Lesson video

Hi, everyone, and welcome to our lesson today.

Today, we're going to be writing the third part of the build-up of "The Highwayman." In today's lesson, you will be writing the third part of the build-up of "The Highwayman," including dialogue.

Here are some keywords we're going to use.

Purpose.

Dialogue.

Speech first.

Speech second.

Well done.

The purpose is the aim of the text.

Dialogue is when two or more characters are speaking in a text.

A speech first sentence is a speech sentence that includes direct speech first before the reporting clause.

A speech second sentence is a speech sentence that includes direct speech second after the reporting clause.

Today, we're going to be writing the third part of the build-up of "The Highwayman." We're going to begin by preparing to write, and then we're going to move on to writing part three of the build-up.

Throughout this unit, we've been basing our writing on Alfred Noye's narrative poem, "The Highwayman." "The Highwayman," is set in rural England in the 18th century.

Here's a summary of our writing so far.

Stanza one and two were about the setting and the Highwayman, and we based our setting and character description on these two stanzas.

Stanzas three and four were about Bess and Tim.

Stanza three form part one of our build-up and stanza four form part two of the build-up.

And we've written these two sections.

Stanza's five and six form part three of the build-up, and that's what we are writing today.

Let's review stanzas five and six of "The Highwayman." Let's read it together there.

"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize tonight, but I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light; Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day, when look for me by moonlight, watch for me by moonlight, I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way.

He rose upright in the stirrups.

He scarce could reach her hand, but she loosened her hair in the casement.

His face burnt like a brand as the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast; And he kissed its waves in the moonlight, O, sweet black waves in the moonlight! Then he tugged at his rain in the moonlight and galloped away to the west." What do you think is the purpose of the build-up? Have a moment to think.

You could use this sentence scaffold to help you.

The purpose of the build-up is to introduce key characters and storyline, to build the tension of the plot, and to give clues about what will happen later in the story.

We also need to keep our reader engaged, so that they want to keep on reading more.

What is the purpose of the build-up? Pause the video while you decide.

One purpose of the build-up is to keep the reader engaged.

Another is to introduce key characters and storyline.

And finally, we want to give our reader clues about what might happen later in the story.

In part three of the build-up, we're going to write about two key events.

The first paragraph is going to be dialogue between Bes and the Highwayman.

The second paragraph is going to be about the Highwayman leaving.

Dialogue is spoken words between two or more people in a text.

Dialogue can be written in the form of speech first or speech second sentences.

Match the direct speech sentence types to their examples.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done if you spotted that.

"If I'm not back in the morning, I will return by tomorrow night, no matter what," promise the Highwayman as Bess fought back tears.

This is an example of a speech first sentence, because the direct speech comes first before the reporting clause.

As Bess fought back tears, the Highwayman promised, "If I'm not back in the morning, I will return by tomorrow night, no matter what." This time, this sentence is in the form of a speech second sentence, because the direct speech comes second after the reporting clause.

Here's the success criteria for our writing today.

Let's take a moment to read through it together.

I have used one example of speech first and speech second.

I have started a new line for a new speaker.

I have given additional information about the speaker in the reporting clause, using adverbial detail or subordination.

I have used show-not-tell to convey characters' feelings.

We're going to use all of these skills in our writing today.

Now, it's time for your task.

You're going to read my model of paragraph one, where Bess and the Highwayman speak to each other.

Then, you're going to find and underline one example of each element of the success criteria in my model.

Let's begin by reading through my model together.

"As the Highwayman leapt onto his stallion, he explained to Bess, 'My dearest love, I must leave now, but have no fear.

I returned before dawn.

' 'I shall watch for you by moonlight,' promised his beloved, blowing him one final kiss.

She put on a brave face as she tried to ignore the knots in her stomach and the tears burning in her eyes, desperate to flood down her cheeks." Pause the video while you complete your task.

Well done, everyone.

So, the first of our success criteria was one example of speech first and speech second.

So in my first sentence, I've used a speech second sentence.

This is a speech second, because the direct speech comes after the reporting clause.

Then Bess' speech is a speech first sentence, because the speech comes first in the sentence before the reporting clause.

