Lesson video

Hi there, I Miss Chu, and I'm really excited to be writing paragraph one today of an emotive scene in "Whale Rider".

Are you excited? I hope so, so let's start.

Today's lesson outcome is, I can write paragraph one of an emotive narrative scene in the climax of "Whale Rider".

Here are the key words that you'll need for this lesson.

I'm going to give you a few minutes to just read through the key words now, and their definitions.

In this lesson, we are going to be splitting it into two parts.

Firstly, preparing to write, and then writing paragraph one.

So let's start.

"Whale Rider" can be structured like this, opening, build-up, climax, and then resolution.

We have completed our opening, completed our build-up, and we are now going to be focusing, in this lesson, on the climax.

You will be writing about Paikea's encounter with the stranded whales on a beach for your emotive scene of the climax.

The climax will be written in two paragraphs.

You have already written notes to plan both paragraphs of the climax, but in this lesson you will write paragraph one only.

In the climax of the story, some whales get stranded on the beach one night and they cannot get back into the water.

All the members of Paikea's tribe go to the beach to try and help the whales to get back into the sea.

After some time, the whales start to die and the villagers, including Koro, do not know what else they can do to help.

They all despair and start retreating, but Paikea is able to communicate with the whales and eventually she leads them back into the sea.

Paragraph one needs to include the following linguistic features, precise vocabulary that builds an emotive atmosphere and a sense of urgency.

You need to use ambitious vocabulary, show-not-tell language for characters emotions.

You also need to include a range of sentence types to improve text flow and cohesion.

You do this by writing simple, compound and complex sentences.

You also use internal or inner thoughts to convey feelings.

Linguistic features are types of words and language that a writer chooses carefully for their writing.

We can use the notes in our plan to form full sentences.

Let's look at our notes from paragraph one.

"One night some whales become stranded on the beach, all the villagers go down to the beach and try to rescue them".

Let's look at the precise and ambitious vocabulary that's on the plan to help us to write our full sentences.

We've got "dead of night", "rhythmic waves and ocean", "urgent shouts", "frantic villagers," and the whales being our "symbols of heritage".

Let's now move on to the character's emotions and show-not-tell language.

Let's look at the language that we would use to show how the character's feeling, "eyes widen in alarm", "pulse raced", "heavy heart", "laid helpless", "fear and determination".

Using a range of sentence types in our writing supports text flow and cohesion for the reader.

Let's have a look at this example here, "In the dead of night, an urgent shout from the beach interrupted the ocean's rhythmic whispering.

The villagers ran towards the sea with eyes widened in alarm because a pod of whales had become stranded on the sandy shore".

Let's have a look now at the different sentence types used in this little short paragraph here.

So as you can see, this short paragraph starts with a fronted adverbial of time.

And this is a good way to start because it actually gives us a little bit more information about what time when something happens.

And then here, you can see the first sentence is just a simple sentence with one main clause, and that's fine.

The second sentence, however, is an adverbial complex sentence.

It uses the subordinating conjunction "because" to join the main clause with a subordinate clause, let's have a look.

"The villagers ran towards the sea with eyes widened in alarm", that's our main clause.

And then we have our subordinating conjunction to stretch it "'because' a pod of whales had become stranded on the sandy shore".

True or false, I should only use simple sentences in my writing.

Do you think this is true or false? Pause the video and have a think.

Okay, so the answer is point to whether it's true or false in three, two, one.

It is false, isn't it? Using a range of sentence types in an emotive narrative scene can improve text flow and cohesion.

Do we think that justifies the answer or I should use compound and simple sentences? Yes, it's A, using a range of sentence types in an emotive narrative scene can improve text flow and cohesion.

Let's look at the rules for simple and compound sentences now.

A sentence made of one main clause with one idea is called a simple sentence.

And now we have main representing our main clause.

A compound sentence is a sentence formed off, yes, well done, two main clauses and a coordinating conjunction.

So we've got now a main clause, our coordinating conjunction, and another main clause.

Our coordinating conjunctions can only be "and", "but", or "or".

Let's look at the rules for an adverbial complex sentence.

When an adverbial subordinate clause is joined to a main clause, it makes an adverbial complex sentence.

What does that look like now? So we have our main and we have our subordinate.

It could also be the subordinate clause and then the main, but if the subordinate clause comes first, we need to separate it with a comma.

An adverbial clause must begin with a subordinating conjunction.

For example, any of these, "as", "because", "while".

Let's look at the rules for a relative complex sentence.

When a relative subordinate clause is joined to a main clause, it makes a relative complex sentence.

