Lesson video

Hi, everybody.

It's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit, "Jabberwocky": Narrative Writing.

I'm really looking forward to today's lesson.

We're going to be using our plans from the previous lesson to help us write our opening of our narrative of "Jabberwocky." So let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit the "Jabberwocky": Narrative Writing, we are writing the first section of our story, the opening.

So your learning outcome is I can write the opening of a narrative based on "Jabberwocky." So let's start by looking at the key words.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Text flow.

Fronted adverbial.

Relative clause.

Direct speech.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

A relative clause is a type of subordinate clause that starts with a relative pronoun.

And we use direct speech to show that a character is speaking out loud in a text.

So there are two sections of our lesson today.

In the first, we'll be preparing to write and the second will be writing an opening.

So let's start with preparing to write.

"Jabberwocky," our narrative version of it, can be structured like this, an opening, a buildup, a climax, and then a resolution.

In today's lesson, we are writing the opening.

The purpose of the opening, the reason we have to do an opening is to do all of these, engage the reader, hook them in, make them want to carry on reading, introduce the characters, and introduce the setting.

In our opening, we are introduced to all of these, the setting, so the mythical woods, the characters, so the son or the boy, his father, and those mythical creatures.

So checking for understanding.

Which of these would not be described in the opening of a narrative? A, the main characters, B, the problem, or C, the setting.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

We would not describe the problem.

That would come later in the narrative, usually in the buildup.

Well done.

So let's quickly review the notes from our plan because it is really important that we are using this really ambitious and precise vocabulary from our plan and using it to help us form full sentences.

So we had all the notes and the key vocabulary to describe the moment that the dusk approached the dark, magical woods.

Then we generated vocabulary to this moment, the strange unknown creatures that moved around the woods.

And we thought of some fronted adverbials of place as well there to help us describe where they were and how they were moving.

Then we moved to describing the father and his son.

And it was the moment where his father was warning the son about the dangers of the creatures.

And we included the dialogue that we want to include in our opening.

And then finally, the fourth moment, the boy felt scared, but he bravely entered the woods.

So there was some fronted adverbials of manner there and some show-not-tell language to describe how he was feeling.

Remember, these are all in note form, so we won't be able to just copy them directly off the plan, but we're going to use it to help us with our writing.

So this section needs to include the following, ambitious vocabulary.

So that includes precise adjectives, adverbs, and verbs.

Sentences written in the past tense.

Everything we are writing today is in the past tense.

Fronted adverbial, time, place, and manner.

Figurative language, there may be metaphor, personification, simile.

Direct speech and text flow.

We want to have a range of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

So let's think about how we can use our plan to help us form full sentences.

The notes on our plan contain really precise and descriptive vocabulary that create a vivid picture for the reader.

For example, this first key moment of the dusk approaching the dark, magical woods.

However, these are all in note form.

This is just really key vocabulary.

So we need to use it to make full sentences.

So we aren't just copying directly off our plan, but we are using our plan to help us write these range of sentence types.

Let's have a look at an example.

"Above a vast, mythical forest, heavy mist cloaked the treetops and in the distance, towering mountains pierced the skies.

As dusk approached, dark sinister, magic swirled.

Slowly, rotten leaves cascaded down from the tree's canopy." So you can see here now we have a range of complete sentences.

So checking for understanding.

True or false, when I write my opening, I can just copy from the plan.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, I should use the notes in my plan to form a range of sentences.

Or B, I should reorder the events from my plan.

Pause video now.

That is A.

We don't want to reorder the events from our plan because we wrote the notes in chronological order, so the order in which they happen in the narrative.

So we want to follow that order when we write the opening.

We can use the notes to help us write these range of sentences.

Well done.

So let's look now a bit more carefully at the different sentence types formed from the plan for that first key moment.

So our first sentence, we have a compound sentence, 'cause we've used the coordinating conjunction and to join two main clauses to form that compound sentence.

Then we have an adverbial clause, and that stretches a main clause to form this adverbial complex sentence.

And then finally, we have one main clause to form a simple sentence.

So you can see here from just describing one key moment, we've got a compound, complex, and a simple sentence.

So let's think now a bit more about complex sentences.

We know about two types of subordinate clause, an adverbial clause, for example, "As the concerned father warned his son about the creatures, the boy's eyes widened in fear." The adverbial clause begins with the subordinating conjunction as, "As the concerned father warn his son about the creatures." An adverbial clause doesn't make sense by itself, so it needs to be joined to a main clause to form a complex sentence.

So an adverbial clause starts with a subordinating conjunction, as, when, while, but there are also many more we can use.

We also know about a relative clause.

