Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Miss Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit "Jabberwocky: narrative writing." You have all done absolutely amazingly on this unit, and you should be so proud of the whole narrative that you have written.

I'm really excited for today's lesson 'cause we have a chance to read back through our final two sections of our narrative and make some ambitious and purposeful edits.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit "Jabberwocky: narrative writing," we are going to be rereading back through our climax and our resolution and making some purposeful edits.

So your learning outcome is I can make purposeful edits to my climax and resolution of a narrative based on "Jabberwocky." So let's start by looking at the keywords.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Editing, punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

And vocabulary is the use of specific words and phrases to convey a meaning.

So there are three sections of our lesson today.

In the first, we'll be editing punctuation, in the second, we'll be editing sentence structure, and in the third, we'll be editing language.

So let's start with editing punctuation.

Editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve our writing.

When you edit, you decide what you will change, but also what you want to keep the same.

Even really successful writers need and want to edit their work.

Editing does not mean rewriting everything again.

Instead, it's about making select corrections and improvements.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? If you're asked to edit your work, it means it is full of mistakes.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? a, editing is something that we do at school because children are much more likely to need to edit their work than adults, or b, editing is something all writers do because it's a chance to improve their work and make it better.

Pause the video now.

That is b.

Well done.

So the job of an editor is to do all of these.

Check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, and make improvements in vocabulary choices.

In this lesson, you are going to be editors, and you will edit the climax and the resolution of your narrative based on "Jabberwocky." So checking for understanding.

Editing is the process of a, rewriting a whole piece of text, b, checking for punctuation errors, c, making improvements to sentence structure, or d, writing the text again, but this time with better handwriting.

Pause the video now.

So editing is the process of, b, checking for punctuation errors, and c, making improvements to sentence structure.

We don't need to rewrite the whole thing again.

Well done.

So let's start with looking at editing punctuation.

Editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas, and speech punctuation.

We can use an editing checklist to help us ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

So have we checked for all of these? Missing or incorrectly used capital letters, missing or incorrectly used full stops, missing or incorrectly used commas, and accurate punctuation in direct speech.

So first, let's check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters.

Have a read of this sentence.

"the boy bravely swung his Sword at the jabberwock." Can you spot any missing or incorrectly used capital letters? Pause the video now.

Okay, I wonder if you've spotted the same mistakes that I did? So the first word in the sentence always has to begin with a capital letter, so I replaced the lowercase T with a capital T.

There did not need to be a capital letter for sword.

It wasn't a proper noun, so I crossed that out and replaced it with a lowercase S.

And the Jabberwock did need to have a capital letter because it's a proper noun, so I replaced the lowercase J with a capital J.

And now we can tick off our checklist have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? So checking for understanding.

What are two uses of capital letters? a, they are used to begin all nouns, b, they are used to begin proper nouns, c, they are used at the beginning of sentences, or d, they are used to begin adverbs.

Pause the video now.

So capital letters are used for, b, proper nouns, and c, at the beginning of sentences.

Well done.

Now let's check for missing or incorrectly used full stops.

Have a look at this sentence.

"The savage beast.

violently lunged at the boy" Pause the video now and see if you can spot where the missing or incorrectly used full stops are.

Okay, so we didn't need to have a full stop in the middle after the "beast," so I've crossed that out because it was an incorrect full stop.

We'd also forgotten a full stop at the end of the sentence, so I added that in after the word "boy," the end of the sentence.

So now we can tick off our checklist have we checked for missing or incorrectly used full stops? So checking for understanding.

Where are full stops placed in a sentence? a, after a fronted adverbial, b, at the start of a sentence, c, at the end of a sentence, or d, at the end of a question.

Pause the video now.

That's right, c.

Full stops are at the end of a sentence.

Well done.

Now let's check for missing or incorrectly used commas.

Have a look at this sentence.

"With shaking knees the brave determined knight rose to his feet." Pause the video now and think about where there might be some missing commas.

Okay, so the missing commas were after the fronted adverbial.

