Lesson video

(mouse clicks) <v ->Hi everyone.

</v> It's Ms. Chu, and I'm going to be teaching you how to write a Desert Island scene today.

We are going to be using a plan that has lots of precise and ambitious vocabulary, and then we're going to be transforming those words into coherent, amazing sentences.

So when you are ready, let's get started.

(mouse clicks) Today's lesson outcome is, I can write a descriptive scene about a hot desert island.

These are our key words, get ready to say them.

Zoom-in, text flow, fronted adverbial, and past tense.

The zoom-in technique is a writing technique that involves starting the description with a broad idea, and gradually narrowing the focus to describe specific details.

Text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged.

We don't want them falling asleep.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence startup followed by a comma, and past tense shows that the action happened before now.

(mouse clicks) In today's lesson we are going to be preparing to write and then we're going to write a descriptive scene, how exciting.

So let's start preparing to write.

(mouse clicks) When we write we always try to do these things, well, I know I do anyway.

I plan and say each sentence before we write it, we use punctuation where we know the rules, we showcase each sentence type we know, we write our letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, we use spelling strategies to spell words accurately, we don't wanna be spelling words inaccurately.

We check and improve our writing when we think we are finished, because we can always improve.

(mouse clicks) When we plan we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

Vivid pictures are often written with sensory rich descriptions.

Let's have a look at this sentence here.

The sun, a relentless, oppressive furnace in the sky, beat down its heat upon the island.

Imagining colours as we write helps us to choose the right vocabulary.

(mouse clicks) The words relentless and oppressive and beat down helps to paint a negative image for the reader, and that is why the arrow is pointing in the orangey red section of our colour scale.

If we wanted to create a positive image for the reader, we would choose vocabulary that would be in the bluish greenish zone, because that is where it helps us to feel tranquil, relaxed, and calm.

(mouse clicks) These are all examples of ambitious vocabulary, my turn to say them then your turn.

Gleaming, oppressive, searing, scorching.

Well done.

Let's have a look at what they mean.

So gleaming means shining or bright, oppressive means harsh or overpowering, searing is burning or scorching, and scorching is red-hot or blazing; so actually searing and scorching could be synonyms. (mouse clicks) The next set of words, get ready to say them.

(Ms. Chu clears throat) Clear your throats, you're ready to say them.

Stifling, sweltering, relentless and radiant.

Lovely.

Let's have a look at what they mean.

Stifling means smothering or suffocating, sweltering is very hot or baking, relentless means constant or non-stop, and radiant means bright, brilliant, or glowing.

As well as ambitious vocabulary, fronted adverbials help to create text flow.

You do flow, flow, flow with your hands, like a river.

They give detail about the time, place, manner, or frequency of the action in the sequence.

A variety of fronted adverbials adds richness to descriptive writing, here are some examples of fronted adverbials.

We've got a fronted adverbial of time in the middle of the day, of place, all across the desert, of manner, that means how something, how an action is done, forcefully or frequency, how often something happens, so constantly would be a good example of a fronted adverbial of frequency.

(mouse clicks) Let's look at a plan for writing a desert island scene.

So you can see in this plan it's been broken up into sections, so we've got a section about the sun, high above the ocean, relentless, oppressive orb of fire scorched like an angry dragon.

This is creating a negative image in my mind.

(mouse clicks) We've now got a section about the sea, all around, still, gentle sea glistened like polished glass.

This is creating a more positive image of the sea, because of the vocabulary and the figurative language that's used.

(mouse clicks) Let's look at the island section now.

We've got unknown to the world, gleaming, desert island emerged like a jewel.

What is this image being painted in our heads, is it positive or negative? Touch your nose if it's positive and touch your chin if it's negative, in three, two, one.

Yes, it's definitely positive.

It's giving me picture of a jewel coming outta the sea.

(mouse clicks) And then this section on seagulls, in every direction, stifling, piercing seagulls screeched like alarm bells.

That's giving me a negative image.

And if we said that they sang a chorus of songs, that's kind of positive but if you pair it with stifling and piercing, that's kind of giving a negative and positive image, so it's somewhere in the middle of our colour scale.

And finally we have foliage, so swaying in the breeze, do your swaying.

Sway, sway, sway for me.

Then we have tired, ancient palms offered shade from the searing heat.

That's given me a really calm picture of cooling picture of the palm just really helping me to give me that shade from the heat.

Okay we're now onto the first talk task, you're going to say the first sentence aloud, use a fronted adverbial from this plan, or your plan, and make it a simple sentence.

Use the sentence scaffold here to help you.

So I've put in the fronted adverbial already, high above the ocean, the (humming) sun, so take that straight from the plan or use your own vocabulary, scorched like.

and then you can use the plan or, again, use your own ideas.

Pause the video and have a go at doing this talk task.

(mouse clicks) Let's now have a look at my example.

High above the ocean, taken from the plan, the relentless oppressive sun, again from the plan, scorched like an angry dragon.

