Lesson video

Hi there, I'm Mr. Buckingham.

It's so good to see you here for today's lesson.

Today's session is an exciting one because we're going to be starting to write our narrative version of the climax of "A Kind of Spark." So this is a great opportunity to show off all our writing skills and produce a really, really good first draught.

Let's get to work.

Today's session is called writing the first section of the climax of "A Kind of Spark" from my unicorn, "A Kind of Spark" narrative writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll have written the first section of the climax of "A Kind of Spark", adopting a new perspective and using a range of language features.

Now in this lesson, we will be relying on the plans that we wrote in the previous lesson because we're going to use those to inform our writing today.

So if you haven't done that lesson yet, you might want to go back and do that lesson now.

We'll also need to have access to the summaries of Addie's speech that we wrote in the lesson before that one.

So make sure you've got both of those things with you, your plan from the previous lesson and your summary version of Addie's speech that you've previously written.

And if you haven't done those, please do go back and do those first so that you complete this lesson to the best of your ability.

If you've got those with you, let's begin.

Here are our key words for today's lesson.

The first person is the I or we perspective.

And the present tense shows the action is happening now.

Informal language is language that's more similar to spoken language.

And oral rehearsal means saying the words you plan to write out loud in order to make the writing process easier.

And here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to start off by spending some time preparing to write and looking at the features we wish to include.

And then we'll spend the rest of our lesson writing the first section of the climax.

So in this lesson, we'll start the process of writing the five paragraphs that we've planned to cover part of the climax in "A Kind of Spark".

We know we have a first person present tense paragraph as in Addie's perspective.

Then we flash back to the third person.

We have another first person paragraph, then we flash back, and then we have another first person paragraph in role as Addie to finish.

So you've chosen three points in Addie speech to describe in the first person and in the present tense in role as Addie.

And you've chosen two points in Maggie's story to describe in the third person and in the past tense, which will be your flashbacks.

Alex has got the parts of his story mixed up.

Can you put them in the correct order from one to five? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So he starts off with Addie nervously waiting to be called to speak.

Then we're going to have a flashback.

Maggie's taunted in the street and curses some children.

Back to Addie's perspective, Addie begins her speech.

And then a flashback to Maggie.

Maggie is asleep.

Maggie is asleep when the villages enter her home and arrest her.

And then Alex will finish with the first person with Addie finishing her speech to loud applause.

Your story might not be exactly the same as Alex's, but hopefully, you've got the same structure going from first person to flashback, first person to flashback, and finishing in the first person as Addie.

Really well done if you've got those in the right order.

Well done.

Now, we know that the sections we write in role as Addie will sound quite different to the flashbacks.

Here's a section in role as Addie.

Audrey, my best friend Audrey, grins up at me and I feel my nerves begin to fade.

Finally, I look down at my hand where Maggie is written in clear blue ink.

When we're in role as Addie, we're using the first person and the present tense here.

Here's a passage from our flashback.

Maggie listened to bewilderment as the brutish men shouted all around her.

"Witch! Devil's wife," they layered.

She tried to argue but it was useless.

We can see in the flashbacks, we're writing about Maggie, not as Maggie using the third person and writing in the past tense.

So each of these passages have been written in role as Addie.

Pause the video and see if you can work out.

Well done.

Good job.

So the first one says, for hours, for days, they refused to let her sleep, pushing her awake when her head nodded.

We saw there we're talking about Maggie, so that's not in best role as Addie, is it? That's a third person flashback.

B says, he introduces me, but I barely hear him.

I'm looking down at my notes one last time.

That's in the first person in present tense, so it's in role as Addie.

C says, out of the corner of my eye, I see Mr. Macintosh looking down at his feet.

I grit my teeth.

That's in role as Addie in the first person present tense.

So that one we can tick as well.

But D says, what was she being accused of? In confusion, she stumbled to the wooden door and opened a crack.

