Lesson video

Hi, I'm Ms. Buckingham, and I'm so glad to see you here today for this lesson.

Now in this lesson, we're going to be finishing off writing our biographies of Charles Darwin, showing off our knowledge of his theory of evolution by natural selection.

I think you're gonna do some fantastic writing today.

So let's get going.

Today's session is called Writing the second half of a biography about Darwin and his theory of evolution from my unit called Charles Darwin: biographical writing.

By the end of today's lesson, we'll be able to write the second half of a biography using a range of language features.

Now, perhaps you've already written the first half of the biography and we're going to continue that today, right the way to the very end.

And hopefully, you have a plan for this text with you from a previous lesson.

If you do, make sure it's in front of you.

If you don't, please don't worry.

I'll be providing you with lots of notes you can use in this lesson.

You will also want to have access to the cohesive devices bank you can find in the additional materials for this lesson.

If you're ready, let's make a start.

Here are our keywords for today's lesson.

My turn, your turn.

Formal tone, cohesive devices, subject-specific vocabulary, and parenthesis.

Well done.

So a formal tone is the effect created by choosing serious, factual language.

And cohesive devices are language structures that develop text cohesion.

That's the way our text flows together and ideas are connected to each other.

Subject-specific vocabulary is vocabulary that we use when writing about a specific subject.

And parenthesis is extra information added into a sentence that can be removed and the sentence will still make sense without it.

So here's our lesson outline for today.

We're going to write two paragraphs.

We're going to start off by writing about the Galapagos and the Beagle's voyage there and what Darwin discovered while he was there.

And then we move on to writing about Darwin's theory of evolution and his legacy today.

So we're going to write the final two paragraphs of biography of Charles Darwin today.

We've already written about his early life and his time at university and on the Beagle.

Today, we'll talk about his visit to the Galapagos and his theory of evolution by natural selection.

I wanted to use certain language features while we do that.

We're going to use the third person and mostly the past tense.

We'll use a formal tone and subject-specific vocabulary.

We'll use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas.

And we're going to use that cohesive devices bank for inspiration for how to connect different things together.

So let's start by reading the example paragraphs of our biography of Jane Goodall below.

Can you think about how the two paragraphs are different? Pause the video, read them carefully, and then answer that question.

Have a go.

Well done, good reading.

So hopefully you notice that this first paragraph here, "Life among the chimpanzees," is about events.

It tells us events from Jane's life in the normal way, like we did for our first two paragraphs of our biography of Darwin, but the final paragraph here is slightly different.

It's called, "Ground-breaking discoveries," and what this paragraph does is it moves away from describing particular events and it focuses instead on Jane's contribution to science.

So our two paragraphs we write today are gonna have the same contrast.

The first one will be about events in his life, the events in the Galapagos, and the second one will away from events and really talk about these discoveries and his contributions to our understanding of evolution.

So our first paragraph today is gonna tell the events from Darwin's life, focusing on his visit to the Galapagos, and we can use our plan to orally rehearse the paragraph, first of all, using just simple sentences.

So we're not going to worry so much about our cohesive devices first.

We're going to start just with simple sentences to remember what do our notes represent.

So here are my notes for this paragraph, and I could take this note here and I could say it out loud as these simple sentences.

I've said, "On the way back to England, the Beagle visited the Galapagos Archipelago.

It is located off the coast of South America." I've kept it simple.

I'm just reminding myself what complete sentences did these notes represent.

So now your turn.

Can you practise using your plan or mine if you don't have it? Just say the paragraph about the Galapagos aloud as complete sentences.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So maybe you took this note and you said this, "Darwin spent five weeks in the Galapagos collecting specimens of plants and animals." And maybe you took this note and said this, "Darwin collected finches in the Galapagos.

He noticed that the finches on different islands had different beaks.

He wondered why." I bet you were already sneaking in some cohesive devices there just naturally as the way we talk, but we're going to focus now on how we can connect up these simple sentences using cohesive devices.

