Lesson video

Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's lesson.

Today we're going to be writing part one of the main body of a Diary entry based on "How To Train Your Dragon." Today you will be able to use a plan to write part one of the diary entry based on "How To Train Your Dragon." Here are some key words we are going to use.

Specific, recount, past tense.

Specific information is clear, exact and particular information.

A recount is a piece of writing that recalls an event or experience.

The past tense tells the reader the action happened before now.

Today we're going to be writing part one of the main body of a diary entry.

We're going to begin by preparing to write and then we're going to move on to writing part one.

This diary entry can be structured like this.

Firstly, we have our opening.

Then we've got the main body part one and part two, which both describe dragon training, and finally, we have the closing.

Today we are writing the first part of the main body.

The purpose of the main body is to recount the day's events and describe the writer's thoughts and feelings.

We keep the information in the main body paragraphs specific so that particular events or details of the day's events can be recorded.

Let's use this visual to help us.

We need to keep our information specific.

Key linguistic features of a diary entry include all of these things.

Past tense, tell, show not tell.

contractions, fronted adverbials of time.

The purpose of these linguistic features is to create the right tone and help the writer recount the day's events in chronological order.

Match the linguistic features to their definitions.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done if you spotted that.

Tell is when the writer explicitly names their emotions.

Show not tell is when the writer conveys feelings by describing physical sensations and actions.

Contractions are words that are created by pushing two words together with an apostrophe.

And fronted adverbials of time are sentence starters followed by commas which tell the reader when something happened.

Now it's time for your task.

Identify one example, each of the linguistic features in the model.

One example of tell, show not tell, a contraction, a fronted adverbial of time and an exclamation.

Let's begin by reading through the model together.

Here is my model.

"As we entered the vast intimidating arena, I knew I was in big trouble.

My mouth went dry and I felt nauseous.

All the others were really excited and were obviously confident.

They couldn't wait to get started! When I made a joke, they all turned and stared at me evil eyed then burst out laughing.

Why do they love teasing me so much? As they made fun of me, I felt myself turning bright red and stared at the ground hoping they wouldn't notice my humiliation.

Moments later, Gobber listed off dragon after dragon that was hiding behind the heavy padlock door of the enclosure.

With every new name, my heart skipped a beat and a sense of dread crept through my veins.

I can't even begin to tell you how inadequate I felt.

Pause the video now while you complete your task.

Great work, everyone.

You could have used any of these examples of tell, "I felt nauseous, my humiliation, or how inadequate I felt." Examples of show not tell included, "My mouth went dry, I felt myself turning bright red and stared at the ground, my heart skipped a beat and a sense of dread crept through my veins." Any one of those examples would have been appropriate.

Examples of contractions included, couldn't, wouldn't and can't.

There was only one fronted adverbial of time, and that was moments later and one exclamation.

They couldn't wait to get started! What a great start to our lesson today.

Well done.

Now that we have prepared ourselves for our writing, we're going to move on to writing part one of the main body of our diary entry.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it, we use punctuation where we know the rules, we showcase each sentence type we know, we write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting, we use spelling strategies to spell words accurately and we check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

Here's the success criteria for our writing today.

Success criteria acts as a really useful guide to help remind us of what we need to include in our writing to make it the best it can possibly be.

Let's read through our success criteria together.

I have used exclamations vocabulary and contractions to create an informal tone.

I have shared my thoughts and feelings using tell and show not tell.

I have used fronted adverbials of time and the past tense to order events chronologically.

Now you're going to use your plan to write part one of the main body of your diary entry.

You're going to build on your ideas from your plan when you write today, because remember when we planned, we wrote a note form and now you want to develop these ideas into full sentences.

Make sure you have your plan with you ready for writing.

If you need to go and get your plan, pause the video now.

While you do that, Let's recap our planning of part one of the main body.

So remember, our plan was split into three parts.

What happened, a description of the action and then thoughts and feelings and questions.

So at the start of main and body paragraph one, we're going to describe how Gobber welcomed us to the arena.

I included a fronted adverbial of time.

"At 9:00 AM this morning dragon training began." I also want to use a subordinate clause, "As I entered the arena," to start one of my sentences.

I've included some tell here.

"I felt sick with nerves and I didn't know what to expect." The next part of the recount is how the other students teased me.

I've included a subordinate clause to start one of my sentences with.

"When the other kids saw me, they made fun of everything I said.

They humiliated me here." Now on the other side of my plan, I've included some show not tell and some rhetorical questioning.

"I clenched my fists.

I tried not to let them see my anger.

Why do they always pick on me?" And lastly, Gobber described the types of dragons we could face.

"Listening to Gobber describe what was behind the door.

I felt like I'd pass out, dread filled me, my blood ran cold.

I felt so unprepared." Now that I've recapped my plan, I feel ready to write.

Take a moment now to recap your plan and pause the video while you do that.

Great work, everyone.

Now that we've all taken a moment to refresh our memories of what we've included in our planning, I'm now going to show you how to draught part one of the main body.

Then you are going to help me check that I've used my success criteria properly.

Hi, everyone.

Thank you so much for helping me out with my writing today.

So, as you can see I have stuck in my success criteria.

I've also actually written my first sentence.

Let's read it through together.

"First thing this morning, we entered the training ground and it filled me with dread." Here, I've actually already included a fronted adverbial of time and I've remembered my comma after it 'cause I know that a fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

So I've also used the past tense.

