Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit, "Jabberwocky" Narrative Writing.

I really hope you've been enjoying as much as I have writing the narrative version of this poem.

And thank you for joining in on today's lesson where we are going to continue with our writing.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit "Jabberwocky" Narrative Writing, we are going to be using our plan from the previous lesson to help us write the build-up.

So your learning outcome is I can write the build-up of a narrative based on "Jabberwocky." We'll start by with the key words.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Text flow.

Fronted adverbial.

Relative clause.

Rhetorical question.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter, followed by a comma.

A relative clause is a type of subordinate clause that starts with a relative pronoun.

And a rhetorical question is a question asked to the reader that does not expect an answer.

So there are two sections of our lesson today.

In the first we'll be preparing to write, and in the second we'll be writing the build-up.

So let's start with preparing to write.

"Jabberwocky" can be structured like this, an opening, which we've already written, a build-up, a climax, and A resolution.

In today's lesson, we are writing the build-up.

The purpose of the build-up is to do all of these, develop the plot and the characters and the characters' emotions, and build up that tension and excitement.

So let's firstly review the key moments of the build-up.

Firstly, the young man bravely walked through the dark forest looking for the Jabberwock.

Then he rested on a tree, when he heard a strange ominous noise.

The Jabberwock appeared from the shadows and slowly approached him, making a fearsome noise.

Then a description of the Jabberwock.

The Jabberwock's eyes were burning red and it had ferocious, lethal claws.

So let's just check for understanding.

Can you put the key moments of the build-up in the correct order? Here are the four moments you need to number them, one, two, three and four.

Pause video now, and off you go.

Okay, so number one, the young man bravely walked through the dark forest looking for the Jabberwock.

Number two, he rested on a tree when he heard a strange ominous noise.

Three, the Jabberwock appeared from the shadows and slowly approached him making a fearsome noise.

Four, the Jabberwock's eyes were burning red and it had ferocious teeth and lethal claws.

Well done.

So let's review the notes from the plan 'cause it's really important that we are using all the amazing ambitious vocabulary that we included on our plan in our writing today.

So some fronted adverbials to describe the first key moment with trepidation through the thicket, nervously, and then ambitious vocabulary, the courageous warrior, the vulnerable youth, describing the shadows, lurking, how he crept silently, whilst gripping tightly onto his faithful sword.

Then describing the moment where he was resting on the tree and heard the strange, ominous sound.

Fronted adverbials, eventually, exhausted, instantly.

And then the descriptive vocabulary, how he sought solace.

So sought a moment of rest on an ancient tree.

He wiped the sweat from the brow, the ominous sounds, and the depths of the forest.

And so he turned around with his heart in his mouth.

Then third moment and final moment of the build-up describing that vicious Jabberwocky.

So some fronted adverbials across the forest floor, wildly, alarmingly, and then the descriptive vocabulary describing him, it is a horrifying beast, its fiery, flaming eyes, the pair of huge jaws which held that writhing tongue, the swiping arms with the razor-sharp claws that could scratch out the eye of its victim.

So we want to be thinking about how we can include this vocabulary in our writing today.

This section needs to include the following, ambitious vocabulary, which we'll definitely include 'cause we have it on our plan.

Precise adjectives, adverbs and verbs, sentences written in the past tense, fronted adverbials, show-not-tell language, text flow.

So a range of simple compound and complex sentences.

We can use the notes from our plan to form full sentences.

We cannot just copy exactly off the plan, 'cause that won't make sense.

But we can use them to help us form a wide range of sentence types.

And these notes are really useful because they contain so much precise and descriptive vocabulary that can create that vivid picture for the reader.

So let's think about how we can use these notes to write a range of sentence types.

With trepidation, the vulnerable youth crept through the thicket as shadows lurked around every corner.

Nervously, he crept through the dark thicket and he gripped tightly onto his faithful sword.

Crack, what was that? Okay, we're going to look at these in a bit more detail first, but first it's just check for understanding.

True or false.

When I write the build-up, I can just copy out of my plan.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, I should use the notes in my plan to form a range of sentences.

Or B, I should reorder the events from my plan.

Pause the video now.

That's right, it is A.

We don't want to reorder the notes from our plan, 'cause at the moment they're in chronological order describing the events in the order in which they happened.

So we should use them to help us write our four sentences in the order in which we wrote them.

Well done.

So let's look at the different sentence types formed from the plan from the first key moment.

With trepidation, the vulnerable youth crept through the thicket as shadows lurked around every corner.

So our first sentence is a complex sentence because we have an adverbial clause after the main clause to form that adverbial complex sentence.

Then we have a compound sentence.

And I've used a conjunction, coordinating conjunction and to join a main clause, he crept through the dark thicket, to another main clause, he gripped tightly onto his faithful sword.

So we have a compound sentence.

And then our final sentence is a simple sentence, rhetorical question for dramatic effect.

So from just describing one key moment, we have three different sentence types.

So let's think about a rhetorical question.

A rhetorical question invites the reader to think about what's happening in the story and makes them feel involved in it.

