Lesson video

Hi everyone and welcome to our lesson today.

My name is Ms. Mullins and today we are going to be putting lots of the planning, the analysing, and the preparation for writing, to good use because today we're going to be writing the first part of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

By the end of today's lesson, you will have written a cohesive, descriptive, first part of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

Here are some of the key words we're going to be using.

Compound adjective.

Hyphen.

Show-not-tell.

Well done.

A compound adjective is an adjective formed of two hyphenated words.

A hyphen is a punctuation mark that can be used to form compound adjectives.

Show-not-tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings, with description of their actions, body language, and facial expressions.

Today, we are going to be writing the first part of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

We are going to be beginning with preparing to write and then we're gonna move on to writing part one of the buildup.

In our narrative writing, we use lots of techniques to create atmosphere and imagery.

For example, we use figurative language, which includes simile, metaphor and personification.

We then use poetic devices such as alliteration, repetition, and onomatopoeia.

And then we also can use compound adjectives.

Let's talk through these more in a little bit more detail.

A compound adjective is an adjective formed of two hyphenated words.

For example, dark-haired woman.

Candle-lit inn.

Love-struck robber.

Well done.

So we can use these compound adjectives to describe nouns in our writing.

These can allow us to create more vivid imagery for our reader, so they can really clearly picture what is happening in our writing in their minds eye.

This allows 'em to engage more with the writing and really feel like they're in the story.

So it's a really good way to keep them hooked into your writing.

Which sentence correctly uses compound adjectives or uses a compound adjective? Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that this is the correctly used compound adjective, Bess was the landlord's red-lipped daughter.

Red-lipped is the adjective or the compound adjective here to describe Bess.

Show-not-tell descriptions tell the reader what the character is thinking or feeling, by what they are doing or gesturing with their body or face.

So we can describe a character's facial expressions.

We can describe their actions.

We can describe their body language, but we can also describe the internal physical feelings of the character.

So imagining what it might feel like in their bodies, such as how their heart is feeling, how they're feeling in their stomach.

So for example, I know if I feel really, really nervous about something, my heart might pound, or my stomach might be filled with butterflies.

If I'm feeling really, really embarrassed, I might feel my cheeks growing red or feel my self getting very hot and feeling humiliated.

Show-not-tell, helps the reader engage with the character's thoughts and feelings.

So by using show-not-tell, we can actually help our reader engage with a character, even if we don't like the character that much or they're an evil character.

Using show-not-tell can help the reader understand what's going on in their mind, and maybe actually be able to identify with that character more easily, and really connect with them.

Show-not-tell can be a more engaging way to share the character's gestures and actions rather than simply telling the reader how they feel.

It is much more interesting to use show-not-tell at times because if we just told our reader how the character's feeling every single time, it would actually become quite boring for the reader, and a bit too easy for them.

That's not to say that we can never just tell our reader how the character's feeling.

We can definitely do that sometimes, but it's nice to have a mix of the two, to keep our reader engaged.

Which sentence uses show-not-tell.

Pause the video while you decide.

Well done if you spotted that the correct answer was A, The Highwayman's heart raced as the seconds ticked past.

In this example, we've described the physical internal feelings that "The Highwayman" is feeling with his heart racing.

So his heart race, that might show that the seconds were ticking past where Bess hadn't answered his tap on the window or his whistle and to signal to her.

So if his heart was racing, that is an indicator to our reader that he might have been starting to feel very nervous and panicked that maybe she wasn't at home.

Now it's time for your task.

Sort the descriptions into tell and show-not-tell.

So tell is simply when we tell our reader how a character is feeling and Show-not-tell, as we've talked about is when we give our reader clues about how the character is feeling.

Pause the video while you complete your task.

Great work, everyone.

"Relief washed over her" is an example of tell 'cause we're telling our reader that she feels relieved.

"Hopelessness threatened to overcome him." This is an example of tell, because we're just telling our reader that he feels hopeless in this moment.

Show-not-tell would be, "She beamed".

A beam is a really bright, radiant, overjoyed smile.

So we haven't told our reader how she's feeling, but they can work out that she's feeling really happy.

"His shoulders slumped".

We haven't told our reader how the character actually feels, but they can work out that maybe he's feeling dejected, or he's feeling really disappointed or disheartened if his shoulders have slumped downwards.

"His heart sank." Again, this is a nice way to describe maybe the internal physical feelings that the character has.

His heart sank, maybe disappointment, or worry starting to settle in if he thinks that maybe Bess isn't at home, or isn't going to answer his signal.

