Lesson video

Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's lesson.

We have been doing such a brilliant job of our writing so far.

So today, we're going to be planning and writing the next stage of the buildup for "The Highwayman".

In today's lesson, you will be able to plan and write the second part of the buildup of ""The Highwayman".

Here are some keywords we will be using.

Compound adjective, hyphen, show-not-tell.

Well done.

A compound adjective is an adjective formed of two hyphenated words.

A hyphen is a punctuation mark that can be used to form compound adjectives.

Show-not-tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language and facial expressions.

Today, we are going to be planning and writing the second part of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

We're going to begin by planning the second part of the buildup, then we're going to move on to writing it.

Throughout this unit, we have been basing our writing on Alfred Noyes' narrative poem, "The Highwayman".

"The Highwayman" is set in rural England in the 18th century.

Here's a summary of our writing so far.

Stanzas one and two describe the setting and the Highwayman himself, and they form the basis of our character and setting description.

We've already written this.

Stanza three was a description of Bess.

This was part one of the buildup, and we've already written that as well.

Stanza four is all about Tim.

This is going to form part two of the buildup, and this is what we're focusing on today.

Let's begin by reviewing stanza four of "The Highwayman", and let's read it together.

"And dark in the dark old inn-yard, a stable-wicket creaked, where Tim the ostler listened, his face was white and peaked.

His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay.

But he loved the landlord's daughter, the landlord's red-lipped daughter.

Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say." We're now going to use stanza four as the basis of part two of the buildup of our narrative writing.

We can see here what our plan looks like.

It's all about Tim the ostler.

We're going to start describing his appearance, what he was doing, and we're also going to use lots of show-not-tell to give away his reaction to seeing "The Highwayman" and Bess talking, and to show his feelings.

How could we describe Tim's actions? So let's start by thinking about what Tim was doing.

Take a moment to have a think, and maybe a discussion if you've got people around you, how could we describe Tim's actions? Here are some of my ideas.

They're a little bit different to your ideas, I'm sure, because lots of people will have different ideas, and that's a great thing.

But here are some of mine.

I might talk about how he was hiding in the stable, how he was hunched over.

So thinking about his body language, so he's hunched behind the stable wicket, the stable door.

He was intently, that means he was really, really focused on spying on the couple, or we could refer to Bess and the Highwayman as a pair of lovers.

And he was watching the Highwayman and Bess through a crack in the stable door.

So lots of verbs here, lots of doing words.

So he was hiding, he was hunched over, he was spying, he was watching.

Take a look at my suggestions, as well as the ideas that you've come up with, and jot down some of your favourite ways to describe Tim's actions onto your plan.

Pause the video video while you do that.

Well done, everyone.

Here's what I've written on my plan, but remember, yours is going to look different.

So I've written, "Hiding behind a broken stable wicket," and I've written, "Hiding," with a capital H because I'm going to use this as a non-finite subordinate clause to open a non-finite complex sentence.

And I've written my comma there as well.

So I know that I'm going to use a non-finite complex sentence to describe what Tim was doing.

I'm also going to refer to him as an ostler.

Remember, an ostler was a person who was employed to look after the horses of the people staying at the inn.

So the ostler intently spied on the couple.

He was focused on nothing else, he was just trying his absolute best to see what was going on and maybe hear what they were saying to each other.

Brilliant, now we've described what he was doing, we want to explain to our reader a little bit more about what he looks like.

So if we think back to the stanza, Alfred Noyes referred to his eyes as hollows of madness and his hair like mouldy hay, and the way his face was white and peaked.

So that makes me think his face was very thin and very pale.

You don't want to just copy exactly the same language that was used in the stanza completely, but you might take a couple of words here and there, then you might also use some different words, some synonyms, with your own vocabulary choices as well.

So take a moment to think about how we could describe Tim's appearance.

And if you've got a partner, you might want to share your ideas with them.

Great job, everyone.

Here are some ideas I came up with.

We might have had some of the same ideas, but my ideas might also be different to yours.

So I've used a compound adjective here, the mad-eyed ostler.

We might say he was jealous or envious.

We could refer to him as an ostler or we can refer to him as the stable boy.

We might refer to his eyes as bloodshot.

Now, I've made that up myself, there's no mention of him having bloodshot eyes in the poem, but I'm the author of my writing and if I've decided that he's got bloodshot, wild eyes, then I can do that.

So his eyes are really red.

Kinda makes him seem a bit more scary as well.

He has matted, dirty hair.

So in the poem, Alfred Noyes refers to his hair being like mouldy hay.

So really dry and like straw and all matted and knotted up together.

His skeletal face.

So his face is so thin and drawn looking, like the skin is pulled really tightly over the bones in his face, so it looks like a skeleton or a skull.

So we could describe his face with the adjective, skeletal.

Now you're going to consider some of my ideas, but also mainly focusing on your own ideas for how to describe Tim's appearance, and add your favourite ones to your plan.

Pause the video while you do that.

Brilliant work, everyone.

Here's what I've got on my plan.

Remember, it's gonna be different to yours.

So I've referred to him as a wild-eyed boy.

So the wild-eyed boy's skeletal face was filled with jealousy as he watched.

So then I can build on that idea more in my writing.

What was he watching? He was watching the way Bess looked adoringly at the Highwayman.

Remember, he loves Bess, so seeing Bess engaging with the Highwayman and having this romantic conversation is going to drive him wild with anger and rage and jealousy.

