Lesson video

Hi everyone, and welcome to today's lesson.

Today we're going to be editing some of the writing we've done already.

In today's lesson, you will be able to edit the main and body of a persuasive letter, inspired by the text, "Front desk." Here are some key words we're going to use: Editing, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Grammar is the set of rules that govern a language.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure is the way that words are arranged within sentences to convey meaning.

Vocabulary is the language choices made by a writer.

Today, we're going to be editing the main body of a persuasive letter inspired by a text.

We're going to begin by editing our punctuation, then we'll move on to editing sentence structure, and finally editing vocabulary and spelling.

Editing is the process of making changes to improve our writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need to edit their work, it's such an important part of the writing process.

Editing does not mean rewriting everything again, it is about being selective with what you want to improve.

The job of an editor is to do all of these things: Check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to our sentence structure, and make improvements in language choices.

In this lesson, we are going to be editors.

Editing is the process of which two of these? Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that editing involves making improvements in language choices and making improvements to sentence structure.

When we edit punctuation, we check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, commas, and apostrophes for possession.

Here we're going to read some sentences and there are some punctuation mistakes.

Let's begin by reading the whole thing together.

"first and foremost young peoples wellbeing which has received increasing media attention in recent years is an urgent matter in the eyes of local people the benefits of modern technology are undoubtable but increased use of screen time and social media has led to a rise in cyberbullying".

So the content here is great, it's really clear, but the issue is there's no punctuation, so it's very difficult for the reader to understand where one sentence begins and the other one finishes.

So let's begin by adding in our capital letters and our full stops.

Now, I can see that there are two clear sentences.

"First and foremost young peoples wellbeing which has received increasing media attention in recent years is an urgent matter in the eyes of local people." That's sentence one.

"The benefits of modern technology are undoubtable but increased use of screen time and social media has led to a rise in cyberbullying." That was sentenced two.

Now I've added in my capital letters and my full stops, it's much clearer.

I'm still missing some punctuation though.

Now, I've added in some commas.

Now I can use commas for lots of different reasons, expanded noun phrases, lists, after fronted adverbials, before the coordinating conjunctions, "but" and "or", and between main and subordinate clauses.

Here, I've added them in.

So in this example, "First and foremost," is a comma after a fronted adverbial.

Between coordinating conjunctions, "but" and "or", ", but increased use of screen time and social media has led to a rise in cyberbullying." And finally, between main and subordinate clauses, "young peoples wellbeing, which has received increasing media attention in recent years, is an urgent matter in the eyes of local people." In this example, I've got a pair of commas around a "which" relative clause, which interrupts the main clause.

(keyboard keys clicking) And now finally, I needed to add an apostrophe for possession.

That was in the word, "young people's wellbeing," the wellbeing belongs to young people.

So, people needs to have an apostrophe.

This is plural possession.

When are commas used? Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that commas are used to separate a subordinate clause from a main clause, and after an fronted adverbial and in an expanded noun phrase.

Now it's time for your first task.

You're going to edit the punctuation in your main body paragraphs using checklist to help you.

So checking for incorrectly used or missing capital letters, full stops, apostrophes for possession, and commas.

If you would like to, you can also edit my writing instead, it's on the screen.

Pause the video while you complete your task.

Well done, everyone.

Hopefully you find it really helpful to go back through your own writing and edit the punctuation.

You might have also decided to edit mine.

You can see that in my example, I was missing some capital letters, lots of commas for different functions, I also missed out an apostrophe for plural possession in the word "childrens".

And in my final sentence, I'd actually forgotten to punctuate it with a question mark for that rhetorical question.

Thank you so much for your help.

Now that we've edited our punctuation, we're going to move on to editing our sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve our text flow.

When we're editing, we want to check for all of these: For missing words, that our writing makes sense, and that the writing is cohesive.

Text cohesion is all about making sure that our writing flows and keeps our reader engaged.

True or false? Text cohesion refers to the flow of a text.

It helps to keep the reader engaged and achieve the text's purpose.

Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that this is true.

Now, decide how to justify your answer.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done if you spotted the correct justification was B: We achieve text cohesion through using fronted adverbials, a range of vocabulary choices, varied sentence types, and different conjunctions.

These all help to keep our reader interested in our writing.

When we edit sentence structure, we check for all of these things: Missing words, that our writing makes sense, and that our writing is cohesive.

