Lesson video

Hello everyone, my name is Mr. Brown, and I am your English teacher for today's lesson.

And we're going to be planning the buildup of "The Viewer." So for that lesson, you'll of course need a copy of this text.

It is "The Viewer," written by Gary Crew.

So pause the video and get your copy of "The Viewer" now.

Okay, I am now going to continue presuming that you have your copy of the text.

Let's get started.

The outcome for today's lesson is I can plan the buildup of "The Viewer." The keywords we'll use are planning, relative clause, relative pronoun.

Let's say this together.

My turn, then your turn.

Planning, relative clause, relative pronoun.

Very good.

The definition to planning involves using a framework that writers create before they write a section or whole text.

A relative clause is a type of subordinate clause that starts with a relative pronoun.

A relative pronoun is a word that starts a relative clause, like who or which.

The lesson outline for today, we will be preparing to plan at the start of the lesson, and then moving on to writing the plan itself.

In today's lesson, we will be planning the buildup of "The Viewer." Now, "The Viewer" is a narrative fiction text written by Gary Crew and illustrated by Shaun Tan.

A narrative can be structured like this.

We can have the opening buildup, climax and resolution.

And in today's lesson, we are planning the buildup.

Now, the purpose of the buildup, well, that's to do these two things, develop the plot and characters and introduce a problem and give clues about what will happen later in the story.

Also, to start to build up tension and excitement to keep the reader engaged.

Let's check our understanding.

Which of the following are a purpose of the buildup? Is it A, to describe the setting? B, build up tension and excitement to keep the reader engaged.

C, develop the plot and characters.

D, to give clues about what may happen later in the story.

Pause the video and decide now.

Welcome back.

Okay, let's see if you found the correct answers.

So B, build up tension and excitement to keep the reader engaged.

C, develop the plot and characters.

And D, to give clues about what may happen later in the story.

Describing the setting, A, well, that is done in the opening.

Here's a model of the buildup of "The Viewer." "A mysterious object was calling out to Tristan "and his eyes widened.

"The curious boy reached down "to pick up a peculiar wooden box.

"He felt that there was something unusual about this item.

"A moment later, Tristan, "who was clutching his newly found treasure, "scurried out of the dump as quietly as a mouse." Let's move on to the next paragraph, the next part of the buildup.

"Later that day, "the eager boy raced through his dinner "and sprinted to his room to explore the box further.

"Gently, Tristan placed the box onto his bed "and noticed that the latch suddenly released.

"He lifted the lid like a surgeon "and peered inside the box, "which was full of unusual devices, "including an old viewing machine "with discs containing images.

"His heart beat wildly in anticipation.

"He wondered what the pictures would be.

"Raising the contraption to his eyes, "he held his breath and pressed the lever.

"The tiny sound "of the machine's ancient mechanisms whirring to life "trickled into Tristan's ears, "and a light began to appear.

"The disc which was now pressed inside the machine "started to rotate." And that is our buildup.

That's what we are aiming to produce.

Today's lesson, we are planning, so we are going to be planning to be able to write something like that.

We want our buildup to be suspenseful and exciting to read.

Using a creative writing technique called show not tell will help to achieve this.

Now, show not tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language and facial expressions.

Show not tell allows the reader to observe the emotions of a character, the emotions they may be experiencing, and decide for themselves how that character is feeling.

Writers can also use show and tell, which involves showing the reader how a character is feeling and telling them too.

Which of these is a example of show not tell? "Tristan felt excited to open the box." "Tristan's heart beat wildly." "Tristan was very excited." So which one shows you and doesn't tell you how Tristan is feeling? Which one shows you what his body is doing? A, B or C? Pause the video and decide now.

Welcome back.

Okay, so congratulations if you said B, "Tristan's heart beat wildly." If your heart is beating wildly, you are excited or you are full of adrenaline.

A, "Tristan felt excited to open the box," well, that tells the reader how he feels, and C, "Tristan was very excited," again, tells the reader how he feels.

So B was the correct answer.

If someone's heart is beating wildly, it is an indication of heightened emotions due to excitement, nervousness, fear or anxiety.

So anytime a character is feeling excited, nervous, feeling afraid or anxious, you can use their heart beat wildly.

So this is a great phrase to just keep in your head for future writing too.

Which of these is an example of show and tell? Is it A, "Tristan couldn't wait." Is it B, "Tristan's heart beat wildly." Or is it C, "Tristan's heart beat wildly in excitement." A, B or C? Pause the video and decide.

Show and tell, decide now.

Welcome back.

Okay, A, "Tristan couldn't wait." B, "Tristan's heart beat wildly." Well, they are not the correct answers.

It is C, "Tristan's heart beat wildly in excitement." So we know that his heart is beating wildly and it's doing it in excitement because he is excited.

That's show and tell.

It tells you how he's feeling, he's excited.

And it shows you how he's feeling because his heart beat wildly.

