Lesson video

Hi, everyone.

In this lesson with me, Ms. Chu, you are going to be writing paragraph two of an emotive scene in "Whale Rider".

So when you're ready, let's start.

Today's lesson outcome is, I can write paragraph two of an emotive narrative scene for the climax of "Whale Rider".

Here are the keywords you'll need for this lesson.

Pause the video now just to read through the keywords and their definitions.

Today's lesson will be split into two parts, preparing to write and writing paragraph two.

So let's start preparing to write.

"Whale Rider" can be structured like this, opening, buildup, climax, and resolution.

We have completed the opening and the buildup.

In this lesson, you will be writing about Paikea's encounter with the stranded whales on a beach for your emotive scene of the climax.

The climax will be written in two paragraphs.

You have already written notes to plan both paragraphs of the climax.

In this lesson, you will write paragraph two.

In paragraph two of the climax in "Whale Rider", these are the following key moments.

"After some time, the whales start to die and the villagers, including Koro, do not know what else they can do to help.

They all despair and start retreating, but Paikea is able to communicate with the whales and eventually leads them back into the sea." You will use your plan, including the direct speech you developed, to write paragraph two.

Paragraph two needs to include the following linguistic features, precise vocabulary that builds an emotive atmosphere, creating a lost sense of hope.

We do so by using ambitious vocabulary and by show-not-tell language for characters' emotions.

We also use a range of sentence types to improve text flow and cohesion.

We do so by using simple, compound, and complex sentences.

We also use correctly punctuated direct speech and internal thoughts.

Linguistic features are types of words and language that a writer chooses carefully.

We can use the notes from our plan to form full sentences.

In paragraph two, this is the key moment.

"After a few hours, the villagers give up and start walking away from the whales.

Paikea communicates with the lead whale, and eventually she leads all of them back into the sea." Let's have a look at the precise and ambitious vocabulary needed for this key moment.

Tears streaming down her face, in despair.

With a resolute calm she closed her eyes, connected with the creature's spirit.

Here are some of the characters' direct speech and internal thoughts or inner thoughts that we can use in our writing.

"There's nothing else we can do.

This is not your fight.

Was this a sign from the ancestors? She knew she had to.

This was her destiny." How should you use your previous learning to support you in your writing today? Do you, a, use the notes from your plan to form full sentences, use your memory of the story and nothing else, use the correctly punctuated direct speech you've planned, or copy out the notes from your plan? Pause the video and just read through the options again and decide on what you think the answer is.

Okay, let's have a look, shall we? We should definitely use notes from my plan to form full sentences.

You also need to use the correctly punctuated speech you have planned.

Using a range of sentence types in our writing supports text flow and cohesion for the reader.

Let's look at this example of paragraph two.

"After a few hours, the weary, tearful villagers decided that there was nothing left that could be done.

Paikea waded into the cold water with a resolute calm and she reached out to touch the rough, barnacle-covered skin of the whale.

'This is not your fight,' shouted Koro despairingly while he waved her away.

This was her destiny.

She was Paikea, the Whale Rider, she thought to herself as she connected with the creature's spirit." A fronted adverbial is used to start off paragraph two to show that time has passed, "After a few hours." In the first sentence, a simple sentence is used with one main clause.

In the second sentence, we've used a coordinating conjunction to form a compound sentence.

"Paikea waded into the cold water with a resolute calm," first main clause, "and," joining, our coordinating conjunction, and.

"And she reached out to touch the rough, barnacle-covered skin of the whale," is our second main clause.

And finally, we have our adverbial complex sentence with the subordinate in conjunction, as, to stretch the main clause using an adverbial subordinate clause.

Let's review the rules for an adverbial complex sentence.

An adverbial clause is a type of subordinate clause.

It does not make complete sense, it must be joined to a main clause.

When an adverbial clause is joined to a main clause, it makes an adverbial complex sentence.

We have a main and we have our subordinate.

We can also have our subordinate and our main.

And if our main comes second, we need to separate the subordinate with a comma.

A range of subordinating conjunctions can be used to begin an adverbial clause.

Each is used for a different purpose.

When, after, because, so, and as I would like you now to match the sentence types to their definition.