Now we're going to use some show-not-tell to describe Tim's reaction.

So it's really important here that we understand how Tim feels about Bess and how he's gonna feel about the Highwayman as the person that Bess loves.

So he's feeling really jealous.

He might also feel really hurt and rejected, upset, angry.

Loads of emotions that he's feeling right now.

Take some time to think about how we could convey these feelings using show-not-tell.

We could also do some naming of emotions as well, but I really want you to try and use some show-not-tell in addition to that.

Okay, everyone, here are my ideas.

His bloodshot eyes narrowed.

So his eyes are narrowing if he's getting angrier and angrier.

He clenched his fists with rage.

He scowled angrily.

So a scowl is when someone's eyebrows draw right down, they're looking very, very cross and they might have a frown on their face.

Angry tears bubbled in his eyes.

So he might be feeling so angry that he's actually about to cry with anger.

And that anger might be mixing up with feelings of sadness and hurt as well.

Now compare some of my ideas with some of your own ideas, and add your favourite ones to describe some show-not-tell for Tim.

And pause the video while you do that.

Brilliant work, everyone.

Here's my plan.

So I've mentioned that he's got clenched fists, but I'm actually going to write that as a fronted adverbial of manner.

So, "With clenched fists," that's how I'm gonna open one of my sentences.

I'm gonna say that, "The envious," so jealous or envious are both synonyms for each other, "The envious ostler, fists clenched, and angry tears bubbled in his eyes." Now, actually, looking at my plan, I'm not gonna write, "With clenched fists and his fists clenched together," 'cause that doesn't make sense.

But I might talk about perhaps him scowling, his eyes narrowing, lots of different things I could think about there.

Brilliant start, everyone.

I hope you're feeling really good about your plan for our writing today.

Now we're gonna use these plans to write the second part of the buildup.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it.

We use punctuation where we know the rules.

We showcase each sentence type we know.

We write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

We use spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

And we check and improve our writing when we think we've finished.

Here's our success criteria.

This is the exact same success criteria as what we used in part one of the buildup.

Let's read these through together.

I've used three different types of complex sentence.

I've used a range of figurative language and devices to build atmosphere.

If you want to really push yourself forward, maybe you try and use different figurative language and poetic devices this time to what you did in the buildup part one.

So if you used alliteration and onomatopoeia in part one, why not try some personification, or some metaphor, or simile, in part two.

Number three, I've used a hyphen to write at least one compound adjective.

Number four, I have used show-not-tell to convey characters' emotions.

All of these skills we know how to do, now it's about us applying them to our writing.

When using success criteria, which of these should we do? Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that you had need to use the success criteria as a guide of what to include and tick off each success criteria as you include it in your writing.

Now you're going to use your plan to write part two of the buildup.

You're going to build on your ideas from your plan when you're writing today.

Make sure you have your plan with you, ready for writing, 'cause this is where we've got all of our best ideas.

Before you go off and write your part two of the buildup, we're gonna read my example.

So I've got my success criteria here and my model.

Let's read it through together to begin.

"Hiding behind a creaky stable wicket, Tim the ostler spied on the pair of lovers.

His eyes, which were bloodshot and wild, narrowed in suspicion.

Whilst he watched them intently, the heartbroken boy's fists clenched with rage.

Furious tears threatened to cascade down his face as he turned away, devastated." So each one of my three sentences there, which form the whole paragraph, are complex.

So my first sentence, "Hiding behind a creaky stable wicket," is a non-finite complex sentence.

My second sentence, "His eyes, which were bloodshot and wild," this is a relative complex sentence.

And finally, "Furious tears threatened to cascade down his face as he turned away, devastated," this is an adverbial complex sentence, and my adverbial subordinate clause goes at the end of this sentence.

For that reason, I can tick off that I have used three different types of complex sentences.

Now, "Furious tears threatened to cascade down his face," remember, cascade means waterfall.

Which example of figurative language have I used here? Take a moment to think.

"Furious tears threatened to cascade down his face," this is personification.

Tears can't actually be furious 'cause furious is a human emotion, and tears can't threaten you, that's a human action.

So we've personified his tears.

And also, "To cascade down his face," this is a metaphor.

His tears aren't actually going to be a waterfall falling down his face, this metaphor shows just how emotional and upset he's feeling that so many tears would fall down his face, it's almost as if there'd be waterfalls coming down his face.

So I've used in one sentence, personification and metaphor.

So I can say that I have used figurative language here.

I've used a hyphen to write at least one compound adjective, heartbroken, "This heartbroken boy." And finally, show-not-tell, an example of which could be, "His eyes narrowed in suspicion," and also that his fists clenched.

So I've used two examples of show-not-tell in my paragraph.

Now you're going to use your plan and your success criteria to write your section two of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done, everyone.

Take a moment to reread your writing, and just ask yourself the question, did you include each of your success criteria in your writing? Make sure to tick off each one and check that you actually have the evidence of each one in your writing.

Once you've done that and you're happy with your writing, you have completed your task.

Well done, everyone.

That now brings us to the end of our lesson where today we've been planning and writing the second part of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

When planning, we can consider a character's appearance, actions and feelings to help our reader identify with them and picture them in their mind.

When writing, we use plans and success criteria to help us.

Description can be built with compound adjectives formed with hyphens and show-not-tell language.

Using a range of sentence structures and vocabulary choices enhances text cohesion.

I am so proud of the writing outcomes that you have produced in today's lesson, and I hope you're feeling really good about yours, too.