then, a gentle whispering sound began to trickle through the corridors." Here, the fronted adverbial of time, "just then," has been used, so a comma has been used to separate that from the main clause, but this is still a simple sentence that contains one main clause.

The example of a compound sentence is, "Scrooge shook his head dismissively and he told himself it must be the wind." Here, the coordinating conjunction, and, has been used to join two main clauses.

The example of an adverbial complex sentence is, "As Scrooge arrived home, he thought about how peaceful the bleak silence was." Here, the subordinating conjunction, as, has been used to begin an adverbial clause at the beginning of the sentence.

And the example of the relative complex sentence is, "The eerie noise, which almost sounded like familiar voices, unnerved him." Here, a relative clause has been embedded within the main clause, and the relative pronoun, which, has been used to add detail about the noun that came before it.

Well done for demonstrating your understanding of the different sentence types.

Show and tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language, and facial expressions.

In your plan, you generated phrases that would show and tell the reader how Scrooge is feeling at different points.

Here are some examples.

"He breathed a deep sigh of relief." "His chest tightened and he glanced around the room." "A nervous shiver ran down his spine." Another way to show and tell Scrooge's emotions is to include his internal thoughts in your narrative writing.

Let's look a little bit more at this.

Including a character's internal thoughts communicates to the reader what a character is thinking and feeling.

Here are some examples of internal thoughts Scrooge might have and the emotions or feelings they convey.

"Scrooge thought about how grateful he felt to have escaped London's Christmas festivities." This communicates a thought Scrooge had, but it also conveys that he might be feeling gratitude, relief, peace.

Another example is, "Scrooge wondered what the strange sounds were and where they were coming from." This could convey feelings of curiosity, anticipation, unease.

Let's check your understanding.

Match the following emotions to the appropriate internal thought for Scrooge.

The emotions are A, comfort, B, denial, C, nervousness.

The internal thoughts are, "Scrooge began to worry that something unknown was lurking in the darkness." "Scrooge considered how grateful he was for the bleak silence of his home." "Scrooge told himself that all was fine and that the strange noises were just the wind." Pause the video and match the emotions to the appropriate internal thought now.

Let's take a look at the answers together.

For the feeling of comfort, an appropriate internal thought would be, "Scrooge considered how grateful he was for the bleak silence of his home." For the feeling of denial, an appropriate internal thought would be, "Scrooge told himself that all was fine and that the strange noises were just the wind." And for the feeling of nervousness, an appropriate internal thought would be, "Scrooge began to worry that something unknown was lurking in the darkness." Well done for demonstrating your understanding of how internal thoughts can convey a specific emotion.

We've now come to your first task, and it is a talk task.

Say the first few sentences of paragraph one of the build-up.

Make sure you include the following.

Precise vocabulary describing the atmosphere and Scrooge, a range of sentence types to support in building suspense, at least one example of Scrooge's internal thoughts.

Your starting sentence could be, when Ebenezer arrived back at his.

This would be where you complete the adverbial clause with precise description of Ebenezer Scrooge's home.

The main clause could then be, he.

And you should complete the main clause with a piece of show and tell.

The next sentence could begin, he thought about.

And this would be where you would describe an internal thought Scrooge had.

Pause the video and orally rehearse the first few sentences of paragraph one of the build-up now.

Welcome back.

I loved listening to you orally rehearsing your sentences.

You did a great job at including all of the appropriate linguistic features.

Let's take a look at a good example together now.

"When Ebenezer arrived back at his bleak residence, he breathed a sigh of relief.

He thought about how grateful he was to have escaped London's festivities, and he settled himself in his worn armchair.

Just then, a strange whispering sound disrupted the silence of his home.

Scrooge experienced a nervous, tingling sensation, which travelled through his arms towards his fingertips." Let's take a look at how the linguistic features that we have learned about appear in this example.

The first sentence, "When Ebenezer arrived back at his bleak residence, he breathed a sigh of relief." This is an example of an adverbial complex sentence.

We have precise vocabulary to describe the atmosphere, "bleak residence," and a piece of show and tell for Scrooge's emotions, "he breathed a sigh of relief." The next sentence provides an internal thought that Scrooge had.

"He thought about how grateful he was to have escaped London's festivities." And it then uses the coordinating conjunction, and, to join another main clause and form a compound sentence, "and he settled himself in his worn armchair.

Just then, a strange whispering sound disrupted the silence of his home." This is an example of a simple sentence, and it uses precise vocabulary to describe the atmosphere and build that sense of eeriness.

The final sentence, "Scrooge experienced a nervous, tingling sensation." This is show and tell.

And then the relative pronoun, which, has been used to add a relative clause, "which travelled through his arms towards his fingertips." So this last sentence is a relative complex sentence.

Well done for orally rehearsing your sentences.

Hopefully you're feeling nice and ready to begin your writing.