Now, have I remembered to take a new line for a new speaker? Yes, I have.

So when Bess starts to speak, it's not a new paragraph, but just dropping down one line.

Have I given additional information about the speaker in the reporting clause using adverbial detail or subordination? So in my first sentence, I have used an adverbial subordinate clause to give extra information about the Highwayman.

"As the Highwayman leapt onto his stallion," so there's one example.

In my second sentence, my speech sentence for Bess, I have used a non-finite subordinate clause, "Blowing him one final kiss," to describe what Bess was doing as she spoke.

So, I can tick off this success criteria.

Have I used show-not-tell to compare the character's feelings? Well, whenever I was talking about Bess in this final sentence, I said that she had knots in her stomach and there were tears burning in her eyes.

So here, I have used some show-not-tell, to describe her feelings.

Well done, everyone.

We're onto such a brilliant start of our lesson.

Now, we're going to move on to writing part three of the build-up.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

We plan and say each sentence before we write it.

We use punctuation where we know the rules.

We showcase each sentence type we know.

We write letters neatly on the line in joint handwriting.

And we use spelling strategies to spell words accurately.

Finally, we check and improve our writing when we think we've finished.

Let's just have a reminder of our success criteria once again.

So, one example of speech first and speech second.

Remembering to take a new line for a new speaker.

Giving additional information about speaker in the reporting clause.

And using show-not-tell to convey characters' feelings.

That's what we want to do in this piece of writing, so part three of the build-up.

Firstly, I'm going to show you how to draught the dialogue section.

So, I'm going to model writing my own dialogue section now and then you can help me check that I've used the success criteria.

Okay, everyone, so as you can see, I have stuck in my success criteria, draw my margin, and I'm ready to go.

So now, I'm going to be modelling doing my dialogue paragraph.

I'm going to start with a speech first sentence for Bess.

So in my paragraph, Bess is going to be the first speaker.

So, I really, really need to focus on my speech first punctuation here.

So, I'm gonna start by indenting in from the margin and remembering with a speech first sentence, I need to start with my inverted commas.

Now, I'm going to go with what Bess said was, "At last." Now, I've got my capital letter to start my speech sentence.

"I was worried you wouldn't come." Now remember, during our planning lesson, we actually talked about how using contracted words in speech can be quite a nice way to show sort of a degree of variation in language between the narrator's language and the direct speech in the sentence.

So, "At last, I was worried you wouldn't," with my apostrophe for contraction, "come." Now that's what Bess said, this is the direct speech.

So, I'm closing with my inverted commas and because I've used an an exclamation mark here, it's an appropriate synonym to said for said to use the word exclaimed.

So "At last, I was worried you wouldn't come," exclaimed Bess.

Now, I want to show some additional information about what Bess was doing or how she was feeling in my reporting clause.

So, I'm gonna go with an adverb of manner, with a sigh of relief.

So, she was so relieved to see the Highwayman arriving at her in yard.

Okay, so let's just take a moment to review the speech first sentence.

"And last, I was worried you wouldn't come," exclaim Bess with a sigh of relief.

Oh, now you might have spotted I'm missing one piece of punctuation here.

Before my closing in, I need to use a comma.

So here, we are now.

We're good to go.

So, I've done a speech first.

Now, I'm going to move on to the Highwayman.

Now, I'm going to take a new line here.

It's not a new paragraph, but just a new line.

So "Gazing up," I'm gonna go with a non-finite subordinate clause to open my speech second sentence.

So, gazing up at his dark-haired love.

At his dark-haired, oh, whoops.

Gazing up at his dark-haired.

Now, Bess, we can describe her as dark-haired.

So, we are gonna use a compound adjective here.

Gazing up at his dark-haired love, the horseman.

I could refer to him as the Highwayman, but I've done that so many times now.

So, I'm going to use some variation in how I respond or how I refer to him.

Now, he's speaking back to her so I could write responded or replied.

I'm gonna go with replied, the horseman replied.

Now this is my speech second sentence, so I need to use my punctuation.

So, opening my inverted commas.

"It's like a dream," it is, "It's like a dream to see you again." "Again." "But," now, this is a compound sentence, so I need a comma in front of my but, "but I must leave now.