Well done if you said C.

Show heart beat wildly, tell excitement.

This example shows the feeling and also tells the reader as well.

A relative clause is a type of subordinate clause that starts with a relative pronoun.

A relative clause can be used to give additional information about the noun that comes before it.

A relative clause always starts with a relative pronoun.

Let's say that together, really important.

A relative clause always starts with a relative pronoun.

We have learned just two relative pronouns that can start relative clauses in relative complex sentences.

They are who and which.

Who and which, they are the relative pronouns that can start relative clauses in complex sentences.

Let me say that one more time just to help you understand.

Who and which are the relative pronouns, and they start relative clauses.

Relative clauses, they come in relative complex sentences.

Okay, we want our writing to be full of detail, and relative clauses are a great way to add additional information for the reader.

For example, "Tristan was a curious boy." Well, that's the main clause.

I could leave it there.

But the fact that I've added, "Who often spent time alone," well, that's more detail, that's more information for the reader and that is my relative clause.

"Tristan was a curious boy," main clause, "Who often spent time alone," relative clause.

Now, in this example, the relative clause is, "Who often spent time alone," and it provides more information about the noun, Tristan.

The relative pronoun who is used to connect these clauses in the sentence.

So who is the relative pronoun, which is used to connect the main clause and the relative clause together.

It starts the relative clause.

Which of these words is a relative pronoun? Is it A, who, B, and, C, which? Which of these words are relative pronouns? And there may be more than one.

Pause the video and decide now.

Welcome back, everyone.

So I can tell you now there are more than one correct answer.

There are two correct answers.

So if you only have one, you might want to pause the video again to find the other one.

But I think we are ready to move on.

So let's see which of these words are relative pronouns.

Congratulations if you said A, who and C, which.

And is not a relative pronoun.

Well done if you said A and C.

Relative clauses can be added at the end of a main clause or embedded into the main clause.

For example, "The machine seemed made for Tristan." Comma, that's the end of my main clause.

"Who held it up to his eyes," that's the relative clause.

The bit that tells more information about the noun, which is Tristan, that's the relative clause coming after the main clause.

But here, "The machine, "which was held up to Tristan's eyes, "seemed made for him," the relative clause has been embedded.

It has been put into the middle of this sentence.

And now the noun that we are talking about, the relative clause is about, is the machine because the relative clause comes directly after the noun that it is adding more information about.

The relative clause needs commas to separate it from the main clause.

So if the relative clause comes after the main clause, it will just be main clause, comma, relative clause.

If the relative clause is embedded, it will be the noun, relative clause with those commas, and then the main clause.

So how do we know which relative pronoun to use? We know that there is who and which, two options.

But how do you know which one to use? Well, who is if the noun is a person or character, and which is if the noun is a place or thing.

If you were writing a relative pronoun to add additional information about Tristan, you would use who because he is a person.

Let's have a look and check your understanding.

Select the correct relative pronoun to complete these sentences.

A, "He lifted the lid like a surgeon "and appeared inside the box, "hmm, was full of unusual devices." Is it, "Who was full of unusual devices," or, "Which was full of unusual devices?" How about B, "Tristan, hmm, was clutching his newly found treasure, "quietly scurried out of the dump." "Tristan, who was clutching his newly found treasure, "quietly scurried out of the dump." Or, "Tristan, which was clutching his newly found treasure, "quietly scurried out of the dump." Now, you can see I'm reading them out loud to see which one sounds right.

You would want to do that, as well as use your knowledge of knowing that who is for people and characters and which is for objects.

The last one, I am not going to read out loud because I want you to read it out loud to see how it sounds too.

Okay, A, B and C, your job is to select the correct relative pronoun to complete these sentences.

Pause the video and have a go at this task now.

Welcome back.

Okay, let's see how you got on.

A, "He lifted the lid like a surgeon "and peered inside the box." So this relative clause is coming directly after the noun box.

Box, is that a who or a which? Well, of course, it is a which.

The box is an object, it is not a person, which means that which was the correct relative pronoun for A.

Now B, Tristan, comma.

Now we've got the start of our relative clause.

We know that the noun that the relative clause will be about is Tristan, who's a person.

So it must be who.

Okay, how about C? "The disc, which was now pressed inside the machine, "started to rotate." The disc is an object, so it would be which.

Well done if you got these correct.

Time for a practise task.

I would like you to add additional information to these main clauses by adding a relative clause to each.

Include an embedded relative clause for at least one.

So we have number one, "Tristan sat on his bed." Number two, "Tristan's eyes were drawn "towards a viewing machine." And number three, "Three discs were held tightly in Tristan's hand." Your job is to add relative clauses to those three main clauses.

Okay, over to you.

Pause the video and have a go at this task now.

Welcome back.

Okay, let's see how you got on.