"With shaking knees" is a fronted adverbial of manner, it needs a comma after it.

The other missing comma was in between "brave" and "determined" because "the brave, determined knight" is an ENP, and you need a comma in between the two adjectives.

So now we can check off the checklist have we checked for missing or incorrectly used commas? Now let's check for missing or incorrectly used commas in another sentence.

Have a read of this sentence.

"When he noticed the severed head the man gasped in joy." Pause the video now and think about where a comma should go.

Okay, so I had forgotten a comma after the subordinate adverbial clause.

So "When he noticed the severed head" is an adverbial subordinate clause, it needs a comma before the main clause.

So I've added that in now, and now I can take off my checklist have we checked for missing and correctly used commas? So checking for understanding.

When are commas used? a, to mark the end of a sentence, b, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, c, after a fronted adverbial, or d, after a verb.

Pause the video now.

So commas, there are lots of rules for commas, but these are two of them.

b, after an adverbial clause when it comes first in a complex sentence, and c, after a fronted adverbial.

Well done.

So now let's check for accurate punctuation in direct speech.

Have a read of this sentence.

"The gentleman gasped in surprise, 'you slayed the Jabbawock!" Pause the video now and see if you can check for any mistakes in my speech punctuation.

Off you go.

Okay, so I did make a couple of mistakes there, but that's okay, I'm just going to edit them out.

I'd forgotten that my speech needs to start with a capital letter, so I crossed out the lowercase Y and replaced it with a capital Y.

I'd also forgotten my closing inverted commas at the end of my speech, so I added them in after the exclamation mark.

And now I can tick off my checklist have we checked for accurate punctuation in direct speech? So checking for understanding.

Which direct speech sentence is correctly punctuated.

Read all four sentences really carefully and look for inverted commas, capital letters, and commas.

Pause the video now, and off you go.

Okay, so the correctly punctuated speech sentence was c.

"The boy exclaimed" is our reporting clause.

Then we had a comma after the reported clause, then inverted commas, capital letter at the start of the speech, and then at the end of the speech there was an exclamation mark before the closing inverted commas.

Well done.

So it's time for Task A.

In this lesson, we are editing the climax and the resolution.

So read back through these past paragraphs and use this checklist to help you.

When editing punctuation, you should be checking for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, commas, and speech punctuation.

So pause the video now and go back through these two paragraphs looking only at punctuation.

Off you go.

Well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Okay, so here is a climax that needs to be edited.

Pause the video now and read through this and see if you can spot any punctuation errors that need to be edited.

Off you go.

Okay, so I wonder if you spotted the same mistakes that I did? So firstly, let's look at our checklist.

Have we checked for missing or incorrectly used capital letters? So "jabberwock" in my first sentence needed a capital J, so I replaced the lowercase J with a capital J.

"ferocious" didn't need a capital letter.

It wasn't a proper noun, so I replaced it with a lowercase F.

And then the start of my sentence, "enraged," that fronted adverbial, needed a capital letter, so I crossed out the lowercase E and replaced it with a capital E.

So I can take that off my checklist.

Now full stops.

"Nervously, the brave knight rose to his feet and he pointed his trusted sword at the monster" That's a full sentence.

It needed a full stop at the end of it, so I've added that in, and I can take that off my checklist.

Where there any missing or incorrectly used commas? There were.

My first sentence was an adverbial clause complex sentence.

I needed a comma after the adverbial clause, so I've added that in.

You can see it in purple.

"The ferocious, blood-thirsty beast" is an expanded noun phrase where I added a comma in between "ferocious" and "blood-thirsty." And there was a comma I didn't need in my final sentence.

"Enraged, the monster comma," didn't need a comma, so I crossed that out, and now I can tick that off my checklist.

And finally, was my speech punctuation correct? I had forgotten the closing inverted commas after, "or I'll slice off your head," so I've added that in and you can see those in purple.

So now I can tick that off my checklist.

So you can see here that it doesn't matter if we make mistakes with our punctuation.

That's what editing is for.

You can go back through it and neatly make any edits that you need to.

