Lesson video

Hello everybody.

How are you doing? I hope you're doing really well today.

My name is Ms. Afzal, and I'm very thrilled to be here with you today because we're gonna be writing poetry.

I love poetry.

We're going to be writing pantoums today, a very exciting form of poetry.

It has a really lovely cyclical kind of pattern to it.

We're gonna be writing about rain, which is such a thrilling, exciting subject, and I hope that you're feeling all set to go.

I'm ready.

Should we do it? Let's go.

The outcome for today's lesson is I can write and revise my poem about the rain.

We have some keywords in our lesson today.

Let's go through them.

My turn, your turn.

Pantoum.

Editing.

Fantastic.

Heard those loud and clear.

Let's find out what these keywords mean.

A pantoums is a form of poetry that uses repetition to create musical effect.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Let's be on the lookout for these words.

Let's listen for them.

Let's think carefully about them.

They will be coming up in our lesson today.

So writing a poem about the rain is the name of our lesson.

It has two parts to it.

Writing a pantoum and editing and revising, such an important part of the writing process.

So let's begin with writing a pantoum.

Today you're going to write your own pantoum poems. When preparing to write a pantoum, we will spend time developing our ideas.

Here are the ideas I had previously generated for the rain.

Tremendous deluge.

Rhythmic patter against the window pane.

A ballet of droplets pirouetting through the air.

Splashing around in a steady drizzle.

Washing away worries, easing fear.

Relentless onslaught of raindrops.

Quite a range of ideas you may have noticed there.

We can develop our ideas to improve their imagery and begin to connect ideas together.

I love this image of splashing around, splashing around in a steady drizzle.

It's such a fun thing to do, isn't it? So I could develop this a little bit further.

Instead of splashing, we could have splish-splashing, just adding a little bit more in there.

We could have add in playing, splish-splashing around, playing in the steady drizzle.

Droplets bounce off the ground.

I love that when we notice that, those droplets falling and bouncing.

And here we have an image of a tremendous deluge.

Look at that.

Have you ever been out in that kind of rain? I'm sure you'll remember if you have.

So how can we develop this idea of tremendous deluge? Into tremendous torrential deluge.

Yeah.

How about clouds crying tears? I feel that really add something.

And descending from the skies.

You can see how we could take just a few words, even just a couple of words, and then really develop our ideas by adding in further language to help develop our imagery and connect our ideas together.

Pantoums contain rhyming lines.

To create a three-verse pantoum, we will need to write three pairs of rhyming lines.

I'll now create two lines with rhyme.

I can use the idea of the torrential deluge and combine this with the time when I sheltered under an umbrella, seeking refuge from the rain.

Let's take a look at those two words.

So deluge, it's a noun, means a flood or overflowing water.

And refuge, also a noun, is a place providing safety or shelter.

So you can see how those two words could work quite well together.

Descending from the skies, a torrential deluge, seeking shelter under an umbrella, a welcome refuge.

I quite like the way those two lines have worked out.

We've got a rhyme at the end and they connected together well Check for understanding.

Select the two lines that rhyme.

Nature's symphony, a downpour.

As droplets fall, in gentle flight.

Raindrops follow raindrops, encore after encore.

A ballet of droplets pirouette through the air.

So pause video while you select the two lines that rhyme.

Well done if you selected lines A and C.

We've got the downpour and encore at the end, which rhyme.

Both have the or sound.

Okay, so here are some lines from a pantoum, and there are three pairs of rhyming lines.

Let me share them with you.

Dark clouds gather, heavy with rain.

In a tempest grip, we remain.

As lightning streaks across the night, seeking shelter from nature's might.

The wind howls with a mournful cry, underneath the stormy sky.

So we can see, at the end of each line, we have our rhyming words.

We've got rain and remain, night and might, and cry and sky.

And now it's time for your first task.

Yes, you guessed it.

You are going to write your own pantoum.