I must leave now.

I promise." Full stop.

"I promise I return tomorrow.

Promise I return tomorrow." Okay, full stop.

Now, this is my speech second sentence.

Let's read through it now once again.

Gazing up at his dark-haired love the horseman replied, "It's like a dream to see you again, but I must leave now.

I promise I return tomorrow." Now you might be able to spot that I've actually missed out a few bits of punctuation here.

Let's go from the start.

Gazing up at his dark-haired love, we need a comma after a non-finite subordinate clause.

The horseman replied, oh, I've fallen into that trap that so many people fall into.

I've forgotten my comma before my opening inverted commas in speech second.

"It's," I've got my apostrophe for contraction, "like a dream to see you again, but I must leave now.

I promise I'll," I forgot that one.

I will, it's a contracted words, so I need my apostrophe.

"Return tomorrow." I need closing inverted commas for the end of this speech second sentence.

Now, I've checked it.

I've now done a speech second.

I've done them both now, so I can tick this off.

I have started a new line for a new speaker.

here.

And I've given additional information about the speaker in the reporting clause.

So with my first one, I give an adverb of manner.

In my second speech sentence, I used an non-finite subordinate clause.

So, I can tick this one off.

Now, I'm gonna write a final sentence in this paragraph to show how Bess reacted and show some, use some show-not-tell.

So, I'm gonna use a nice cohesive opener here, at his words.

I could have done something like as he spoke as well.

At his words, now, what did Bess do? How can I show her reaction and her emotions through her actions? I'm gonna go with her shoulders slumped.

So, Bess is, her shoulders belong to Bess.

So, Bess' shoulders slumped.

And I'm gonna give something else as well.

And another bit of show-not-tell.

She's feeling really disappointed.

I'm thinking about her facial expressions.

Thinking back to our drama lesson.

I know I'm gonna go with she frowned in disappointment.

Disappointment.

Now, disappointment is a tricky word.

It's got that double P in it, full stop.

Okay, now let's reread the entire piece just to make sure it's cohesive and it makes sense.

"At last, I was worried you wouldn't come," exclaimed Bess with a sigh of relief.

Gazing up at his dark-haired love, the horseman replied, "It's like a dream to see you again, but I must leave now.

I promise I'll return tomorrow." At his words, Bess' shoulders slumped and she frowned in disappointment.

Now, I've used some show-not-tell to also convey my characters' feelings.

Thank you so much for your help, everyone.

Thank you so much for your help, everyone, with my writing just now.

So now that you've watched me draught my dialogue paragraph, it's now your turn.

So for your task, you're going to use your success criteria to guide you and draught your dialogue section as a full paragraph.

Make sure to reread each sentence as you write and check for edits and improvements that you can make.

Pause the video now while you complete your task.

Well done, everyone.

Now, everybody's writing is going to look a little bit different and that's great, because we want lots and lots of different variations of this dialogue paragraph.

Just have a moment to think.

Did you use your success criteria to help you and did you use your plan? Remember, you can tick off your success criteria as you complete each one in your writing.

Here's my example.

With tears brimming in her eyes, Bess pleaded, "Please don't go, you only just got here." "I promise you I'll be back by tomorrow evening.

Watch for me by moonlight," reassure the gallant traveller as he mounted his steed.

The young maiden put on a brave face as she tried to ignore the knot in her stomach and the tears burning her eyes, desperate to flood down her cheeks.

Now, I'm going to show you how to draught the next paragraph.

So in the next paragraph, the Highwayman leaves Bess.

Then you're going to help me check that I've used my success criteria.

Hello again, everyone.

So we've already written the first paragraph, which was all about the dialogue between Bess and the Highwayman.

And now, I'm gonna write my second paragraph, which is about when the Highwayman leaves.

This is from the second part of our plan.

So, I have already written a sentence with a non-finite subordinate clause.

So when I'm thinking about, and I've also used quite a few adverbs of manner, like with a sigh of relief.

So, I'm now going to actually use a different type of subordinate clause to open my sentence, my first sentence of my next paragraph.

I'm gonna go with an add verbal subordinate clause, starting with the subordinate in conjunction as.

