Lesson video

Hi there, I'm Mr. Buckingham and I'm so glad you've decided to join me here for today's lesson.

Today we're going to start planning a piece of writing based on a plot point from Elle McNicoll.

Fantastic book that kind of stuck.

As you know, a good plan is the first step towards a great piece of writing.

So let's see if we can work together today to produce something really helpful.

Let's get to work.

Today's lesson is called "Planning the buildup of 'A Kind of Spark'", including switches in perspective, and it comes from our unicorn, "A Kind of Spark" narrative writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll have planned the structure and content of a scene from the buildup of "A Kind of Spark" using both third and first person perspectives.

Now for this lesson, it would be beneficial for you to have access to the model narrative you'll find in the additional materials for this lesson.

However, I will be reading it to you during the lesson, so if you're not able to access it, you'll still be able to take part.

Let's make a start.

Here are our keywords for this lesson, the third person perspective is the he, she, it or they perspective.

And internal monologue is the inner voice of the character, their thoughts to themselves, which are not spoken out loud.

The buildup is the part of a narrative where problems are introduced and tension rises.

And figurative language is the use of metaphors, similes, personification, and other literary devices to create imaginative meanings.

Here's our lesson now over today.

We're going to start off by preparing to plan and then we'll actually do our planning for the buildup in the second part of our lesson.

Now we've seen that piece of narrative writing can include a switch in perspective, and we are going to try and do that in our own writing in this part of our unit.

So here's an example, we started off here with a paragraph from a third person perspective.

We've said, "Addie watched as Mr. Macintosh unveiled the plaque.

He made a long self-congratulatory speech, giving the distinct impression that it had been his idea all along." Now that we've used Addie instead of I, we are writing a third person perspective describing what Addie is doing and what Mr. McIntosh is doing.

We are not including ourselves in that part of the narrative.

But then we have a paragraph describing Addie's views using internal monologue, which is a type of first person writing.

Let's read it.

It says, "It doesn't matter.

I", first person, "don't care who gets the credit as long as Maggie and Jean and Mary and all the others have their memorial.

And as I look at the plaque and its ornate description, it's them I think of." So there we've described Addie's feelings about the same event we described in the third person.

So it's that switch in perspective that we're going to try and include in our writing in this part of our unit and which we'll plan in this lesson.

Now we are going to use part of the buildup of "A Kind of Spark" to inspire our writing in this part of our unit.

So here's a summary of the relevant section, we have chapter 15 where Addie enters the classroom to find the Emily has destroyed her thesaurus the authors, and written an awful word in it.

And then Audrey tries to comfort her, but Emily keeps saying unpleasant things and Addie is overwhelmed and she attacks Emily and hits her.

And then Mr. Allison pulls Addie off of Emily, and Miss Murphy arrives and she blames Addie for what's happened and calls her sisters in for a meeting.

And meanwhile, she isolates Addie in the classroom.

And then in chapter 16, Miss Murphy is in that room alone with Addie in the office and she's hostile and unpleasant towards Addie.

Then Addie's sister arrive and Miss Murphy withholds the truth from them, she doesn't tell them about thesaurus.

And then Miss Mr. Allison and Audrey arrive and reveal the truth by showing the thesaurus and Nina is obviously furious at that point.

So we are gonna try and use these events to inspire our writing for this part of the buildup.

Let's just check we've understood those events.

Can you put these events from this section of the buildup in order, starting with number one? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done, good job.

Hopefully you've started with, "Addie's overwhelmed by Emily's actions and she hits her." For number two, 'Addie's kept isolated in the classroom for the rest of the day." For number three, "Miss Murphy talks to Addie alone in an unpleasant manner." And for number four, "Addie's sister arrive and it's revealed that Addie was provoked." Really well done here if you've got those in the right order.

So in this section, where were you most worried for Addie? Which of those events we've described in our summary of this section made you most worried for Addie? Pause the video and have a think.

Well done.

We can have lots of different views in this, couldn't we? Jen said, "I was really concerned when Addie was feeling like she was floating due to being overwhelmed.

It felt like she wasn't really in control of the situation and anything could have happened to her." So Jen's describing that moment just before she hit Emily.

Alex says this, "I was most worried when she was alone with Miss Murphy.