For example, "The strange creatures, which tormented the heart of the forest, were slithering, writhing, and wriggling." So "which tormented the heart of the forest" is our relative clause and it begins with a relative pronoun, which.

The relative pronouns include which and who.

And we use them to describe the noun or the noun phrase in more detail to add extra information.

So we're adding extra information about the creatures.

In a relative complex sentence, the relative clause can interrupt the main clause after the noun or the noun phrase that it links to.

So, for example, this is a main clause.

"In the shadows," your fronted adverbial, then your main clause, "the strange creatures were slithering, writhing, and wriggling." So here we just have a simple sentence, but we can make it a complex sentence by adding in a relative clause.

"The strange creatures, which tormented the heart of the forest, were slithering, writhing, and wriggling." So you can see here we have our relative clause, which starts with the relative pronoun, which, to add extra information about the noun, the creatures.

So you can see here the main clause, the main clause has been split in two and has been interrupted by a comma.

Then your subordinate relative clause, and then another comma.

This all forms a relative complex sentence.

So checking for understanding.

True or false, this relative complex sentence is punctuated correctly.

The young boy who gripped tightly onto his sword bravely headed towards the danger.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

Can you use A or B to justify your answer? A, commas must go either side of the relative clause when it interrupts the main clause in a complex sentence, or B, commas are needed in a complex sentence to separate the main and subordinate clauses.

Pause the video now.

That's right.

It is A.

There should've been a comma either side of the relative clause, so before who.

So, "Who gripped tightly onto his sword," and then another comma.

So to make it really clear, where the relative clause begins and ends.

Well done.

So dialogue is the written conversation between two characters or more within a narrative.

It is used to help move the action forward in a narrative.

In the opening, this is the most important dialogue, "Beware of the brutal savage Jabberwock.

It is the deadliest beast across the land.

Watch out for the cunning Bandersnatch and vicious Jubjub bird.

They can attack at any time." So these are the lines of speech that the father says to his son.

We use direct speech to show that a character is speaking out loud.

Each time there is a new speaker, you'll start a new line.

So for example, "'Beware of the brutal savage Jabberwock,' warned the concerned father." And, "'It is the deadliest beast across the land,' he continued." Those words in purple are the words that the characters said out loud and we call this direct speech.

Direct speech is shown to the reader using inverted commas, which look like this.

And the inverted commas tell us where the words the character said begin and end.

A speech first sentence always follows the same steps.

Let's have a look.

Here is your speech sentence.

"'Watch out for the Bandersnatch and the Jubjub bird,' his father explained." So first we have our first set, our opening inverted commas, then a capital letter.

Then you have your speech, so the words that the character is saying.

Then at the end of the speech, you have a punctuation.

In this one, it's a comma.

Then you have your closing inverted commas.

And then you have the reporting clause.

So that tells you who said the speech.

And finally, because it's the end of a sentence, you have a full stop.

The reporting clause can start with the speaker or with the said word.

So you could say, "warned his father" or "his father warned." Either works.

So checking for understanding.

What needs to be added to this sentence to follow the rules for a speech first sentence? The vicious creatures can attack at any time, explained the concerned man.

Pause the video now and think about what punctuation you need to add.

Off you go.

Okay, so let's go through this.

This is the speech sentence correctly punctuated.

We have inverted commas at the start.

Then your capital letter at the beginning of the speech.

Then you have your speech.

Then a comma or punctuation mark.

This time it's a comma.

Then closing inverted commas.

Then your reporting clause.

And then finally a full stop.

If you need to have a look at this again, you can pause the video just to check you really feel confident with all the speech punctuation.

Otherwise, really well done.

So it's time for task A.

You need to say out loud, because we know how important it is to say the sentences out loud before we write them, the first few sentences of the opening.

Make sure you try to include the following: precise, ambitious vocabulary from your plan, maybe even including figurative language, fronted adverbials, a range of sentence types, including a complex sentence.

And you can use these sentence starters to help you, "Above the vast, enchanted forest," so maybe you could describe the sky or the mountains in the distance.

And then, "Below the gnarled branches." And that's maybe where you could describe the twigs below or the creatures on the forest floor.

So pause video now and off you go saying these sentences out loud, using your plan to help you.

Okay, well done, everybody.

Welcome back.

Let's go through my sentences.

I'm going to say them out loud.

You can be checking if I've included everything I needed to from the bullet points above.

"Above a vast, enchanted forest, thick mist cloaked the treetops as looming mountains pierced the skies.

Below the gnarled branches, skeletal twigs snapped and cracked with every footstep.

The strange creatures, which tormented the heart of the forest, writhed in the shadows." So have I include ambitious vocabulary from my plan? Lots of it, vast, enchanted, cloaked, gnarled, skeletal, tormented, writhed.