We've got a simple sentence, a compound sentence, and an adverbial complex sentence.

I'd like you to have a think about which one of these definitions matches the sentence types.

A sentence formed of a main clause and an adverbial subordinate clause.

Hmm, I wonder what that one is.

A sentence made of just one main clause with just one idea.

A sentence formed of two main clauses and a joining word.

Pause the video and match the sentence types to their definition.

Okay, let's have a look at what the answers are.

So we have our simple sentence, a sentence made of just one main cause with just one idea.

Our compound sentence is a sentence formed of two main clauses and a joining word.

And finally, we have our adverbial complex sentence, a sentence formed of a main clause and an adverbial subordinate clause.

Direct speech is often mixed with a description of a character's actions or movements.

Let's look at some examples.

"'You cannot do this.

It is not your place,' declared Koro sternly as he hurried forward with heavy footsteps in the sand.

Koro reached out his trembling hand as he grabbed her arm.

'Listen to me, please,' he pleaded desperately." Here you can see in purple we have added actions or movements to the direct speech to advance the plot.

True or false.

Including direct speech and internal thoughts can enhance, that means make better, a narrative.

Pause the video to think about whether this is true or false.

So the answer is true, yes.

They provide greater detail about a character's movements and emotions, or the sentences look more interesting on the page.

Well, it's a, isn't it? They provide greater detail about a character's movements and emotions.

You are now onto task A.

I'd like you to say the beginning of paragraph two of the emotive scene using your plan.

Include the following, precise and ambitious vocabulary from your plan, direct speech and internal thoughts, a description of the characters' movements or emotions.

You can use these sentence starters or scaffolds to help you.

"After a few hours," mm.

"Paikea waded into the," mm.

"This is not your fight," mm, "as", mm.

So we're thinking of the reporting clause here.

Who said it? How did they say it? And then we want to think about what movements they are doing at the same time as them saying it.

Pause the video and have a go at task A.

Well done at completing task A.

Let's have a look at the beginning of this paragraph here.

"After a few hours, the exhausted villagers gave up trying to help.

All their efforts had been for nothing.

Paikea waded into the cold water and she reached out to touch the dying whales.

She must do something, she thought to herself.

'This is not your fight,' Koro explained helplessly as he hurried forward with heavy footsteps in the sand." Let's have a look to see if we've used precise and ambitious vocabulary.

We've used exhausted, waded, cold water, dying whales.

Have we included direct speech and internal thoughts? Yes.

"She must do something, she thought to herself," that's a thought, an internal thought.

"This is not your fight," in inverted commas, "Koro explained helplessly." That is an example of direct speech.

"As he hurried forward with heavy footsteps in the sand." Yes, we've got a description of the characters' movements as well.

We are now on to part two of this lesson.

You're going to be writing paragraph two now.

When we write, we always try to do these things, plan and say each sentence before we write it, use punctuation where we know the rules, vary our sentence types, write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, sound out words to spell them correctly or accurately, and read our sentences out loud to check that they make sense and edit to improve our writing if necessary.

Here is the success criteria for your writing today, let's read through them together.

I have created an emotive atmosphere by using precise and ambitious vocabulary.

I have written show-not-tell language to convey characters' emotions.

I have written a range of sentence types to improve text flow and cohesion.

And I have written direct speech and an internal thought.

You will use the notes from your plan for writing today.

I would like you to just pause the video and read through the notes from your plan now.

Now I'm going to model writing the beginning of paragraph two of the emotive scene in the climax.

Then we will check my writing against the success criteria.

Let's start with the fronted adverbial, "After a few hours," making sure that we come in a bit from the margin.

"After a few hours," this is a really good way of showing that time has passed, "the weary," you can say that they're tired now because they've been trying for hours to help the whales, "the weary," and we could describe them as being "tearful villagers decided that there was nothing left," oops, "left that could be done." Full stop.

And we could even write a short sentence after this for effect.

"All their efforts had been for nothing." Full stop.

Now we're going to move on to Paikea's involvement.

So we've spoken about what the villagers have done and how they have now given up, so we are going to now introduce Paikea's role in this emotive scene.

