Lesson video

Hi everyone and welcome back to our Highwayman unit.

Today, we're going to be editing some of the writing we've been doing so far.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson, you will be able to edit the build-up of your narrative writing.

Here are some keywords we are going to be using.

Editing, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary, well done.

Editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

Grammar is a set of rules that govern a language.

Punctuation is a set of standardised symbols and marks used in written language to structure sentences.

Sentence structure is the way that words are arranged within sentences to convey meaning.

Vocabulary is the language choices made by a writer.

Today we're going to be editing the build-up of "The Highwayman." We're gonna start by editing punctuation, then sentence structure, and finally, editing vocabulary and spelling.

Editing is the process of making changes to improve writing, to ensure text flow and overall quality.

When you edit, you decide what you will change and what you will keep the same.

Even really successful writers need to edit their work.

This is just part of the writing process.

Editing does not mean rewriting everything again.

It is about being selective with what you want to improve or add to.

The job of an editor is to do all of these.

We check for mistakes in punctuation, make improvements to sentence structure, and we make improvements in language choices.

In this lesson, you are going to be editors.

Editing is the process of which two of these.

Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that we need to make improvements in language choices and improvements to sentence structure.

When we edit punctuation, we check for missing or incorrectly used.

Capital letters, full stops, commas, hyphens, and apostrophe for possession.

These are all punctuation elements that we have been using throughout our writing in this unit so far.

Here I've got a sentence and there are some punctuation mistakes in this sentence.

Let's begin by reading it through all the way together.

As the stars light illuminated the jet black sky the mysterious rubber clattered into the cobbled moonlit yard.

So here we've got a sentence with great vocabulary but no punctuation.

I wonder whether you can spot where some of this punctuation is missing.

Let's go through it together.

So as needs a capital for the start of a sentence.

And we need a full stop for the end of the sentence.

We also need commas.

So as the stars illuminated the jet black sky comma, this is for the end of the adverbial subordinate clause, the mysterious robber clattered into the cobbled comma moonlit yard.

This comma is to separate the two adjectives in the expanded noun phrase.

So two different commas with two different functions.

We also needed a hyphen in jet black.

So that's forming a compound adjective, the jet-black sky.

And finally, the stars light.

No.

Is it just one star in the sky or are there lots of stars in the sky? Well done.

There are lots of stars in the sky.

So this is plural.

The light belongs to the stars more than one owner.

The owner is the stars.

So the apostrophe goes after the word stars.

Now it's your turn.

Correct the punctuation mistakes in this sentence.

Let's begin by reading it all through together, crashing over the rain soaked cobbles the highwaymans horses hooves clattered and clashed.

Pause the video while you correct the punctuation mistakes in this sentence.

Brilliant work everyone.

Here's the corrected version.

So we needed a capital C for crashing.

Rain-soaked needed to be hyphenated to form a compound adjective to describe the cobbles.

We needed crashing over the rain-soaked cobbles comma, because that is a non-finite subordinate clause.

The Highwayman's needed a capital H 'cause that's his name.

The horse belongs to the Highwayman.

So that's singular possession and the hooves belong to the horse.

Another example of singular possession.

So the Highwayman's horses both needed an apostrophe for possession there, clattered and clashed full stop.

Well done if you've got all of those.

Now we're going to talk a little bit about commas, because commas have got several different functions.

Let's read these sentences through together first.

As the stars' light illuminated the jet-black sky, the mysterious robber clattered into the cobbled, moonlit yard.

Crashing over the rain-soaked cobbles, the highwayman's horse's hooves thundered, and roared.

With a pounding heart, He tapped on the inn's windows, which were locked and barred.

We've got lots of different commas here.

So let's unpick their different functions.

As the stars' light illuminated the jet-black sky comma.

Here's a comma after an adverbial subordinate clause.

Into the cobbled comma moonlit yard.

This is a comma in an expanded noun phrase to separate those two adjectives.

Crashing over the rain-soaked cobbles comma.

This is a comma after a non-finite subordinate clause.

The Highwayman's horses' hooves thundered and roared.

With a pounding heart comma.

Here our comma is used after a fronted adverbial.

And finally, he tapped on the inn's windows comma, which were locked and barred.

This time, our comma is used between a main and a relative subordinate clause.

