Lesson video

Hi there, I'm Ms. Chu, and in today's lesson we are going to be writing a narrative scene with direct speech.

Don't worry if you've forgotten what direct speech is.

We will be going over that in this lesson.

So when you are ready, let's get started.

Today's lesson outcome is I can write a narrative scene with direct speech in "Whale Rider".

Here are the key words that you'll need for this lesson.

I'm going to let you read them now.

This lesson is going to be split into two parts.

First, you're going to prepare to write, and then you are actually going to write a narrative scene with direct speech.

So let's start preparing.

"Whale Rider" can be structured like this.

We have the opening, the build-up, the climax, and finally the resolution.

In this lesson, we are going to be writing a scene that's in the build-up of the story.

Let's review the key moments in the build-up.

Firstly, Paikea leads the boys to the Marae by singing.

Then she sits in the front row with the men.

Koro tells her to move to the back because she's a girl, and Paikea obeys her grandfather.

I would like you to put the key moments of the build-up in order, please.

Which one of these is the first part of the build-up? Is it she sits in the front row with the men, Paikea leads the boys to the Marae by singing, Koro tells her to move to the back because she is a girl, or is it that Paikea obeys her grandfather? Think about what comes first, and that will help you to think about what's next.

Pause the video and have a go at this quick check for understanding.

Okay, let's have a look at the answers then.

So number one is Paikea leads the boys to the Marae by singing.

Well done.

Number two, she sits in the front row with the men.

Number three, Koro tells her to move to the back because she is a girl.

And finally, number four, Paikea obeys her grandfather.

Well done.

Let's review some notes from a plan.

The first key moment is Paikea leads the boys to the Marae by singing.

And we have three columns of vocabulary that we can refer to.

The first column is fronted adverbials.

So we've chosen with pride, proudly, and with expression, because that fits really nicely with how Paikea leads the boys to the Marae.

Then we also have ambitious vocabulary.

So vocabulary that would describe Paikea as being a dutiful granddaughter, how she sang, she sang melodically and passionately, and also we have some show-not-tell language, which shows us how she's feeling, rather than tells us how she's feeling.

So she held her head high.

That shows us that she's feeling proud.

She closed her eyes, 'cause she sang passionately.

And we could say determination or we could say passion coursed through her body.

Let's review more notes from a plan.

This is now the second key moment in the scene of the build-up.

She sits in the front row with the men.

Hmm, how might she do this? Well, she'd do this courageously, she might do it hesitantly, or we could say that she did it shortly after she led the men into the Marae.

We could also describe how her hands gripped onto the bench tightly.

She did it with determination, and she also probably felt like she was embarrassed, so her face turned red.

And then we could also include how it made the other people at the Marae feel.

So they were shocked by her actions.

Let's review more notes from a plan.

This is now the third key moment of this scene in the build-up.

Koro tells her to move to the back because she is a girl.

So some of the things we might, some of the language that we might use to describe Koro could be sternly, rising up, instantly, had a fixed gaze, narrowed eyes, furrowed brows.

And then some of the things that he's gonna say out loud in this scene, could be, "You are a girl.

Go to the back!" Or, "What did I say?" Or he might say, "Then leave!" These are all really good notes that we can use in our writing.

And the fourth and the final key moment in this scene of the build-up, is when Paikea obeys her grandfather.

So let's have a look at the notes from our plan.

We have reluctantly, she reluctantly obeyed her grandfather.

After a while, she decided to get up.

Solemnly, so that's to say that she was sad when she did it.

She paused for a moment, she slumped off, she was feeling deflated.

And then she would think to herself some thoughts as she's leaving, "If only I had been a boy." Or, "What can I do to prove myself to him?" Or, "I wish I was allowed to lead the tribe or to stay." This section needs to include the following.

We need ambitious vocabulary.

We've already seen that on our plan.

We need to use precise adjectives, verbs, and adverbs.

We need to write our sentences in the past tense.

We need to use fronted adverbials.

We already know that, because that's already on our plan.

We also know that we need to use show-not-tell language to show how the characters are feeling, rather than just saying how they're feeling.

We also need to write a range of sentence types.

So simple, compound, and complex sentences.

And then finally, oh, not finally, second to last, we need to write direct speech to say what Koro is saying.

And finally, we need to include a rhetorical question, so something that Paikea might ask herself, or a thought that she has.

So why might we want to include a rhetorical thought, a rhetorical question, or thought? Well, it gives really good insight into how the character's feeling.

It gives a really good insight into their feelings and their emotions.

So here is an example of a rhetorical question that Paikea might ask herself.

"What can I do to prove myself?" It's a question that doesn't require anyone to answer.

This is a thought she might have, "If only I had been a boy." So you can see the difference there is that the rhetorical question requires a question mark, and the thought isn't really a question, it's more of a statement.

By having the character think such questions or thoughts, the writer can highlight important issues without them saying it.

So it looks in internally into the character's mind and thoughts without them having to say it.