Well done everyone, what a brilliant start.

And now that we've prepared to write, we're gonna move on to writing part one of the buildup.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it.

We use punctuation where we know the rules, showcase every sentence type we know.

We write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

We use spelling strategies to spell our words accurately.

And finally, we check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

To help us with our writing today, we're going to use our plan, but we're also going to use some success criteria.

And these are really, really important because they act as a really helpful checklist to remind us of all of the work we've been doing throughout our unit, and how we can implement the skills we've been learning into our writing to show off how we can use them.

Let's read through our success criteria together.

I have used three different types of complex sentences.

So our adverbial complex, our relative complex, and our non finite complex.

I have used a range of figurative language and devices to build atmosphere.

So metaphor, simile, personification, alliteration, onomatopoeia, repetition.

We don't have to do every single one of those things, but using a few of those different strategies can help to build atmosphere in our writing.

I have used a hyphen to write at least one compound adjective, and I have used show-not-tell to convey characters emotions.

When using success criteria, which of these should we do? Pause the video, while you decide.

Well done.

If you've spotted that we should use the success criteria as a guide of what to include, and we should also tick off each success criteria as we include it in our writing.

We do not need to only include the skills mentioned in the success criteria 'cause we'll naturally include lots of other things as well.

This is not a finite list of only what you're allowed to use, but this is the key things we want to use in our writing today.

Use your plan to write your setting in character description.

It's so important that we use our plan because so much thinking and preparation went into our planning lesson.

Build on your ideas from your plan when you're writing today.

Most of the information in our plan will be written with bullet points and in note form.

So now we need to expand those ideas into full sentences.

Make sure you have your plan with you ready for writing.

If you need to pause the video while you go and get your plan, do that now.

Okay everyone, before you start writing your part one of the buildup, I am going to model writing my paragraph using the success criteria to guide me.

Once we've done that, then you'll go off and do your own.

Okay, everyone, thank you so much for joining me to help me with my writing.

As you can see, I've stuck in my success criteria, and I've already started by writing a couple of sentences.

Let's read them through together.

"Galloping through the darkness, the weary", that means tired, "Highwayman, caught sight of a lonely-looking inn." Okay, so here I have got my non finite subordinate clause.

So this is a non finite complex sentence.

"I've got this lonely-looking." This is a compound adjective, but you might spot I've missed out my hyphen, so I've got to do that.

"A lonely-looking inn." Okay, immediately, I've already done a hyphen for a compound adjective.

"He had finally reached his destination." A nice simple sentence there, to show my reader that he has got to where he wanted to be.

Now I'm going to use some onomatopoeia and alliterative words to describe the sounds of the horse's hooves.

Firstly, I'm going to use the adverb of manner, deafeningly.

Now, this is a fronted adverbial, so I need a comma.

"Deafeningly, his horse's hooves.

His horse's hooves." Now I'm magpieing some sound words from the stands of some onomatopoeic words, clattered and clashed.

Across.

Across the." I'm gonna describe the cobbles with an EMP.

So I'm gonna start with uneven, and now we know this is quite an dilapidated inn, so I'm gonna also say that they're cracked.

So, "Uneven, cracked cobbles".

So here, I have used alliteration with clattered and clashed and alliteration with cracked and cobbles.

Clattered and clashed are also onomatopoeic words.

So I've used onomatopoeia and alliteration in one sentence there.

Let's just reread the sentence one more time.

"Definitely, his horse's hooves." Oh, so the hooves belong to the horse.

There's one horse, that means we need to show singular possession using an apostrophe.

"Clattered and clashed across the uneven cracked cobbles." Now I want to showcase a nice adverbial complex sentence.

So I'm gonna go with subordinate conjunction as, "As each step echoed." Again, I'm thinking about signs here for my reader to bring this scene to life for them.

"As each step echoed, the gallant travellers." Gallant means breathe.

I don't wanna just call him the highwayman" again and again 'cause that gets quite boring for my reader and for me.

So I'm gonna refer to him as a gallant traveller.

"The gallant traveler's excitement." The excitement belongs to the gallant traveler's.

That singular possession there, and I've not forgotten my apostrophe this time, grew.

Let's reread my sentence.

"As each step echoed, the gallant traveler's excitement grew." You might have spotted, I need to separate my subordinate adverbial clause from the main clause using a comma.

So now I've got a non finite complex sentence and an adverbial complex sentence.

Now I just need to have a relative complex sentence.

so I'll think about that for later.