So if you want to, you can pause the video now and go back and make any more punctuation edits to your climax and your resolution.

Otherwise, really well done.

It is time for the second section of the lesson where we are editing sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow.

We can use an editing checklist again to help us ensure we are accurately improving our sentences.

So have we reread each sentence aloud to check it makes sense, has an appropriate conjunction been used to join two clauses, and have a variety of sentence types been used? So simple, compound, and complex.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? When we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? a, we say sentences out loud to check for missing words and check the sense, or b, once the sentence has been written, it cannot be changed.

Pause the video now.

That is a, saying our sentences out loud is a really helpful way to check that they make sense.

Well done.

So let's check the sentence structure in an example.

I'm going to read it out loud now, and try and hear if it makes sense or hear for any missing words or incorrect tense.

"All that could be heard the gentle whistle of a bird in the distance.

The young boy slowly lowers his sword he looked down at the fallen Jabberwock." So just by saying those sentences out loud, I could hear that there was something that didn't quite make sense.

So firstly, the edits I made was that there was a missing verb in the first sentence, so I've added in was.

"All that could be heard was the gentle whistle." I also used the wrong tense.

I said, "The young boy slowly lowers," so I've changed that to lowered because we're writing everything in the past tense.

So I can tick the first point of my checklist.

Then has a conjunction being used to join two clauses? The second sentence had two clauses, so I've added in the subordinating conjunction as to form a complex sentence.

So now I can tick that off my checklist.

Now we need to think about a variety of sentence types.

So let's have a read of these.

"All that could be heard was the gentle whistle of a bird in the distance.

The young boy slowly lowered his sword as he looked down at the fallen Jabberwock.

As he carefully picked up the monstrous head, a wave of pride washed over the boy." So you can see here that I've used the subordinating conjunction as twice.

So I have two complex sentences in a row with the same subordinating conjunction, so I'm going to change that so that I have a variety of sentence types.

I'm going to make my final sentence a compound sentence, and I've switched that as subordinating conjunction for the coordinating conjunction and.

So now we can give the final section of our checklist a tick because we have used a variety of sentence types.

So checking for understanding.

Which of the following makes sense? a, with a deep breath, he towards the defeated creature.

b, with a deep breath, he edged towards the defeated creature.

c, with a deep breath, he edged towarding defeated creature.

Pause the video now.

That's right, b.

b is the sentence which makes sense.

And we could tell that just by reading them out loud.

Well done.

So it's time for Task B.

You need to read back through your climax and your resolution of your narrative, and you're going to use the checklist to help you.

So when editing sentence structure, you should do all of these.

Reread each sentence aloud to check it makes sense, check sentences are joined by an appropriate conjunction, and check that you've included a variety of sentence types.

So pause the video now, and off you go making edits to your sentence structure.

Well done, everybody.

Did you use the checklist to edit your work? Here is an example of some successful editing.

So firstly, you need to pause the video and read back through this resolution and see what edits you could make to the sentence structure.

Off you go.

Okay, so hopefully just by reading those sentences out loud, you could hear that there were some edits that needed to be made.

Some of those sentences didn't quite make sense.

So the edits that I made.

I added in the verb.

"When he saw the gargantuan creature's head." I added in the word his.

"With tears of joy cascading down his cheeks." Otherwise it wouldn't have made sense.

And I changed the tense in "The ecstatic young man paraded." It wasn't parades, it's paraded 'cause we're writing in the past tense.

So I can tick that off my checklist have we read each sentence to check it make sense? Now, has a conjunction always been used to join two clauses? I wonder if you noticed the missing conjunction in this sentence? "With tears of joy cascading down his cheeks, the ecstatic man dropped to his knees as he held his arms wide." We needed a conjunction in between those clauses.

So now I can take that of my checklist.

Have a variety of sentence types been used? My final two sentences were simple sentences, so I've changed it to make it a compound sentence.

You can see I've added in the coordinating conjunction and, so now I have a compound sentence too, so we can tick variety of sentence types off our checklist.

