Lesson video

Hi, it's Ms. Chu and I'm really excited to be taking you on a learning journey today.

So, once you're ready, let's get started.

Today's lesson outcome is, I can edit the second section and conclusion of a non-chronological report.

Here are the keywords that you will need for this lesson.

My turn to say, and then your turn.

Editing, punctuation, sentence structure, language.

What is editing? Editing is the process of improving writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

And written language is the use of specific words and phrases to convey meaning.

Here is the lesson outline.

Firstly, we're going to edit punctuation.

And then we're going to edit sentence structure.

And finally we are going to edit the language in our writing.

So let's start on the first part, editing punctuation.

Editing is the process of making changes to improve our writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need to edit their work.

Editing doesn't mean rewriting everything again, it is about being selective.

That means picking out which parts you want to improve.

The job of an editor is to check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, make improvements in language choices.

And in this lesson you are going to be editors.

Let's do a quick check for understanding.

Editing is the process of what? A, rewriting a whole piece of text.

B, making improvements in language choices.

C, only correcting mistakes.

Or, D, checking for mistakes in punctuation.

Pause the video and then press resume once you've worked out the answer.

Okay, so the answers are, making improvements in language choices, definitely.

And checking for mistakes in punctuation.

We don't need to rewrite a whole piece of text when we're editing and we don't only correct mistakes.

When we edit punctuation, we check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops and commas.

I wonder if you can help me spot the incorrectly used capital letters in this sentence.

In conclusion, the ancient Greeks had a distinctive approach to religion and warfare, which continues to influence our modern world.

Hmm, a few incorrectly used capital letters there.

I can spot the first one.

Don't need a capital letter for conclusion.

So I've crossed it out, it's not a proper noun.

I do need capital letters for Ancient and Greeks 'cause they are proper nouns.

And then I spotted religion and warfare had capital letters.

They don't need them either.

And the word modern had a capital letter and that does not need it either.

Let's look at why.

In conclusion, so conclusion is an abstract noun.

It does not need a capital letter.

Ancient and Greeks, they need capital letters because they are proper nouns.

Religion and warfare, also abstract nouns.

They don't need capital letters.

And then the word modern is an adjective that describes world.

So that does not need a capital letter.

What are two uses of capital letters? Well, are they used to begin common nouns? Are they used at the start of sentences? Are they used to begin proper nouns? Or are they used to separate items in a list? Pause the video and have a think, then press play when you have got the answer.

Okay, what is the answer for this question? What are two uses of capital letters? The answer is they are used at the start of sentences.

Is there another one? Yes, they are used to begin proper nouns.

Well done.

When we edit punctuation, we check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops and commas.

In this sentence I'm about to show you, there are incorrectly used full stops.

Wonder if you can spot them.

As a consequence, they embodied many ancient Greek values of society.

Well, firstly, as a consequence does not not need a full stop after that.

It is a comma that follows it because it is a fronted adverbial of cause.

And also we are missing our full stop at the end of that sentence.

Let's look at it more closely.

A full stop should be replaced by a comma after a fronted adverbial of cause, and we need a full stop at the end of a sentence.

Let's do a quick true or false.

Full stops mark the end of a statement.

Is this true or is this false? Pause the recording and have a think.

Okay, get ready to point in three, two, one.

The answer is true! The main purpose of a full stop is to mark the end of a statement or command.

Question marks mark the end of questions.

We're not talking about questions here, so it is A that is the justification.

When we edit punctuation, we check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops and commas.

So in this sentence there are incorrectly used commas.

Interestingly, their distinctive armour typically included a bronze helmet, a long spear, a breastplate and a large round shield.

I wonder where the missing commas or incorrectly, have I incorrectly used any? No, I haven't.

So, where are the missing commas? Well, there's one missing after interestingly, after my viewpoint fronted adverbial.

There's also one missing after bronze helmet, and after long spear, because I'm listing the armour that hoplites used to wear.

And there's one missing between large and round.

The large, round shield, because that is an expanded noun phrase.

And I need to have my comma between large and round that describes the shield.

Let's look at it more closely.

So I've got my comma there.

First part of the sentence is a fronted adverbial, so a comma is needed.

I've got my commas used to separate items in a list.

And I've got a comma for an expanded noun phrase.

When are commas used? Tick two.

Are they used to separate items in a list? Are they used to denote a direct question? Are they used after a fronted adverbial? Or are they used to begin proper nouns? Pause the video and try and work out what you think the two are.

Okay, let's have a look at the answers.

So, commas are used to separate items in a list.

Yes.

And they are also used after a fronted adverbial.

Well done.

We are now on to task A.

You are going to read the second section and conclusion of your non-chronological report about Ancient Greeks.