Rhetorical questions or thoughts can prompt readers to think about the issues that are raised, and also makes the reader think about their own responses.

Like, how do you feel as a reader when you are reading this.

True or false? A rhetorical question makes a reader feel connected with the character.

Pause the video, and think about whether you would feel connected with the character that you are reading about if the writer use a rhetorical question.

Pause the video.

So the answer is true.

That's right.

A rhetorical question involves the reader by getting them inside the character's head.

A rhetorical question helps the reader to become involved in the story by asking them questions that they have to respond to.

Well, we know that a rhetorical question does not require a response.

A rhetorical question involves the reader by getting them to think about the character's feelings, or it gets them to go inside the character's head.

A simple sentence is formed of one main clause about one idea.

There's main, and that is a simple sentence.

Here is an example.

"Proudly, Paikea led the boys and men to the Marae." Proudly is our fronted adverbial, which gives us more detail about how the action is done.

This is our main clause.

Proudly, what happens, what's our main clause? Paikea led the boys and men to the Marae.

These two sentences are both main clause simple sentences.

She sang a melodic tune.

She held her head high.

Two main clauses can be turned into a compound sentence with a coordinating conjunction.

So we have our main clause and we join our main clause with a coordinating conjunction, it could be and, or, or but, with our other main clause.

And that forms our compound sentence.

Let's look at two main clauses that are equally important.

She sang a melodic tune.

She held her head high.

And we're going to join these two ideas to form a compound sentence with the coordinating conjunction and.

Passionately, the dutiful young girl sang a melodic tune and she held her head high with pride.

I think you would've noticed there that I've added some extra vocabulary.

I've added some ambitious vocabulary, just to make the sentence a little bit more interesting.

So I've added a fronted adverbial, I've included an expanded noun phrase, I've used the coordinating conjunction that I meant to use, and I've included a descriptive adverbial phrase.

In direct speech first sentences, we follow these speech rules.

Now pay attention, because you'll need to use this for later.

You need inverted commas, capital letter to begin your speech, your speech, followed by punctuation, such as an exclamation mark, a question mark, or a comma.

Now it cannot be a full stop in direct speech first.

Then use your inverted commas and reporting clause after, and this is where you put your full stop.

Remember that when the direct speech comes before the reporting clause, we never use a full stop at the end of the direct speech.

I did just say that.

"You must leave!" declared Koro.

You can see there in that speech first sentence, in that direct speech, an exclamation mark is used to show that Koro is saying you must leave in a strong way.

And the reporting clause there is the person that's saying it and how they said it.

So Koro declared.

In direct speech second sentences, if you want to write a direct speech second sentence, then you need to follow these rules.

The end of the direct speech marks the end of the sentence.

So this time we cannot end it with a comma.

Look at this example.

This is a direct speech first.

"You must leave," and it ends with a comma, declared Koro.

Full stop.

If you turn that into a direct speech second sentence, that means the speech comes after the reporting clause, then you cannot use a comma at the end of the speech.

In this example we use an exclamation mark.

So Koro declared, comma, "You must leave!" So now you can use a full stop or an exclamation mark or a question mark instead.

There it is.

We are now onto task A.

I would like you to say the first two sentences of the build-up.

Remember, it's always really important to rehearse what you're going to say before you write it.

Make sure you include the following: ambitious vocabulary from your plan, a fronted adverbial, and use these sentence scaffolds to help you.

With expression, mm, what did she do? Proudly, what did she do? Pause the video, and have a go at telling the person next to you, or an adult, your first two sentences of the build-up.

Good luck.

Okay, what a brilliant job you did.

I heard some wonderful sentences.

Here's one that we'll look at together.

"With expression, the dutiful granddaughter sang the melodic tune of her ancestors.

Proudly, she guided the men and the boys of the village to the Marae with her head held high." Let's just check that these two sentences include ambitious vocabulary from the plan and a fronted adverbial.

Let's have a look.

So we have dutiful granddaughter, sang, melodic tune, guided the men, and held her head up.

I think those are from the plan.

I definitely saw them from the plan.

So that's a really good job there.

And have we used a fronted adverbial? Hmm.

Yes, there are two there, with expression, and proudly.

So well done us.

Let's move on to the second part of our lesson.

Writing a narrative scene with direct speech.

When we write, we always try to do these things: plan and say each sentence before we write it, use punctuation where we know the rules, showcase each sentence type we know, write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, use spelling strategies to spell words accurately, and check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

Here is the success criteria for your writing today: I have written at least two fronted adverbials, I have used ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell, I've written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, I have written direct speech using inverted commas, and I have written a rhetorical question or thought.

The key moments to describe in this narrative with direct speech, are on your plan.

The first key moment you need to describe is when Paikea leads the boys to the Marae by singing, the second key moment is she sits in the front row with the men, the third key moment is when Koro tells her to move to the back because she's a girl, and the fourth key moment is when Paikea obeys her grandfather.