So remembering to do my indentation for a new paragraph.

And I've skipped two lines this time to take a new paragraph.

So as he turned to leave.

So, I've told my reader that he's what he's doing.

As he turned to leave.

Now, I need to use a comma after my adverbial subordinate clause 'cause it's opening the sentence.

What else did he do? I'm gonna say that he blew Bess a final kiss goodbye.

So, I'm just gonna refer to him as the Highwayman.

A bit of a squeeze there.

The Highwayman blew Bess a final kiss goodbye.

So, it's really important that my reader understands what's actually happening here.

And I think with this complex sentence, it's really clear for my reader what's going on now in this moment.

So as he turned to leave, the Highwayman blew Bess a final.

Oh, a final what goodbye.

A final kiss goodbye.

So easy when we're focusing on lots of things to forget some words in our sentences.

Okay, now I have technically already met all of my success criteria, but in this paragraph, I'm not using speech.

So, success criteria one, two, and three aren't applicable here, because I'm not including speech in this paragraph.

So, I'm gonna take an opportunity to use some more show-not-tell instead, okay? I have already done some show-not-tell for Bess.

Now, I'm gonna do some show-not-tell for the Highwayman to show how he was feeling.

I'm gonna go with some adverbial detail here.

An adverb of manner.

So with a heavy heart, now this is a fronted adverbial 'cause it's going at the start of the sentence.

So with a heavy heart, I need a comma after a frontal adverbial, he grabbed.

I'm thinking back to the start of what did he grab hold of? He grabbed hold of the reins, didn't he? He grabbed his horses reins.

Now, who do the reins belong to? Well done, the horse.

So, horse's.

The horse's reins and galloped off to the west.

Again, (indistinct) some language from the original narrative poems stanza six.

Galloped, remember a horse running fast off to the west.

Full stop.

Let's reread and just check for any mistakes.

As he turned to leave, the Highwayman blew Bess a final kiss goodbye.

With a heavy heart, he grabbed his horse's reins.

Oh, I wonder if you can spot the mistake I've made.

Reins is a homophone.

That means it's a word that can be spelt in different ways and have different meanings.

I've written the horse's reins incorrectly as in rain, as in weather, water falling from the sky.

That's not the correct spelling of reins, is it? I need to think back to the stanza.

Maybe you can help me.

How do we spell reins, as in horses reins? It's in R-E-I-N-S, reins, and galloped off to the west.

So here, I've got a nice compound sentence with and being my co-ordinate in conjunction here.

Great.

And I don't need to tick it again because I've already met it, but I know I've also used some show-not-tell.

With a heavy heart.

Brilliant.

Now, I'm feeling really happy about this final paragraph.

And thank you so much for your help.

Once again, thank you so much for your help with draught, with me drafting my second paragraph of this part of the build-up.

Now you are going to use your success criteria to help you draught your second paragraph.

And again, make sure to reread each sentence as you write and check for edits and improvements that you can make.

Pause the video while you complete your task.

Brilliant work, everyone.

So again, I'm so, so pleased and I know that you're going to be using loads of amazing language choices and show-not-tell in this section of our writing.

Now, before we move on to actually reading my example, let's just do a quick check.

Did you use your success criteria to help you and did you use your plan? Here's my example.

Turning to wave a final goodbye, the Highwayman sighed and gathered his steed's reins before he reluctantly departed.

Once again, only the sound of galloping hooves could be heard as the love-struck robber disappeared over the horizon.

Now in this second paragraph, I have used show-not-tell to convey my character's feelings.

So, I've got here that the Highwayman's sighed, showing that maybe he's feeling a bit deflated or a little bit sad about having to leave.

And I've also used that adverb, he reluctantly departed.

So, he didn't want to leave but he had to.

Well done, everyone.

And that now brings us on to the end of our lesson, where today we've been writing the third part of the build-up of "The Highwayman." The purpose of the build-up is to keep the reader engaged and further develop the plot and characters.

When writing it is important to use a plan and success criteria.

Dialogue can be used to convey character and move the story forward.

When a new speaker speaks during dialogue, we start a new line to signal the new speaker.