So not the first two, but the second two sections.

And you are gonna check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops and commas.

Pause the video and have a go, and then press play when you have finished.

I'm going to check the second section of my non-chronological report.

What was ancient Greek warfare like? And use the checklist there to help me to edit punctuation in my writing.

The first thing I can spot is that I'm missing capital letters in my subheading.

So I need a capital letter for ancient and for Greek.

I'm going to cross out my lowercase letters and replace them with capitals because they are proper nouns.

And I can see that I've started my sentence without a capital letter, so I need to cross that out and use a capital H.

Then later on I spotted that I've used capital letters for the words bronze and helmet.

Now, helmet is a common noun, so that does not need a capital letter.

And bronze is an adjective to describe the kind of material the helmets were made out of.

So cross that out too because it is not a proper noun.

Then later on I've missed a capital letter again for ancient Greek, Ancient.

And then for phalanx, I don't need a capital letter there.

It is not a proper noun.

I've done that now.

So now I'm going to move on to the second part.

Checking for incorrectly or missing full stops.

Incorrectly used or missing full stops.

And I can see that I needed a full stop after society.

As a consequence, they embodied many Ancient Greek values of society.

Full stop.

And because I put a full stop there, I need to change my next word from a lowercase S to a capital S, because it's beginning the next sentence.

And then finally, my last two full stops are at the end of the second last and last sentence.

I think I missed the two full stops there after rectangle or square.

And then again, in the same way, I need to change furthermore and cross out the lowercase F and change it into a capital because that begins my next sentence, which then needs a full stop at the end.

So there we go.

We've done our full stops.

What about our incorrectly used or missing commas? Well, after interestingly and significantly and furthermore, they are all my fronted adverbials, two of them are viewpoint fronted adverbials, interestingly and significantly.

Furthermore is a formal fronted adverbial.

They all need commas, so pop them in.

And then I also need a comma between large and round because that's my expanded noun phrase.

A large round shield, that's my noun.

And I also needed a comma after overlapped.

Furthermore, because they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped, they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

Now I wonder if you know what type of sentence that is? Yes, it's an adverbial complex sentence, because they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped is my subordinate clause.

And then I have my main clause, which is they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

I've got my subordinating conjunction because there.

Great, so I need to tick that one off.

And let's now look at the conclusion.

Conclusion.

In conclusion the Ancient Greeks had a distinctive approach to religion and warfare, which continues to influence our modern world.

This report has provided information about the gods and goddesses, festivals and games and warfare of this fascinating civilization.

If you would like to find out more, visit your local library or use the internet.

I can already spot by rereading it that there are some incorrectly used punctuation.

So, firstly, I'm going to look at capital letters.

Conclusion does not need one.

That is an abstract noun.

It's not a proper noun, so I'm going to cross that off.

Ancient does.

Religion and warfare also do not need capital letters.

So I've crossed them off.

And modern also does not need a capital letter.

I can see later on that I've also used capital letters for gods and goddesses.

So I don't need capital letters for that and civilization.

I can see that I haven't used a capital letter for my next sentence, if you would like to find out more.

So I need to cross off my lowercase I and include a capital I to begin that sentence.

So now that I've done that, I can tick off my first checklist.

So I can tick off the first thing on my checklist and move on to the second one.

Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops? Now I can see that I need to take off a full stop after warfare because that is not the end of that sentence.

In conclusion, the Ancient Greeks had a distinctive approach to religion and warfare, which continues to influence our modern world.

The full stop should be at the end of that sentence.

And I've also used a full stop after if you'd like to find out more.

It's not the end of that sentence, so I need to take that off as well.

If you'd like to find out more, visit your local library or use the internet.

And that is the end of that sentence there, so it needs a full stop.

Okay, I've checked for my full stops.

And now I need to check for my incorrectly used or missing commas.

And I can see that after in conclusion, which is a formal fronted adverbial, I need a comma.

And then before my relative pronoun, which, I need a comma there as well.

So, religion and warfare, comma, which continues.

And then I am missing commas after, I'm missing a comma after gods and goddesses, festivals and games in my list.

And then a comma after if you would like to find out more, comma, visit your local library, comma, or.

Because I've used a coordinating conjunction or I need to make sure that a comma occurs before the word or.

So now I feel happy and I feel like I can tick that last one off.

We are now onto the second part of the lesson, editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

When editing sentence structures, make sure you check that each sentence makes sense.

Check the sentences that join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction and use a mix of sentence types to add variety to your writing.

True or false? When we edit sentence structure, we only change the simple sentences.

True or false? Pause the video.

So is this true or is this false? When we edit sentence structure, we only change the simple sentences.

Well, it's definitely false.