All of these were vocabulary, were words from my plan.

Then fronted adverbials, I had "Above a vast, enchanted forest" and "Below the gnarled branches," both fronted adverbials of place.

And then a range of sentence types, including a complex sentence.

My final sentence was a relative complex sentence.

I used the relative clause, "which tormented the heart of the forest" to describe those creatures.

So, yes, I've included all my points and thank you for helping me check.

If you need to, you can pause the video now and have another go at saying your first sentences out loud.

Well done, everybody, on task A.

It's time for task B.

We are going to be writing the opening.

When we write, we always try to do these things: plan and say each sentence before we write it, use punctuation where we know the rules, showcase each sentence type we know, simple, compound, complex.

write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, use spelling strategies to spell words accurately, and check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

So here is the success criteria you are going to use with your writing today, and this is going to help you make sure you include everything you need to to make this a really successful opening.

Let's go through it.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have used ambitious vocabulary, including figurative language.

I've written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, to improve text flow.

And I've included direct speech sentences with correct punctuation.

So there are four key moments on your plan to describe in the opening.

If you need to, you can start a new paragraph to signal the start of a new idea or key moment.

But it's important to remember to indent the beginning of each paragraph.

So that means leaving a space between the margin and your first word so that it's really clear that it is the start of a new paragraph.

So I'm going to write the first few sentences of my opening and you are going to help me check that I've used the success criteria.

So you can see I've already stuck in my success criteria and I've actually written the first paragraph already, which I've taken from the task A in the first part of this lesson.

So we're going together write the second paragraph, which is starts at the moment that we're describing the father warning his son about the danger.

So the third key moment.

I'm going to be making sure I'm using my plan to help me.

So I've started with a fronted adverbial of place to show where the characters are.

"At the edge of the wood," I've made sure to use a comma at the end of, or at the end of my fronted adverbial.

So what was happening at the edge of the wood? Let's look at my plan.

I'm going to use the adjective apprehensive to describe the father and his son.

"At the edge of the wood, two.

." Sorry.

"Apprehensive figures.

." What were they doing? They were in a deep conversation.

"Were deep in conversation." And I'm going to do a full stop at the end of my sentence.

Now I'm going to do my direct speech, the first line of direct speech where the father says, "Beware of the brutal, savage Jabberwock." So I need to think really carefully about the speech punctuation here.

I'm going to do speech first.

So I need to make sure I have my opening inverted commas.

My speech needs to start with a capital letter, and then I can write my speech.

"Beware of the brutal, savage." That's two adjectives before a noun, so it's an expanded noun phrase.

So what do I need in between my two adjectives? I need a.

A comma.

Well done.

That's right.

"Brutal savage." Now Jabberwock is a proper noun so it needs a capital letter.

Jabberwock.

This is the end of the speech, so we need to have either an exclamation mark or a comma.

I'm going to go for a comma, I think.

Then what do I need after my comma to signal that it's the end of the direct speech? We need another set of inverted commas.

Well done.

"'Beware of the brutal, savage Jabberwock,' warned the father." Although maybe I can use an adjective to describe the father.

Let's have a look at the plan.

Ah, yeah.

I'm going to use concerned.

"Warned the concerned father." That's the end of my sentence, so I need a full stop.

Then I want to use a complex sentence.

I'm going to use an adverbial subordinate clause.

"As the young boy or as the son listened intently," again, I've used that from my plan.

"As the son listened intently." What do I need after my, ooh.

Just as I was reading that back, I've noticed I've made a spelling mistake.

Is that the right spelling of son? It's not, is it? I need to cross that out neatly and replace it with S-O-N.

That's the sun in the sky.

So sorry.

This is my adverbial proverbial clause, "As the son listened intently." So what do I need at the end of my adverbial clause? I need a comma.

That's right.

Well done.

"His father continued." I need to do that the next line of speech.

So this is going to be speech second.

So who can remember what I need, what punctuation I need before my speech second? I need to have a comma after the reported clause.

Well done.

Then I need inverted commas.

And then we can do the next line of speech.

So I'm going to say about how it is the deadliest beast across the land.

It is, oops, sorry, I wrote it twice.

I need to cross that out neatly.

"It is the deadliest beast across the land." That's the end of my speech, so I need a full stop.

And then, 'cause it's the end of the speech, closing inverted commas.

Great, I'm just going to quickly read that back to check for any errors.

"As the son listened intently," comma, "his father continued," comma, inverted commas, oh, what does every line of speech need to start with? Can anyone remember? That's right.

It's a capital letter.

So I'm going to replace that with a capital I.

"It is the deadliest beast across the land." Full stop, inverted commas.