I can see it here, "We entered." So I can actually start to tick off my success criteria straight away.

Now, in my next sentence, I want to maybe describe the training ground and also give some tell for my reader about how I was feeling.

So I'm going to go with, it was, how could we describe the training ground of the arena? It was huge, thank you for that word, huge, and I felt small and nervous, and nervous compared to my confident classmates.

I could refer to my confident classmates as the other students or my peers or the other trainees as well.

But I'm gonna go with classmates.

Full stop.

Just make that really obvious that that's a full stop there at the end.

Okay.

Now I'm gonna just build on this a little bit.

My confident classmates were really, really excited.

I want to kind of show this to my reader and really sort of help my reader understand the atmosphere amongst my peers as we walked in for the training session, I'm gonna say their excitement buzzed in the air, buzzed in the air.

Nice little metaphor there to say how it felt to be in their company, but I struggled to share their enthusiasm.

So here I've got a nice compound sentence using but as my coordinating conjunction, I struggled to share their enthusiasm.

Their, now, their as in possessive their, T-H-E-I-R, enthusiasm.

Full stop.

Now I want to go with a nice subordinate clause to open a sentence.

So when I tried to make a joke, when I tried, in fact, why was I trying to make a joke? I was trying to lighten the mood.

So when I tried to lighten the mood with a joke, joke, I need a comma after a subordinate clause that starts the sentence, they laughed loudly.

Loudly.

Okay.

Now I'm gonna talk about Gobber describing the different dragons.

So I'm gonna go with, I'm also gonna do some show not tell here to describe how it made me feel.

I'm gonna go with my heart sank.

I'm gonna say my heart sank further 'cause my heart was already sinking.

I was already nervous.

I'd already been made to feel a bit humiliated by my classmates laughing at me.

Now my heart sank further as Gobber, my new capital G for Gobber 'cause it's his name, talked about the different dragons.

Great.

Okay.

Now I have used some tell.

So I've told my reader that I felt small and nervous and I struggled to share my classmates' enthusiasm.

I've also used some show not tell.

My heart sank further so I can take off success criteria too.

Let's see.

I felt now I would like to get in some, an exclamation here.

I've already done an, I felt.

I'm gonna go with, I wished I could just disappear.

Remembering and writing in the past tense.

I wished I could just disappear.

And I can use an exclamation mark here.

I'm not going to use exclamation mark for any other sentences.

Just this one to capture my desperation in that moment.

Okay.

I'm now going to write my final sentence.

I'm gonna finish off by telling my reader how I felt at this final moment.

The weight of my fear pressed on me.

So my fear was so heavy, the weight of my fear pressed on me.

On me.

I'm gonna go with a simile, like a heavy rock.

And I wondered, another compound sentence, wondered if I'd ever be as brave as the others.

If I'd, I would, I'd ever be as brave as the others.

Okay.

Let's reread this whole piece and double check we've met all our success criteria.

First thing this morning, we entered the training ground and it filled me with dread.

It was huge and I felt small and nervous compared to my confident classmates.

Their excitement buzzed in the air, but I struggled to share their enthusiasm.

When I tried to lighten the mood with a joke, they laughed loudly.

My heart sank further as Gobber talked about the different dragons.

I wish I could just disappear.

The wait, oh, the wait of my fear, hmm, you might have spotted, I've made a spelling mistake here.

The word wait is a homophone.

That means we're gonna have two spellings or two pronunciations of the word that have two different meanings.

I've included the wait as in waiting for something, but I meant weight as in a heavy weight.

So I'm going to cross this one out and rewrite it on the line above.

Weight of my fear pressed on me like a heavy rock and I wondered if I'd ever be as brave as the others.

So I've got some, an exclamation here.

I wish I could just disappear, vocabulary and contractions, I'd, to create an informal term.

Now, I know I've met all three of my success criteria and I've reread each sentence to check for any edits and improvements I can make.

Thank you so much for your help everyone.

Thank you so much for your help just now.

Now it's your turn.

Using your success criteria and your plan to guide you, draught part one of the main body of your diary entry.

Make sure that you reread each sentence as you write it and check for edits and improvements you can make.

Pause the video now while you complete your task.

Brilliant work, everyone.

Here's another example of a paragraph that we could have written.

Let's read it through together.

"As we stepped into the enormous training ground, my stomach churned with anxiety.

It was terrifying.

The air crackled with excitement from my classmates and their eyes gleaned with confidence.

I tried to muster up some enthusiasm, but it felt like trying to light a match in a thunderstorm.

When I tried to crack a joke to ease my nerves, their laughter echoed like thunder, making me feel smaller than small.

I wanted to vanish into thin air as their mocking gazes bore into me.

With each dragon Gobber mentioned, my heart sank deeper into my chest feeling as heavy as a boulder.

I couldn't shake the feeling of inadequacy that held me in its grip." If you spotted any elements of my writing that you would like to magpie for your own, you can do that now.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done, everyone.

That now brings us onto the end of our lesson where today we've been writing part one of the main body of a diary entry.

Diary entries include a range of linguistic features which enable them to achieve their purpose.

Information in the main body of a diary entry should be specific and detailed.

Fronted adverbials of time and the past tense are used to help recount the events chronologically.

When writing, we can use our plans and success criteria to guide us.

I hope you're feeling so proud of the writing that you've produced in our lesson today.

I'm really, really looking forward to moving on to planning part two of the main body of our diary entry in our next lesson.

Great work everyone, and I'll see you again soon.