So now we know what we're going to say, we can think about how we're going to use cohesive devices to connect these together.

So here are some cohesive devices we could use.

We could use fronted adverbials like this, "On the way home, the Beagle visited the Galapagos Archipelago.

Here, Darwin saw many endemic species." So here we've got a fronted adverbial of time and a fronted adverbial of place.

We can use a colon to explain.

Darwin was thrilled: he was desperate to see an active volcano.

The second part explains the first part.

We could use semicolons to connect complete sentences.

The Beagle visited the Galapagos Islands; The crew spent five weeks there collecting specimens.

We could use parenthesis.

Darwin, who was thrilled to see so many endemic species, collected many specimens on the islands.

There, our parenthesis is a relative clause inserted in the middle of a sentence.

We could use compound sentences.

The crew loved watching the giant tortoises, but this did not stop them eating one in a soup.

And finally, we could use complex sentences.

Here's an adverb complex sentence.

While he was on the island, Darwin Collect did a large number of finches.

You might also know how to use a non-finite complex sentence using a non-finite -ing clause.

So how could you rewrite the information in each of these passages using cohesive devices to connect the ideas more effectively? And there are lots of different ways of doing this.

Let's see what you can come up with.

Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So maybe for A, you said this, I've used parenthesis here, "On its way home," I added a fronted adverbial of time, "the Beagle visited the Galapagos Island, an Archipelago off the coast of South America." For B, I've done this, I've added a relative clause at the end, "The crew saw many endemic species, including the giant tortoise, which they ate in a soup." And for C, I've added an and to make a compound sentence, "Darwin noticed that the finches on different islands had different-shaped beaks and he wondered why." Now you might have done completely different ones.

That's fine.

The great thing about cohesive devices is there's always multiple ways we can use them, and that's what will make our writing really interesting and really show we understand the information we're using.

Really well done.

So today we're going to try and use parenthesis in our biography, and there are three main ways we can do this.

Remembering that parenthesis is extra information added into a sentence that could be removed.

So one way is to use a relative clause.

And relative clause is, remember, start with a relative pronoun like who, which, or whose.

So for instance, I could say this, "The Beagle stopped in the Galapagos Islands, which is an archipelago close to South America, for five weeks." I could do the same thing with a phrase inside commas.

So I could say, "The Beagle stopped in the Galapagos Island, an archipelago close to South America, for five weeks." I've removed that which is, which is what made it a relative clause, but it still makes sense and it's still a piece of parenthesis.

And I could do the same thing inside brackets, I've got the same sentence, but this time, we've got the parenthesis with brackets on either side.

All of these are great ways of including parenthesis.

So the parenthesis in each case could be removed and the sentence would still make sense.

It would say, "The Beagle stopped in the Galapagos Islands for five weeks." So can you add commas or bracket in the correct position to show in these three sentences? Pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Really good job.

So for A, we can use commas around HMS Beagle, or I could put brackets there as well.

For B, it's a relative clause, and we usually use commas to show relative clause, so I put them around, which was endemic to the Galapagos.

And then for C, I put 'em around, small birds.

I've used brackets, but commas would be fine there as well.

Really well done if you spotted those piece of parenthesis and demarcated them correctly using your commas and your brackets.

Good job.

So now let's think about how we could connect the ideas in this paragraph in a more formal way using some of these cohesive devices we've looked at.

So for instance, I could take these two notes and I could connect them up like this, "Darwin was excited to visit the Galapagos because he was keen to see an active volcano; the crew spent five weeks on the island collecting specimens of plants and animals." So I've got because there to create an adverbial complex sentence, I've got a semicolon to join two related sentences, and they've got collecting, which is an -ing verb, a verb in its -ing form, which starts off a non-finite -ing clause to create a non-finite complex sentence.