If you need to, you can pause video now and go back through your work to make any more edits needed to your sentence structure.

Otherwise, really well done.

It's now time for the third section of our lesson where we are editing language.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing word choices can have a really significant impact on writing by improving clarity, so making things clearer, tone and effectiveness.

When editing language, make sure you do all of these.

Check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader, and choose language that matches the text type.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? When editing language, you change some of the vocabulary.

Pause video now.

That is true.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? a, when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases, or b, when we edit language, we make changes to punctuation.

Pause the video now.

That is a, we don't need to make changes to our punctuation when we're looking at the vocabulary and the language choices.

Well done.

So let's check the vocabulary choices in an example.

"It was very quiet.

All that could be heard was a bird in the distance.

The boy lowered his sword as he looked down at the Jabberwock.

What had he done?" Pause the video now and think about how you could add in some ambitious vocabulary choices in these sentences.

Okay, so I'm sure you noticed that it all made sense.

It was grammatically correct.

We didn't need to make any changes to punctuation, but we definitely could make some more ambitious vocabulary choices here.

So here are the edits that I made.

I added in some descriptive adjectives and adverbs.

"A calm quiet echoed gently," "All that could be heard was the melancholic whistle," "The young boy slowly lowered," "at the fallen Jabberwock," "Had he really defeated this most-feared and vicious beast?" So lots of ambitious vocabulary there to create this vivid picture for the reader, so we can give ourself a tick.

Now, does the language match the text type? We're writing a piece of narrative writing, so we want our writing to be really descriptive and exciting, and as I said, create this vivid picture in the reader's mind.

So I've done that by adding in all this ambitious vocabulary.

So yes, I can give myself a tick off that checklist.

So checking for understanding.

True or false? Precise and descriptive vocabulary is used in narrative writing to create a vivid picture for the reader.

Pause the video now.

That is true.

Can you use a or b to justify your answer? "The monstrous, severed head" creates a more vivid picture than "the Jabberwock's head" when writing a narrative, or b, adjectives are used to describe nouns.

Pause the video now.

That is a, that expanded noun phrase, "the monstrous, severed head," creates a much more vivid picture in the reader's mind than just "the Jabberwock's head." So we want to include adjectives like that in our narrative writing.

Well done.

Okay, it is time for Task C.

You need to read back through the climax and the resolution of your narrative using the checklist to help you.

So remembering that when editing language, you should check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader and that vocabulary choices matches the text type.

We've been writing a descriptive narrative, so we want our writing to match that.

So pause the video now, and off you go making language edits to your climax and your resolution.

Off you go.

Well done, everybody.

Great work.

Did you use the checklist to edit your work? I'm gonna show you now an example of some successful editing.

So have a read of these sentences, pause the video, and think about any edits that you could make to the language choices using the checklist to help you.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so I'm sure you could spot as well that there needs to be a few more adjectives and adverbs here to make it a more descriptive piece of writing.

So the edits that I made.

I said the "colossal wings flapped heavily," the "powerful wind that tore furiously." I then added in adjectives there to describe the roar, "the deep, ear-splitting roar" and "the ferocious, blood-thirsty beast." So lots more ambitious vocabulary there to create that vivid picture for the reader, so I can take that off my checklist.

And then have I checked that the language matches the text type? Well, all these descriptive adjectives definitely mean it's suited to a narrative piece of writing, but I've also added in some show-not-tell language.

Instead of just saying that he was scared, I said that he had "With shaking knees," and "He gulped in fear." So some show-not-tell language, which is really appropriate and perfect in a piece of narrative writing.

So I can tick that off the checklist.

If you need to, you can pause the video now and go back and make any extra edits to your language choices in your climax and your resolution.

Otherwise, really well done.

Great job today, everybody.

Here is the summary of everything we've learned.

Editing is the process of making any changes needed to improve writing.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and to make improvements to sentence structure and vocabulary choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, and commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way some sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of word and phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate tone is achieved.

Great job today, everybody.

Really well done.