(mouse clicks) We have now said our first sentence about the sun, let's now focus on the next part, which is about the sea.

(mouse clicks) This time, in this talk task, you're going to say the sentence aloud again, so same, but this time you're going to use a fronted adverbial from your plan, a different one All around the (humming) sea, and then I'm gonna leave the last part for you to say.

You could use a simile or you could use personification to finish off that sentence.

Pause the video and have a go.

(mouse clicks) Let's look at my example.

All around the gentle, sorry, the still, gentle sea glistened like polished glass.

If you close your eyes you can really picture that stillness of the sea, so still that the surface of the sea is like polished glass.

(mouse clicks) Okay so now we've done the sun, we've said a sentence about the sea, can tick those two off, now we're going to focus on the next part of the plan, which is the island.

(mouse clicks) Say a third sentence aloud, use a fronted adverbial from the plan, and this time you're going to make it a compound sentence.

Here's a sentence scaffold to support you to say it.

Unknown to the world, the (humming) island (humming) and it (humming).

So you're gonna have to use your imagination a little bit to just come up with something else, a different idea to build onto your first idea.

Now, remember, if we're using emerge like a jewel, you need to think of something that builds, so doesn't contrast but builds upon that first idea.

I know you can definitely have a go at this, so pause the video and say your sentence.

Okay, let's look at my example.

Unknown to the world, the gleaming desert island emerged like a jewel and it invited explorers with its mysterious allure.

So I've added that other idea to make it a compound sentence, I've got my two main clauses, I've joined it with my coordinating conjunction and.

(mouse clicks) So we've now said our sentence about the island, give it a tick, we're going to focus on, guess what, the seagulls.

(mouse clicks) Say the fourth sentence aloud, use a fronted adverbial to form your plan, like before, use an ENP stretched with "that".

(mouse clicks) Here is a sentence scaffold to help you.

(humming), so this time I haven't given you the fronted adverbial, you're gonna pop that in.

(humming), the sky was filled with an echoing (humming) seagulls that screeched (humming).

What could it be? Remember, you can use the plan, use the vocabulary from the plan or insert your own vocabulary.

Pause the video and have a go at doing this.

(mouse clicks) Okay this is mine, in every direction, the sky was filled with an echoing chorus of songs from seagulls that screeched like alarm bells.

So I have here painted a negative image, haven't I? I said it was filled, in every direction the sky was filled, So that means like everywhere you went, everywhere you turned, the sky was just echoing with screeching alarm bells coming from the seagulls.

(mouse clicks) So we've said our sentence about the island, We've said our sentence about the seagulls, and now we're going to move onto a task.

In this task you are going to say the fifth sentence aloud, You're going to use your plan and you're going to make it a relative clause complex sentence.

Use the plan about the foliage.

Here is a sentence scaffold, It's a relative clause complex sentence scaffold.

So you can see here the embedded clause, which offered (humming) is in the middle of the main clause.

So the main clause is the (humming) trees, swayed.

And what could you put there, in the breeze? Yeah, so that's the main clause, and you've got to think about using your relative pronoun "which" to think of a relative clause for that middle section of this relative clause complex sentence.

Pause the video and have a go, good luck.

Here's my example of a relative clause complex sentence.

The tired, ancient trees, I've taken that straight from the plan, my expanded noun phrase, and then I've used the relative pronoun "which", which offered shade from the searing heat.

Again, taken that straight from the plan.

Swayed in the gentle breeze.

That part is also from my plan.

Let's just check that my main clause makes sense.

The tired ancient trees swayed in the gentle breeze.

(mouse clicks) Let's just check that my main clause makes sense.

The tired ancient trees swayed in the gentle breeze.

Yes, that does make sense.

And then let me just check my relative clause, which offered shade from the searing heat.

Yes, it's embedded.

Now we are onto the second part of our lesson, we're going to write a descriptive scene.

Let's use the success criteria to support us to write the descriptive scene.

I have written ambitious vocabulary and figurative language from my plan.

Thumbs up if you think you can do that.

I have written a range of fronted adverbials from my plan.

I have structured my writing using the zoom-in technique.

I have written three different sentence types, simple, compound, and complex.

Definitely, we can do that.

You're gonna watch me have a go at writing a desert island descriptive scene, using my success criteria to support me, and then you are gonna have a go, okay? I've stuck in my success criteria and I'm ready to go.

First thing I need to do is I need to look at my ambitious vocabulary from my plan, and just have a think about whether I can combine the vocabulary with the figurative language on my plan to create my first sentence about the sun.

Okay, so I can see fronted adverbial high above.

Yes, I'm going to use that one, I'm going to start with my indent here and then I'm going to start with high above.

So High above.

I could just have high above comma, but I think I'm going to extend it.

High above the vast ocean, the, and then now I'm going to use my ambitious vocabulary to describe the sun, so relentless, oppressive, because I'm trying to create negative image about the sun.

So the relentless, oppressive sun, and then I'm going to use a word that matches these words, so scorched.