So now, can you try and say the paragraph aloud again using cohesive devices to connect the ideas together? So this is your final oral rehearsal, your opportunity to try out different keys devices to see how you can connect these ideas together out loud before you write, and this is gonna be so useful to you when you come to write in a moment.

So pause the video and have a go.

Well done.

Great effort.

So maybe you did something like this.

You took this note and you said this, "Darwin observed many endemic species on the Galapagos; these included the giant tortoises.

The crew wanted to try eating these animals and they made one into a soup." So I've used a semicolon to join what could be two complete sentences, and I've made a compound sentence using and.

Hopefully you've managed to rehearse something similar for your sentences.

If it's not perfect yet, please don't panic.

It's hard to do it correctly out loud every time.

When you come to write, you'll have more time to think as you write to make sure you get these cohesive devices perfectly formed.

So now it's your turn to write this paragraph.

Let's just look at our success criteria first before we write.

We've said, "I've written the facts of Darwin's life using a formal tone in the third person.

I've used a range of cohesive devices.

I've used parenthesis.

And I've used subject-specific vocabulary." So I'd like you to, first all, write a subheading for this paragraph and then using the success criteria and the plan.

And if you need to rewind and look at my plan, that's fine.

And of course, refer to that bank of cohesive devices for ideas about how to connect your notes together.

So pause the video and see if you can really show off your skills in writing this paragraph.

Have a go.

Well done.

Fantastic effort.

So here's an example of the first part of this paragraph.

I've written my subheading, "A life-changing visit," and I've put an indent of the start of the paragraph.

I wrote this, "As it sailed back to England, HMS Beagle visited the Galapagos Island, an archipelago off the coast of South America.

Darwin was thrilled: he was desperate to have a good look at an active volcano.

The visit, which lasted five weeks, gave Darwin the opportunity to collect samples of many endemic species." So I've definitely used a formal tone here in the third person.

I've used a range of cohesive devices as well.

For instance, as to start an adverbial complex sentence, i've got a colon here to introduce an explanation, and I've got parenthesis as well here in my brackets.

And I've got which lasted five weeks as a relative clause as a form of parenthesis as well.

We've also got some subject-specific vocabulary such as endemic species.

Let's read the rest of the paragraph.

I wrote this, "In particular, the crew were fascinated by the enormous giant tortoises, however, this did not stop them eating a tortoise in a soup.

Darwin collected specimens of finch, small bird, on each island, noticing that the species found in each island had a different-shaped beak.

Darwin was curious: why had this happened?" So then got our formal tone in the third person, for instance, in particular is quite a formal way of starting a sentence and the crew is the third person.

We've got more cohesive devices, for instance, however and the semicolon here.

And we've got noticing in a non-finite complex sentence as well.

And we've got a colon here.

This time, it's introducing a question.

And we've got some parenthesis again, we've got small bird here.

And finally, some more suggest specific vocabulary such as specimens here.

So really well done with your efforts so far.

Great job.

So we've done an amazing job with our first paragraph for this lesson.

It's now time to write the final paragraph of our biography.

Let's keep it up.

So we can now write the final paragraph about Daren's theory of evolution by natural selection.

And as before, we can say the sentences aloud first using our plan.

So here's my plan for this paragraph, and there's lots of notes here, so I can take this note and I could say it aloud like this, "Darwin's theory was ground-breaking.

It was the first attempt to explain the evolution of different species." And just like before, I'm keeping it simple to start with, trying to just say simple sentences that remind me what do those notes represent.

So can you practise using your plan to say the entire paragraph aloud as complete sentences? Remember, you can keep them simple for now.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Really good job.

Maybe you took this note and you said this, "Darwin published this theory of natural selection in a book called 'On the Origin of Species.

'" Keeping it simple, we've reminded ourselves what those notes represent.

Well done.

So now we can think about how we can connect these ideas together using cohesive devices.

For instance, here are my simple sentences.

