Lesson video

Hi everyone.

My name is Ms. Voyle.

and welcome to today's lesson where you are going to be editing your narrative writing based on, "The Borrowers.

' You have already written two paragraphs based on a section of the buildup of, "The Borrowers," and it is important you have this writing with you for your editing today.

Pause the video and make sure you have your writing with you now.

Great, now, I know you have your writing with you.

During this lesson you'll need to be listening and looking carefully and there'll also be tasks where you need somebody to talk to.

I hope you're feeling excited and ready to learn.

Let's get started.

The learning outcome for today's lesson is, I can edit a section of narrative writing based on, "The Borrowers." Here are the key words for today's lesson.

Let's practise saying them.

My turn.

Your turn.

Editing, punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary.

Great job.

Well done.

Let's take a look at their definitions.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure is the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning and vocabulary is the language choices made by the writer.

There are three parts to today's lesson.

In the first part we will be editing punctuation.

In the second part we will be editing sentence structure, and in the third part we will be editing language.

So let's begin with editing punctuation.

Editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need and want to edit their work.

Editing doesn't mean rewriting everything again.

It is about making corrections and select improvements.

The job of an editor is to do all of these things.

Check for mistakes in punctuation.

Make improvements to sentence structure.

Make improvements in vocabulary choices.

In this lesson you are going to be editors.

Let's check your understanding.

Editing is the process of A, rewriting a whole piece of text.

B, checking for punctuation errors.

C, making improvements to sentence structure.

D, writing the text again with better handwriting.

Pause the video and select the correct answers.

The answers are B and C.

Well done.

Editing is the process of checking for punctuation errors and making improvements to sentence structure.

You can also improve your vocabulary choices.

Editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops and commas.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Have I checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops and have I checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Let's look at some examples of how to edit punctuation together.

This sentence says, "just as Pod got ready, Homily called out for Him to take arrietty too." Can you spot the missing or incorrectly used capital letters in this sentence? Pause the video and see if you can spot them.

Hopefully you spotted that we were missing a capital letter at the beginning of the sentence for the word, just.

There was an incorrectly used capital letter for the pronoun him, and we were missing a capital letter for Arrietty, which is a proper noun, because it is a person's name.

I can now tick this point on my checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

What are two uses of capital letters? A, they're used to begin all nouns.

B, they're used to begin proper nouns.

C, they're used at the beginning of sentences.

D, they're used to begin adverbs.

Pause the video and select the correct answers.

The answers are B and C.

Well done.

Capital letters are used to begin proper nouns and they are used at the beginning of sentences.

Let's take a look at another sentence.

"When Arrietty heard the news.

Her eyes lit up.

Can you spot where there are missing or incorrectly used full stops? Take a look.

Hopefully you spotted that there was an incorrect full stop after the word news.

Here there should have been a comma because this is an adverb, your subordinates clause.

"When Arrietty heard the news, her eyes lit up." And then there needs to be a full stop at the end of this sentence.

So we can tick that point on our checklist.

Let's check your understanding.

Where are full stops placed in a sentence? A, after a fronted adverbial.

B, at the start of a sentence.

C, at the end of a sentence, or D, at the end of a question.

Pause the video and select the correct answer.

The answer is C.

Well done.

Full stops are placed at the end of a sentence.

Let's take a look at another example sentence that needs editing.

"Full of excitement Arrietty followed her father along the dark trodden, passages.

Can you spot where there are missing or incorrectly used commas? Pause the video and take a look.

Hopefully you spotted that there was a missing comma after the fronted adverbial, full of excitement and we were missing a comma between the adjectives, dark and trodden.

The comma after trodden was in the wrong place.

It should come between the adjectives in an expanded noun phrase to separate them.

So we can tick that point.

Commas are also used to separate a subordinate clause from the main clause.

Can you spot where the comma is missing in the following sentence? "When they reach the first gate Arrietty carefully observed her father unlatch it." Where is the missing comma? The missing comma comes after the word gate.

The adverbial subordinate clause is, when they reach the first gate.

So we then need a comma after this to separate it from the main clause, Arrietty carefully observed her father unlatch it.

The missing comma comes after the adverbial subordinate clause.

So we can tick that point.

Remember that you should only use a comma when you know a rule.

Let's check your understanding.

When are commas used? A, to mark the end of a sentence.

B, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence.

C, after a fronted adverbial.

D, to separate adjectives in an expanded noun phrase.

Pause the video and select the correct answers.

The answers are B, C, and D.

Well done.

Commas are used after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence.

After a fronted adverbial and to separate adjectives in an expanded noun phrase.

It's now time for your first task.

In this lesson, we are editing our narrative writing.

Read back through both paragraphs of your narrative writing for the buildup, using the checklist to help you.

When editing punctuation, you should check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops and commas.