A relative subordinate clause must begin with a relative pronoun.

Can you say relative pronoun? Well done, "who" or "which".

The relative clause can follow the main clause.

So we've got our main, comma, relative clause.

The relative clause can also be embedded, that means sandwiched, within the main clause.

So we could have our main, and then we have our relative clause, and then the rest of the main clause.

What is show-not-tell language? Show-not-tell language shows a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language, and facial expressions.

In your plan, you generated phrases that would show-not-tell the reader how Koro and Paikea are feeling.

Here are some examples, "eyes widen in alarm"", "her pulse raced with a mixture of fear and determination", and "with a heavy heart".

Another way to show-not-tell emotions is to include internal thoughts, or inner thoughts, in your narrative writing.

So you could have a rhetorical question or you could just have a statement.

Match the sentence types to their examples.

We have simple sentence, compound sentence, adverbial complex sentence, and a relative complex sentence.

And here are some of their examples.

"As Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale, it started to respond to her call".

"Paikea chanted softly to the whale, and the creature began to move".

"Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale, which began to move in response to her call".

And finally, "Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale".

I would like you now to pause the video and have a go at this check for understanding.

Okay, shall we see how you match these up? So we have a simple sentence.

Which one is that one? "Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale", one main clause.

Compound sentence, "Paikea chanted softly to the whale and the creature began to move", two main clauses, joined with "and" coordinating conjunction.

Adverbial complex sentence, "As Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale", that is our adverbial subordinate clause, "it started to respond to her call", is our main clause, and it begins with the subordinating conjunction, "as".

We've got our relative complex sentence, "Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale, which began to move in response to her call".

So our main clause is, "Paikea chanted softly to the lead whale", and then we have our relative clause, which is, "which began to move in response to her call".

A character's internal thoughts, or inner thoughts, communicates to the reader what they are thinking and feeling.

Here are some examples of Paikeas internal inner thoughts and her emotions or feelings.

"Paikea wondered if it was a sign from their ancestors." This shows that she's feeling curious, uncertain, and a very big sense of responsibility.

Let's look at the second example, "This was her destiny.

She was Paikea, the whale rider, she thought to herself", what does this show if you write that thought? Well, it shows her determination.

It shows that she feels a sense of hope, and maybe she realises her fate.

I would like you now to match the following emotions to the appropriate internal thought for Paikea.

We have curiosity, realisation, and determination.

Which of these would match curiosity? "Paikea told herself that she was strong and capable of leading the whales".

"Paikea wondered why this had happened".

"Paikea knew what she had to do".

Which one of these would match realisation, and which one of these would match determination? Pause the video and have a go at matching these.

Okay, let's have a look.

Which one shows curiosity? "Paikea wondered", I think the word "wondered" there gives it away.

If you're wondering something, you might be curious as to what the answer is.

Which one shows realisation? Well, the word "knew", "Paikea knew what she had to do".

It's like suddenly she thought, okay, I need to do this now.

And determination is the final one.

Determination, the word "strong" and the word "capable" shows that she is determined and able to do it.

Task A, I would like you to say the first few sentences of paragraph one of the emotive scene.

Make sure you include the following, ambitious vocabulary describing an emotive atmosphere, a range of sentence types to improve text flow and cohesion.

You can use these scaffolds to help you to start your sentences, or you can choose your own way to start.

"In the dead of night, mmm.

The villagers mmm because mmm".

I'd like you to pause the video now and have a go at task A.

Well done, you completed task A brilliantly.

Let's have a look at this example.

"In the dead of night, an urgent, sudden cry from the beach interrupted the ocean's rhythmic motion.

The villagers ran frantically towards the sea with eyes widened in alarm because a pod of whales had become stranded on the sandy shore".

Have we used ambitious vocabulary? Yes, I think so.

We've used "urgent", "sudden", "rhythmic", "interrupted", "frantically", "stranded".

I think we've really created a sense of urgency in this first paragraph here.

We are now onto the second part of the lesson, writing paragraph one.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Vary our sentence types.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Sound out words to spell them accurately.

And finally, read our sentences out loud to check that they make sense, and edit to improve our writing if necessary.

Here is the success criteria for today.

I have created an emotive atmosphere by using precise and ambitious vocabulary.

I have written show-not-tell language to convey characters emotions.

I've written a range of sentence types to improve text flow and cohesion.

And I have written an internal or inner thought.

You will use the notes from your plan for writing today.

I'm going to give you a minute now just to read through the plan.

Now I'm going to model writing the beginning of paragraph one of the emotive scene.