Again, I'm creating that negative image.

And then I think this is where I'll put in my simile, like a, and let me just look at my plan, like a angry dragon, like a, oops, dragon.

So, have to cross that out, that's a O.

like a, like a, like an, like an angry dragon.

Yes, that's much better.

Full stop, so I've got my first sentence here.

I've used ambitious vocabulary, figurative language, and I've written a simple sentence.

So I can give those two a tick.

Brilliant.

Let me look at the next part of my plan, so I'm using my zoom-in technique, I've started with the sun and now I'm going to write a sentence about the sea.

All around, taken straight again from my plan, I'm using the fronted adverbial from my plan, all around the still, gentle sea, this time I'm creating a positive image, glistened.

And then I think I will use a simile again, like, what did it glisten like? Glisten, what else glistens? Let me have a think.

Well, polished glass, which is from my plan, would be a great example to use.

Great.

All around, the still, gentle sea glistened like polished glass.

Another simple sentence, I've used two fronted adverbials this time so I can tick that off.

I'm starting to use my zoom-in technique so I can start to tick these things off.

I haven't done everything but it's keeping me in check, so that's great.

Look back to my plan, the next thing I can describe as the island.

Again, I'm going to start with a fronted adverbial, unknown to the world.

That's suggesting that the island's a bit hidden, unknown to the world, it's a bit mysterious, the gleaming, desert island emerged, emerged is a really good verb to use here, like a jewel.

Could even say a sparkling, might just add that in.

Remember, you can always edit your writing as you're going along, sparkling jewel.

And because I've done two simple sentences, I'm going to now write a compound sentence, I'm going to use my coordinating conjunction "and" and I'm going to join another idea onto this main clause.

And it invited explorers with its mysterious allure.

(pen scratches) That means that it's got a mysterious thing, aspect about it that's drawing people in.

Okay, so let me now tick off my compound sentence, I'm continuing to use fronted adverbials, I'm zooming in, and then I've got my language, and also I've used personification here with the word invited.

Okay, next sentence that I can write is about the seagulls.

I'm going to start here, from every direction.

From every direction, really good at remembering my commas after my fronted adverbials today.

The sky was filled with, what? The sky was filled with piercing sounds, I could say echoing, with echoing chorus, with an echoing, with an echoing chorus of songs.

Not very nice songs, I don't think, from stifling, that's one of my ambitious words, stifling, I'm going to put in another adjective, piercing, that's a really good one to use.

Describe the sound of the seagulls, seagulls, and then I'm going to stretch my expanded noun phrase here, because I've said stifling, piercing seagulls and I'm going to stretch it with that, that screeched like alarm bells.

And then the last thing I need to do is my comp, so I've got my, the sky was filled, da, da, da, simple sentence, again, I now need to think about my relative clause complex sentence.

And I practise saying it, so the tired, ancient trees, the tired, ancient trees, and then I'm going to use my relative pronoun "which" (humming) offered shade from the searing heat.

I'm not gonna write that in because I think you can have a go at doing this when it's your turn.

And then when you've done that, you can then tick all of them off because we've used the vocabulary from our plans, we've used figurative language, we have used a range of front and adverbials, the zoom-in technique, and then we've included a range of sentence types.

Very, very happy with my descriptive writing.

Now it's your turn, you're gonna make sure you indent the first sentence, then use the success criteria here, and also use your plan or use a plan to help you structure your descriptive scene.

Let's just run through the success criteria really quickly again, just so that we have this embedded in our minds.

I have written ambitious vocabulary and figurative language from my plan, I've written a range of front adverbials from my plan, I have structured my writing using the zoom-in technique, and I've written three different sentence types, simple, compound and complex.

Good luck, and I can't wait to read your descriptive scenes when you have finished.

Okay, let's just check that I've got everything in my writing from my success criteria.

So I've got relentless, oppressive, gleaming, stifling, searing.

I've got all my ambitious vocabulary, so that's great.

And then I've got my similes, like an angry dragon, like polished glass, like a jewel, like alarm bells, invited explorers, and offered shade, I've got my personification.

Amazing.

Okay, now I need to check my fronted adverbials.

Got high above the vast ocean, all around, from every direction.

So I've got range there, that's excellent.

And then have I used the zoom-in techniques? So I've started with sun, then the sea, then the seagulls, then the trees.

Amazing.

Okay, now what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to read back your writing to check that it makes sense.

I'd like you to edit any punctuation or sentence structure errors that you come across, and then tick each box like I did when you've completed the success criteria, so for each one, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

And to summarise, writing a desert island scene we use notes from plans, because they're useful to write coherent sentences.

Saying sentences out loud before writing them helps them to make sense.

Success criteria is useful to check our writing, and improving our writing by editing punctuation errors and language choices ensures our writing is the absolute best that it can be.

I absolutely loved reading your desert island scenes.

I thought you used really ambitious vocabulary, I really enjoyed reading the similes that you use and the personification to bring your writing to life, so well done.