I wanna get in some show-not-tell though.

So he is really excited about seeing Bess.

I'm gonna show this, with his heart wrist.

So he's feeling really excited, maybe a bit nervous, at the thought of seeing her face again.

"Of seeing." I'm just gonna go with seeing her again.

"Of seeing her again." Okay, so now his heart race.

There's my nice show-not-tell.

I can tick that off on my success criteria.

Okay, now I'm gonna give my reader some adverbial detail at the start of my relative complex sentence.

So I'm gonna tell my reader where he is, an adverb of place.

"Below her window." And this is adverbial detail at the front of a sentence, it's a front of adverbial, so I need a comma.

"Below her window, he reached up to tap." There's another onomatopoeic word, "His whip loudly on the shutters." Now what could I tell my reader about the shutters as a which clause? "He reached up to tap his," oh, I've forgotten a word there.

"His whip loudly on the shutters." I'm gonna go with, "Which were locked and barred." Again, I've magpied some of the language from the original stands of the poem itself.

Let's read the whole sentence together.

"Below her window, he reached up to tap his whip loudly on the shutters, which were locked and barred.

Now I've got my which clause starting with that which relative pronoun, but I've got to remember to separate it from the main clause using a comma.

Now I want a short sentence for effect.

I'm just gonna go with, "No one came." That really helps stretch the moment I build the tension.

I also, in my plan, I included a rhetorical question.

I'm gonna use that here to finish my paragraph.

"Was he too late? And what do I need to finish? A question.

Well done.

I need a question mark.

This is a nice way for me to help my reader get inside the mind of my character, and see what questions were racing through his mind.

Let's read through the whole thing one more time.

"Galloping through the darkness, the weary highwayman caught sight of a lonely-looking inn.

He had finally reached his destination.

Deafeningly his horse's hooves, clattered and clashed across the uneven, cracked cobbles.

As each step echoed, the gallant traveler's excitement grew.

His heart raced at the thought of seeing her again.

Below her window, he reached up to tap his whip loudly on the shutters, which were locked and barred.

No one came.

Was he too late?" So I've used three different types of complex sentence here.

So now I can tick off the final part of my success criteria, now I can see I've met all of them.

I feel really happy with what I've explained here.

And now my second paragraph would be all about introducing Bess to the scene.

Thank you so much for your help with that.

Thank you so much for your help with my writing just now.

So you'll see from my writing, that I used my plan.

I also used my success criteria and made sure to tick off my success criteria as I completed my writing.

And I also made sure to keep on stopping, thinking about each sentence in advance, writing it down, and then rereading it again to make sure that it made sense and I hadn't made any mistakes.

And then I reread the whole piece at the end just to make sure I was happy with it.

Now, you are going to use your success criteria to guide you, when drafting your sentences as a full paragraph.

Make sure to reread each sentence as you write and check for edits and improvements you can make as you go along.

Pause the video now, while you complete your task.

Well done everyone.

Now that you have written your section or part one of the buildup, we are going to read an example that you could have written.

But of course this example is going to be different from my example.

Okay, so, "Alone in the darkness, an abandoned dilapidated tavern, jutted out of the mirror.

The desolate Inn, which was candle-lit, had locks and bars on its windows.

Charging as fast as a bullet over the cobbles, the Highwayman's horse clattered to a halt at the door of the inn.

As he noticed the darkened windows the Highwayman's heart sank.

Was he too late? With a last desperate bid for hope, the rubber whistled a tune to the window, and at last, the landlord's mesmerising daughter Bess appeared.

Her radiant face blossomed into a glorious smile as she gazed down at her love.

In this example, I have included three different types of complex sentences.

I have included, show-not-tell.

I have included a compound adjective, and I have included a range of different poetic devices.

Take a moment to reread your work, and make sure that you have met all of your success criteria.

You could even magpie some examples from this model if you would like to, or draw on ideas from what you've just read and edit them to make them your own.

Brilliant work, everyone.

That now brings us on to the end of our lesson where we have been writing the first part of the buildup of "The Highwayman".

In narrative writing, we can use a range of descriptive devices to create imagery and atmosphere for our reader.

Show-not-tell is a powerful technique which enables readers to understand the feelings of characters.

When writing it is important to say each sentence out loud before we actually write it down.

Our plans and success criteria, help us when we are writing.

I hope you're feeling so proud of the writing that you have produced in our lesson today.

I am feeling so proud of what you have done.

Well done everyone, and I'll see you again soon.