Pause the video and edit the punctuation in your writing now.

Welcome back.

You did a great job at editing the punctuation in your writing.

Well done.

Let's take a look at an example together.

I will read this model to you and then we will see whether necessary edits were made to punctuation.

"as she bubbled with enthusiasm, Arrietty followed her father along the dimly-lit trodden passages.

When they reached the first gate she was intrigued.

She watched her father skillfully unlatch it and they carried on their journey.

eventually they came to the bottom of the clock.

Arrietty's heart pounded as she felt a mixture of nervous and excited anticipation With confidence arrietty stepped up and inside.

She gazed in Awe.

at the grandness of the very clock her family had been named after" Let's take a look at the edits that can be made to punctuation to improve this writing.

So first of all, we needed a capital letter for the word As, because that came at the beginning of the sentence.

We then needed a comma to separate two adjectives in an expanded noun phrase, dimly lit and trodden.

We then needed another comma after the adverbial subordinate clause, when they reached the first gate, to separate it from the main clause, she was intrigued.

Further down we needed a capital letter for the word eventually, because that's the beginning of the sentence.

Then a little bit further down, we were missing a full stop after the word anticipation, so we needed to add that in.

We were missing another comma after the frontal adverbial, with confidence.

we were missing another capital letter for Arrietty.

Now, this time we needed a capital letter because Arrietty is a proper noun.

There was an incorrectly used capital letter for the word or so we crossed this out and make sure we use a lowercase a instead.

There was a full stop after the word or where there shouldn't have been because this was not the end of the sentence, so we crossed this out and we place a full stop at the end of the final sentence instead.

We can now tick each point on our checklist because we have edited for capital letters, full stops and commas.

Well done again for editing the punctuation in your writing.

It's now time for the second part of our lesson where you are going to be editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

Have I reread each sentence to check it makes sense? Have I used an appropriate conjunction to join two clauses and have I used a variety of sentence types? Let's check your understanding, true or false? When we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Pause the video and select your answer.

That is true.

Well done.

Now it's time to justify your answer.

A, we say sentences aloud to check for missing words and to check for sense, or B, once a sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video and select the correct justification.

The answer is A, well done.

We say sentences aloud to check for missing words and to check for sense.

Let's take a look at an example together now and explore what edits we need to make to the sentence structure.

I will read it to you.

"Eventually, they the hole at the bottom of the clock Arrietty felt a nervous excitement in stomach." Let's go over to our checklist.

It says, have I reread each sentence to check it makes sense? Well, I am sure you noticed that that did not make sense when I read it out loud.

There definitely some missing words.

Let's take another look.

We have eventually, they the hole.

Ooh, we are missing a verb.

They something the hole at the bottom of the clock.

They arrived at or how about they reached the hole at the bottom of the clock? That's a good missing verb to put in there.

Okay, so we've got, "Eventually, they reached the hole at the bottom of the clock Arrietty felt a nervous excitement in stomach." Now that seems like two sentences, but if we look at our checklist, it says, have I used a conjunction to join two clauses? This could be a great place to use the coordinating conjunction and to join these two main clauses and create a compound sentence.

"Eventually, they reached the hole at the bottom of the clock and Arrietty felt a nervous excitement in stomach." Ooh, something else doesn't make sense.

What are we missing before the word stomach? We are missing a pronoun, in her stomach.

Okay, good.

Let's check that one more time.

"Eventually, they reached the hole at the bottom of the clock and Arrietty felt a nervous excitement in her stomach." Great.

That definitely makes sense now.

Okay, and then it says in our checklist, have I used a variety of sentence types? So I know I've got a compound sentence here.

Maybe I could add in a simple sentence after, because they are great for building suspense.

How about, "They were actually there" with an exclamation mark? That means I have now used a variety of sentence types, so I can tick each point on my checklist here.

Let's check your understanding.

How do you form a compound sentence? A, join two main clauses with any conjunction.

B, join two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction.

C, join two main clauses by removing a full stop, or D, write two separate main clauses.

Pause the video and select the correct answer.

The answer is B, well done.

You form a compound sentence by joining two main clauses with a coordinating conjunction.

Our coordinating conjunctions are and, or, or but.

It's now time for you to read through the buildup of your narrative using the checklist to help you.

When editing sentence structure, you should do all of these.

Reread each sentence to check it to makes sense.

Check sentences are joined by an appropriate conjunction and check that you have included a variety of sentence types.

Pause the video to edit the sentence structure in your writing now.

Welcome back, well done for editing the sentence structure in your writing.

You did a great job.

Let's take a look at an example together.

I will read this to you and then we will see which edits needed to be made to the sentence structure.

"As she bubbled with enthusiasm, Arrietty followed father along the dimly-lit trodden passages.

When they reached the first gate she was intrigued.

She watched her father skillfully unlatch it they carried on their journey.