Okay, now I want to describe the boy's feeling.

He's feeling really scared.

So I want to use some show-not-tell language.

I could call him the son or the boy, but we have used that already.

So I might say the young man.

"The young man's," and let's look at our plan to see what show-not-tell language ideas we had.

His eyes widened.

"The young man's eyes widened in fear." And let's do a compound sentence now 'cause we've already done a complex and a simple.

"As," let's continue with the show-not-tell language, "As his heart thumped against his chest." That's the end of my sentence.

So we need a full stop.

So let's just read back this sentence and check it makes sense.

"The young man's eyes widened in fear as his heart thumbed against his chest." So it does make sense, but I had said that I wanted to do a compound sentence, not a complex sentence, and as is a subordinating conjunction.

So I'm going to change that to and, and that still makes sense.

We've got one main clause, a coordinating conjunction, and then another main clause, so a compound sentence.

Okay, let's go through the success criteria quickly.

Have I written at least two fronted adverbials? I have.

I have "Above a vast, enchanted forest," "Below the gnarled branches," "At the end of the wood." So, yes, I can give myself a tick.

Have I used ambitious vocabulary? Lots of ambitious, including figurative language, lots of ambitious vocabulary.

Enchanted, the thick mist cloaked.

So my figurative language there, looming, gnarled, skeletal, tormented, apprehensive, brutal savage, deadliest, all these from my plan, but, yes, I can definitely give myself a tick.

Then, have I written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex? I have a complex sentence there, as, with my subordinate clause.

A simple sentence, a which relative complex sentence there.

A simple sentence here.

And then finally at the end, I have added in my compound sentence, so I can give myself a tick.

And then finally, have I included a direct speech sentence with correct punctuation? I had speech first and speech second.

So I can give myself a tick.

Okay, it is time for task B.

It is your turn to write the opening.

In a moment, you'll indent the first sentence.

Then you'll use your success criteria and your plan to help you structure your paragraphs.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Well, done, everybody.

Welcome back.

In a moment, you're going to read your writing back to check for sense and errors.

Then you'll tick the success criteria as you find an example of each part just like this.

So here is a modelled opening.

Let's go through the success criteria.

Have I included two fronted adverbials? I can see at the start I have, "Above a vast, enchanted forest," and "In the shadows," so those are two fronted adverbials of place.

So I can give myself a tick.

Have I included ambitious vocabulary, including figurative language? Lots, all from my plan.

"Vast, enchanted forest," "mist blanketed the treetops." That's some nice figurative language.

The "leaves cascaded," "the gnarled, twisted trees," the "slithering, writhing, wriggling" creatures.

So, yes, definitely.

I can give myself a tick.

Have I included a range of sentence types? I have a adverbial complex sentence, "As dust approached." I have some simple sentences at the end.

"Everybody feared them.

Nobody dared confront them." I have a relative clause complex sentence.

I said, "In the shadows, strange creatures, which tormented the heart of the forest." So, yes, I can definitely give myself a tick for that.

Can't give myself a tick yet for direct speech in this paragraph, but hopefully in the next paragraph.

So here's the new paragraph.

Again, we can take off a fronted adverbial 'cause we've got, "At the edge of the wood," another fronted adverbial of place.

Ambitious vocabulary, definitely.

We've got "savage Jabberwock," "the cunning Bandersnatch," "vicious," "the gallant," and we've got some show-not-tell language with "his blood ran cold," "his heart pounded against his chest," "his eyes widened in fear." So I can give myself a tick.

Have I included a range of sentence types? My first sentence is a simple sentence.

Then we have a complex sentence with, "As his son listened intently," before the speech.

We have three simple sentences in a row, which is really effective in building suspense.

And then we have a compound sentence at the end, "And he bravely headed towards the danger." We've got the coordinating conjunction, and.

So lots of different sentence types in this paragraph.

I can give myself a tick.

And then finally, have I included direct speech with correct punctuation? I have.

I've used both speech first and speech second.

My first one, "'Beware of the deadly, savage Jabberwock,' the father warned," that's speech first.

And then, "As his son listened contently, he continued, 'Watch out for the cunning Bandersnatch.

'" That's your speech second, and I've included the correct punctuation.

So I can give myself a tick.

Now you can pause the video and go back through your opening and see what you can tick off your success criteria.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Well done, everybody.

Great job today.

Here is a summary of everything we've learned.

The purpose of the opening is to engage the reader and introduce the setting and characters.

We use notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Using a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex, improves text flow for the reader.

We use direct speech to show that a character is speaking out loud and to move the action forward.

And a relative complex sentence is formed of a main clause that is interrupted by a relative clause.

Great job today, everybody.

Well done.