So number one, "Tristan sat on his bed." You may have gone in a different direction, but the direction I went in was, "Tristan, who was full of anticipation, sat on his bed." So that's an embedded relative clause.

You might have added more information about his bed.

You may have said, "Tristan sat on his bed," which was, whatever it was, which was covered in cushions, which had the box on top.

Okay, number two, "Tristan's eyes were drawn towards a viewing machine." So you may have, so first we're looking for the nouns, aren't we? And it may have been the eyes, Tristan's eyes, that you have added your relative clause about, in which case it will be embedded, or it may be the viewing machine, in which case it won't be an embedded relative clause.

It'll be at the end.

Let's have a look at what I went with.

"Tristan's eyes were drawn towards a viewing machine, "which looked like something "his grandparents may have played with." Okay, so I have used which because it's an object, it's not a person, and the viewing machine was the noun.

Last one, number three.

"Three discs were held tightly in Tristan's hand." "Three discs, which were asking to be viewed, "were held tightly in Tristan's hand." So an embedded relative clause there as well.

Well done, let's move on to writing the plan.

When we plan, we use notes.

Now, notes are concise and capture key vocabulary and information.

The purpose of notes is to help the writer to organise information easily for future use.

We use bullet points when note taking, and they look like this.

So that's a large or thick full stop floating on the line and then your notes next to it.

Now, here is the planning formats that we will use for the buildup.

You can see that there are three key moments.

It's just him finding the box and taking it home, him opening the box, and then using the viewer.

And then you have a section for your notes.

And I've put in brackets there, you've got your notes, and they should be including figurative language, show not tell, and relative clauses.

So we will now make notes to record any figurative language, show not tell ideas, and ideas for relative clauses for the first section, which is when he finds the box and takes it home.

So I've got mysterious object calling out.

So I want to describe the object calling out to him, almost like the object is drawing him in, has chosen him, rather than Tristan choosing the object.

Then I've got T's eyes widened.

What do you think T's is? Oh, of course, yes, it's Tristan.

Tristan's eyes widened.

And because this is notes, I can absolutely just put a letter to represent someone's name, that's fine.

So his eyes widened.

That's my show not tell.

Figurative language would be the object calling out to him.

That's personification.

So peculiar wooden box, that is an expanded noun phrase, unusual item.

"Tristan, who was clutching his newly found treasure," that's my relative clause, an embedded one.

"scurried out of the dump as quietly as a mouse." And that's a simile, as quietly as a mouse.

Okay, so that gives you an idea of the kind of notes that we are wanting to produce.

Something that includes figurative language, show not tell and relative clauses.

Your job is to complete the plan by making notes for these key moments of the buildup.

So finding the box and taking it home, opening the box and using the viewer.

And remember, we are trying to get as much figurative language, ideas for show not tell and ideas for relative clauses as we can in our plan.

Okay, it's over to you now.

Pause the video and complete this plan now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Let's have a look at an example and see how close your plan was to mine.

So we talked about this one earlier, the mysterious object calling out to him, his eyes widening, peculiar wooden box, unusual item.

"And then Tristan," and I put a relative clause in there, "who was clutching his newly found treasure, "scurried out to the dump as quietly as a mouse." That's a simile.

Okay, opening the box.

How about the eager boy? "The eager boy sprinted to his room." So if you're sprinting to your room, that's a show not tell.

It's telling the reader how excited he is, how eager he is.

Lifted the lid or lifting the lid like a surgeon.

So that would be a simile.

He's lifting it like a surgeon doing an operation.

He peered inside.

"Full of unusual devices.

"Heart beat wildly in anticipation." That's a show and tell.

"His heart beat wildly in anticipation." And then using the viewer.

"Raising the contraption to his eyes, "he held his breath." If you hold your breath, it's because you are very excited or nervous or anxious.

And that works perfectly for this moment because he is excited, but probably a bit of nervous and anxious too.

A tiny sound, ancient mechanisms, I'm going to describe the mechanics inside the viewer as.

And then trickled into his ears.

I thought trickled was a lovely way to describe the sound, just trickling.

It's not a big sound, it's just trickling into his ears.

And then the disc, and this is my relative clause, which was now pressed inside, started to rotate.

And I've put an ellipsis there, three dots, because I want to remember to use that at the end as a kind of read on moment to the reader.

Encourage them to read on, saying, look, this is the end of my buildup, and what a suspenseful cliffhanger of a moment we're at.

That's when ellipsis works really well.

Okay, let's summarise the learning that we've done today.

The purpose of the buildup is to develop the plot and characters, introduce a problem and start to build up tension and excitement to keep the reader engaged.

Show not tell is a writing technique for showing a character's feelings with description of their actions, body language and facial expressions.

A relative clause can be used to give additional information about a noun, and a relative clause always starts with a relative pronoun, for example, who or which.

Brilliant work today.

Excellent planning.

You are ready to write the buildup of "The Viewer," and I will see you again very soon to do that.