I'm going to write the first few sentences of this narrative, and when I do this, I would like you to help me check that I've used the success criteria.

Have I included two fronted adverbials? Maybe, in the first two sentences of this narrative, I might have only used one, and that's okay.

I need to make sure that I've used ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell.

You might not be able to see me use a range of sentence types in my first two sentences, but I might have used a simple or a compound sentence.

Look out for that.

And I don't think I would've included direct speech, seeing as it's the first two sentences of the narrative scene.

The direct speech comes a bit later on, and so does a rhetorical question or thought.

But you never know.

Keep an eye out for these things in the success criteria.

Okay, so I've got my success criteria stuck in, and I'm going to start by using a fronted adverbial.

I think that would be the best place to start.

I'm going to indent from my margin, and I'm going to use with expression, because I want to be writing about how Paikea leads the boys into the Marae.

So, start here.

Capital letter, with expression, comma, that's my fronted adverbial, the dutiful Paikea sang melodically, I could put full stop there, but I actually want to tell the reader a little bit more about what she was doing at the same time.

So I'm going to use subordinating conjunction as she led the group of boys and men, and I'm actually gonna say where they're from, men from the village.

And that's where I will end my sentence.

Just need to check now.

Capital letter, with expression, comma, the dutiful, oh, Paikea is a proper noun, so I need to change that into a capital, Paikea sang melodically as she led the group of boys and men from the village.

What's the next thing on my plan? Everyone, I'm going to start with everyone, sat down.

Full stop.

Short, simple sentence.

I've got my simple sentence there.

And what type of sentence is this? With expression, the dutiful Paikea sang melodically as she led the group of boys and men from the village.

So I can see that this is my complex sentence.

I've got my as, for my adverbial subordinate clause.

So I can tick that one off too.

What is next on my success criteria? So, I've used one fronted adverbial, I've used some ambitious vocabulary, I haven't done show-not-tell or direct speech yet.

Let me just look at my plan to see if it is a good place to include that now.

Okay, so courageous Paikea, I could say Paikea again, but I might say the courageous granddaughter, just refer to her in another way, granddaughter, granddaughter, that doesn't look right, I need to include another D here, knew she was not allowed to, comma, but, for my coordinating conjunction, but she sat, oops, she sat down defiantly in the front row with the men, I could say with the men.

Let me just quickly check through my success criteria to see if I can tick anything else off.

Have I included show-not-tell? No, not yet.

And have I now got a, yes, I have got a compound sentence.

I've got a coordinating conjunction here, but, to join two main clauses.

So actually I can take that one off now.

I haven't written my two fronted adverbials yet, so that will come later.

And then now I need to focus on direct speech, show-not-tell, and a rhetorical question.

So perhaps I could start my next sentence with show-not-tell.

So I could describe how Koro feels by using a show-not-tell.

So, with a furrowed brow, comma, that's show-not-tell.

And that is also a fronted adverbial, so I could actually take that one off there.

So I've now done my two fronted adverbials, and I've done my show-not-tell.

With a furrowed brow, comma, Koro, capital, rose up and he demanded, I'm going to do some speech now, so speech second, I need a comma before I start my speech, my inverted commas, my capital letter, "You're a girl." Full stop.

"Go to the back!" Exclamation mark.

And I'm gonna close my direct speech here.

With a farrowed brow, Koro rose up, oh, I could add instantly, and an adverb there, and he demanded, this is my reported clause before my direct speech second, "You are a girl, go to the back!" So now I have written direct speech using inverted commas, and I did it in second.

That's fine, you can choose first or second when you come to write yours.

And the last thing I need to do, is I need to write a rhetorical question or a thought.

So I might want to write here, after hesitating, Paikea slumped off, feeling defeated.

"What can I do to prove myself?" she thought to herself.

Wonderful.

Guess what? Now it's your turn to write.

When you write, I would like you to indent the first sentence, then use your success criteria and your plan to help you to structure your paragraph.

I'm just going to let you read through the success criteria again now.

Okay, so when you're ready, I think you could give this a really good go.

Pause the video and good luck.

Can't wait to read them after you've finished.

Well done, that was a great job.

Now I want you to read back your narrative scene with direct speech.

Use your success criteria to help you check that you have included everything needed in this piece of writing.

There it is to remind you what you need to check.

And then when you have done that, I would like you to tick each of those off, like so.

Find examples of where you've done it, evidence of where you've done it, and tick them off.

To summarise, when writing a narrative scene with direct speech in "Whale Rider", the purpose of direct speech in a narrative is to develop characters and advance the plot.

Using a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, improves text flow.

Fronted adverbials of time, place, or manner, add extra detail to a main clause.

A rhetorical question or thought provides insight into characters' feelings and emotions.

Oral rehearsal before writing helps to structure grammatically correct sentences and check for sense.

Well done on writing a narrative scene with direct speech in "Whale Rider" today.