The writer does not expect the reader to answer rhetorical questions, but they help the reader engage with the story.

Rhetorical questions can also be an effective way to build tension and suspense.

For example, what was that? Where did that come from? What was that strange noise? So it's creating a bit of suspense by making the reader think and feel more involved in the story.

So checking for understanding, true or false.

The reader is expected to answer a rhetorical question.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, a rhetorical question helps the reader to become involved in the story by getting them to think about what's happening.

Or B, a rhetorical question helps the reader to become involved in the story by asking them questions that they respond to.

Pause the video now.

That's right, that is A, well done.

So let's have a think about some other types of sentences.

These two sentences are both simple sentences.

The boy sought solace on an ancient tree.

It's made of one main clause, so it's a simple sentence.

And he knew how to carry on.

Again, one main clause.

So a simple sentence.

However, we can turn these two main clauses into one compound sentence using a coordinating conjunction, such as and, or, or but.

So these altogether form a compound sentence.

So let's practise.

First, I'm going to say the first main clause, and then I'll use but to join it to the second main clause.

Like this.

The boy sought solace on an ancient tree, but he knew he had to carry on.

So now I formed a compound sentence.

Now it's your turn.

Can you say the first main clause, then use but to join it to the second main clause? So here's your sentence scaffold to help you.

So pause the video now and off you go saying a compound sentence out loud.

Okay, well done everybody.

Let's say this together.

The boy sought solace on a gnarled oak tree, but he knew he couldn't give up now.

I wonder if you're thinking you want to include this compound sentence in your writing today.

Well done.

So let's think now about complex sentences.

A complex sentence is formed of a main clause stretched with a subordinate adverbial clause that starts with a subordinating conjunction, such as because, as, when, while.

There are many more though as well.

These will together form a complex sentence.

So let's look at a main clause and a subordinate adverbial clause.

As he gathered his strength.

That's a subordinate clause because it starts with the subordinating conjunction, as.

He wiped the sweat from his brow is your main clause, 'cause it makes sense by itself.

The first idea can be stretched with the second idea to make one complex sentence.

As he gathered his strength, he wiped the sweat from his brow.

As is the subordinating conjunction.

And at the end of the subordinate clause, we have a comma to separate the subordinate clause from the main clause.

Or we could try and write a complex sentence with a bit more ambitious detail.

For example, nervously, the brave warrior wiped the sweat from his brow as he gathered the strength to continue his dangerous quest.

So here we have a fronted adverbial of manner with nervously.

We've referred to the noun in a different way, the brave warrior.

And then we've stretched off of the subordinate clause with a bit of additional information, to continue his dangerous quest.

So checking for understanding, true or false.

The subordinating conjunction always comes at the beginning of an adverbial complex sentence.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, the subordinating conjunction always comes after the main clause, or B, the subordinating conjunction always begins the adverbial clause.

Pause the video now.

That is B.

The subordinating conjunction always comes at the start of the subordinate clause.

Well done.

So, now let's think about a different type of complex sentence, a relative complex sentence.

In a relative complex sentence, the relative clause can interrupt the main clause after the noun or the noun phrase that it links to.

So here is a main clause.

Instantly, the warrior glanced behind him.

But we could add extra information about the warrior using a relative clause.

So, instantly, the warrior, whose heart was in his mouth, now glanced behind him.

Whose heart was in his mouth now, is your relative clause.

So you can see here on the visual, the main clause has been split in two and it's been interrupted with a comma, a relative clause, and another comma to form a relative complex sentence.

So checking for understanding, true or false.

This relative complex sentence is punctuated correctly.

Its eyes which were so blood-red that they might have been burning were focused on only one thing.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, commas must go either side of a relative clause when it interrupts the main clause in a complex sentence.

B, commas are needed in a complex sentence to separate the main and subordinate clauses.

Pause the video now.

That is A, well done.

There should have been a comma before which, the relative pronoun and at the end of the relative clause.

So after burning, well done.

So it's time for task A.

You need to say the first few sentences of the build-up.

'Cause we know how important it is to say our sentences out loud.

Make sure you include the following, precise and ambitious vocabulary from your plan, fronted adverbials, and a range of sentence types, including if you can a complex sentence.

You can use these sentence starters to help you.

With trepidation, and eventually, the young man.

So make sure you're using your plan to help you with this as well.

'cause that's got loads of the key ideas and vocabulary you want to include.

So pause the video now and off you go, saying these sentences out loud.

Okay, well done everybody.

Let's say these sentences out loud.

I'm going to read them and as I'm reading it, you can read checking to see if I've included everything I needed to from the bullet points above.

With trepidation, the vulnerable youth crept through the thicket as shadows lurked around every corner.

Eventually, the young man sought solace against an ancient tree and wiped the sweat from his brow.

Crack.

What was that noise? So have I included precise and ambitious vocabulary from my plan? I have.

I have vulnerable, lurked, solace and ancient.