It's now time for the second part of our lesson where you are going to be writing paragraph one.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Vary our sentence types.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Sound out words to spell them accurately.

And read our sentences out loud to check they make sense and edit to improve our writing if necessary.

Here is the success criteria for your writing today.

I will read it to you.

I have built suspense by describing sensory details and using show and tell to convey Scrooge's emotions.

I have used a range of sentence types to support text flow and the building of suspense, and I have written at least one sentence that conveys Scrooge's internal thoughts.

You will use the notes from your plan for your writing today.

Pause the video now and make sure you have your notes with you.

Great.

Now I know you have your notes with you.

I am now going to model writing the beginning of paragraph one of the build-up.

We will then check my writing against the success criteria to make sure I have included all of the appropriate linguistic features that I need.

So, I have my notes for paragraph one here.

Sensory details describing the setting and show and tell for Scrooge's feelings.

I'm going to read through my notes to remind myself what they say.

"Dark and dreary residence, creaking door.

Comforted by the bleakness and silence.

Faint, whispering sounds unnerved him.

Shiver ran down his spine, felt uneasy." These notes will support me in forming full sentences in my writing.

Let's read over the success criteria together.

"I have built suspense by describing sensory details and using show and tell to convey Scrooge's emotions.

I have used a range of sentence types to support text flow and the building of suspense, and I have written at least one sentence that conveys Scrooge's internal thoughts." I have already written the first sentence of the build-up, and I am going to read it to you.

"As Scrooge reached his limit of tolerance for the festive cheer, he sought refuge in the comforting silence of his familiar bleak residence." This is a great example of an adverbial complex sentence.

And the adverbial clause at the beginning of the sentence, "As Scrooge reached his limit of tolerance for the festive cheer," has linked back to the atmosphere in the opening paragraph.

Then the main clause says, "he sought refuge in the comforting silence of his familiar bleak residence." This gives sensory details and shows and tells the reader how Scrooge feels to be returning home, comforted.

I now want to gradually build the suspense in this paragraph by describing how the sensory details within the setting change and the impact this has on Scrooge's emotions, so I'm going to go back to my notes.

We can see here it says, "faint, whispering sounds unnerved him." How could I turn that into a full sentence? There were faint, whispering sounds that unnerved him? Scrooge heard faint, whispering sounds? That sounds a bit sudden, and we want it to be gradual, so how about, Scrooge began to hear faint, whispering sounds? Okay, let's try that.

Scrooge began to hear faint, whispering sounds which unnerved him.

Do I want to say, "unnerved him greatly"? That might be a bit strong at this point because we're still gradually building the suspense.

So what about, unnerved him slightly? Let's try that.

Okay.

Scrooge began to hear faint, whispering sounds.

We need a comma to separate the main clause from the relative clause, "which unnerved him slightly." So, we want to now build the suspense a bit more.

This is a good example of show and tell.

"A shiver ran down his spine.

He felt uneasy." Before using this piece of show and tell, I would like to describe how Scrooge first reacts when he hears these sounds.

So, I'm imagining him glancing around the room, seeing if there is any explanation for these noises.

How about, Scrooge glanced around the room but he saw nothing.

Great.

Now, this is a compound sentence 'cause I've used the coordinating conjunction, but.

What piece of punctuation needs to come before this? It's a comma.

Great.

Let's take a look back at my success criteria.

So, I have definitely described sensory details, and I've already used some show and tell, so I can tick this.

For, I have used a range of sentence types to support text flow and the building of suspense, we can see an adverbial complex sentence at first.

Then I used a relative complex sentence using the relative pronoun, which, to add detail to the noun that came before it.

And then I have included a compound sentence.

And we can see a gradual building of suspense, so I can tick that.

Then it says, "I have written at least one sentence that conveys Scrooge's internal thoughts." Hmm.

Now, I haven't done that yet, but this might be a perfect opportunity.

What do I think Scrooge might been thinking or saying to himself internally as he glanced around the room? So we have, "Scrooge glanced around the room, but he saw nothing." Maybe he told himself that the noises were just the wind.

So how about, he told himself not to be fooled by the wind? Okay.

Now, I have definitely included at least one sentence that conveys Scrooge's internal thoughts and that was a simple sentence, which means I have used another sentence type that I hadn't used yet.

Great, I'm now going to read back over this and see if I want to make any edits and improvements.

"As Scrooge reached his limit of tolerance for the festive cheer, he sought refuge in the comforting silence of his familiar bleak residence.

Scrooge began to hear faint, whispering sounds which unnerved him slightly." Hmm, now, something doesn't quite flow correctly between these sentences.

It feels like quite a sudden shift from Scrooge's comfortable emotions to something which unnerved him.

This might be a good place to include a fronted adverbial.

How about, just then.

"Just then, Scrooge began to hear faint, whispering sounds which unnerved him slightly." Yes, I think that definitely flows better.