I said, "Darwin returned to England.

He examined his specimens.

He thought about his observations." I could connect them up like this, "When Darwin returned to England, he threw himself into his work, examining his specimens and thinking about the observations he had made." So I've got adverbial complex sentence with when, I've got a examining, which is a non-finite -ing clause started there, and I've actually got and as a compound sentence as well.

Loads going on to connect those ideas up.

Here's another example.

Here are my simple sentences.

I said, "Darwin is remembered as the father of evolution.

He is famous for his contribution to science." I could connect that up like this, "Darwin, who is famous worldwide for his contribution to science, is remembered as the father of the theory of evolution." So this is a piece of parenthesis, which is a relative clause.

I've connected the two ideas together to show how they relate to one another.

So can you now try saying the paragraph aloud again using cohesive devices to connect the ideas together? So this is your chance for an oral rehearsal, to try out different ideas for connecting this up using your cohesive devices.

Pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Really good job.

So again, maybe you took this idea and you said something like this, "After many years," there's a fronted adverbial of time, "Darwin published his theory, which was called natural selection," relative clause, "in a book called 'On the Origin of Species.

'" We've connected everything up and we've made really good text cohesion.

We've shown our reader how these ideas relate to one another.

Well done.

So now ready to write the final paragraph.

And we've got the same success criteria that we discussed earlier in the video.

And of course, we can tick off that success criteria as we write.

So now I'm going to show you how to write this paragraph.

Okay, we have our success criteria, and I've written the subheading here, "A world-changing theory," to introduce this final paragraph where we talk about the theory of evolution.

And I've started off my first sentence with an indent here.

I've said, "When he returned to England, he thought about everything he had observed." And I want to say that he makes that realisation that these finches must have evolved to be adapted to each island.

So I could do a full stop and say, "He realised that," but I think I could use a cohesive device.

I'm gonna put a comma and then make a non-finite -ing clause.

I'm going to say, "realising," so realising that, what? Yeah, I could say, "realising that the finches had evolved." There's that first use, have evolved, a subject-specific vocabulary, "realising that the fin had evolved to be adapted to each island." Okay, so let's read that back to check it makes sense.

"When he returned to England, he thought about everything he had observed, realising that the fins had evolved, adapted to each island." Oh, we've missed some words.

Adapted, or sorry, evolve to be, isn't it? Yeah.

Well done.

Okay, now let's run (indistinct) Hm, we've said, "When he returned to England," but this is the start of our paragraph.

So it doesn't really make sense to use he.

I think we should say his name right at the start, shouldn't we? So let's change that to, "When Darwin returned to England." Okay, and then adapted to what on each island? Yeah, it's the food, isn't it? So I'm gonna say, "Adapted to the food on each island." Okay, so we had a few changes to make that, let's carry on.

So we want to say now, don't we, about his theory about what had led to these birds developing in this way.

So this is where we're going to explain the theory of evolution by natural selection.

And we're gonna try and do it really quickly and briefly for our reader.

So he thought, didn't he, that larger beak birds would be more successful on islands with larger seeds.

So I'm going to say, "Darwin," hm, I could say, "Darwin thought," but that's not very formal.

Oh, now a theory is an idea you have to explain something.

So the verb is theorise.

So I could say, "Darwin theorised," notice how I spell that, "Darwin theorised that larger-beaked birds," and I'm gonna use a hyphen there, "Darwin theorised that larger-beaked birds would be," what, yeah, "would be more successful." Okay.

Oh, hang on.

I'm just wondering if we've made that clear enough.

This is a really difficult point for our reader to understand.

Have you made that clear? Darwin theorised that larger-beaked birds will be more successful.

Well, where would they be more successful? Yeah, on islands with larger seeds.

So maybe we could have the innocent parenthesis here.

Now I've got to squeeze mine in here, but I could put that up here.

So I'm gonna put it in brackets.