Have I included fronted adverbials with trepidation and eventually, and have I included a range of sentence types including a complex? I have.

My first sentence is a complex sentence, as shadows lurked around every corner.

I then have a compound sentence.

And then finally a simple, so a range of sentence types.

So I think I might be trying to include some of these ideas in my writing in the next section of the lesson.

Well done everybody on task A.

It is time for the second section of our lesson where we are writing the build-up.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know simple, compound, complex.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell words accurately and check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

Here's the success criteria you are going to use to help you with your writing today.

Let's go through it.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have used ambitious vocabulary.

I have written a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex to improve text flow.

And I have included a rhetorical question to build suspense.

So there are three key moments on your plan to describe in the build-up.

Firstly, the young man bravely walked through the dark forest looking for the Jabberwock.

Secondly, the young man rested on a tree when he heard a strange, ominous noise.

Thirdly, the vicious Jabberwock approached the young man.

So you are going to be describing these three moments, but you can start a new paragraph to signal the start of a new idea or a key moment.

But it's important to remember to indent the beginning of each paragraph when that happens.

So let's have a look at a model section.

I'm going to read it out loud now, and as I'm reading, you can be checking to see if I've included what I needed to from my success criteria.

Darkness enveloped the forbidden forest.

Nervously, the brave boy crept through the thicket as shadows lurked around him.

Eventually, the exhausted knight sought solace against an ancient tree, but he knew he had to keep going.

He wiped the sweat from his brow and he gathered his strength.

Crack.

What was that noise? Instantly the warrior, whose heart was in his mouth now, glanced behind him.

It was nothing.

Just then, there was another ominous sound from the depths of the forest and this time it was worse than before.

So, have I included two fronted adverbials at least? I have, I've had eventually, instantly, and just then.

So I can give myself a tick.

Have I included ambitious vocabulary from my plan? I had enveloped, lurked, sought solace, ominous.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

Have I included a range of sentence types? My first sentence was a simple sentence.

Then I had an adverbial subordinate clause, as shadows lurked around him, in a complex sentence.

Then I had a compound sentence.

I used the coordinating conjunction, but, but he knew he had to keep going in my compound sentence.

And I remembered to include a relative complex sentence whose heart was in his mouth now, is my relative clause interrupting my main clause.

So a wide range of sentence types so I can give myself a tick.

And did I include a rhetorical question to build suspense? I did, I said, crack, what was that noise? So I can give myself a tick.

We then had the second paragraph, 'cause we started a new idea.

We started describing the moment that the Jabberwock arrived.

So I've made sure I've indented the first word of my new paragraph.

And now I'm going to read the second paragraph of the build-up aloud.

And again, you can be checking if I've included everything I needed to for my success criteria.

Across the forest floor, a horrifying beast with fiery, flaming eyes began its slow approach towards the fighter.

Its eyes, which were so blood-red that they might have been burning were focused on only one thing.

Below them, a pair of huge jaws, which held a long, writhing tongue, made burbling noises unlike any the youth had heard before.

More terrifying still, each swiping arm of this horrifying beast ended with a fist of razor-sharp claws that looked like they could scratch out the eyes of any victim in its wake.

So fronted adverbials, I had across the forest floor, below them and more terrifying still.

All of them, followed by a comma.

I can give myself a tick.

Ambitious vocabulary, horrifying, fiery, flaming, blood-red, huge, writhing, terrifying, razor-sharp, all from my plan.

So yes, I can give myself a tick for ambitious vocabulary.

Range of sentence types.

I had two relative complex sentences, which was so blood-red that they might have been burning and which held a long, writhing tongue.

And then I had a complex sentence at the end as well.

And I said that they looked like they could scratch out the eyes of any victim in its wake.

So I can give myself a tick.

And then finally, no rhetorical question on this paragraph.

So I don't need to give myself a tick here.

So it's time for task B.

You need to write the build-up of "Jabberwocky" and you are going to use your success criteria and your plan to help you structure your paragraphs.

So in a moment, you're going to pause the video and you're going to your use your success criteria and refer to your success criteria to help you with writing your build-up of "Jabberwocky." So pause the video now and off you go.

Well done everybody, welcome back.

I hope you've enjoyed writing your build-up.

You now need to, in a moment, pause the video and read back through your version of the build-up of "Jabberwocky." Use your success criteria to help you check that you've included everything you needed to in this section.

So if you've written at least two fronted adverbials, you can give yourself a tick.

If you've used ambitious vocabulary, give yourself a tick.

If you've written a range of sentence types, give yourself a tick.

And if you've included a rhetorical question, give yourself a tick.

So pause the video now and off you go reading back through your build-up and checking off your success criteria.

Off you go.

Okay, great job everybody today, well done.

Here is a summary of everything we've learned.

We use notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Using a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex improves text flow for the reader.

A relative complex sentence is formed of a main clause that's interrupted by a relative clause.

A rhetorical question helps to engage the reader and can build suspense.

And the purpose of a build-up is to develop the character's emotions and build tension and suspense.

Well done today everybody, great job.