Then we will check my writing against the success criteria.

Let me just go through it one more time before I start writing.

I've created an emotive atmosphere by using precise and ambitious vocabulary.

I've written show-no-tell language to convey characters' emotions.

I have written a range of sentence types to improve text flow and cohesion.

And I've written an internal thought.

When you are ready, I can show you how to write the beginning of paragraph one.

Okay, I'm going to start a little bit in from my margin to show my indent.

And I'm gonna put my finger there so I don't forget that I have to start slightly away from my margin.

I'm going to use the frontal adverbial, "In the dead of the night".

"In the dead of night".

"In the dead of night".

And I need my comma, "In the dead of night, an urgent".

And I'm also going to say "sudden", to show that it's unexpected, "cry from" to say where it came from, "from the beach interrupted the", and we're building an atmosphere here, "the oceans rhythmic" "rh-yth" "mic", I just need to keep checking.

I need to break up, block, break up my word, "rhyth", I did "rhyth-mic", "rhythmic motion".

And here we're talking about the waves, the sound of the waves here.

Full stop.

Let me look at my plan now,.

I need to say how the villagers responded.

"The villagers", "The villagers ran towards the sea".

Actually, I'm gonna say the villagers ran frantically, "frantically".

I'm using an adverb here, "towards the sea with" here we're gonna do our show-not-tell now, "with eyes widened", "widened in alarm".

In alarm, why? "Because a pod of whales had become", what happened to them? "Stranded on the shore", full stop.

Let me just check that I have done a few of the things on my success criteria.

Well, I've spoken about show-not-tell here with "eyes widened in alarm".

So I can tick that one off.

I've created an emotive atmosphere.

I think I have started to, so "ran frantically", "urgent", sudden cry".

So I could give it a little tick, but maybe I won't do a big tick until I've finished my whole paragraph.

Have I written a range of sentence types? I've started to, so I've got my simple, I've got my complex.

So I can maybe just do a simple, complex, just two.

And I haven't included my internal thought, but I could do that later.

Excellent, now it's your turn to use your plan and the success criteria to write your own paragraph one of the emotive narrative scene.

When you are ready, you can pause the video and complete task B.

Wow, you completed that task amazingly.

Read back your writing to check it make senses, and edit any punctuation errors.

Tick each box when you've completed the success criteria.

And pause the video and do that now.

Okay, let's have a look at this example here, "In the dead of night, an urgent, sudden cry from the beach interrupted the ocean's rhythmic motion.

The villagers ran frantically towards the sea with eyes widened in alarm because a pod of whales had become stranded on the sandy shore.

Among the chaos was Paikea whose pulse was racing with a mixture of fear and determination.

As she reached the shore, the sight of the helpless whales was heartbreaking.

She thought to herself that she needed to do something.

How could she just watch these symbols of her heritage ebb way?" Let's check to see if there's ambitious vocabulary.

So we've got "urgent", "sudden cry", "interrupted", "frantically", "chaos", "fear and determination", "helpless whales" and "heartbreaking".

I think all of those words create an emotive atmosphere and a sense of panic, so we could tick that one off.

Is there any show-not-tell language? Yes, we've said that the villagers "eyes widened an alarm", and "Paikeas pulse was racing" again, showing shock and showing fear, so we can tick that one off as well.

Now are there a range of sentence types? Well, yes, I can see that in the first sentence, there's a one main clause in a simple sentence.

The second sentence is an adverbial complex sentence with the subordinating conjunction "because" to stretch the first idea.

And then the second sentence is another adverbial complex sentence, using the subordinating conjunction "as".

And have we got our comma? Yes, we've got our comma "As she reached the shore" comma, because remember, if our subordinate clause comes first, then we need a comma to separate that with the main clause.

And then finally we have ended the paragraph with a question, so we can tick our range of sentence types off.

And finally, have we got an internal thought, an inner thought.

"She thought to herself that she needed to do something", yes, 'cause she thought to herself that she, what? She needed to do something or that she felt a certain way.

So yes, we can tick that one off too.

To summarise, writing paragraph one of an emotive narrative scene, "Whale Rider".

This emotive narrative scene is written over two paragraphs, and it is important to demonstrate a change in atmosphere across them.

Using a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex, improves text flow and cohesion.

Precise and ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell language, is used to convey an emotive atmosphere.

Show-not-tell and internal thoughts show a character's feelings.

Oral rehearsal before writing helps to structure grammatically correct sentences, and check for sense.

I hope you enjoyed writing paragraph one.