So I'm going to say, "on islands with larger seeds." Okay, I've had to squeeze mine in a little bit, but let's read that back now.

"Darwin theorise that, on islands with larger seeds, larger-beaked birds would be more successful." Okay, I think that's much clearer to our reader now what we're trying to say about Darwin's theory.

Okay, and so if they're more successful, then something happens because of that.

So we could use a frontal verb, of course, couldn't we? We could say, "As a result." So what happens as a result of being more successful? Yeah, they can reproduce more.

I could say, "As a result, they would reproduce more." And then we need to say about the idea of passing on this variation.

So I could do another non-finite -ing clause.

I could say, "As a result, they would reproduce more and pass on their variation to their offspring." But I think I could do this with another verb in its -ing form, "passing on their variation," let's try and get in a subject-specific piece of vocabulary, "to their offspring." Well done.

Okay.

So is that the end of the process of evolution by natural selection? We've passed it on one generation.

No, it isn't, is it? We've got to say that then over lots and lots of time, then this becomes common in the population.

So I think we should start with a fronted adverbial of time.

What would be one that would show this is happening over a very long period? Yeah, we could say over many years, over many hundreds of thousands of years, or I could say over thousands of generations.

I think that might be a good one.

So, "Over thousands of generations," what happens to this variation? Yeah, we could say this variation would be normal.

So we've got that word variation again.

This variation would be normal.

Now, not just how we've kept using would, would, would, which is because this is a theory.

He's saying what he believes is the case.

So this variation would be normal.

Okay, let's read that back.

"Over thousands of generations, this variation would be normal." I'm not sure about be.

What might be better? Yeah, I agree.

Become is better, isn't it, and also a little bit more formal, but it's also just more accurate.

Okay, so now we've really very quickly summarised that theory of natural selection, so we've got to explain how Darwin got it published.

So, hm, well, we could use, we want to talk about his book, don't we? So we could say, "Darwin published this theory," there we've got another use of theory as a subject-specific piece of vocabulary.

Oh, and what was the name of this theory? We've just said it.

Yeah, so let's put it in parenthesis.

We could say, and I'm going to use single inverted commas for this, natural selection.

And what book did he publish it in? Close my brackets.

Yeah, that's right.

He published this theory, natural selection, in his book.

Now, because the book has a name, I'm going to use capital letters for some of these words and I'm going to use single inverted commas again.

And the book is called "On the Origin of Species." And I'm going to close that sentence there.

So what we've written, "Darwin published this theory, natural selection, in his book 'On the Origin of Species.

'" Okay, now we've got to say what the impact of that was.

So it was, you could say earth-shattering, but that might be a bit too informal.

What might work better? Yeah, I like that.

We could say it was ground-breaking.

Now why was it ground-breaking? Well done.

Yeah, I like that.

So we are saying a reason here.

We're explaining.

So we could use a colon, couldn't we, to introduce our explanation.

We could say it was ground-breaking.

And I'm going to say, "It was the first," what? What made it ground-breaking? Yeah, it was the first attempt to explain how animals, or to explain, I could just say, "to explain evolution," couldn't I? Okay, let's log that in.

"It was ground-breaking; it was the first attempt to explain evolution." Okay, that works because we've got two complete sentences joined by the colon and what comes after explains what came before.

Okay, we've just got one more point to cover, which is how he's remembered.

So I could say, "Darwin was remembered as," what? Yeah, well done.

Oh, hang on.

It was right.

No, he's still remembered that way, isn't he? So we're gonna say, "Darwin," good, "is remembered." So "Darwin is remembered as," yeah, we can say, "the father." Now again, I'm going to use single inverted commas because, obviously, you can't really be the father of a theory.

So we could say, "Darwin is remembered as the father of evolution." And I think I could just finish off by saying he still remembered that way, isn't he? So I could say, "He's remembered as the father of evolution to this day." So I'm going to finish there.

