Lesson video

Hello, everyone.

My name is Mrs. Riley and I'm here today to teach you this editing lesson, which is part of our unit on Shakespeare's "Macbeth." The outcome of today's lesson is to edit my own and my peer's soliloquy based on "Macbeth." These are our key words in today's lesson.

I'm going to say each one and I'd like you to repeat it back to me.

Are you ready? Editing, punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary.

Well done.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences, anything like a full stop, a comma or an apostrophe, all of those are examples of punctuation.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organised within sentences to convey meaning.

Vocabulary is the use of specific words and phrases to convey a meaning.

In our lesson today, we have three learning cycles.

In each learning cycle, we will be editing our soliloquy based on "Macbeth." In the first learning cycle, we are just focusing on punctuation, so we're not going to worry about anything other than punctuation.

So let's get started with looking, reminding ourselves of our rules.

So when we have finished a draught, we edit to improve our work.

There's that keyword edit.

This is a chance to rethink, rephrase, and reconsider our first ideas.

Sometimes we might write a sentence down and think it's really good, and then actually when we look back on it, sometimes we might be really pleased and think, "Yep, I don't want to change it." But other times we think of ways that we could maybe change that sentence or improve it a little bit.

And remember, every piece of work can always be improved.

This isn't just something that children at schools have to do, this is something that every single writer has to do.

So editing a piece of work involves checking several things.

Punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary and spelling.

And these are all in our different learning cycles today.

Editing is about polishing our work, so it really shows off our skills.

So imagine you've got your piece of work in front of you and you are about to show it to someone, but just before we show it to someone, we're going to polish it.

We're gonna just check it is the absolute best work we can possibly do and then we can show it to someone, that's what we're doing today.

Okay.

True or false? Editing is something only children do to their writing.

Pause the video now.

Well done.

It's false, of course.

Editing is something everyone does.

Now, which of these A or B could you read both of those options and decide which is the more appropriate justification for your answer? Pause the video now.

Well done.

The correct answer is A.

All writers edit their work because our first draught is not usually our best possible work.

It can be polished to improve it.

So any book that you are reading at the moment, no matter how famous the author, all of those authors who've written those books will have spent a lot of time editing their work.

In this lesson, you are going to be editors.

You'll peer edit all three parts of your soliloquy based on "Macbeth." A peer is just another way of saying your friend or somebody else in your class.

And the good thing about working with a friend is that they might spot something that you haven't or they might be able to suggest something that you might not have thought of.

And obviously, when we're working with a friend or a peer, it's really important that we remember to use kind and supportive words.

So we're not gonna be saying things like, "That sentence is rubbish.

You should do this." Instead, we're going to say, "Hmm, I like your idea in that sentence, but I think we could make it even better by adding this." So always thinking about our kind and supportive language when we're working with a friend.

Remember to always imagine how you'd want someone to treat your work and that's how you should treat their work.

So we're going to look at all three parts.

So the first part of our soliloquy was the reasons against killing Duncan.

The second part was the reason to kill Duncan.

And then we had the closing thoughts, which included that visualisation of the dagger.

So we're today looking at all three sections and editing all three sections.

So which part of your soliloquy will you be editing today? Let's check your listening.

A, the closing only, B, the reasons for killing Duncan only, or C, all three parts of our soliloquy.

Pause the video while you answer.

Well done.

Yes.

All three parts of our soliloquies.

we're gonna have to be really focused in our lesson today because we've got three parts of your own soliloquy to look at and three parts of your partners to look at.

So altogether, there's going to be six bit of writing we're looking at today, so we need to be really focused.

So editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas and apostrophe.

In some other cases, we might also look for missing inverted commas around speech, but we don't have any speech in a play script, so we won't be worrying about inverted commas today.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all of our punctuation errors.

So these are the things we're going to check for.

Missing or incorrectly used capital letters and full stops.

Missing or incorrectly used commas.

Missing or incorrectly used apostrophes.

So it's not just ones that are missing.

It might also be that we've used a comma where there's not a rule.

So we've got to be really careful, we're always using punctuation when there is a rule.

So the first thing we look at when we edit work is punctuation.

We're going to look at that before we look at improving any sentences in another way, we are just start off with punctuation.

So capital letters are used to start sentences or direct speech, which we're not include using speech today and for proper nouns.

So how could I think of killing Duncan? He as a guest in my house and my king.

We can see the capital letters there in purple.

We've got the capital H for the start of the sentence.

I, because it's a proper noun, Duncan is a proper noun, so it starts with D, and again, H, capital letter, starts the second sentence.