But you can see she there, we're talking about Maggie in the third person and we see the past tense, we see stumbled and opened.

So no, that one's not in role as Addie, that's part of a flashback as well.

Really well done if you spotted those two, which are in role as Addie.

That's the kind of writing whatever you're gonna be doing today.

So today for now, we're just going to write the first section that we've planned in role as Addie in the first person in the present tense.

So we're just going to write one paragraph today, and this is going to cover the first point of Addie's speech.

Possibly, you've chosen for that to be, before she even said anything at all when she's sitting and waiting to be called.

So remember, we're trying to show what Addie is doing and seeing and feeling and thinking at this point.

We might have put some direct speech in this section, but you might have chosen to leave that for future sections instead.

So I'd like you to now have a look at that plan for the first section that you wrote in the previous lesson and talk it through with your partner.

What are you planning to say? So pause the video now and chat to your partner about what you plan to say in this first section.

Or if you're on your own, just have a think for yourself.

Pause the video and have a go.

So let me show you Alex's plan for his first section.

Yours might sound different and that's fine.

He said, squeeze hands together, grip teeth.

Mom and dad whispering nervously.

Keedie and Nina silent.

Mr. McIntosh raised his voice, know it's nearly time.

Will they listen? Can I persuade them? People clap politely, can hardly hear them, speaking my first line over and over to myself.

Step nervously up, feels like I'm in a dream.

Look out to see your faces.

Pulse is racing.

Gulp and look down at hand.

So can you see examples of what Addie is seeing, doing, thinking and feeling in Alex's plan here? Pause the video and have a chat to the person next to you.

We'll have a look on your end.

Well done.

There's loads of examples, isn't there? Alex done a really detailed plan here.

So things Addie's seeing, she sees mom and dad whispering and Keedie and Nina being silent.

She sees that sea of faces as well.

What about what she's doing? Well, she squeeze her hands together and she grit her teeth.

For what she's thinking, we've got questions like, will they listen? Can I persuade them? Feels like I'm in a dream.

And for feelings, we have some show not tell, things where we're showing Addie's feeling instead of saying it.

For instance, pulse is racing there.

And where she says, grit teeth, that almost suggests to us, doesn't it, that she's feeling determined as well.

So we're seeing a feeling in something Addie is doing.

Now, you might have noticed at the end, Alex has written gulp and looked down at hand.

That's where Alex has plant his trigger, isn't it? Where he sees the word Maggie? Well, she sees the word Maggie on her hand and that triggers the flashback at the end of this section.

So you might have chosen to have a trigger there as well.

So look at this example paragraph below now.

Can you see examples of the key aspects listed below? Things that he does, sees, thinks and saves.

Pause the video and have a look in this passage.

Well done.

Good job.

There's lots of details here, isn't there? We see things Addie does, like clearing her throat, breathing deeply, leaning towards the microphone.

We see things she sees, like looking out at those faces that she notices.

There's things she thinks like, I can do this, I can do it for Maggie.

And things she says, she says, hi, everyone, in this example.

So we've got lots of those different elements in this one passage, and that's what we're aiming for in our writing here.

Lots of details that give our reading a really clear picture of everything Addie observes and feels at this moment.

So we talked about the content of this paragraph.

It's going to include all those details we've just discussed.

But what about the language we use and the sentence structures and the punctuation we use? Well, of course, as in any piece of writing, we're going to want to use a wide range of sentence types and structures like these ones.

For instance, we want to use adverbial complex sentence, relative complex sentence, non-finite ING complex sentence, all of these that we've learned across the year.

You might also want to use a compound sentence and simple sentences like commands, questions, exclamations, statements, and maybe some sentences starting with fronted adverbials as well.

You want to use a wide variety of all those features in order to add variety and interest for our reader and to connect ideas really well together.

We also want to use varied punctuation like colons to introduce questions, explanations, and lists, semicolons to connect complete sentences and to separate list items. We might want to use dashes for dramatic effect and hyphens to create compound adjectives.