"Scrooge glanced around the room, but he saw nothing." This could also be a good place for a fronted adverbial, but I might want a different type of fronted adverbial instead of one of time.

How about a fronted adverbial of manner.

How was he feeling? Feeling uneasy? "Feeling uneasy, Scrooge glanced around the room, but he saw nothing.

He told himself not to be fooled by the wind." Great, and I do have one last note from my plan here, which is a great example of show and tell, which I would like to include.

"A shiver ran down his spine, felt uneasy." Well, I've already said he felt uneasy here, so I'm not going to include that part in my next sentence, but a shiver ran down his spine.

So he's just told himself not to be fooled by the wind.

However, a shiver ran down his spine? However is a fronted adverbial which helps me contrast what the sentence before it says.

"He told himself not to be fooled by the wind." However, a cold shiver ran down his spine.

Great.

It's now time for you to begin your writing.

Use your plan and the success criteria to write paragraph one of the build-up.

I will read the success criteria to you one more time.

I have built suspense by describing sensory details and using show and tell to convey Scrooge's emotions.

I have used a range of sentence types to support text flow and the building of suspense, and I have written at least one sentence that conveys Scrooge's internal thoughts.

Pause the video now and write paragraph one of the build-up of "A Christmas Carol." Welcome back.

Well done for working so hard on writing paragraph one of the build-up.

It's now time for you to read your writing back to check it makes sense and edit any punctuation errors.

You should then check your writing against the success criteria.

Tick each box in the success criteria when you are sure that your writing has met it.

Pause the video and do this now.

Well done for reading over your writing, reflecting on it, and making any necessary edits or improvements needed.

I am sure you did a great job at meeting the success criteria.

Let's now take a look at a good example of paragraph one of the build-up together.

I will read it to you.

"As Scrooge reached his limit of tolerance for the festivities, he marched towards home in search of some respite.

Upon reaching his dark and dreary residence, he unlocked the creaking door and stepped inside.

Scrooge exhaled deeply while he considered how comforted he felt by the bleak silence.

Just then, he began to hear faint, swishing sounds.

He wondered where they were coming from.

At first, Scrooge shook his head dismissively and he told himself it must be the wind or his imagination.

However, the eerie noises began to sound like whispers of familiar voices, which unnerved Scrooge greatly.

A shiver ran down his spine and a prickling sensation crept up his neck.

He glanced nervously over his shoulder as his feeling of safety began to waver." Let's check this against the success criteria for sensory details and show and tell.

We can see sensory details like "dark and dreary residence, creaking door, bleak silence." And then the sensory details communicate a change in the atmosphere.

"Faint, swishing sounds, eerie noises, like whispers of familiar voices." For show and tell, we can see phrases like "exhaled deeply," which let us know that Scrooge was feeling relieved to be home to begin with.

Then examples of show and tell like, "shook his head dismissively, unnerved Scrooge greatly." So the eerie atmosphere is starting to shift Scrooge's reactions.

Then it heightens, "shiver ran down his spine, a prickling sensation crept up his neck, glanced nervously, feeling of safety began to waver." These are all great examples of show and tell which convey Scrooge's emotions and let the reader know how they change during the build-up, so we can tick that first point on the success criteria.

For a range of sentence types, let's take a look.

The first sentence uses the subordinating conjunction, as, to begin an adverbial subordinate clause, "As Scrooge reached his limit of tolerance for the festivities," and the main clause follows this, "he marched towards home in search of some respite." This is an example of an adverbial complex sentence.

We have another example of an adverbial complex sentence a bit further down, but this time the adverbial subordinate clause comes second.

"Scrooge exhaled deeply while he considered how comforted he felt by the bleak silence." Then we have an example of a simple sentence, "Just then, he began to hear faint, swishing sounds." This is an example of how the use of a simple sentence can help build suspense for the reader.

Then we can see that the coordinating conjunction, and, was used to form a compound sentence.

And a little further down, we can see an example of a relative complex sentence, where the relative pronoun, which, has been used to add detail to the noun that came before it, so we can tick that point on the success criteria.

And for a sentence that conveys Scrooge's internal thoughts.

Let's take a look.

We can see a few here.

"He considered how comforted he felt by the bleak silence.

He wondered where they were coming from.

He told himself it must be the wind or his imagination." So we can tick that final point on the success criteria.

We've now come to the end of our lesson, so let's go over a summary together.

The first paragraph of the build-up gradually conveys an eerie atmosphere, building suspense for the reader.

Precise vocabulary is used to describe sensory details and show and tell conveys Scrooge emotions.

A range of sentence types supports text flow and the building of suspense.

Including a character's internal thoughts communicates to the reader what a character is thinking and feeling.

Well done again for all of your hard work writing paragraph one of the build-up.

I have really enjoyed teaching you this lesson.