Full stops can be used to show it as the end of a sentence.

We can also use an exclamation mark or a question mark, end of sentence.

Let's look at some examples.

What if we were caught? This is a question, so we have a question mark.

I must remain a loyal subject to my king.

This is just a simple statement, so we have a full stop.

Vanish you wicked thoughts! Here, I've used an exclamation mark because this is kind of a sentence which is showing strong emotion from "Macbeth." So all of those sentences end with either a question mark, a full stop or an exclamation mark.

And it's about deciding which one you think is most appropriate.

Okay, could you correct the mistakes in these sentences? Look out for capital letters that should or should not be there.

And look at the end of the sentence to see if you think the piece of punctuation at the end is the one that you would've chosen.

Pause the video now.

Okay, well done.

So A, there is a mistake because it's will I lose my wife if I do not do as she pleases.

Now, this is a rhetorical question, so it needs a question mark at the end.

B is I must act before it's too late.

This isn't a question.

This I think shows strong emotion, so I'm going to use an exclamation mark.

C, the thought of betraying King Duncan is too much for me to take.

This one was a bit trickier.

Now, if we said, if because King Duncan here is a.

Because King Duncan here is part of a name, it needs to have a capital letter.

So King Duncan, both of those words make up his name.

So King Duncan here needs a capital letter, whereas if we're using king in a normal sentence, for example, if I was the king, I would have more power.

It would just have a lowercase K.

So we've got to watch out for that capital K if it's part of the name King Duncan.

Okay, now, let's switch our attention onto commas.

Commas can be used to demarcate clauses and phrases.

My wife, who knows better than anyone, believes I can be the king.

The main clause in that sentence is my wife believes I can be king, but we have interrupted the main clause with a relative clause, who knows me better than anyone.

And we've signalled that with commas after and before it.

Is this a dagger I see before me drawing me closer to my fate? Is this a dagger I see before me? There's the main clause.

The next part after the comma is a non-finite clause.

Comma, drawing me closer to my fate.

We can see that ING verb drawing, which is always a signal that it's a non-finite clause.

Again, the comma separates the phrase that the clauses.

Before I met the witches, I never would've considered committing such a heinous act.

This is an adverbial complex sentence.

The main clause is I never would have considered committing such a heinous act.

The subordinate clause, which is an adverbial clause, is before I met the witches.

Again, we have a comma to separate it from the main clause.

I might have been able to live contentedly, but I cannot ignore the witches' prophecies.

This is a compound sentence when we use but, we often have opposing ideas.

So I might have been able to live contentedly, comma, but I cannot ignore the witches' prophecies.

When we use that conjunction but to make a compound sentence, it has a comma before it.

Okay, could you correct the mistakes in these sentences? I'll read them as I read them.

Look out for any commas that are missing or in the wrong place.

After committing act, would I ever be able to feel at peace again? B, this dagger lures me in inviting me to fulfil my destiny.

C, my king who has just made me Thane Cawdor trusts me in implicitly.

Can I really betray him? Okay, pause the video now.

Okay, well done.

So A, we have to have a comma after that subordinate clause, adverbial clause, after committing this act, comma.

And B, we have this dagger lures me in, comma, and then the non-finite clause, starting with the verb inviting.

And in C, my king, comma, who has just made me Thane of Cawdor, comma, we've got commas around the relative clause there.

Well done if you manage to spot those missing commas.

Okay, let's move on.

Okay, so now we're going to focus on apostrophes.

Apostrophes can be used to show possession.

When a singular noun possesses another noun, we usually add apostrophe S to the first noun.

And when we mean possess, we mean belong.

For example, these are my glasses, I possess them.

So in this example, we have the dagger's blade.

The dagger is the noun that possesses something and the blade is the noun that belongs to the other noun.

The blade belongs to the dagger.

But instead of saying that, we can just say the dagger's blade with an apostrophe S.

When a plural noun possesses another noun, we usually add an apostrophe after the S.

For example, the witches' prophecies.

The witches are the noun that possesses something.

This time though they're plural, there's not just one witch, there's three.

So the witches' plural, the prophecies are the nouns that belong to them.

So we have the apostrophe this time after the S.

Could you now correct the mistakes in these sentences? Lady Macbeth's mind has been made up.

I cannot ignore the witches predictions and I have Duncan's full trust.

In each of those sentences, there is an apostrophe for possession missing.

Could you pause the video and see if you can identify where the apostrophe is missing? Okay, well done.

So Lady Macbeth is a singular noun.

So we have an apostrophe S.