Why? Using only one type of sentence is not engaging for the reader.

Or we showcase a range of sentence types to make our writing flow for the reader.

Yes, it is B.

We want to showcase a range of sentence types to make our writing flow.

When editing, make sure you check that each sentence makes sense.

Check for sentences that join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction and use a mix of sentence types to add variety to your writing.

Let's look at this sentence here.

Furthermore, they stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped.

They able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

Furthermore, they stood, hmm, that's missing were, they were stood, they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped and they were able to form a solid wall of shields.

We can change that even further.

'Cause, remember, we are editing sentence structure.

Furthermore, because they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped, they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

Now, I can already spot that something's missing there.

We need a comma instead of a full stop because we are joining the subordinate clause with the main clause.

Because they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped, they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

Let's look at this more closely.

The adverbial clause that joins to a main clause to form a complex sentence is this part of the sentence here.

Because they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped.

And the missing word was were, and then were again in the other part of the sentence.

And then we've got our main clause, which was they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

How do you form a complex sentence? Do you join one main clause with one subordinate clause? Do you join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction? Do you join two subordinate clauses? Or do you join two main clauses without any conjunction? Pause the video and have a think about what the right answer is here.

Okay, so the answer is you join one main clause with a subordinate clause to form a complex sentence.

Task B, read the second section and conclusion of your non-chronological report about Ancient Greeks, warfare and conclusion.

Then, check that each sentence makes sense.

Check for sentences that join two main causes with a coordinating conjunction.

And check that you have used a mix of sentence types to add variety to your writing.

Good luck, pause the video and have a go.

Let's have a look at the second section of my non-chronological report.

Subheading, "What was Ancient Greek warfare like?" Hoplites, heavily armed citizen-soldiers, they fought on foot.

Interestingly, their distinctive armour typically included a bronze helmet, a long spear, a breastplate, a large round shield.

As consequence, they embodied many Ancient Greek values of society.

Significantly, the most iconic feature was the use of the phalanx formation.

Hoplites were tightly packed in a rectangle or square.

Furthermore, they stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped.

They able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

I have re-read and I already know that there are lots of sentences that don't make sense.

For example, I needed hoplites were heavily armed citizen-soldiers.

And then later on I needed a breast plate and a large round shield.

And then a missing a, as a consequence.

Significantly the most iconic feature of warfare.

Not significantly, the most iconic feature was the use of warfare, was the use of the phalanx formation.

And then finally in my last sentence, they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

So now that I've made sure that my sentences make sense, I can tick that one off.

And I'm going to now check for coordinating conjunctions to join two main clauses.

Yes, so hoplites were heavily armed citizen-soldiers and they fought on foot.

So I've got my two main clauses there that I'm joining with my coordinating conjunction and.

I've also got another and to join the most iconic feature of warfare was the use of the phalanx formation and the second main clause, hoplites were tightly packed in a rectangle or square.

So now I can tick that one off.

Let's just check my sentence types.

So I've already talked about using compound sentences with the use of the coordinating conjunction and.

I've got my adverbial complex sentence at the end.

Furthermore, because they stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped, they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

So, I can tick that one off.

The conclusion.

Conclusion.

In conclusion, the Ancient Greeks had a distinctive approach to religion and warfare, continues to influence our modern world.

This report, has provided information, gods and goddesses, festivals and games and warfare.

If you'd like to find out more, visit your local library use the internet.

Definitely does not make sense.

So I need to change the first sentence.

In conclusion, the Ancient Greeks had a distinctive approach to religion and warfare, which continues to influence our modern world.

And the second sentence, has provided information about the gods and goddesses.

And then I've added games and warfare, and I've just added an extra bit of information of this fascinating civilization.

So I can tick that one off.

Let's look out for coordinating conjunctions.

So, yes, so in my final sentence, if you'd like to find out more, visit your local library, or use the internet.

I did not have my coordinating conjunction or there, so I need to put a comma and then or.

Great, now I can tick that one off.

And have I used a variety of sentence types? Well, yes, I have.

I've actually used three types of sentences.

In my first sentence, "In conclusion, the Ancient Greeks had a distinctive approach to religion and warfare." I've got my relative pronoun, which continues to influence our modern world.

That is my complex sentence.

And then my second sentence.

This report, has provided information about the gods and goddesses, festivals and games and warfare of this fascinating civilization is a simple sentence.

And in my final one, that's a multi-clausal sentence.

So I've got, "If you'd like to find out more, visit your local library, or use the internet." So there I've got a coordinating conjunction.

So that connects the two main clauses visit your local library and the other part, which is use the internet.

But I've also got a subordinate clause, if you'd like to find out more.

So, yes, I have used a variety of sentence types.