That situation felt really inappropriate and the way Miss Murphy spoke to her was just awful, it should never have happened." So Alex is worried about that situation where Miss Murphy and Addie were in the office waiting for Addie's sisters to arrive.

And then Alex is right, that situation feels inappropriate, doesn't it? So it felt at that point for Alex, that was a worrying situation for Addie to be in.

(indistinct) and for your thoughts too.

So I'm now going to read to you a model text which focuses on parts of this buildup, which we've discussed.

So this is written in the style that we are going to try and use in our own writing.

"It was the end of the day and the classroom was empty, A deserted wasteland with one lone soul waiting to meet her fate.

In the far left corner, Addie's head lay on the cold hard desk.

She had barely moved in hours not since it happened.

'Up.

' Barked Miss Murphy, her eyes burning like hot coals.

Crossing her arms, she hissed venomously as Addie took a moment to unfold herself and stand up.

Addie's eyes were glazed and her face was blank.

She looked away from the fearsome teacher hoping to avoid her hateful gaze.

'I called your parents.

' Miss Murphy continued, 'But as usual, they're not available, so your sister is coming instead to discuss your appalling behaviour today, follow me.

' Miss Murphy, whose expression was strangely triumphant, turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

Addie felt her pulse racing.

This had never happened before.

The corridor between my classroom and the head teacher's office feels like an endless tunnel.

With every step, every slow, leaden step, I'm moving closer to something terrible, something unknown, something I can't escape, following in Miss Murphy's icy wake.

Right now, it's like my head is a big bass drum and someone is pounding out the word 'sorry' with every beat.

I'm sorry to Emily, I'm sorry, to Katie, to Nina, to mom, to dad.

I can see it all like a scene from a movie, Emily's leering grinning face as she tears up my book.

Mr. Allison's shocked, worried expression as he pulls me off her.

Miss Murphy's scornful disgusted hate-filled eyes as she looms over me.

'Sit there.

' Miss Murphy barked pointing to a low padded chair.

Addie sat.

She felt claustrophobic, the room was small and Miss Murphy's presence seemed huge and all encompassing.

Addie looked up at the clock and she watched the second tick slowly by.

'I knew you were a nasty piece of work just like your sister.

' Miss Murphy hissed, shaking her head.

'I'm, I'm sorry.

', Addie stammered.

'I didn't want to hurt her.

' Miss Murphy sneered curling her lip in disdain.

Her eyes glittered dangerously, her face was contorted with disgust.

She paced a tiny room like a caged animal, and her rage seemed to fill the whole space pressing against Addie like a dark cloud.

'Don't lie to me a girl.

' she snarled.

Miss Murphy, who was smirking, seemed almost to be enjoying herself.

'You were like a wild animal.

' Maybe she's right.

Maybe I am a wild animal, a demon, a devil.

Maybe everything she says about me is true.

I did something terrible, I attacked Emily when she hadn't even touched me at all.

But then I think of Maggie, I think about the way they tried to tell her what she was, the devil's wife, a witch, a sorceress.

This is the same thing, it's 100s of years later, but it's the same thing.

And I think about my thesaurus, and I think about that word that Emily wrote.

She didn't touch me, but she hurt me all the same and she'll never understand how much.

I open my mouth to explain all this to Miss Murphy.

But no words come out.

There's no point.

She would never, never understand.

She doesn't want to understand." Well done, really good listening.

So we can see four different sections in this text.

First of all, we see a third person perspective on our first event, and that is Addie sitting in the classroom and Miss Murphy telling her to come to the meeting.

So we see that being described in the third person.

Then we have Addie's internal monologue just after that first event.

So this is in the first person now, Addie telling us her thoughts as she walks towards the meeting.

So remember that's an event not covered in the book, which I've invented here in this text.

Then we have an second event, Addie being alone with Miss Murphy in the office and we tell it from a third person perspective first of all, with lots of dialogue from Miss Murphy.

We're reporting what she said using the third person.

We're saying what Addie did with the third person as well.

And then we have our second piece of internal monologue just after event two as Addie reflects on what Miss Murphy has said.

And again, that's in the first person.

Addie is telling us her thoughts in the first person and in the present tense.

So let's see if we've understood that structure.