The mind is the thing that she possesses.

It belongs to Lady Macbeth.

Lady Macbeth's mind.

I cannot ignore the witches' predictions.

There's more than one witch, so it's plural.

So the apostrophe comes after the S to show that belong to the witches.

And I have Duncan's full trust.

Duncan is a singular noun.

So we have apostrophe S.

So now, it's time for you to do some editing.

You're going to peer edit your soliloquies, all three parts, and you are only going to look at punctuation.

So don't worry if you read a sentence it doesn't make quite make sense or that you think you can improve.

For now, we're just focusing on punctuation.

So work in a pair, decide who's partner A and whose partner B.

Put partner A's work on top of B's work and follow if partner A will follow with a ruler, as B reads your work out loud.

Looking only at punctuation, make any additions or changes that needed to be made in partner A's work.

So remember, you're gonna start by looking at the first part of the soliloquy, then the second part, and then the third part, which is the closing.

And once you've looked at all three parts, you're going to then switch and put partner B's work on top and repeat.

Remember, you are only looking for punctuation errors.

Could you pause the video now? And remember these are the things you're checking for.

Capital letters, full stops, exclamation marks, question marks, commas and apostrophes.

Pause the video now and good luck.

Well done.

Here is an example of what you might have edited.

Let me quickly read this passage to you.

What a mess I've.

Sorry, as I read it, see if you can spot any mistakes, punctuation mistakes.

What a mess I find myself in.

My mind is clouded by the witches prophecies and shameful thoughts will not stop surrounding me.

Should I take the life of king Duncan? The weight of this decision bears heavily upon me as my choices will shape my destiny.

Halt.

I yearn for peace.

I cannot proceed further down this path.

As the Thane of Cawdor I must uphold my honour and loyalty to my country.

Perhaps you spotted some mistakes as I read that.

So let's go through the checklist.

Missing capital letters.

Could anyone shout out someone where there's a missing capital letter? Oh, well done.

King Duncan is part of his name so it needs a capital letter.

Missing full stops, exclamation marks or question marks.

Well, we've got a rhetorical question there.

Should I take the life of King Duncan? So it needs a question mark, and a halt, because it says a one word, one word sentence.

It's quite dramatic, it shows lots of emotion.

So that should have an exclamation mark.

Missing commas, we've got one here.

As Thane of Cawdor, comma, I must uphold my honour.

We've got an adverbial complex sentences.

We need to separate the adverbial clause from the main clause And missing apostrophes, the witches' prophecies.

The prophecies belong to the witches, so we need an apostrophe.

It's plural, so the apostrophe comes after the S.

Well done for editing the punctuation, We are now going to be peer editing for sentence structure.

When we edit our work, we read our work aloud and we can check for sentence structure in a number of ways.

Have we used a range of sentence structures? For example, rhetorical questions, short, snappy sentences like that one we saw, halt.

Compound sentences, complex sentences, adverbial relative and non-finite.

Have we added in any missing words and removed any extra ones? Does the writing make sense? So true or false, when we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

And I'm gonna also show, well, actually, no.

First of all, pause the video and decide if that's true or false.

Well done.

It is true.

And now, could you pause the video again to read those justifications for your answer and decide which one is more appropriate? Well done.

A is correct.

We say sentences aloud to check for missing words and to check for sense.

Here's an example of the editing we might do to improve text flow.

So here's an extract.

What is this I saw before my eyes? Can this be real? Is this dagger another sign? These wretched thoughts are tightening grip around me.

Go dagger! Go! Now, as you might have guessed, this is from the closing, the final section and there's lots of really nice things in there.

I can see a rhetorical question.

I can see some nice vocabulary like wretched thoughts, tightening grip around me.

So some personifications.

There's some really lovely stuff in this writing.

However, there are also some mistakes in this writing.

So here, it doesn't make sense because we've got the wrong tense.

What is this I saw before my eyes? Now, we're writing in the present tense.

Here, this could be improved the non-finite clause.

We've got quite a lot of short sentences there.

What is this I see before my eyes? Can this be real? Is it another sign? So perhaps at that sentence we could improve it by adding a non-finite clause.

And you may have noticed there's a missing word in that sentence.

These wretched thoughts are tightening, mm, grip around me.

So before I correct these mistakes here, I'd like you to quickly pause the video and see if those three mistakes or improvements, if you could discuss with a partner how you would change or improve those three sentences.

Off you go.

Okay, well done.

So the first change we need to make is we need to say what is this I see before my eyes, to turn the past into the present tense.

The second thing we can add is a non-finite clause.