Eventually they came to the bottom of clock.

Arrietty's heart pounded as she felt a mixture of nervous and excited anticipation.

With confidence, Arrietty stepped up and inside.

She gazed in awe at the grandness of the very clock her family had been named after." Now I definitely spotted some missing words as I was reading that because it did not all make sense, but that's okay.

Let's take a look at which edits needed to be made.

So we were missing the pronoun her before the word father.

Arrietty followed her father.

Great.

That now makes sense.

A little further down we were missing a coordinating conjunction to form a compound sentence.

Either I needed two separate sentences.

She watched her father skillfully unlatch it and then they carried on their journey, would be a separate sentence, but there was no full stop there.

So we added in the coordinating conjunction and to join these two main clauses and form a compound sentence.

We were missing another pronoun before the word clock.

We've got, they came to the bottom of the clock.

A little bit further down I added in a simple sentence to help build suspense and ensure there's a variety of sentence types.

They were actually there! So we can check each point on the checklist here.

Well done for editing sentence structure.

We've now come to the final part of our lesson where you are going to be editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a significant impact on writing by improving clarity, tone and effectiveness.

When editing, make sure you do all of these.

Check that language choices are ambitious to engage the reader.

Choose language that matches the text type.

Let's check your understanding, true or false? When editing language, you change some of the words and phrases.

Pause the video and select your answer.

The answer is true.

Well done.

Now it's time to justify your answer.

A, when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases, or B, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video and select the correct justification.

The answer is A, well done.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Let's take a look at an example together and see how we might edit the language choices in it.

"When Arrietty stepped into the clock, she looked up at the swinging pendulum of their namesake." Let's take a look at our checklist.

It says, have you used ambitious language choices to engage the reader? And it says, have you checked that the language matches the text type? Okay, so we want to make sure we have used ambitious language choices that helped to build suspense, because we are editing a section of the buildup.

So, when Arrietty stepped into the clock, she looked up at the swinging pendulum of their namesake.

How about using a more precise verb? Instead of looked, we want to show that she was admiring the clock.

So how about, she gazed? This is a far more precise verb that lets the reader know how Arrietty felt about the clock.

We could also use an adverb to describe how Arrietty gazed up at the clock.

How about, when Arrietty stepped into the clock, she gazed up admiringly at the swinging pendulum of their namesake.

That's great.

Now the verb and the adverb lets us know just how much Arrietty was admiring the clock.

And I also think that we could create an expanded noun phrase when describing the pendulum.

How about, the magnificent swinging pendulum? I have added an additional adjective, and I have made sure I have used a comma to separate my two adjectives in the expanded noun phrase.

So we can now tick each point on this checklist because we have edited and improved this sentence to ensure that the language is ambitious and it matches the text type.

Let's check your understanding.

Language and narrative writing is which of these? A, funny.

B, descriptive.

C, factual.

D, formal.

Pause the video and select your answer.

The answer is B, well done.

Language and narrative writing is descriptive.

It's now time for you to read back through the buildup of your narrative and use the following checklist to help you edit language.

When editing language, you should check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader.

Vocabulary choices match the text type.

Pause the video and edit the language in your writing now.

Welcome back.

Well done for editing the language in your writing.

Let's take a look at an example together.

I will read this to you and then we will see which changes could be made to improve the language choices.

"As she bubbled with enthusiasm, Arrietty followed her father along the trodden passages.

When they reached the first gate, she was interested.

She watched her father skillfully unlatch it and they carried on their journey.

Eventually, they came to the bottom of the clock.

Arrietty's heart beat as she felt a mixture of nervous and excited anticipation.

They were actually there! With confidence, Arrietty stepped up and inside.

She looked up at the swinging pendulum of their names sake." So for ambitious language choices, the first thing I would want to do is check whether there are any opportunities to add or improve precise adjectives.

We could add the adjective, dimly-lit before the word trodden to create an expanded noun phrase describing the passages.

We could add the adjective, protective to describe the gate.

We can up-level the word, interested to intrigued, which is a far more precise adjective and further down we can use the adjective, magnificent before swinging to create an expanded noun phrase describing the pendulum.

We can also use precise verbs and adverbs that show and tell the reader how Arrietty is feeling.

For example, we could use the adverb, eagerly to describe how Arrietty followed her father.

Instead of saying her heart beat, we could say her heart pounded, which is a far more precise verb.

We could also say that she gazed up admiringly instead of she looked up when describing how she admired the clock.

So we can tick each point on this checklist.

We've now come the end of our lesson, so let's go over a summary together.

Editing is the process of making changes to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and language choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops and commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of word and phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Well done again for all of your hard work editing your narrative writing based on, "The Borrowers." I am sure you did a great job at making corrections and improvements.

I have really enjoyed teaching you this lesson.