Okay, now I haven't necessarily included every single item from my notes, but I think I've explained really well for my reader what natural selection is and Darwin's impact to this day.

So let's read through to check we've met our success criteria.

Ready? See if you can read with me.

"A world-changing theory.

When Darwin returned to England, he thought about everything he had observed, realising that the finches had evolved to be adapted to the food." Oh, I've missed a word, haven't I? "The food on each island," there we go.

"Darwin theorised that, on islands with larger seeds, larger beaked-birds would be more successful.

As a result, they would reproduce more, passing on their variation to their offspring.

Over thousands of generations, this variation would become normal.

Darwin published this theory, natural selection, in his book 'On the Origin of Species.

' It was ground-breaking.

It was the first attempt to explain evolution.

Darwin is remembered as the father of evolution to this day." So let's check back.

Have we included a formal tone? Definitely.

We've used lots of formal language there.

We've used some cohesive devices.

For instance, we had our fronted adverbials, didn't we? And we used that colon as well.

And we've got also a adverbial complex sentence right at the start here.

So lots of different cohesive devices.

We've definitely used parenthesis.

We had on islands with larger seeds.

And we had natural selection in brackets here.

And we've used lots of subject-specific vocabulary, including variation and evolution and theory as well.

So we've definitely met those success criteria here.

Okay, now it's your turn.

So as before, let's write a subheading for this final paragraph of our biography.

And using our success criteria and our plan, we're going to write this final paragraph, referring to that bank of cohesive devices for ideas about how to connect these notes together.

Remember, because this is our last paragraph, this is your last chance to really show off your writing skills.

So pause the video and have a try.

Well done.

Fantastic effort.

So here's an example of how the start of this section could look.

I've written my subheading, "A world-changing theory," and I've left an indent.

And I've said this, "When Darwin returned to England, he threw himself into his work; he examined his specimens and poured over his observations.

Thinking about the Galapagos finches, Darwin realised they must have evolved to be well-adapted to each island.

On an island with mostly large seeds, birds with small beaks would struggle while those with larger beaks would survive longer and reproduce more." So I've definitely used a formal tone here in the third person and I've got a wide range of cohesive devices.

I've got when to start adverbial complex sentence.

I've got my semicolon to join two complete sentences.

Thinking to make a non-finite complex sentence.

And on an island with mostly large seeds is an proverbial of place, a fronted adverbial of place.

We've got while again for another adverbial complex sentence.

We don't have parenthesis in this section, but we've got some subject-specific vocabulary such as specimens and observations as well.

Now let's look at the remainder of this paragraph.

I've written this, "As a result, they would pass on their variation to the offspring.

Eventually, the whole species' beaks would be well-adapted.

Many years later, Darwin published his theory, natural selection, in a book called 'On the Origin of Species.

' It was ground-breaking.

This was the first attempt to explain the evolution of animal species.

Darwin is remembered as the father of the theory of evolution, and he's world-famous for his contribution to science." So here again, we've got a formal tone of the third person.

We've got a range of computer devices such as as a result as a fronted adverbial of cause.

We've got eventually as a top fronted adverbial of time.

We've got a colon to explain.

And we've got and to make a compound sentence.

We've got parenthesis here, natural selection in brackets.

And we've got some subject-specific vocabulary such as theory at the end here.

So to summarise our learning in this lesson.

We said that when we write our biography, we use a formal tone, keeping to the third person, and using a range of subject-specific vocabulary.

We said that we can use a wide range of cohesive devices to connect ideas together, including parenthesis to add extra information to a sentence.

And we said that when we write, it's helpful to orally rehearse our sentences first, and we can try out different cohesive devices we may want to use to connect ideas together.

Really well done for all your effort in this lesson.

We've now written a complete biography of Charles Darwin.

I hope you're really pleased with the writing you've produced.

Really well done again for how hard you've worked here.

I'd love to see you again in a future lesson.

Goodbye.