So what you're gonna try are the six unique lines for your pantoum.

'Cause remember, in the pantoum, although there are three verses, some of the lines are repeated again.

So what you need to come up with are three pairs of rhyming lines.

So we can see this here.

It's illustrated in this image.

For verse one, you'll need two pairs of rhyming lines, so the ones that you can see in purple and in pink.

And then in verse two, you're gonna repeat lines two and four from the first verse.

So you just need to write two more lines, which will be lines six and eight.

One's in green.

So three pairs of rhyming lines about the rain.

And the other thing to remember is that, in pantoums, most lines are between 8 and 12 syllables.

And remember, syllables are units of sound.

For example, I'm gonna clap out the syllables in my name, Miss Afzal.

Miss Afzal.

So we've got three syllables there.

So you're looking for between 8 and 12 syllables per line.

Here's a template to help you structure your pantoum.

You're gonna come up with three pairs of rhyming lines.

Pause the video here while you have a go at your task.

I cannot wait to see what you create.

It's great to be back with you.

Well done for creating your three pairs of rhyming lines, and now I'd like you to read aloud your six unique lines so far.

So pause the video while you read aloud your six unique lines to someone nearby.

I hope you enjoyed sharing your six unique lines.

I've got a few questions for you now.

What was your favourite line or phrase that you have written so far? Is there a line that you think you could improve? And do you have three pairs of rhyming lines? Pause the video while you reflect on these questions and share your answers with someone nearby.

Okay, thank you for reflecting on those.

And we will have an opportunity to edit and refine these lines now.

Editing is one of our keywords.

And remember, this means to improve our writing to improve the text flow and the overall quality.

So let's get into editing and revising.

When we edit our writing, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices and phrases can help to improve the imagery and impression created by our poems. When editing, we will review the following elements, our line length, our rhymes, our language choices.

In pantoums, line length should be between 8 to 12 syllables.

Seeking shelter under an umbrella, a welcome refuge.

It's a nice line, but it does have 15 syllables.

We could edit this line to the correct length.

Under umbrellas, a welcome refuge.

So now we've edited this down to 10 syllables.

It can be challenging to make lines shorter.

Try to focus on the key image you're trying to convey to the reader of your poem.

Remember, lines in poetry, do not have to be a full sentence.

Check for understanding.

Are your lines between 8 and 12 syllables long? Check the length of your lines and adapt any that are too long or too short.

Pause the video while you do this.

Well done for having a go at adapting your line lengths to make sure that they're between 8 and 12 syllables.

Let's see how Jun got on.

I edited watching the drips from raindrops cascade down the window.

Two, raindrops cascade down the tear-stained glass.

Well done, Jun.

Yeah, it's a really effective use of editing.

Remember, 8 to 12 syllable lines are a guide.

If you cannot shorten a line you enjoy, don't worry.

It's your poem.

In three-verse pantoums, we should have three pairs of rhyming lines, but it can be hard to write lines of poetry that rhyme.

It can help to generate rhymes by listing potential rhyming words.

The patter of rain upon the ground.

A melody that serenades the night.

Can you ever think about some words that rhyme with ground? Pause the video while you think of some words that rhyme with ground, so have the ound sound at the end.

Oh, I had one there.

I'll give you when we're ready.

So pause the video while you think of some words that rhyme with ground.

Okay, did you come up with found, bound, sound, I snuck that one in, round and wound? And how about night? Can you think of some words that rhyme with night? Pause video while you have a go at doing this, so words that have the ight sound at the end.

Did you come up with light, sight, fight, might, write? And possibly some more as well.

So I like the link between the sound of the rain on the ground and a rhythm being found.

Let's see.

How about the patter of rain upon the ground in the darkness its rhythm is found? Yeah, I like that.

I think it's got.

We've got the rhyme there, the ground and found.

And the ideas are linked through the sound of the rain and the rhythm being generated.

Check for understanding.