Can you put these sections of the model text in order? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done, really good job.

Hopefully you started with this one, a third person perspective.

We describe Addie being alone in the classroom and Miss Murphy comes over and tells Addie to join her in the meeting.

Then we have the first person paragraph reflecting on that, where Addie describes her walk to the meeting and feeling sorry for what she's done and she remembers what Emily did as well.

Then we go back to the third person, we describe the conversation between Addie and Miss Murphy alone in the office room, and then we go back to the first person where Addie's reflecting on that and describing her reaction to what Miss Murphy says and what she thinks about Miss Murphy's descriptions of her behaviour.

So we've gone from third person, to first person, to third person, to first person.

And the first person sections reflect on the events described in the third person sections.

Really well done if you've got that in the right order.

So we're going to write our own version of some of these events from the buildup that we've discussed.

And we are going to include a switch in perspective like the one we saw in the model text.

So we're going to have a third person perspective from event one.

Then our internal monologue just after event one or during event one if you prefer.

Then a third person perspective on event two, and then Addie's internal monologue just after or during event two.

Now I chose two events from that buildup in my model text, but you are going to choose your own events that you want to refer to.

So you're gonna decide on two events from that section we've talked about that you want to write about.

And you might choose two moments that I mentioned in the text, or you could include two from your imagination.

So I have some in my model text about walking down the corridor, which is not mentioned at all in the text.

I just imagine that that would have to happen somewhere, and I wanted to include what Addie's thoughts might be at that moment.

And there need to be moments that you choose where Addie would have lots of thoughts and feelings, otherwise you're going to have nothing to say are you.

And there's loads of fantastic moments in this section.

So I don't think you have any trouble picking out two that you would really like to use.

You might want to choose two that are close together in the story so that you can meld them together in a really sensible, coherent way.

But that's up to you.

So which two moments in this section do you think you could use as your two key events that you are going to use in your narrative? Pause the video and have a think.

Good thinking.

Here's what I should chose.

She said, "I want to use the moment Addie hits Emily and then the moment where she's sitting isolated in the classroom.

She has so many thoughts at those moments and I think it'll be really interesting to write." And those two are quite close together, so that will work really well.

Now Laura said this, I want to imagine Katie and Nina joining Addie in the meeting and then show the change when Mr. Allison and Audrey arrive when the truth comes out, I want to share Addie's feelings at that moment.

So you can see that Aisha and Laura will blend up with very different narratives here 'cause they've chosen completely different points in the story, and that's great.

You need to think of what you want to write about and which two events would work best for you.

So let's do our first task of the session.

I want you to think about the two events you've chosen that you'll be describing from a third person perspective.

So for each event, I want you to tell your partner the answers to the following, where's Addie at that moment? What's she doing? How is she feeling? Who else is there? And what conversations are happening? So here's an example, I've chosen Addie being in the classroom isolated.

I've said, "Addie is in the classroom with a head on the table." That's where she is.

"She's feeling incredibly sorry about what she did." Then it says, "The other children have left.

Miss Murphy comes over and tells her to stand up.

Addie silently stands up.

Miss Murphy tells her that her sisters are coming in and Addie feels very anxious and worried." So I've described the basics of what's going to happen in that event.

I've not tried to write it in an interesting way.

We are just talking for this part of our task, and I want you to try and describe your scene, your two events to your partner.

I've just done one event there.

You need to try and describe both your events you've chosen to your partner, answering the questions that I've put on the left there.

So pause the video and have a go at describing your two events you've chosen using the questions to help you.

Have a go.

Well done, good job.

So I'm going to show you the two events that Izzy chose to describe.

She starts off with a moment where Addie becomes overwhelmed and ends up attacking Emily.

And Izzy's written, "Addie's standing in the classroom listening to Emily taunt her.

She's overcome with emotion, she feels like she's floating.

Emily keeps talking using unkind words until Addie snaps and jumps onto her." Then Izzy's second event is what happens after that where she's isolated and alone in the classroom.

So Izzy's written, "Addie is sitting alone in the classroom.

The other children are working and chatting around her.

They keep looking at her, she buries her head in her arms, her eyes are sore from crying and her face is stained with tears." So Izzy has just done some initial ideas what she would describe for each of those two from a third person perspective.