So in this piece of writing, we've got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 commas with five different functions.

Remember, we only use a comma when we know a rule.

So if we're just adding a comma into our writing for the sake of it, and we're not really sure why, we need to really think about whether we need to use a comma there or whether there's an actual rule to use one.

When are commas used? Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that commas are used to separate a subordinate clause from a main clause.

They're also used after a fronted adverbial and in an expanded noun phrase.

There are also other functions of commas that aren't in this list.

Now it's time for your task.

Edit the punctuation in your build-up.

Or if you would prefer, you can edit my example on the screen.

When you're editing, make sure to check for missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, commas, hyphens, and apostrophes.

Pause the video while you complete your task.

Well done everyone.

If you edited my writing, here is all the missing punctuation highlighted in purple.

So we had a couple of sentences that needed to be started with a capital letter, and two of our final sentences needed a full stop.

We needed a comma, a pair of commas around our relative clause, who wrote a powerful steed.

We also needed a comma between empty and cobbled to separate the adjectives in the expanded noun phrase.

The words, the compound adjectives, weather-beaten and empty-looking, both needed hyphens.

And we needed an apostrophe to show singular possession for man's heart, the man's heart, the heart belonging to the man.

Well done if you spotted all of those.

Now we're going to move on to editing our sentence structure.

When we edit sentence structure, we make changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow and make sure our writing is as cohesive as possible.

When editing, you should check for all of these.

Missing words that your writing makes sense and that your writing is cohesive.

That means that it flows and is varied enough to keep your reader interested.

True or false? Text cohesion refers to the flow of a text.

It helps to keep the reader engaged and achieves the text's purpose.

Pause the video while you decide.

Well done, if you spotted that this is true.

Now pause the video again while you choose how to justify your answer.

Well done if you spotted that we needed to justify using B.

We achieved text cohesion through using fronted adverbials, a range of vocabulary choices, varied sentence types, and different conjunctions for linking clauses together.

When editing sentence structure, we check for all of these.

So we check for missing words, that our writing makes sense and that our writing is cohesive.

Let's read this example together.

In the darkest hour of the night, the moon was a ghostly orb in the jet-black sky as clouds danced across it.

Stars silently dressed the sky like glittering diamonds.

As the wind tore furiously at the battered landscape, trees cracked and their trunks bent against its force.

Now this is a really strong three sentences.

All my punctuation is correct, but if we really, really look carefully at some of the opportunities for cohesion, we might see that there are some bits that are missed.

So we've got poor cohesion between the first and the second sentence.

Also, We've got a missing word in the final sentence.

Let's make these edits.

So instead of having two separate sentences for sentence one and two, I've joined them using and as a co-coordinating conjunction.

So let's read this together instead.

In the darkest hour of the night, the moon was a ghostly orb in the jet-black sky as clouds danced across it and stars silently dressed the sky like glittering diamonds.

So here now I've combined sentences one and two, and this now is a big sentence which explains what is going on in the sky above, much more cohesive.

As the wind tore furiously at the battered landscape, trees' branches cracked and their trunks bent against its force.

When we are focusing really hard on our writing, it's really easy to make little mistakes like leaving out some key words in our writing.

So we've got to be really careful.

And often I find that reading my work aloud helps me and actually pointing at each word that I'm saying, helps me to spot if I've missed out any words.

Now it is time to edit the sentence structure in your buildup.

You can also edit my writing instead, which is on the screen now.

When you're editing, make sure that you're focusing on checking that there are no missing words, that your writing makes sense, and that your writing is cohesive.

That means that it flows.

Pause the video while you edit the sentence structure in your buildup.

Well done everyone.

If you edited my writing, you might have added in some additional sentences or sentence openers or clauses to develop that cohesion.

Now, here's my suggested edits of my writing, but because we're adding in different words and clauses and things, yours might look a bit different to mine.

And that's okay.

So I added in an extra sentence.

The hopeful man tapped on the windows, but no-one answered.

Time stood still as he waited.

After a while, Bess came to the window because we know that in our writing, we want to really stretch this moment where the Highwayman is waiting and hoping that Bess is going to come to the window.

So if we just say that he tapped on the windows and no one answered, and then immediately we say, Bess came to the window, it really loses that opportunity to build that tension and show how time passed.

