Lesson video

Hello everyone, it's Mr. Brown here with your English lesson for today, and we are writing.

We are writing the build-up of "The Viewer." So for this lesson, you will of course need your copy of "The Viewer" by Gary Crew.

So pause the video and go and get your copy of "The Viewer" now.

And welcome back.

I am now going to proceed with the lesson, presuming that you have your copy of "The Viewer." Let's get started.

The outcome for today's lesson is I can write the build-up of "The Viewer." The key words are internal thoughts, reported speech.

Let's say this together, my turn, then your turn.

Internal thoughts.

Reported speech.

Brilliant.

Internal thoughts are the thoughts, ideas, or questions that occur within an individual's mind.

Reported speech is the form of speech used to share what was said by someone without using a direct quote.

We are going to start by preparing to write and then move on to writing the build-up.

In today's lesson, we will be writing the build-up section of "The Viewer." "The Viewer" is a narrative fiction text written by Gary Crew and illustrated by Shaun Tan.

The purpose of the build-up is to do these things.

It is to develop the plot and characters, introduce a problem and give clues about what will happen later in the story, and start to build up tension and excitement to keep the reader engaged.

Let's look at a model of the build-up section of "The Viewer." This will help us to know what we're aiming to produce by the end of the lesson.

Now you may want to have a mini whiteboard or a notepad with you so you can write down anything you'd like to take and include in your own writing.

All the best writers do this, they magpie things from other people.

So if you see something in this model that you wish to include in your own writing, then write it down and include it when you go to write later in the lesson.

So here's a model of the build-up and I will read it to you now.

"A mysterious object was calling out to Tristan and his eyes widened.

The curious boy reached out to pick up a peculiar wooden box.

He felt that there was something unusual about this item.

A moment later, Tristan, who was clutching his newly found treasure, quietly scurried out of the dump.

Later that day, the eager boy raced through his dinner and sprinted to his room to explore the box further.

Gently, Tristan placed the box onto his bed and noticed that the latch suddenly released.

He lifted the lid like a surgeon and peered inside the box, which was full of unusual devices, including an old viewing machine with discs containing images.

His heart beat wildly in anticipation.

He wondered what the pictures would be.

Raising the contraption to his eyes, he held his breath and pressed the lever.

The tiny sound of the machine's ancient mechanisms whirring to life trickled into Tristan's ears and a light began to appear.

The disc, which was now pressed inside the machine, started to rotate." So that is what we are aiming for, aiming to produce by the end of this lesson.

We will now look at how to write a character's internal thoughts.

And I've highlighted an example from that second paragraph of the build-up.

"He wondered what the pictures would be." That is an example of a character's internal thoughts.

Have you ever thought something but not said it out loud? You might actually be thinking something right now and not saying it out loud.

Perhaps you're thinking, hmm, I'm really hungry.

Perhaps you're thinking, oh, I really need the toilet, but I know I should wait until the end of the lesson.

These thoughts can be called your internal thoughts because they are internal, which means they are inside you.

Internal thoughts are the thoughts, ideas, or questions that occur within an individual's mind.

Characters in a narrative can also have their own internal thoughts.

These would be things that aren't said out loud through direct speech, but shared with the reader in the style of reported speech instead.

This will also give you an opportunity to vary your sentence structure within a paragraph so that the paragraph flows well for the reader, because we're always trying to think of how we can make our writing flow as best as possible for the reader.

One of these characters is saying something out loud and the other is thinking something internally.

Can you see which one is saying out loud and which one is thinking internally? So one character is saying, "I'm going to have pasta for dinner." And they are saying that because he's in a speech bubble.

The other character is thinking, "What will I have for dinner?" And we can see that's in a thought bubble.

Speaking out loud, thinking internally.

We know we can tell the reader what a character says by writing it as direct speech.

For example, "I'm going to have pasta for dinner." And then written as direct speech, that would look like, "I'm going to have pasta for dinner," said Aisha.

And you can see we have the quotation marks which show that Aisha is saying this out loud.

However, what if a character is having an internal thought that we want the reader to know about? Internal thoughts are important to include in our writing because they tell the reader about how a character is feeling and what their internal motivation might be for doing something.