There are other features as well there which aren't listed, which you've learned across your time at school, which you can try and imply to this piece of writing.

So which language features can be seen in each of these examples? Pause the video and see if you can spot any.

Well done.

Really good job.

For the first, one we've got, as Mr. McIntosh stands up, that's an adverbial clause, so this is an adverbial complex sentence.

B says, he introduces me, but I barely hear him.

That but makes this a compound sentence.

The C, we've got on my left, which is a fronted adverbial of place.

And for B, we've got stumbling up the steps onto the stage.

Stumbling is a verb in its ING form, that makes stumbling up the steps onto the stage, a non-finite ING clause.

So this is a non-finite ING complex sentence.

Really well done if you spotted those.

We want to try and use a wide variety of all these different sentence structures that we know in this piece of writing.

Now, for these sentences, which ones use punctuation correctly? And if there are mistakes, how would you correct them? Pause the video and take a look.

Well done.

Good thinking.

So A says, I barely hear him: I'm looking down at my notes one last time.

There, the colon introducing explanation and both sides of the colon are complete sentences.

So yeah, that works.

B says, on my left, Nina is rolling and unrolling a glossy magazine; on my right, Keedie is doing her best to look calm and relax.

The semicolon connects to closely related sentences.

Each of those starts with the fronted adverbial, and each of those fronted adverbial has a coma.

That's correct.

C says, Audrey- my best friend Audrey, grins up at me and I feel my nerves begin to fade.

We've got one dash but not a second.

So that one's not right.

It should have dashes on either side of that piece of information we've added in for dramatic effect there.

And D says, as Nina and Keedie give me quick, Addie length hugs, I know I've done Maggie proud.

Well, Addie length makes a compound adjective, doesn't it? So that needs to have a hyphen in the middle.

So I write it like this.

Addie-length hugs with a hyphen between Addie and length making them into a compound adjective that describes the noun, hugs.

Really well done if you spotted this.

Now, although we want to use all of these features, all those different sentence structures and all those different pieces of punctuation, we should also remember that we're writing in the first person for this paragraph.

And this might mean that we write in a slightly more informal way than if we're writing in the third person in one of our flashbacks.

We might use more simple sentences, particularly statements and questions that are asked to ourselves in role as Addie.

We might also use some contractions and we might start sentences with the word, I, as well.

And when we write direct speech, we might use inside that direct speech more informal language that's appropriate to spoken English, 'cause we are saying these are the words Addie is saying.

When you might not have any speech in this paragraph, that's up to you.

But if you do, you might use some informal language there too.

So can you see any examples of some more informal first person language in this example here.

What do you see? Pause the video and have a look.

Well done.

Great job.

So maybe you saw several clauses beginning with I here.

Breathing deeply, I lean towards the microphone.

I can do this.

I can do it for Maggie.

I clear my throat and I look out at the expectant faces, loads of I's there.

There's also short sentences, like I can do this.

And we've got some contractions like don't.

And we've also got some informal words in the speech there.

The word hi is quite an informal way of speaking, isn't it? And that's appropriate because it's the words Addie is saying out loud in this example.

Really well done if you spotted those pieces of informal language.

So we're going to do our first task for assessment, which is preparing us to write.

Before you write, as I'm sure you know, it's really helpful to already rehearse our ideas to help us know what we're going to write.

So we're going to look carefully at our plans and I want you to think about the language features, the sentence structure and punctuation that we've discussed and any others that you've learned during this year.

And I want you to try saying the first section of your plan, this first paragraph, this first person paragraph in role as Addie aloud as sentences using a range of those language features and also some of those informal features we've just discussed.

I want you to make sure you keep in the first person and present tense for this section as you speak.

And don't worry if it's not perfect.

Remember, you'll have much more time to think your sentences through when you're writing.

The purpose of oral rehearsal isn't to get everything perfect, it's to get your brain ready to write by getting some first ideas ready that you want to use when you come to write.