Now remember, our texts will also end up including the internal monologue that follows each of the events.

So let's talk about that internal monologue.

You've chosen two events and you've summarised them from a third person perspective.

So your internal monologues going to come during or just after each of those events.

So again, we're just going to be talking aloud here, In role as Addie, I want to practise saying your internal monologue aloud for this section.

So remember, here are some of the features of internal monologue you might already know.

We can use repetition, things like, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Contractions like don't, isn't and might.

Ellipsis to show trailing off or an interrupted thought, and informal sentence openers like buts and ands.

And rhetorical questions like, why didn't I just stop? So remember, we also want to show Addie's different senses as well, so she might be feeling overwhelmed by what's appearing around her, what she's feeling around her.

So for each of your two events, practise saying what the internal monologue might be that Addie might be thinking at that moment, pause the video and have a go.

Well done, fantastic job.

So here Izzy pieces of internal monologue for each of her two events.

Remember Izzy's first event was when Addie attacked Emily.

So here's the internal monologue Izzy's decided on for that moment.

"What am I doing? Why am I hitting her? Why can't I stop? Oh no, oh no, oh no.

I feel like my blood is fizzing through my veins.

It's like I'm watching myself do something I can't control, but I am doing it, I really am." So lots of repetition and questions and ellipses and contractions there to show that this is internal monologue.

Izzy's other event is when Addie's sitting down in isolation in the classroom.

So here's her internal monologue for that event, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone.

I keep replaying it in my mind like a horrible, horrible movie.

I feel like I hardly breathe even though I've been sitting still for hours.

What's going to happen to me now?" So again, we've got repetition and contractions and ellipses and questions and some senses there feeling like she can hardly breathe as well.

So Izzy has tried to do two pieces of internal monologue to match her two events that she described in the third person.

Really well done for doing the same.

So now that we've prepared to plan by generating some ideas, we're going to get down to actually planning this buildup.

So during this section of the buildup, the mood is quite tense, isn't it? And it's also quite anxious as Addie deals with what is a very difficult situation which any of us would find incredibly challenging.

So once you choose descriptions and ideas that build this tense mood for each event in our narrative.

So if we take that moment when Addie is alone in the classroom, which Izzy uses as one of her events, we could describe things like this, we could describe her with her head in her arms curled on the desk, which could describe the classroom as deserted and empty.

We could describe her eyes glazed over with a blank expression.

We could have her with her eyes tight shutter, another moment, not wanting to look up, and we could say she sat in the corner and facing the wall.

All of these build that tense and anxious, almost slightly sad mood as well.

So we've tried to describe things in a way that add to that mood.

So thinking about your two main events, what descriptions could you use to add to the mood you want to create.

Pause the video, have a quick think.

Well done, good thinking.

Now remember, these are just initial ideas, we'll have lots more time later to delve deeper into these.

Let's suppose you chose the moment where Andy is alone with Miss Murphy in the meeting.

Here are some of the ideas you might have come up with.

Maybe you said she's avoiding Miss Murphy's eyes, she's sitting intensely on the edge of a chair, she's too nervous to speak, she's stammering, she's watching the door, hoping it will open, and maybe she's desperately trying to control her breathing.

All of these help to build that mood of anxiety and worry and some fear even at this point in the narrative.

Really well done for your initial ideas there.

Now in addition to those descriptions, you also might want to use some figurative language that builds towards this mood.

Now you might already know there are three main types of figurative language, we've got similes, metaphors and personification.

There are others too, but we're gonna focus on those three today.

Now, similes where we compare something to something else.

For instance, we might use like or has here.

So we could say, "Miss Murphy glared at her with eyes like burning coals" or could say, "She's stalked at the corridor like a hungry tiger." For metaphors we're saying something is something else.

So we could say, "The classroom was a deserted wasteland, only Addie was left." Or we could say, "To Addie, the corridor was an endless tunnel." We're not saying it's like an endless tunnel, that would be a simile if you say it was an endless tunnel, we are using a metaphor.

And with personification, we're giving human-like qualities to things which aren't actually human.

So for instance, the bright, bright classroom lights glares down at her.

Lights can't really glare, that's a human action, but it shows that the lights are almost like attacking Addie at this point.