Well done, me.

Now we are onto the third part of the lesson, editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, tone and effectiveness.

So clarity means how clear it is to the reader.

The tone is whether it suits the text type.

And effectiveness means just how good it is.

When editing, make sure you check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader and choose language that matches the text type.

True or false? When editing language for a non-chronological report, you can choose informal language.

Pause the video and have a think about whether this is true or whether this is false.

Okay, so the answer is, it is false.

Why is it false? When we edit language, we choose language that matches the text type.

When we edit language, we make changes to punctuation only.

Well, no, when it's to do with language, it's not making changes to punctuation.

So it's choosing language that matches the text type.

When editing, make sure you check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader and choose language that matches the text type.

Okay, so I need to remember those two things when I'm looking at this sentence here.

In this report, you have learned all about the gods and myths, hoplites and the warfare of these fascinating people.

I think I can include more ambitious language choices here in this sentence.

So I've said, In this informative report, so I've added an adjective there to describe the report.

And then I've said, about Ancient Greeks, what the report is about.

You have learned about the interesting.

So, again, I've used an adjective to describe the gods.

Impressive hoplites and the significant warfare of these wonderfully fascinating people.

Not just fascinating, but wonderfully fascinating.

Let's look at this closely.

So I've got my adjectives, informative, interesting, impressive and significant.

And I've chosen those because I think it adds to my sentence, it gives a bit more information.

And they are ambitious language choices too.

I've got my preposition about to connect to the topic of the report, which is the Ancient Greeks.

And I've used an adverb wonderfully there.

Task C, you are going to read the second section and conclusion of your non-chronological report about Ancient Greeks.

Section two, warfare and conclusion.

Then, after you have read those sections, I would like you to check the language choices.

Are they ambitious to engage the reader? And do they match the text type? If they don't, I'd like you to edit your writing.

Pause the video and have a go now.

Okay, I'd like you to look at my second section.

And I'm going to look at changing my writing to make it more ambitious.

Remember, these are my ideas for editing.

Yours will look different.

And these are just some good ideas that possibly you could use for yours as well.

What was Ancient Greek warfare like? Hoplites were citizen-soldiers and they fought on foot.

Their armour typically included a helmet, a spear, a breastplate and a round shield.

They embodied many Ancient Greek values of society.

The most iconic feature of warfare was the use of the phalanx formation.

And hoplites were packed in a rectangle.

Because they stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped, they were able to form a solid wall.

I think this is a good second section, but I think we can make it even better by changing or inserting ambitious language.

So I have said, hoplites were heavily armed, so I'm giving more information about the type of citizens-soldiers they were.

And I've said that their distinctive armour, again, I'm including adjectives, distinctive bronze helmet, a long spear, and then I've said a large, round shield.

And then later on I say that they were, for phalanx formation and the hoplites were tightly packed, not just packed, tightly packed in a rectangle.

I could probably add rectangle or square as well.

And then finally I said that they were able to form a solid wall of what? Give more information to the reader.

A solid wall of shields and spears.

So, I can tick that one off now.

I'm happy with my language choices there.

And I want to include a few viewpoint fronted adverbials, just because I feel that they introduce the facts quite well.

Interestingly, it is an interesting fact, that would be a good place to use interestingly.

And then I've used as a consequence, because that's shown me the cause and the effect of their distinctive armour.

Significantly introduces the next sentence because it is a significant feature of warfare.

And then lastly, I use furthermore, because I'm saying my last fact, and it's adding to the second to last fact.

Furthermore, because they were stood shoulder to shoulder with their shields overlapped, they were able to form a solid wall of shields and spears.

So now I can tick that one off.

Let's now look at the conclusion.

Conclusion.

The Ancient Greeks had an approach to religion and warfare, which continues to influence our modern world.

This report provided information about the gods and goddesses, festivals and games and warfare of this fascinating civilization.

If you'd like to find out more, visit your local library, or use the internet.

Should we have a look at my ideas for editing language choice? So, I have said, the ancient Greeks had not just an approach, I said a distinctive approach, that means unique and well-known.

And then I said in this informative report, you have learned all about the interesting gods, impressive festivals and significant warfare.

So, again, I've added my adjectives there just to make it a little bit more ambitious.

So, I can tick that one off.

And then finally, because it is my conclusion, I wanted to use my formal fronted adverbial in conclusion.

So I've popped that in right at the front.

And I can tick my last thing on the checklist off.

To summarise, editing is the process of making changes to improve writing.

Editing involves checking punctuation, making improvements to sentence structure and improving language choices.

Editing is a vital part of the writing process.

And to end, I hope that you enjoyed editing the second section and the conclusion of your non-chronological report about Ancient Greeks.