But you can then change them, adapt them, make them better when you come to write them down.

But we want some basic ideas ready, so our brain isn't overwhelmed when we come to write in a moment.

So pause the video using your plan, using what you know about sentence structures, language features, punctuation, and informal language to try and have a go at saying your sentences out loud just for this first paragraph.

Have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

Here's a short sample of Alex's oral rehearsal for this section.

I'm not gonna show you the whole thing.

I'm just gonna show you a short snippet here of what Alex said for his first section.

I squeeze my hands tightly together and I grit my teeth.

On one side, mom and dad are whispering nervously: on the other, Keedie and Nina sit silently, avoiding each other's eyes.

Then, Mr. McIntosh raises his voice and I know it's nearly time.

They've got a great mixture here of my sentence structures and punctuation that I want to use.

For instance, I see a compound sentence.

I see fronted adverbials.

I see a semicolon.

I see more fronted adverbials at end there.

I've also got some informal language, like I've got it's as a contraction, and I've got lots of sentences and clauses beginning with I as well.

So Alex has struck a really nice balance of using a range of language features and those informal language features we talked about as well.

And that's what we're aiming for in our own writing today.

Really well done for your rehearsal there.

It's gonna make your life so much easier when it comes to write in a moment.

So now that we've prepared to write, we're ready to write the first section of the climax.

And when we write, we always try and do these things.

We're going to plan and say sentence before we write it.

So think it through and say it either out loud or in our heads.

We're going to use punctuation where we know the rules and showcase each sentence type we know.

And we talked about some of those earlier.

We're going to write our letters neatly on the line in joint handwriting and use any spelling strategies we know to spell words accurately.

And, of course, we're gonna try and check and improve our rating when we think we've finished.

So we're gonna try and follow all of those steps to make this the very best piece of writing we can do for our first draught.

And here's the success criteria we're going to use to write today.

The first one says, I've written from a first person perspective using the present tense, including some informal language features.

Then it says, I've included details about what Addie sees, does, says, thinks, and feels.

Then it says, I've used a range of sentence structures and punctuation.

And finally, I've included a trigger to a flashback.

And, of course, we can tick off the success criteria as we write to make sure we're meeting them all.

Okay, now it's your turn.

I want you to write the first section of your text.

Make sure if you did have it with you, the model text is no longer visible to you.

So this is your independent work.

And I want you to be referring constantly back to your plan throughout.

Remember, you can change ideas from your rehearsal.

Your rehearsal has got some ideas going round our heads.

You can now take those, make them better, spend more time on them, and make sure they're really, really good.

So pause the video here and have a go at writing your first paragraph in role as Addie at the start of that speech.

Have a go.

Really good job.

Well done.

Great effort.

Now, I'm not going to show you another example now of what you might have written because you've already seen the model text from before.

But let's take some steps now to check we've met our success criteria.

First of all, I'd like you to read your work out loud to yourself and then make any small changes as you go that you can see need to be made just based on that first read.

And then once you've completed that, can you find the places where you've met the success criteria, and tick off the success criteria if you haven't done that yet.

So pause the video and follow those three steps to make sure this piece of work is as good as it can be at the end of our first draught.

Have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

Hopefully, you're able to tick off all of your success criteria based on that first draught of our first paragraph.

Really well done.

So let's summarise our learning in this lesson.

We've said that in this first part of the climax, we've written from Addie's perspective describing what she sees, says, thinks, feels, and does during part of her speech.

We know that we've used the first person and present tense in this section to show what Addie is experiencing at the moment.

And we know that while we do that, we should use a wide range of sentence types, vocabulary and punctuation in all our writing.

And we may also use more informal language in our first person writing like we've just done.

And we know that referential plan and already rehearsing ideas prior to writing helps us to do our best work.

I hope you're really pleased with the first paragraph you produced for this piece of work.

I'd love to see you again in a future lesson to continue with our writing.

Goodbye.