So for example, what will I have for dinner? We know that's what the character is thinking.

We write this using the same sentence structure as reported speech, so for example, Jacob wondered what he would have for dinner.

Match the speech types to their examples, direct speech and reported speech.

So we have an example.

She wondered if she would miss the train.

And another example, "I wonder if I will miss the train," Laura said.

Pause the video and match the speech types to their examples now.

Welcome back, everyone.

Let's see if you were right.

So direct speech, well, that is this one.

You can see the quotation marks, the speech marks.

"I wonder if I will miss the train," Laura said.

It tells you exactly what Laura said.

Reported speech, She wondered if she would miss the train.

So I'm not writing what Laura said.

I'm just saying what Laura is thinking, and she's wondering if she would miss the train.

In the build-up of "The Viewer" we'll be sharing Tristan's internal thoughts.

To do this, we will not be using synonyms for "said" like indirect speech, because he's not saying any of these things, he's thinking them.

Synonyms for "thought" that we may want to include instead would be wondered, contemplated, which means thinking about quite deeply, considered, questioned.

For example, Tristan wondered what was inside this mysterious box.

When writing the build-up, you just need to think about what Tristan might be thinking and then share that with the reader.

Often the thing that a character is thinking is a rhetorical question to themselves.

For example, what is the strange wooden box? That might be something that Tristan is thinking, and then that would look like, Tristan wondered what the strange box was.

Or Tristan might be thinking, shall I take it home with me? And that would look like this.

Tristan questioned whether he should take it home with him.

Or, how can I open it? Tristan considered how he could open the box.

Let's check our understanding.

Which of these is not a synonym for thought? Is it A, considered, B, contemplated, or C, said? Pause the video and decide now.

Welcome back.

Let's see if you found the correct answer.

Well, well done If you said "said." "Said" is something we would use if the character was speaking out loud, if we were writing speech, direct speech.

Considered and contemplated are words that you can use because they are synonym for thought.

And we can use those if we are writing about a character's internal thoughts.

Okay, time for a practise task.

Turn these rhetorical questions into internal thoughts of Tristan's.

Use the same sentence structure as reported speech.

Try to vary the way you refer to Tristan and which synonyms for "thought" you use.

So we have, What is inside this box? How can I get this box open? And, What will the images be? Your job is to turn these rhetorical questions into internal thoughts that you can use with the same structure as reported speech.

Pause the video and have a go now.

Welcome back, everyone, let's see how you got on.

So, "What is inside this box?" may look like, Tristan wondered what was inside the box.

"How can I get into this box?" or "How can I get this box open?" rather, The confused boy contemplated how to open the box.

So I'm referring to him not just by his name, Tristan, I'm calling him the confused boy now.

And then C, "What will the images be?" He considered what the images would be.

Okay, internal thoughts written using the sentence structure of reported speech.

Let's move on to writing the build-up.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know.

Write letters neatly on the line and in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell those words accurately and check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

Here's a success criteria we will use for our writing today.

The first thing says, I have used a range of figurative language to build atmosphere.

We know we are trying to maintain that mysterious, eerie, uncomfortable atmosphere that is the world of "The Viewer." So we need to use figurative language to do that in our build-up.

Next, I have used show-not-tell to convey characters' emotions.

I have used a relative clause to add additional information and I have written at least one internal thought of Tristan's.

That's the success criteria.

And here is a plan to help you with your writing today.

You may have your own plan from another lesson.

If you do, that's brilliant.

If not, you can use this one.

You can see it's split into three key moments: when Tristan finds the box and takes it home, when he opens the box, and when he's using the viewer.

And you've got lots of notes that involve figurative language, show-not-tell, and relative clauses that you can use in your writing.

So time for a quick check.

I would like you to use this part of your plan to say the first few sentences of your build-up and to try and include an example of Tristan's internal thoughts.

So this section, he's found the box and he's taking it home.

You've got notes there to use, but I'd like you to try and add an internal thought of Tristan's as well.

Okay, use this part of your plan to say the first few sentences of your build-up to a partner, a friend, or to yourself out loud.

Pause the video and have a go now.

Welcome back.

Okay, let's look at an example and see if yours was close to this.

Tristan noticed a mysterious object.