Let's read through this example together.

"We must prioritise children's mental wellbeing.

An increasing number of children are spending time indoors online.

Schools' mental health services have seen an increase in pupils who report feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Here we've got poor cohesion between sentences.

We've also got a missing word.

Let's read it this edited example.

"Furthermore, as well as children's physical health, we must also prioritise their mental wellbeing.

I am sure that you will be aware that an increasing number of children are spending time indoors online.

As a result, schools and mental health services have seen an increase in pupils who report feelings of isolation and loneliness." As you can see, by adding in these cohesive devices and different sentence openers, I've helped link my sentences together to make it much more cohesive.

Now it's time for your second task.

Edit the sentence structure in your mean body paragraphs using the checklist.

Have you checked that there are no missing words, that your writing makes sense, and that your writing is cohesive? If you would like to, you could edit my writing instead, it's on the screen for you now.

Pause the video while you complete your task.

Well done, everyone.

Hopefully you find it really helpful to edit the sentence structure of your main body paragraphs and you now feel that they are much more cohesive.

Here is my example.

Now, you may have edited my writing in a slightly different way, but I've added some additional cohesive devices to my writing.

So for example, "In addition to the physical health benefits, the playground," that was a missing word, "would offer multiple positive outcomes for children's mental wellbeing." I've added in a non finite subordinate clause, "According to Action for Children." And I've also added in another word, "It is therefore vital to help bring that cohesion to my writing." Thank you so much for your help if you decided to edit my example.

Now we're going to finish by editing the vocabulary and spelling of our main body writing.

When we edit vocabulary and spelling, we check for all of these: Effective use of precise, ambitious vocabulary to create formal tone.

A range of precise vocabulary to avoid repetition.

Spelling accuracy.

Let's read this example of some writing together.

"Furthermore, as well as children's physical health, we must also prioritise children's mental wellbeing.

I am sure that you will be aware that an increasing number of children are spending time indoors online." Now, this example is correctly punctuated and it is cohesive, but there are issues with spelling and vocabulary choices, you might already be able to spot some of them, but here they are.

I've repeated the word children three times in two sentences.

I'm sure I could refer to children in other ways.

I've also got several incorrect spellings.

Furthermore, physical, and increasing, they're all quite tricky words to spell.

So let's see what they look like now that I've edited them.

"Furthermore, as well as children's physical health, we must also prioritise their mental wellbeing.

I am sure that you will be aware that an increasing number of young people are spending time indoors online." So rather than saying "children's" three times, I wrote "children's" in my first sentence, then I replace the second "children's" with just "their," as a pronoun, and in my second sentence, I referred to them as "young people." 'Cause remember, we can refer to nouns in lots of different ways to avoid repeating the same words over and over again.

I've also corrected those tricky spellings for furthermore, increasing and physical.

True or false? Writers should vary their language choices in persuasive writing.

Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that this is true.

Now, decide how to justify your answer.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done if you spotted that the correct justification was A, "Using a range of language choices keeps the reader engaged and enriches the writing." Now it's time for your final task.

Edit the vocabulary and spelling in your main body.

Use the checklist: Have you checked for effective use of formal language, a range of vocabulary, and spelling accuracy? If you want to, you could instead edit my writing, which is on the screen.

Pause the video while you complete your task.

Great work, everyone.

Did you spot any vocabulary or spelling edits to make? Well done if you made those.

In my writing, I had several corrections.

So addition, physical, benefits, increased instances, vital, and councils, were all examples of incorrectly spelled words.

So well done, and thank you for helping me with those edits.

Fantastic work, everyone.

That now brings us to the end of our lesson, where today we have been editing the main body of a persuasive letter inspired by the text, "Front desk." Here's a summary of our learning: Editing is the process of improving writing to ensure that text flows well for the reader.

Editing involves making carefully chosen improvements to a piece of writing without completely rewriting it.

Punctuation, sentence structure, grammar, vocabulary, and spelling are sensible areas to focus on when editing.

Editing is a vital part of the writing process, and all writers edit their work.

Well done for all of your work on editing today, everybody.

I know that sometimes when we've produced a piece of writing, it can be quite tough to go back and make edits and changes to it.

So I'm really impressed with all of your hard work today.

Well done, everyone, and I'm looking forward to seeing you again soon in our next lesson.