We could say on every side the wall is pressed in on her.

Again, walls can't actually move, but giving them a human quality, a movement quality, which they don't have to give a certain impression, to give the impression that Addie is under attack by the classroom around her.

So notice each example here is designed to build that tense anxious mood for Addie in these moments.

So can you match the type of figurative language here to the examples? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done, really good job.

So for a, the corridor was likely to end this tunnel leading Addie towards their fate.

We've used likes we comparing, so it must be, well done, a simile.

"The other children's stares bored into her as she sat alone." So stairs are non-human things, although of course a human does a stare, but a stair can't actually bore, which means drill a hole into something, so that's personification, we're making it do something which you can't actually do.

And then for c, "Addie's pulse was a drumbeat", we're saying it is something, so that must be a metaphor.

Really well done for matching this up.

Now you might want to try and use some extended figurative language throughout your piece of writing.

That means to take an idea for figurative language and keep dropping a tin throughout the piece of work.

For instance, you could use a series of similes that can compare aspects of Miss Murphy to dangerous things.

So for instance, her eyes burned like hot coals.

It was a dangerous idea, or she snarled like an angry tiger, another dangerous creature.

So we could drop in several of those similes to give a dangerous impression of Miss Murphy throughout.

And as we saw before, you could use a series of pieces of personification to suggest the school environment is hard for Addie to tolerate.

It's almost like the environment itself is attacking here.

And we saw that with, "The lights glared down at me" and "the walls pushed in on every side." So you can use a series of pieces of figurative language throughout your piece of work to really build the impression of tension, anxiety and fear.

So can you think of any other ways to use figurative language to give a negative impression in your chosen events? So have a think about any similes, metaphors or personification you think would work really well for the events you've chosen to describe.

Pause the video and have a think.

Well done, really good job.

Here's my ideas, we could say, "Emily glanced over with a smirk like a well-fed cat as Addie sat silently alone." So that's a simile.

We could say, "Miss Murphy's eyes blazed as she spoke." Or, "My head is a drum and someone is pounding out the word sorry with every beat." That's a metaphor.

We could say, "My feet are as heavy as lead as I trudge down the corridor.

That's a simile.

"As Audrey enters, clutching the thesaurus, my heart swells in my chest." And "Nina's voice is icy as she turns to face Miss Murphy." Again, all of these really helped to build that mood.

Hopefully you came with fantastic ideas of your own.

Well done.

So let's start our final task for this lesson.

We're going to start writing our plan.

Now as you know, writing a good plan makes writing the text itself so much easier.

So it's really pushed ourselves to make this a really good one.

So we're going to start with describing that very first event you've chosen from the third person perspective.

So I want you to write notes about what Addie and the other characters are doing and seeing during this event.

And you're going to try and include descriptions that add to that tense and anxious mood.

And you're gonna include ideas as well for what the characters are saying.

Of course, you can include ideas for a figurative language like we just discussed that you could use to build the mood.

So that could be similes or metaphors or personification.

And remember, you don't need to use complete sentences at this stage because we're writing notes for a plan.

So thinking just about that first event from a third person perspective, what is Addie doing? What are the other characters doing? What descriptions could you use of what they're doing and what is happening at that moment? Pause the video and have a go at writing your notes for this third person perspective on your first event.

Have a go.

Well done, really good job.

See an example of what Izzy wrote for a first event from a third person perspective.

And remember, Izzy's first event was when Addie is attacking Emily.

So I've got, "Addie standing in the classroom, whole class crowded round.

Saw tattered remains of the thesaurus on the floor, the word glaring up her, printing itself on her mind." So I've got personification there.

Emily, I've got her dialogue here, what she says, "You think you can do what you like because of your disease." And then Addie is feeling like a pot of water simmering ready to boil.

So that's as simile isn't it? Then I've said, heard the word keedie felt as if leaving her own body, floating away like an untethered hot air balloon, another simile, rushing towards Emily.

So here I've described the events leading up to Addie attacking Emily at this point.

And I've done them from the third person.

I've not said I, I'm describing what Addie's doing, I'm describing what Emily's doing and that's what makes this a third person set of notes.

So now for that same event we've just talked about, we need to plan a piece of internal monologue, and this could come just after or during that event.