Which is straight from my plan, you can see at the top there, mysterious object, which seemed to be calling out to him and his eyes widened.

The curious boy wondered what this peculiar wooden box was.

Lifting it slowly, he picked the unusual item up.

So you can see there I've got those internal thoughts.

The curious boy wondered what this peculiar wooden box was.

In my plan, it said peculiar wooden box.

And I've turned that into an internal thought.

Great, let's move on.

Okay, it is my turn now.

I am going to show you me writing the first few sentences of my build-up using the success criteria to guide me.

Then it'll be your turn to have a go at writing your build-up.

Okay, let's take a look at me writing the build-up for "The Viewer." Okay, so you join me after I have written the first two sentences of my build-up.

I'll talk you through what I've done so far.

I wrote "A mysterious object was calling out to Tristan and his eyes widened." And this sentence showed that I could use show-not-tell, because I've got "and his eyes widened," and that meant I could tick off that part of my success criteria.

"His eyes widened" tells the reader that he's excited, that he's interested in something, without me having to say that he's excited and interested.

So show-not-tell, brilliant in that first sentence.

You'll notice that I didn't put a capital letter for his name.

So I crossed that out and made that edit.

My next sentence I put, "It was a peculiar, wooden box which seemed to be locked." And that allowed me to tick off the relative clause part of my success criteria.

"It was a peculiar, wooden box." That could be a full stop.

That's the main clause.

But I wanted to add extra information, "which seemed to be locked," telling the reader that the box is locked.

But I have noticed that something is missing on this last line.

Can you spot it? It's a piece of punctuation.

It's actually a comma, but where is it missing? Well, well done if you spotted that it's missing here.

It was a peculiar, wooden box, comma, which seemed to be locked.

We know that we need to use a comma to separate the main clause and the relative clause.

And this is my relative clause with my relative pronoun at the start.

So I've ticked off using a relative clause.

I've ticked off using show-not-tell in my first two sentences.

I now want to get some figurative language in there.

I've done a little bit of figurative language already by saying "A mysterious object was calling out to Tristan." So I've used some personification, but maybe a simile as well would help, or a metaphor would help to be able to tick this one off.

And I have written an internal thought, I haven't done this yet, so let's try and get that in.

So, "It was a peculiar, wooden box, which seemed to be locked." Okay, I think I have an opportunity here to tick off this one, an internal thought.

What would Tristan be thinking at this point? He sees this mysterious box, it's locked.

I don't know about you, but if it were me thinking, I would be thinking, I wonder what's inside.

So why don't we use that? So instead of saying, "I wonder" because that's me, we're talking about Tristan, aren't we? So he wondered.

He wondered what could be inside.

Full stop.

He wondered what could be inside.

And that is an internal thought, which means I can tick off this part of my success criteria.

Now the last thing I've got to tick off is figurative language.

And I've used personification, but we decided that to tick off figurative language, you're going to need more than one example.

So he wondered what could be inside.

Why don't we say that, let's use a simile now for how he moved over to pick up the box.

So how would he have done it? Hmm.

Now he would've done it probably quite quietly, picking up a mysterious object in a junkyard.

He wouldn't have wanted to do that loudly.

So let's go for a simile, as quiet as a.

okay, as quiet as a what? What is something that's particularly quiet? As quiet as a, as quiet as the wind? As quiet as a.

Oh, I know, as quiet as a mouse.

And that helps to create vivid imagery as well about how small he is in comparison to the objects in the dump.

As quiet as a mouse, I would need a comma there, because that's also, so I can tick off my figurative language now.

but that's also a subordinate clause, isn't it? As quiet as a mouse, comma.

He, what did he do? He walked over.

He moved over.

He crept.

That's nice.

He crept over and picked up, picked up the box.

I've called it a box already, haven't I? Wooden box.

I've called it an object here.

So I don't really want to keep using the same vocabulary.

So object, box.

He picked up the, ah, item.

As quiet as a mouse, comma, he crept over and picked up the item.

Lovely.

Full stop.

Good, okay, so that is one, two, three, four sentences.

And I've been able to tick off everything in my success criteria.

So I've used my success criteria to guide my writing and inform my creative decisions.

Great.

And now it is your turn.