When he saw her, his heart skipped a beat.

So I've used my adverbial subordinate clause beginning with that conjunction when to link on the two points.

So when he saw her, his heart skipped a beat.

Well done everyone.

We're now going to edit the vocabulary and spelling of our buildup.

When we edit vocabulary and spelling, we check for all of these effective use of figurative language, show not tell, and poetic devices, a range of precise vocabulary to avoid repetition.

And spelling accuracy.

Let's read this example.

As the wind tore furiously at the battered inn-yard, trees' branches cracked and their trunks bent against the wind's force.

The Highwayman's heart sank when Bess came to the window.

So now in this section of our lesson, we're not thinking about punctuation, we're not thinking about sentence structure, we're just focusing on vocabulary and spelling.

You might be able to already spot a few spelling or vocabulary mistakes in this example.

Here in my first sentence, I've repeated the wind twice, so it becomes a bit repetitive, and I might need to think about changing some of that wording.

Also, the word furiously is a tricky word to spell, and here I've spelled it incorrectly.

Also, if we think about our final sentence, The Highwayman's heart sank when Bess came to the window.

This isn't an appropriate show, not tell for this moment.

A character's heart sinking would be to show disappointment or sadness.

We know that the Highwayman was absolutely thrilled and relieved when Bess came to the window.

So we need to rethink the appropriateness of that show, not tell and change it.

So let's re-Look at this example now that we've made some edits.

As the wind tore furiously at the battered inn-yard, so I've edited my spelling of furiously to the correct spelling, trees' branches cracked and their trunks bent against its force.

Rather than repeating the wind twice, I can just use the pronoun its instead.

The Highwayman's heart soared when Bess came to the window.

This is much more appropriate to show how he felt when he saw her.

True or false, writers should vary their language choices in narrative writing.

Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that this is true.

Now pause the video again while you decide how to justify your answer.

Well done if you spotted that using a range of language choices keeps the reader engaged and enriches the writing.

We definitely don't want to be using the same adjectives and nouns throughout a piece of writing because it becomes very repetitive and there are so many language choices out there that can make a much more enriching piece of writing.

Now it's time for your final task.

Edit the vocabulary and spelling in your buildup.

And as you do that, make sure that you're checking that you've used effective, descriptive language, a range of vocabulary, and that you've spelled words accurately.

You could also edit my writing instead of your own if you want to.

And that's on the screen now.

Pause the video while you edit the vocabulary and spelling of the build-up.

Brilliant work everyone.

So in my writing, I had a few spelling mistakes and I also was repeating quite a lot of my language choice here.

So firstly, appeering.

Appear, the word ear is actually in the word appear.

The E sound is made with that ea digraph, appearing at the window.

A mesmerizingly beautiful woman.

So rather than just saying a woman smile at the highway man, I want to use some highly ambitious but also precise adjectives to describe her for my reader.

So I've gone with a mesmerizingly beautiful woman, not women, 'cause that's plural.

There's only one woman, so it's singular.

So it's woman with an a, smiled at the Highwayman.

When he saw her, now I don't want to repeat the Highwayman again 'cause I've just said the Highwayman.

So I want to refer to him in a different way.

The love-struck man.

So I've used a compound adjective to describe him now as love-struck man, felt so happy is not very ambitious, and we want to use this opportunity for some show not tell.

So the love struck man felt his heart soar.

Now my edits have got a few different vocabulary choices and additional language added into them.

So they're probably not gonna be the exact same as what your edits look like if you edited my writing.

But as long as you fix those spelling mistakes and you allowed for more variation in vocabulary choices, and you added maybe a more ambitious use of show, not tell or description of the Highwayman's feelings when he saw her, than you have completed your task.

Well done everyone.

That now brings us to the end of our lesson, where today we've been editing the build-up of "The Highwayman." Editing is the process of improving writing to ensure text flow and overall quality.

Editing involves making improvements to a piece of writing without completely rewriting it.

Punctuation, sentence structure, grammar, vocabulary, and spelling are sensible areas to focus on when editing.

Editing is a vital part of the writing process.

I hope that you find it really helpful to edit our punctuation, sentence structure, and our vocabulary and spelling as three separate areas, so that now you feel like you've done a really thorough edit of your writing.

Well done everyone.