For example, you might say is this dagger another sign, comma, pointing me towards my destiny.

I've extended that sentence and I've added a non-finite clause.

And these wretched thoughts are tightening their grip around me.

So as we can see, sometimes when we look for edit sentence structure, we are adding in, we're correcting mistakes.

For example, wrong tense or missing words.

And sometimes we're just adding improvements.

So discuss with a partner where you could improve sentence structure.

In this passage.

I must kill Duncan.

I would be the most powerful man in Scotland.

We would everything our heart's desire.

Pause the video and discuss where you would improve sentence structure in that passage.

Okay, well done.

So some of the sentences could be made into complex and compound sentences and a word is missing.

We've got here three simple sentences.

I must kill Duncan.

I would be the most powerful man in Scotland.

We would everything our hearts desire.

So we can see the word missing there.

So I must kill Duncan.

We can see there's a full stop.

There's another full stop.

Here's our missing.

Here's where we've got a missing word.

Okay, so let's change it.

This is how I've now rewritten this passage to improve sentence structure.

I must kill Duncan, or my wife will forever think I'm weak.

So I've turned that short sentence, I must kill Duncan, and I've extended it by using a conjunction or, and I've now got a compound sentence.

I would be the most powerful man in Scotland if I carried out this one simple act.

So again, I've extended it this time with a subordinating conjunction if, and I've turned it into a complex sentence.

And then the missing word was we would have everything our hearts desire.

So one mistake there, a missing word, and two, improvements by giving a range of sentence types.

Okay, it's now your turn to peer edit your soliloquies, all three parts.

This time looking only at sentence structure.

So just as before, we're gonna start off by putting partner A's work top and you're going to.

One of you is going to follow with a ruler as the other partner reads out loud.

You're only looking at sentence structure.

You're going to make additions like missing words or changes.

And then you'll remember doing all three parts of the soliloquy, and then you are stopping and swapping and looking at partner B's work.

Here's your checklist, missing words, sense and tense.

Remember we're using present tense.

A range of compound and complex sentences to join ideas together.

Pause the video now and good luck with your editing.

Well done.

Here's an example of the changes you might have made.

I'm gonna read the passage to you.

How could I commit such an abhorrent act against one whom trusts me so implicitly? Curse those malevolent witches.

I dared not place my fate in the hands of the supernatural.

I will proceed no further this business.

Hmm, I spotted some mistakes.

Okay, so first thing is missing words.

I will proceed no further in this business.

And there was a missing word and I can give that a tick.

Sense and tense.

I dare not, not I dared not, that's past tense, we're present tense.

I dare not place my fate in the hands of the supernatural.

A range of compound complex sentences.

So if I just take that away again.

So curse those malevolent witches, I've extended to curse those malevolent witches whose prophecy I rarely, I regret encountering.

So we've got there an example of, I've taken a simple sentence, curse those malevolent witches and I've turned it into a complex sentence by adding a relative clause, whose prophecy I regret encountering.

Okay, so there were some examples of some corrections or improvements you might have made.

Okay, the final section now.

Let's have a quick riddle on our seats to make sure we're still really focused.

I know you've got a lot to edit.

You've got three bits of work and you're looking at yours and your partners, but you are doing so well.

We've already corrected loads of punctuation and we've already improved our work a lot.

So now, this is like the cherry on the cake.

We're gonna peer edit for vocabulary to make this writing the best it can be.

So when we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing words choices can have a significant, that means an important impact on writing by improving clarity, tone and effectiveness.

When editing, make sure you do all these.

Check that the vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader.

So remember, this isn't a play and Macbeth's giving a soliloquy, if he just used really plain, boring unambitious vocabulary, the audience might fall asleep.

So we want to really engage our audience with really ambitious vocabulary.

And we also need to think about choosing language that suits the style of writing we are using.

We're writing a soliloquy in the style of Shakespeare.

So it's going to be quite formal.

It might sound a little bit old fashioned some of the words we're using.

Okay, true or false? When editing language, you change some of the vocabulary.

Pause the video now.

Well done.

It is true.

And which of these choices would be the better justification for your answer? Pause the video now.

Well done, A.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

So let's check the vocabulary choices in an example.

Listen carefully as I read and as you are listening, have a think if there are any vocabulary, pieces of vocabulary or phrases that you think I should change.

I mustn't let these nasty thoughts into my head.

I'm Duncan's best friend and I cannot let him down.

What would happen to me if I was caught doing this mean crime? Yikes, I won't think about it anymore.

