Lesson video

Hi everyone, my name is Ms. Smith, and welcome to lesson 10 in our units, the Golden Compass.

In today's lesson, we are going to be editing our writing, so when you're ready, let's get started.

In today's lesson, we will start with some spelling work, before we look at editing, and improving some writing, thinking about what it means, to be a really effective editor, and finally, you will edit and improve your own writing outcome, from the first part of this units.

So, in the lesson today you need something to write on, and something to write with, and crucially you're going to need your writing, from our previous lessons.

So you need your writing outcome, for outcome one of this unit.

So on the next page, for each spelling, you need to decide which spelling, is the correct spelling of each word? And you should write down that correct spelling.

So let's see what the first spelling is.

But where there's definite, and much will go ahead of the weekend, that is definite.

Which spelling is correct? Okay, let's see shall we? Which one did you write down? That's right, the first spelling is correct, there are two I's indefinite, it's really easy to put an A after the N, but just check that you have an I after the F, and then I after the N.

Spelling two communicates, we should work hard to communicate clearly, spelling one, or spelling two.

And which one you've written down? Spelling two, is the correct spelling for communicate, there are two M's, this one is for me, it just looks right, is a word we see quite often, is often a root word in other words.

Spelling number three, determined.

She was determined to get through the crowd.

Spelling one, or spelling two? Let's see which one you've written down, this time is spelling one, only one T in determined.

Make sure that spelling ends E, D for you as well, two things to check, give yourself a tick.

Spelling four accommodate.

The room could accommodate 30 people, spelling one or spelling two? Write down the one you think.

Give yourself a tick, if you chose spelling number one, double C, double M, if you found that tricky spelling, perhaps I would think of a way that you might be able to remember, that it has two C's, and two M's in accommodates.

And finally, and look really closely for this spelling, the word is mischievous.

The dog was being really mischievous in the park, spelling one, or spelling two? Really similar those things.

Let's see which one you've written down? It's spelling number two, I, E, in the middle of that spelling, mischievous, give yourself a tick.

So today, we are editing our writing.

What does an editor do? Just pause and have a think about that one.

So an editor, checks through a writer's work, and then she goes through writer's work, and checks for mistakes, and makes improvements.

Every author needs an editor, and crucially their editors make improvements.

We can't expect our writing to be the very best version, the very first time we produce it, and so, what we need to make sure we're doing is going back through, making edits and fixing things, and really importantly making changes, that improve our writing.

This is one is my very favourite sorts of lessons to teach, to get the opportunity, to go back through writing that is already fantastic, and make it even better.

So what did we challenge ourselves, to include enough first writing outcome? Can you think back? What are we aiming to include in our writing? Well, we said we would look to include ambitious adjectives, specific verb choices, not just any verb, but the verbs that did the best job with describing the action, and to include a complex sentence.

And that reminder of Mr. Main, and Mr. Subordinates, so that we're thinking about our clauses, when we're checking for that complex sentence structure in our writing.

And so these are the things we need to look for, when we are editing, and to help keep us on track with our editing, we are going to refer back to this table throughout some editing that we do together in a minute.

And you can see in the table, that we've got in the first column, our criteria, we have ambitious adjectives, specific verb choices, and complex sentence structure.

And for each of these features, we're going to think about, firstly, whether or not it's in our writing, can we see that feature? And if it's there, we need to evaluate how effective it is, so is it that I've included it, or is it that I can say where it's included it is really effective, and examples are excellent throughout, and that's what we're aiming for.

So let's use a piece of my writing, for our first scene, and practise using this table, to help us to edit this part of our writing, so I'll read this to you.

After meandering through the cobbled streets, the children got to the iron gates of the college.

Lyra stood in front of the gates defensively with Roger behind her like a shadow.

There in front of them, the protective child stood proudly.

The two companions stood beneath the stone archway, and together remained firmly in front of the iron gates.

As their enemy edged closer, anticipation hung in the air.

So just pause the video, and note down anything you can see that's related, to our first criteria of adjectives.

Okay, so hopefully you've done that, I did exactly the same thing, and I located these adjectives in my writing.

So, cobbled, she described streets, iron gates, protective child, stone for the Archway, and the iron gates.

So you can definitely see, this feature in my writing.

But there are some nouns in my writing, that I didn't describe, and later on, I repeated the same adjective, so the nouns that I didn't describe, were college, Lyra, and Roger, and my repeated adjective is iron.

I wonder if you can pause the video, and think about whether you could use an adjective from your plan, to describe one of the nouns that I didn't describe.

Whether you have a replacement adjective, that could change the adjective iron, in one of those examples.

So, pause and have a look now.

Okay, I did exactly the same thing, so these were my edits, looking at my planning for this part.

So in the first sentence, I now have, after meandering through the cobbled streets, the children got to the ornate gates, of the historic college.

So I replaced iron for ornate, and I inserted an adjective to describe the college.

Now, Lyra and Roger in my second sentence, I didn't add another adjective, I don't want to distract from, what I think is already a very descriptive sentence, telling us where Lyra is, and how she's standing, and the fact that Roger is like a shadow, I worked really hard, to get some figurative language into that sentence.

So I'm going to leave my nouns without an specific adjective next to them, and that means my final adjective iron, I can leave it, because I replaced the first one.