I would like you to write the first paragraph of your build-up for "The Viewer" that describes Tristan finding the box in the rubbish dump and deciding to take it.

Use the success criteria and your plan to help you.

And once you're finished, read your writing back to check it makes sense and check for any punctuation errors.

You've got your success criteria there.

I'm going to show you your plan now that you can use.

You are writing just the first paragraph of the build-up, which is when Tristan finds the box and decides to take it home.

We'll then come back together again.

Okay, pause the video and write this first paragraph of the build-up now.

Welcome back.

Okay, let's see how you got on.

Here's an example.

A mysterious object was calling out to Tristan and his eyes widened.

The curious boy reached down to pick up a peculiar, wooden box.

He felt that there was something unusual about this item.

A moment later, Tristan, who was clutching his newly found treasure, scurried out of the dump as quietly as a mouse.

And you can see I have used a range of figurative language to build atmosphere.

I've got "calling out," that's personification.

I've got "a newly found treasure," that's a metaphor, and a simile, "as quietly as a mouse." So I can tick that off in my success criteria.

Any show-not-tell? Oh yeah, "His eyes widened.

: Straight away, "His eyes widened" tells me that he's interested, that he's engaged, that he's excited.

That's a tick.

A relative clause? Yes.

"Tristan, who was clutching his newly found treasure," that's a relative clause.

It's embedded with the correct punctuation.

And I have written at least one of Tristan's internal thoughts.

Oh, okay.

I don't think I've got an internal thought there yet.

So let's write the second part and that's when we can make sure we include that.

So I'd like you to write the second paragraph of your build-up for "The Viewer" focusing on Tristan's opening the box and using of the viewer.

Use your success criteria and your plan to help you.

Here's the plan for the second and third key moment of the build-up.

So this is him opening the box and then using the viewer.

Remembering from our first paragraph we didn't have, let's just go back and remind ourselves, we didn't have an internal thought of Tristan's.

So we must get that in this paragraph.

Keep it at the forefront of your mind.

Okay, pause the video and write to the second paragraph of your build-up now.

Welcome back.

Okay, let's see how you got on and if you managed to find that final piece of our success criteria.

But just before we do, just take a minute, you may want to pause the video again to check your success criteria, to read through, have you completed everything? Do you need a bit more time to ensure that you've got everything ticked off? Take a moment to reflect and you can pause the video if you need to.

Okay, let's take a look at an example.

Later that day, the eager boy raced through his dinner and sprinted to his room to explore the box further.

Gently, Tristan placed the box onto his bed and noticed the latch suddenly released! He lifted the lid like a surgeon and peered inside the box, which was full of unusual devices, including an old viewing machine with discs containing images.

His heart beat wildly in anticipation.

He wondered what the pictures would be.

Raising the contraption to his eyes, he held his breath and pressed the lever.

The tiny sound of the machine's, ancient mechanisms whirring to life trickled into Tristan's ears and a light began to appear.

The disc, which was now pressed inside the machine, started to rotate.

Okay, so lots about this paragraph that is really positive.

I have got lots of figurative language in there.

"He lifted the lid like a surgeon," that's a simile.

"The sound trickled into Tristan ears." I've got show-not-tell, "raced through his dinner," "held his breath," "heart beat wildly." I've got relative clauses, so, "inside the box, which was full of unusual devices, including an old viewing machine." "The disc, which was now pressed into the machine," but did I get an internal thought of Tristan's? Ah, yes, perfect.

"He wondered what the pictures would be." That is an internal thought of Tristan's, which means I can finally tick that part of my success criteria off.

And I love the way that I've ended with an ellipsis as well, dot, dot, dot, to entice the reader to keep going, to tell them that this is the build-up and there are more exciting things to come in the climax, so read on.

Let's summarise the learning that we've done today.

The purpose of the build-up is to develop the plot and characters, introduce a problem and start to build up tension and excitement to keep the reader engaged.

Internal thoughts are important to include in our writing because they tell the reader about how a character is feeling and what their internal motivation might be for doing something.

Internal thoughts are written using the same sentence structure as reported speech.

Brilliant writing today.

Atmospheric, interesting, descriptive.

That is what we're aiming for.

You should be very proud.

I will see you again very soon.