So enrol as Addie now because it's her internal monologue we're writing.

I want you to write notes to describe your thoughts and feelings in the moment just after the event you described, or it could be during if that's what you chose to do.

Remember we want to include lots of details about Addie's senses.

So for instance, particularly hearing touch and of course sight.

So pause the video and have a go at writing now in the first person what you think Addie's thoughts might be at the moment or the moment after the event you just described.

And again, you can still use those similes, metaphors and personification that we discussed before.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done, really good job.

So here are the notes Izzy wrote for her internal monologue for this first event, I've got, "My mind is a blank page, pure blinding white." So that's a metaphor.

"I have no thoughts, only actions.

My fists are moving but not in control." "What am I doing? Why? Why can't I stop? Blood fizzing, breathing hard.

Like I'm watching myself from afar.

Feel gentle hands stopping me.

Mr. Allison speaking calmly.

And a sob rises like vomit", that's a simile, "in my throat.

What have I done?" So I've actually moved the story slightly along, haven't I? To have Mr. Allison arriving there.

But most of these are just thoughts that Addie is feeling as she's hitting Emily.

And I've written them from the first person because I'm imagining being Addie in this moment and imagining exactly what my thoughts might be as this happens.

Really well done for managing that team.

So now we need to do the same thing for that second event, but this time we're gonna plan both paragraphs in one go.

So you're going to, first of all, for the second event, write notes about what Addie and other characters are doing and seeing during the event, using descriptions to add to that tense anxious mood.

And of course you're going to include ideas for what the other characters are saying and ideas for the figurative language that you could use to build the mood.

Then for your final paragraph, you're going to write your notes in role as Addie to describe your thoughts and feelings in the moment just after the event you just described, remembering we want lots of details about Addie's senses.

So we've got two paragraphs of notes already, our third person perspective and a first person perspective.

Now we're going to do another paragraph of notes for our third person perspective on event two, and then our first person notes for our final paragraph reflecting on event two.

So pause the video and see if you can write notes for both those paragraphs.

Have a go.

Well done, really good job.

So here are the notes Izzy wrote for the third person perspective on her second event.

And for Izzy that is sitting alone isolated in the classroom.

So she's written, "Addie sat alone in far corner of the classroom, chewing on ponytail." I can tell it's third person straight away because I've used Addie, not I.

Then I've got, "Face stained with tears, eyes written sore, pile of crumpled tissues beside her.

Face buried in arms, curled up like a hibernating animal." A simile there.

"Children point and whisper, some giggle." That's what other people are doing.

"Emily smirked like a well fed cat as Miss Murphy comforted her." I've got a simile there.

And "Miss Murphy snapped, 'What is it?' when she looked up." So I've got details of what Addie is doing, but also what Miss Murphy and Emily and other children are doing.

So that makes it really clear this is a third person perspective on these events, and I've got some figurative language there as well.

Now let's look at Izzy's notes for the internal monologue for her second event.

So reflecting on that event we just described in the third person.

She's got, "What have I done? What will mom and dad say? Even hours later, feel breathless and dizzy.

Other children's whispers are like shouts in my ears.

Bright lights glare down on me.

Trapped and alone.

Want to be in the library or at home, anywhere else." And "I'm sorry, so, so sorry." So you might have spotted there, I'm already planning in some of my repetition, my rhetorical questions that I'm going to use when I write this internal monologue, but for now we've just got noting down those feelings that we're experiencing, those thoughts we're experiencing as we reflect on event two.

So you've now got four paragraphs worth of notes, third person, first person, third person, first person.

Where the first person notes reflect on the events we described in the third person paragraph.

Really well done for completing your notes for this plan.

Great job.

So summarise our learning in this lesson.

We've said that we'll be writing part of the buildup of "A Kind of Spark" using switching perspectives.

We'll describe two events using a third person perspective, and show Addie's response to these events with internal monologue in the first person.

We know that we can plan to include particular descriptions and figurative language to evoke or set a certain mood.

And we know that planning before we write helps ensure that our end product is of a high quality.

And I think we've all produced fantastic plans today, which you're going to make sure that that writing is of a really, really good quality.

So really well done for your effort in this lesson.

I'd love to see you again in a future lesson to start writing this buildup.