So now, I feel like maybe I could move my tick into the final column of the table, because I think that the adjectives used, are used very effectively, and I can talk about the use of my adjectives, and why I have you used some, and why I left other nouns undescribed.

So let's move on now to describe, sorry, to look at specific verb choices.

So here is the edited version, where we thought about adjectives so far, and I'll read where we've got to now, we've got, after meandering through the cobbled streets, the children got to the ornate gates of the historic village.

Lyra stood in front of the gates defensively, with Roger behind her like a shadow.

There in front of them, the protective child stood proudly.

The two companions stood beneath the stone archway, and together remained firmly in front of the iron gates.

As their enemy edged closer, anticipation hung in the air.

So this time, our criteria is all to do with verb choices.

So pause the video, and read through that paragraph again, if you want to, thinking about the verb choices that I've made, so far in my writing.

Okay, so I've done exactly the same thing again, and here are the verbs, we've got meandering, got, stood, stood, stood, and edged.

So I could definitely see the feature, but I think we would all agree, some repetition of one of my verbs, and I slipped and got in, and they sometimes appear on our writing, we definitely have to do something about that.

So let's have a think, how might you edit the verbs for variety, so that we're not repeating stood, and can you replace got so that we have something specific in the errands to replace it? Okay, hopefully you've had a big thing, let's see what I decided to do to this piece of writing.

So in our first sentence, after meandering through the cobbled streets, the children got to the ornate gates of the historic college.

Well, I've replaced got, with were led by Lyra, much improved.

In the second sentence, I need to get rid of one of my stood verbs, and we said in our planning that Lyra is guarding those gates, so I have replaced stood, with guarded.

When I read through, actually I needed to edit a bit more than just the verb, for this sentence to make sense, so it now reads, Lyra guarded the gates defensively with Roger behind her like a shadow.

In the next sentence, there in front of them, the protective child stood proudly, I can keep one of my stoods, but in that penultimate sentence, I need to edit, and I actually removed stood beneath the stone archway, and together, and really shortened that sentence, now is in concise.

And it now reads, the two companions remained firmly in front of the iron gates, that's a very strong stance they have, since it's a short firm sentence to reflect that.

As their enemy edged closer, anticipation hung in the air.

So my edited version looks like this, and I think now my edits mean, that my verb choices could be classed as some really purposeful excellent verb choices.

After meandering through the cobbled streets, the children were led by Lyra to the ornate gates of the historic college.

Lyra guarded the gates defensively with Roger behind her like a shadow.

There in front of them, the protective child stood proudly.

The two companions remained firmly in front of the iron gates.

As their enemy edged closer, anticipation hung in the air.

So we're finally going to think about complex sentences.

So, our final section of writing, our version so far, sorry, and complex sentences is the part that we're thinking about.

So let's look at this writing.

After meandering through the cobbled streets, the children were led by Lyra to the ornate gates of the historic college.

Lyra guarded the gates defensively with Roger behind her like a shadow.

There in front of them, the protective child stood proudly.

The two companions remained firmly in front of the iron gates.

As their enemy edged closer, anticipation hung in the air.

Just pause the video one final time, and reflect on complex sentences, can you identify a complex sentence in this paragraph? Okay, so hopefully you've had a good look through.

Here, in the first sentence, let's see if we can identify a main clause, and a subordinate clause.

We have after meandering through the cobbled streets, the children were led by Lyra to the ornate gates of the historic college.

Well, I can identify a subordinate clause first, with my comma, and you can see that I pinked to demarcate two clauses in my sentence.

And my main clause, the children were led by Lyra to the ornate gates of the historic college.

So I can see that feature there.

Let's look at the second sentence, Lyra guarded the gates defensively with Roger behind her like a shadow.

So definitely, got a main clause, Lyra guarded the gates defensively.

Roger behind her like a shadow? Telling us where Roger is, and that's second in this sentence, it's a variety.

Then we've got two short sentences, and you might just look out for as I read these, the prepositional phrase in both of these, there in front of them, the protective child stood proudly.

The two companions remained firmly, in front of the iron gates, and then finally, as their enemy edged closer, anticipation hung in the air.

So as final complex sentence with our main clause, anticipation hung in the air.

My subordinate clause, has a comma after it.

So I think, I'm going to give myself a tick in that final column, because I've tried really hard to have some variety of sentence types, and I can see a complex sentence structure, that first sentence, and that final sentence, really clear examples of complex sentences.

So your task today, is to edit, and improve your own writing.

So our outcome that we have from this part of our Golden Compass unit, you are going to edit and improve it, and below is a reminder of the table, to keep you on track, while you are working through your writing.

So remember that you're looking to review your use of adjectives, verb choices, and to find a complex sentence structure in your writing.

Well done, that's the end of lesson 10 in our unit, the Golden Compass.

And so, reminder of what you've achieved in today's lesson, we started by reviewing some very tricky spellings, before working together to edit, and improve a piece of writing.

And well done, for working through each criteria in your own writing, and being an editor today, improving your own writing outcome.

If you want to share your work with Oak National Academy, then please ask your parents or carer, to share your work on Twitter, tagging @OakNational, and #LearnwithOak.