Hmm, what do you think? So have I used ambitious vocabulary to engage the reader? I can see a few unambitious words there, like nasty and mean.

And does that language suit the style of writing? I don't think Shakespeare would use those kind of words.

And I can see there I've got a contraction mustn't.

I think probably because this is more formal, I would say, I must not let.

So I think there's definitely some changes in vocabulary choices that I could make here.

So here, I have reworked this piece of writing and made some I think really good changes.

So I mustn't has changed to I must not.

Let these nasty thoughts has turned to these wicked cruel thoughts.

It's a bit more ambitious into my head.

I am Duncan's best friend.

That sounds a little bit childish, but I think what Macbeth would say.

So instead, I said, I'm Duncan's loyal Kingsman and I cannot let him down.

What would happen to me if I was caught? I've added in rather than doing this mean crime, I've changed it to carrying out this heinous crime.

Again, just lifting that bar a bit with my vocabulary choices.

And instead of yikes, which is a bit informal, I've got enough.

I rather than I won't think about it anymore, I will proceed no further in this business.

It's making it sound more formal and more in line with Shakespeare's language.

So I have checked now that I've got ambitious vocabulary choices and that the language style suits the style of writing.

Okay, so change each underlined word to something more suitable for our soliloquies.

I'm going to do this first and then you are going to do the same thing.

So here's the passage, here's each sentence, and here are the words that I need to change.

Right, so I'm gonna look at that first one.

I must listen to my lovely wife.

Now, lovely, I don't know if Macbeth would say that.

So I might change lovely to beloved.

I think that sounds a bit more fitting with the style of writing.

Go away wicked thoughts! Go away, again, sounds a bit informal and a bit childish.

So I'm gonna turn that into vanish wicked thoughts.

How could I be so nasty? I'm gonna turn into, hmm, how could I be so mean? No.

How could I be so wicked? And I won't do it, I'm just going to change that contraction won't into I will not do it.

That instantly makes it sound a bit more formal.

So now, it's your turn.

Change each underlined word to something more suitable for our soliloquies.

What is this scary dagger? Scary is the word I want you to change.

These mean thoughts suffocate me.

I'd like you to change mean.

My bossy wife wants me to act.

I'd like you to change the word bossy.

And I am a loyal pal.

I'd like you to change the word pal.

Pause the video while you think about a different, a more suitable word than those words underlined.

Okay, well done.

So here are just some examples of what you might have written.

You might have said, "What is this menacing dagger?" You might have said, " These sinister thoughts suffocates me." You might have said, "My assertive wife wants me to act.

And I am a loyal confidant instead of pal." Okay, it's time for your final task.

You are going to read back through your soliloquy and you are going to edit language to check that your vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader and that they suit the style of writing we are using.

Now, just as before, you are gonna start off by putting one person's book on top of the other.

You're going to look at all three sections of your soliloquy.

You're just looking at vocabulary, ambitious vocabulary and suitable vocabulary.

And then you are going to swap.

You might find here that there aren't many changes that need to be made, but even if you just changed one or two words, that would be really brilliant editing.

So pause the video now and good luck with this final editing challenge.

Okay, well done.

Here's an example of some successful editing.

So in this first sentence, I don't know what to do.

We could change don't to do not, and I could change what to do to how to proceed.

I do not know how to proceed sounds more suitable for our soliloquies than I don't know what to do.

My mind is in such a muddle, I could change to, my mind is clouded with confusion.

My wife, who is super clever, knows what is best for me.

So here I could change my wife, who is an astute thinker, knows what is best for me.

I'm just raising the bar a little bit, making it sound more, I'm choosing more ambitious and more suitable vocabulary choices.

So I've checked that my vocabulary choices are ambitious and that they suit the style of writing we are using.

Okay, well done.

Let's summarise what we have achieved today.

We've learned that editing is an essential part of the writing process during which we refine and improve our ideas.

Remember, it's like polishing your work.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation and make improvements in sentence structure and vocabulary choices.

They're the three things we looked at today.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, commas, apostrophes and inverted commas are checked.

We didn't look at inverted commas today because we don't have them in a play script.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

So not just having lots of simple sentences, but having some complex, some compounds, some short and snappy.

And when editing vocabulary, reviews of words and phrase word and phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate atmosphere is achieved.

For example, we're not using words like, I am King Duncan's pal.

We're using words like, I am King Duncan's loyal comrade or loyal companion.

So well done for some amazing editing.

Your soliloquies were already pretty incredible.

And now, you have a lovely polished version that I hope you feel really proud of.

Thank you for working so hard today.

See you another time.