Do all three of your pairs of lines include rhyme? Check the end of each of your lines and adapt any that do not rhyme.

Pause a video while you have a go at this.

Let's see how Aisha got on.

I edited these lines.

Tumultuous downpour, soaking into the Earth, enveloping the world in its embrace.

Yeah, We don't have the rhyme there, do we, with Earth and embrace.

So let's see.

How did Aisha edit these lines? Enveloping the world in its embrace as it paints the earth with a silvered grace.

Love those lines, Aisha.

I love the rhyme, embrace and grace, both quite beautiful words.

And you've linked those lines together really nicely.

You can really picture that image of the world being enveloped and painted.

It may be helpful to share some rhyming words with your partner to widen the vocabulary that you might use in your poem.

Before we explore the layout of our pantoum, we can refine our language choices.

Rain cascades, as it moves along.

A symphony of nature's gentle song.

We can edit words, such as rain and gentle, to change the impression and emotion that we want to convey.

So instead of rain, we could go for the cloudburst.

Instead of gentle, we could go for saturating.

Let's see how that sounds.

The cloudburst cascades, as it moves along.

A symphony of nature's saturating song.

I wonder if you noticed that these lines now include alliteration, cloudburst cascades and saturating song, which brings to mind the rainmaking music like an orchestra.

Take a look at your six unique lines.

Can you edit any of the vocabulary you use to better convey the impression or emotion of your poem? Pause the video while you have a go at this.

Let's see how Sophia has got on.

I revise the line, "Underneath the rain's gentle, soothing touch," to "Beneath the rain's wild, thrashing touch." It links better to my idea of describing a thunderstorm.

Yeah, really nice edit there, Sophia.

And you've, yeah, really altered the way that we're viewing the rain in your poem, You might like to share some of your lines with your partner to check that they convey the impression and emotion you're after.

And now it's your next task, and it is the fun part.

You are going to write your final poem out.

So use this structure to remember the order of each line in your pantoum.

And you might like to write your lines on strips of paper so you can reorder them to see how the poem sounds before you write.

After you've done this, I like you to read your poem aloud.

So let's just have a little reminder of our structure so we can see there, in verse one, we've got two pairs of rhyming lines.

In verse two, we bring back two of our lines from first verse.

They get repeated, and we add in two new lines.

And in our third verse, there are no new lines, but we are repeating lines, pairs of lines, one pair from the first verse and a pair from the second verse.

And you can see the detail of exactly which lines need repeating in the outline here.

So pause the video now and have a go at writing out your final poem.

When you finish that, read your poem aloud.

Enjoy the whole process.

And I'll see you when you're finished.

It is great to be back with you.

I am curious.

What was your favourite line or phrase in your poem? And what did you like about writing a pantoum? pause video while you share your answers with someone nearby? Here's Izzy.

I enjoyed making my poem with the six lines repeating at different points.

It made me think of the cycle of how the weather comes back time and time again.

My favourite line was, "Nature's tears to wash away the pain." Oh my goodness, Izzy.

Yeah, I love hearing that, that cyclical nature of this form of poetry and of how the weather comes again and again.

And I love your line about nature's tears washing away the pain.

I'm gonna remember that one, Izzy.

In our lesson today, writing a poem about the rain, we have covered the following.

A pantoum is a form of poetry that originated in Malaysia and is characterised by its repeating lines and overlapping pattern.

The second and fourth lines of one verse are included as the first and third lines of the next verse.

Repeated lines in pantoums can gain new context and meaning as they're combined within different verses.

When editing pantoums, we can consider line length, use of rhyme, and language choices.

Editing word choices and phrases can help to improve the imagery and impression created by our poems. Well, you have created a fantastic impression on me today with your wonderful pontoon poems. Thank you for your word choice, your rhymes, your editing.

It's been a really great experience to be with you in this lesson.

I hope you enjoyed it too, and I'll see you next time.

Bye for now.