"Paikea waded." How did she wade? "Waded into the cold water." How? I would say, "With a resolute calm." She was very, very calm.

Oh, I'm just gonna write calm again.

Ooh.

Just to make sure that my M looks correct.

"With a resolute calm." Full stop.

This is a really good place to take off my full stop and use a coordinating connection, "And," to write my second main clause.

"Waded into the the cold water with a resolute calm and," what else could she do? "And she," let me look at my plan, "reached out with a trembling hand." So she might be calm here, but actually maybe inside she's feeling quite nervous.

"To touch the rough whale." Rough, comma, hmm.

Rough.

But I'm gonna use what I've got on my plan, "Barnacle-covered skin of the whale." Full stop.

And then this is where I'm going to use my speech.

So I'm going to use my inverted commas and I'm going to be writing here what Koro says to her.

And the final thing I need to do after that is I need to write an internal thought.

"This was her destiny.

She was Paikea, the Whale Rider, she thought to herself." After I finish writing, I'm going to make sure that I check my success criteria and just check that I've done everything that I needed to have done there.

And if I haven't, I need to go back into my writing and edit.

Great.

Now we are on to task B.

You will use your plan and the success criteria to write paragraph two of an emotive narrative scene.

When you are ready, I'd like you to pause the video and start to write paragraph two.

Well done, you did brilliantly.

Read your writing back to check it makes sense and edit any punctuation errors now.

Then tick each box when you have completed the success criteria.

Let's look at this example of paragraph two.

"After a few hours, the weary, tearful villagers decided that there was nothing left that could be done.

All their efforts had been for nothing.

Paikea waded into the cold water with a resolute calm and she reached out with a trembling hand to touch the rough, barnacle-covered skin of the whale.

'This is not your fight,' shouted Koro despairingly While he waved her away.

This was her destiny.

She was Paikea, the Whale Rider, she thought to herself as she connected with the creature's spirit." Let's now check through the success criteria just to make sure that we have everything that's listed there.

Do we have precise and ambitious vocabulary that creates an emotive atmosphere? Yes, well, we've used weary, tearful, to describe the villagers.

She waded into the cold water with a resolute calm, reached out her trembling hand, the rough, barnacle-covered skin of the whale.

Koro was despairing when he waved her away.

I think so, I think we could give that a tick.

Is this show-not-tell language? Well, she reached out her trembling hand, so that would show you that she was feeling nervous.

And he waved her away, that shows that he was frustrated and he wanted her to go away, so we can tick that one off.

Have we used a range of sentence types? Well, I can see that we've got a simple sentence to start our paragraph off.

Our second sentence is also a simple sentence with one main clause.

The third sentence is a compound sentence, two main clauses joined with the coordinating conjunction, and.

Then if we look at the direct speech sentence, we have our subordinating conjunction, while, to stretch our main clause.

"'This is not your fight,' shouted Koro despairingly while he waved her away." So we've got our adverbial subordinate clause there.

And finally, "She was Paikea, the Whale Rider, she thought to herself as she connected with the creature's spirit." We have another adverbial complex sentence, so we can tick that off.

Have we used direct speech and an internal thought? Well, I can see inverted commas there, so that means that we have quoted something that one of the characters has said out loud.

So, "This is not your fight," so yes, we've used direct speech.

Have we used the correct speech punctuation? Yes, inverted commas, capital letter, exclamation mark, inverted commas, and then we've used our reporting clause.

Have we used or written and internal thought? "This was her destiny.

She was Paikea, the Whale Rider, she thought to herself." So that's the whole thought there, starting with "This was her destiny," so we can also tick the final one off.

To summarise, this emotive narrative scene is written over two paragraphs and it is important to demonstrate a change in atmosphere across them.

Using a range of sentence types, simple, compound, and complex, improves text flow and cohesion.

Precise and ambitious vocabulary, including show-not-tell language, is used to convey an emotive atmosphere.

Direct speech and characters' internal thoughts are used to convey characters' emotions.

Oral rehearsal before writing helps to structure grammatically correct sentences and check for sense.

I hope you enjoyed writing paragraph two of an emotive narrative seen in "Whale Rider".